The Tragicall History of Romiet and Isilea

By Hope Sisley

Romiet: a dwarf

Isilea: an elf

Frocutio: a hobbit

Tybylas: a cousin to Isilea

Lord Edel: a member of the Elfin High Council

Prologue:

Two races, both alike in dignity

In Middle Earth, where we lay our scene,

The noble elves, skilled in ancient arts

Masterful archers, ruled the forests serene

And far below the ground, there dwelt the great dwarves,

Adept with minerals, metals, and mines.

From forth these two came an ill-fated pair

Around whom a web of intrigue entwines.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

And the continuance of their people's rage,

The story of Thori and his fair Mawin,

Is now the two hours traffic of our stage

Oh wait---I seem to have got something wrong

But they're kicking me off, so farewell, and so long!

Act I, Scene I:

Enter Frocutio and Romiet

Romiet: "I say, Frocutio, will you tell me about that ring of yours again?"

Frocutio: "But I just finished telling you!"

Romiet: "That was only the sixth time…"

Frocutio: "Seventh."

Romiet: "So!? I want to hear it again!"

Frocutio: (sighs) "Oh, all right…

(sings) A long time ago when the Earth was young,

Sauron the Dark Lord up he sprung

He was the evilest evil thing---

And then he decided to make a ring.

The ring gave him power whenever he wore it

But then he lost it so now he's looking for it."

Romiet: "And now you have it."

Frocutio: "Yes, I do. Lord Edel…"

Romiet: "That lousy elf…"

Frocutio: "…he's entrusted it to me. Uncle Escabo said the ring makes the wearer invisible."

Romiet: "Can I see?"

Frocutio: "No. It's not safe."

Romiet: "Please?"

Frocutio: "No!"

Romiet: "Well, at least sing the song."

Frocutio: "I already sang the song."

Romiet: "The other song."

Frocutio: "What other song?"

Romiet: "You know…'One ring to bind them all', or something like that. I like that song."

Frocutio: "Oh no…Not that song!"

Romiet: "Please?"

Frocutio: "But…but…it'll be stuck in my head for days!"

Romiet: "Please!?"

Frocutio: "But…"

Romiet: "I promise if you sing it just this once I'll never ask you to sing again."

Frocutio: Very well…(sings) One ring to bind them all,

One ring to find them,

One ring to bring them all

And in the darkness bind them."

Romiet: (claps) "Bravo! Bravo!"

Enter Tybylas and Isilea

Frocutio: "By my head, here come some elves!"

Romiet: "By my heel, I care not."

Exeunt. Romiet

Frocutio: "Wait! Romiet!"

Tybylas: "Oh, hello, Frocutio. What news?"

Frocutio: "The ring is safe."

Tybylas: "Well, I should hope so. Lord Edel…"

Frocutio: "…Entrusted it to my protection. I know."

Tybylas: "Of course. Let me introduce my cousin, Isilea."

Frocutio: (bows): "A pleasure, my lady."

Isilea: "Who was that man you were talking to?"

Frocutio: "What man?"

Isilea: "The one with the beard…"

Frocutio: "Oh, that was just…"

Tybylas: "…A dwarf. Nothing that would concern you, coz. Now, Frocutio, there are some very important issues I must discuss with you."

Isilea: "What issues?"

Tybylas: "Nothing that would concern you."

Isilea: "Oh…"

Exeunt. Isilea

Frocutio: "What do you want, Tybylas?"

Tybylas: "Look, Frocutio, I understand that you are a hobbit and hobbits are neutral, but I also know that you are a non-hobbit-ish hobbit."

Frocutio: "Non-hobbit-ish?"

Tybylas: "What I mean is, my uncle made a serious mistake in trusting you."

Frocutio: "I don't understand…"

Tybylas: "Look here, hobbit, I saw you talking to that dwarf. You're planning something."

Frocutio: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Tybylas: "I'm sure you don't. Now give me the ring."

Frocutio: "Why?"

Tybylas: "Because I should be the one carrying it, and I don't trust you, hobbit or not. Hand it over."

Frocutio: "No!"

Tybylas: "I'm warning you, hobbit…"

Enter Isilea

Isilea: "Hello!"

Tybylas: "Well, Frocutio, it was nice talking to you…(quieter voice)…You got lucky this time, hobbit. But I will have that ring if…"

Isilea: "Cousin, will you take me out to go shopping?"

