Lost and its characters belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot and all those fun people. I'm just borrowing to make the time go by easier. Jack celebrates New Years.

Lost – Dropping the Ball
By Mystic
December 28th 2005
Crowds felt more crowded after they'd been rescued. Jack pushed his way through an ocean of people who danced and laughed and clinked drinks happily around him. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Like they were pressing the air out of him. Jack had never felt claustrophobic, not even when he'd locked himself in a bedroom closet at Silverman's house during half-drunken game of hide and seek when they were fourteen. He'd just gone to sleep.

Now he pushed open the balcony doors and took in a deep breath of the rigid night air as though it were the sweetest candy and he closed the world behind him. He adjusted his black jacket over his dress shirt and he loosened his tie. They were the formalities of a formal life and he hated them. Yanking on his tie, he felt it come loose and he pulled it off over his head, holding it in his hand, taking hold of the cement ledge with the other. He looked out, seeing early fireworks and hearing cars honking below. If he squinted through the fog, he could see the mountains.

Jack always loved the mountains. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to get into his car and drive into them, camp out under the night sky and remember the peace he'd found on that island. He closed his eyes, imagining his friends, even the ones who weren't alive anymore. He remembered sharing drinks with Sawyer on the worst days, the days they put aside their differences and dug graves. He remembered loving a little boy who was somewhere in Australia, probably already waking up for the first day of the New Year.

He tried to count the hours, but his brain shook the numbers away. Jack wondered what the others were doing. It was their first New Years apart. They'd promised to get together for the occasion, but they drifted. Like everyone in his life. His father. His mother. His friends. His wife. Jack held his tie out and watched it flap with a cold breeze that made him shiver. He released it, watching it get swept up in the wind and soon he couldn't see it anymore, just saw the hazy blur of the city lights reflected in sky.

"It's always interesting to watch people drop money into the wind," her voice was clear and when he turned, she was sitting on the ledge, leaned against the building at the far right corner of the balcony, one leg propped up, her arm resting against it. The way she used to sit on trees back on the island. She wore black slacks and sleek chocolate brown leather boots. Her black jacket was tied tight at the waist and her left hand was shoved into the pocket, working on something in there he couldn't see. "That tie must have cost at least a hundred bucks."

He shifted his weight towards her, watching her sweep a stray wave back behind her ear. Her hair was clean. Jack couldn't remember ever seeing it this full. Like he could run his hand through it and feel heaven. He grinned in return, his head bowing bashfully for just a moment as he felt the blood seep into his cheeks. "Seventy five. Got it on sale."

She nodded, a smile playing on her lips. He watched the way her dimples deepened as she looked away, staring out at the sky. He wondered if she still saw the ocean when she looked out. "I got this invitation last week. Said a Jack Shephard was throwing a New Years Eve party. Looked fancy, thought I'd check it out. Of course, then I had to get some decent clothes, which meant getting a job my parole officer would approve of," she chuckled softly, smoke escaping her lips and floating away.

"You look great," he told her, taking another step towards her.

Kate turned and frowned at him. Her eyes narrowed, and didn't meet his. "You didn't visit, Jack." She bowed her head, that one strand of hair coming loose and draping over jaw line. "You said you would."

He couldn't apologize and his insides constricted because he didn't have an excuse worth giving her. Jack watched her slide her hand out of her pocket, a lighter held between her fingers. She removed a cigarette pack from her other pocket and pulled one out between her lips. Jack turned away, listening to the lighter snap on and then click shut. When he looked back, she moved the cigarette away, blowing smoke rings into the sky.

"I didn't expect you to," she told him with a shrug,

"When did you get out?" He asked, feeling guilty for not just knowing. He noticed she wouldn't look at him. Her vision didn't even seem focused on anything. She inhaled deeply and Jack watched her eyes close as she blew the smoke out of her nose. "When did you start smoking?" He pointed, pressing a hand into his waist.

Kate turned to look at him then. She looked back at the cigarette in her hand and shrugged, lowering her head. "Couple months ago already. Thought you might have seen it on television."

He nodded. "I had party planner mail out the invitations. He must have…" he trailed, looking away as she nodded, understanding all too well that he'd tried to forget about her.

Jamming the cigarette down on the side of the ledge, she turned, her legs swinging around and down onto the balcony. Her hands went into her pockets and she stared at the ground. "It was a nice party," she muttered, walking towards the double doors that lead back into his condominium.

He caught her by the arm, watching the way her head snapped up and her breath hissed inward. Jack remembered a day, a long time ago, when she'd broken down in front of him. He watched that memory play in her eyes as well and she tried to turn away, but he yanked. Far harder than he'd done in the jungle and she collapsed into him, her arms keeping him from her, but she didn't fight. She didn't look up either. Jack frowned, backing away to take her wrists in his hands. She watched them and he could see her breath quicken.

"This party is bullshit, Kate," he breathed.

Her eyes came up slowly and they studied his face. "Could use a better selection of alcohol."

Jack laughed. "That's what Sawyer said last year." He watched her head drop and she tried to move away again, but Jack tightened his grip. "You're not going away again."

"Jack, don't…" she started.

He moved forward quickly and her body tensed as he pressed himself against her, trapping her between the wall next to the double doors and himself. Inside, he could hear people chanting, counting down. He inhaled her, smoke and some perfume that was mild and sweet. "Let me in," he pleaded.

She shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. "I can't."

"You can," he commanded, releasing her wrists and bringing his hands up to the sides of her face. He felt her fingers touch his sides delicately and she looked up at him.

He watched her tongue dart out, wetting her lips just slightly before he ducked his head towards her. Kate tasted like fire. She gripped his sides, tugging him down, and moved off the wall to deepen the kiss, exploring him hungrily and he pressed a hand to the cold cement to steady himself. Jack pushed his hand into her hair, feeling just how thick it really was and he lost his breath, hearing shouting from inside. He forgot what year it was already.

She dropped down suddenly, her forehead on his chin and she took several long breaths. "I should go," she sighed as several rounds of Happy New Year rang out from the party goers, as fireworks began shooting into the sky and people burst through the double doors, surrounding them.

Jack lost her. Her hands slipped off his chest and she disappeared into the crowd. Jack pushed at people, feeling the air leaving him again and he watched the brunette waves bounce as she made her way through his now empty condo. She looked back once, sadness plaguing her eyes and she left. Jack shoved someone out of his way and heard a familiar grunt of disapproval. He glanced up, seeing Sawyer staring down at him gruffly.

"What's your hurry?" Sawyer muttered, a beer gripped tightly in his hand.

Looking from Sawyer to the front door, Jack knew he was too late. He watched recognition seep into Sawyer's face and the other man nodded and moved out of his way. Jack rushed through his condo and down the stairs, trying to beat the elevator to the bottom, but when it opened, she wasn't there. She was long gone.

Finis