You Only Diet Once

House stalked angrily out of his office. There was no way they would get away with this. Cuddy was having one of her bitchy administrative moments again and forbidding him from giving his patient the treatment they needed. All because of some stupid technicalities. And Cameron, Foreman and Chase had predictably followed her lead like spineless lap dogs. They were all on their guard and he was running out of options.

He needed someone to bounce ideas off of. He needed some sort of inspiration so that he could find their weak point. And he knew just the man.

"Wilson!" House barged into his friend's office. Wilson sat alone at his desk, filling in patient charts. House grimaced. He was looking forward to interrupting an appointment. Being an intrusion would have helped cheer him up.

Wilson refused to even look up and buried himself deeper into his task. Just what he needed, his best friend having another mood swing. House considered the past week for a moment and realized that he had done nothing to upset Wilson. Nothing major. He was in the clear. He shrugged it off and hopped onto Wilson's desk, scattering a few of his papers.

"We need to talk. Gotta get some things off my chest."

"Who'd you piss off this time?" Wilson asked, uselessly attempting to hide his interest.

House frowned thoughtfully. "Actually, no one. Not yet. This is the part where I plan how I'm gonna piss them off."

"Great." Wilson rolled his eyes.

"You coming to lunch or not?"

Wilson paused for a moment. He motioned to the stacks of paper on his desk. "Kind of busy right now. I'll catch you later."

"C'mon, who doesn't have piles of paperwork to do? I'm probably backed up two years."

Wilson refused to listen to House's skewed logic. He continued to write furiously, pointedly ignoring the other man.

"You're ditching me for work? Figures…"

Wilson looked up, opening his mouth to explain himself better, but House had already retreated out the door.

Besides the financial aspect, there were many reasons why eating lunch without Wilson was a huge detriment. House preferred the confines of his office, but when he was brave enough to venture out into the world of ignorance and pretense he enjoyed the escape that Wilson would offer.

Sitting alone was some sort of secret invitation for the nosy and over-friendly; House wanted nothing to do with them. Unfortunately, his other choices for company were just as depressing. He eyed Chase and Foreman seated in the far corner and decided to call off the cold war. He was their superior; at least he had that to his advantage. They knew he had no time for small talk.

House wordlessly sat down, cutting their conversation short.

"What? Can't a boss eat with his loyal subjects?"

"Since when have we been loyal?" Foreman shot back.

House gave him a dark look. "Remind me, why haven't I fired you guys yet?"

"Look, House, if you're here to try and manipulate us, you can just leave. We're backing Cuddy on this one." Chase explained. "We don't have time to play mind games."

"Fine."

Foreman studied House. "That's it?"

"Yeah, now shut up so I can eat in peace."

Chase laughed in realization. "You're not eating here to influence us, you're eating here because you're lonely!"

House watched in anger as Foreman's mouth quirked up into a grin. "Hey, yeah, where's Wilson today? You two having another fight?"

"We're not, and if we were it would only be because he's an exceedingly hysterical sap."

But Chase and Foreman ignored his comment, discussing the possibilities.

"House probably ruined another one of Wilson's dates."

"Maybe Wilson's siding with Cuddy on this one." Foreman guessed.

"Or Wilson has finally had enough of House's crap." Chase decided.

House grabbed their drinks from their hands. "Lunch is over, girls. It's time to stop gossiping and go save some lives." He briskly walked off towards the elevators, unfazed by the looks of amusement that followed him.

House mentally scrutinized the past few days in his head once more. Had he really annoyed Wilson enough to make him aloof? House was usually bright enough to know when he'd screwed up, but this time he was left high and dry. He didn't know what he had done wrong and he sure as hell didn't know how to make it right.

House stalked back into his office and over to the balcony. He hopped the dividing wall between his office and Wilson's. He peered in to catch Wilson still sitting at his desk, deep in thought. Wilson's pen lay limp in his hand and House could see the wheels working hard in his head. Whatever was on his mind had nothing to do with paperwork.

House tapped Wilson's window with his cane, snapping him out of his reverie.

"House, what are you doing here?"

House stepped into the office. "Remember when you told me you would catch up with me? Well, yeah, that never happened. Instead I find you in here staring off into space."

"Sorry." Wilson mumbled.

"What's wrong?"

Wilson fumbled for a moment. "Nothing's wrong."

"Look, I know something's wrong, so there's no point in hiding it." House locked his eyes on Wilson. "Just tell me what I did wrong."

"What?"

House looked away. "I'm not promising that I'll fix it, but you have to at least tell me what it is first."

Wilson looked on in confusion. "House, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're obviously mad at me for some reason. You ditched me for paperwork, which you are clearly not very interested in."

Wilson gaped at House for a moment before grinning slightly. "Everything isn't always about you, you know?"

"It isn't?" House asked. "Wait, what?"

"It's just…" Wilson sighed. "I've put on a little bit of weight lately, so I just didn't feel like eating lunch today. That's all."

House simply stared at Wilson in disbelief.

"And the cafeteria food is pretty disgusting anyway." Wilson continued awaiting the outrageous reaction he knew to expect from House. It never came.

"Oh. Ok." House nodded.

"That's it?" Wilson queried, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I guess." House replied, still in slight shock.

He headed to leave before turning to Wilson once more. "You know, you don't need to change, Wilson. You're fine just the way you are."

As soon as the words escaped his mouth, House cursed himself for being so cliché. He sounded like an after school special. And now Wilson was looking at him in that way he did. The look that meant House had said just a little too much. He needed to get out of there before he made things worse.

"Wait, House." Wilson called. "You're right. Thanks. And I'm sorry about lunch. Want to go out for dinner tonight? We'll make it as greasy and unhealthy as we possibly can."

House gave a small smile. "Your treat?"

Wilson laughed. "Of course."

"You're on."