Tybylas: "Of course."

Exeunt. Tybylas with Isilea, casting a nasty glare at Frocutio

Frocutio: (fingers ring) "I see bad things arising from this…"

Exeunt. Frocutio

Act II, Scene II:

Isilea: "Romiet, Romiet, where the heck are you, Romiet!?"

Romiet: "Here I am, Isilea, your love, Romiet!"

Isilea: "What!? STALKER!!!" (throws brick)

Romiet: "OW!! (rubs head) What, my dear maiden? (sings)

Smash the cups and crack the plates

That's what Isilea hates!"

Isilea: "Oh, sorry my love, I thought you were a dwarf."

Romiet: "But I am a dwarf."

Isilea: "Oh, are you? (sings)

Romiet, my only love

Sprung from my that ugly race

Oh my poor Romiet!

Would that I could slap your face!

Romiet: "Oh, Isilea, you're soo romantic."

Isilea: "I know."

Romiet: (climbs balcony, falls) "OW! Let's try that again." (climbs balcony again)

Isilea: "Oh, Romiet, I'm so glad you're here. But if the guards find you, they'll kill you! Our races are not friends!"

Romiet: "I don't care! We dwarves have the ears of a fox and the eyes of a hawk."

Enter Frocutio

Frocutio: "Romiet! Romiet!"

Romiet (ignores Frocutio): "Yes, Isilea, please accept this token of my affection (gives Isilea the ring)."

Frocutio: "Romiet! You can't do that! That's MY ring!" (sings)

One ring to rule them all

One ring to find them

One ring to bring them all

And in the darkness bind them.

Romiet (still ignoring Frocutio): "It will make you invisible…"

Isilea: "Romiet! Your friend Frocutio said that I can't have it! Didn't you hear him?"

Romiet: "What?"

Isilea: "Frocutio!"

Romiet: "What about Frocutio?"

Isilea: "He's down there."

Romiet: "I don't see him…"

Enter Tybylas

Tybylas: "Isilea, Uncle Elrond wants…HEY! Who are you!?"

Romiet: "Huh?"

Tybylas (draws sword): "YOU!!! Vile dwarf, how dare you!! Breaking and entering is a felony, you know!!"

Romiet: "What? No, wait, you can't do this!"

Tybylas: "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Romiet (hops over balcony, falling flat on face, gets up again on balcony): "I love more than thee can devise! So you see, we must be friends!"

Tybylas (backs away): "O—kaay… Uh, yeah… Stay away from me!"

Romiet (advances): "But, but, my dear elf-friend, why do you move away?"

Frocutio (hops onto balcony): "Give me the ring!"

Romiet: "Huh? Frocutio…(walks backward, falls off balcony)…AAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Tybylas: "Go hide somewhere, Isilea."

Exeunt. Isilea

Frocutio (draws sword): "You killed Romiet!!"

Tybylas: "What!? I didn't kill him, you did!"

Frocutio: "Liar!"

Tybylas: "My fight is not with you!"

Frocutio: "Tough."

They fight. Enter Romiet again, hopping back on the balcony.

Romiet: "Never fear, Romiet is here!"

Frocutio: "What? (turns around, distracted) I thought you were dead!"

Tybylas stabs Frocutio.

Frocutio: "AAAHHH!!! I am slain!!!….But it's just a scratch."

Romiet: "Gee, Frocutio, you're bleeding an awful lot…Are you sure you're okay?"

Frocutio: "Sure! I'm (gasp) fine! (gasp) (Frocutio collapses) A plague on both your houses!"

Enter Isilea, running and kneeling down by Frocutio's side.

Isilea: "Oh, Frocutio, my only love, are can't die! No!!"

Frocutio: "I won't (gasp) die (cough). I'll be (choke) just (hack) fine (gasp)." (dies)

Isilea: "NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!! (turns to Tybylas and Romiet) YOU!! You two killed my husband!!"

Romiet: "Husband!? But…but what about me!?"

Tybylas: "I'll just, um, leave now…"

Exeunt. Tybylas.

Romiet: "But, lambikins, you're my only love!"

Isilea: "I just wanted the rings (draws sword, kills Romiet)."

Romiet: (gasp) "Noooooooo!! I (cough) love…you (choke)." (dies)

Isilea (grabs ring): "Hahaha!! Oh, wait, what have I done!? (throws self from balcony)"

The End