Chapter One: Chik-Fil-A
Seven days before his death, Jesus of Nazareth stood patiently in line at Chik-Fil-A. Ours was a party of twenty. There was he, his mom, his best friend who was a girl, his twelve followers (which included me), and the wives of those were married. All together we must've taken up half of the building.
As usual, I was standing right beside Jesus. I whispered in his ear, "You think anybody will recognize you here?"
"I fear so," he laughed. "I think after that nice P.R. we got on Judea Live I can kiss my privacy goodbye."
Despite being a celebrity of a rabbi, Jesus never wore any fancy suits. On this day he wore a simple white tee shirt with the message "You wanna know what love is? Read between the lines!"air-brushed on it along with a pair of blue jeans. He always wore the same ratty pair of sandals on his feet. I had insisted before that I should get him some sneakers, but he always said that his toes needed breathing. Whatever that meant.
When it came time for Jesus to order his meal, he smiled and called the cashier by name. As we were finding places to sit Jesus announced, "Eat quickly. I want to reach Jerusalem by 4:00."
I ate with Jesus, his mom named Mary, his best friend who was a girl and also named Mary, and his brothers named James and John. "Sarah called me this morning," said the Mary who was his mother. "The zealots caused another riot today. They had your (referring to Jesus) picture printed on their shirts."
I groaned as I swallowed my fries. "I don't know how many times you've explained that you're not going to drive out the Romans!"I looked uneasily at the purple banner hanging from the ceiling.
"Too many," Jesus said as he took a bite of his sandwich. "But people who want war will find any way to justify it they can."
The Mary who was his friend who was a girl said, "You almost can't blame them. Rome taxes us pretty hard."
I might as well explain why I refer to the Mary who wasn't Jesus' mom this way. She was born mentally insane and spent her life up 'till the age of seventeen on the street. Jesus happened to be crossing the street one day and miraculously healed her. From that day on she was completely devoted to him. Everywhere Jesus went she went. I overheard her once telling her girlfriends that she thought he was cute. I asked Jesus the next day if he liked Mary. He said that he thought that she was very beautiful, but he was too busy for romance. I've seen the two of them give more than one meaningful stare at each other. When I made an off-color joke about the two of them last spring, Mary-Jesus' mother-nearly slapped me.
Jesus' mother was feisty like that. I guess she had to be in order to raise a son like hers.
As I chugged down my coke, Peter and Matthew called me over to their table. At sat down with them. "What's up?" I asked.
They both had worried looked on their faces. Matthew was the first to talk. "Have you heard, Judas?"
"Heard what?" I asked.
"Jesus has been talking about dying," Peter said.
"What about it?"
Matthew leaned forward and whispered, "Jesus has said that he's gonna die."
I shrugged. "We all die eventually."
Peter said, "He said that he's gonna die this week! He said that in order to bring man and God back together he has to be executed."
"Weird," I muttered. I pointed to his cup. "Order water next time."
When I sat back down with Jesus he asked, "What did they want?"
"They said that you're talking about your own death or something like that."
Jesus cheery expression vanished. He pointed to the window. I looked out and saw roads. A sign within reading distance read "Warning: Dead End Up Ahead." I shook my head and continued eating.
Jesus often used signs to get his point across rather than plain speaking. This sign was Jesus' way of assuring me that he had heard me.