Off Balance
From the earliest days of his adolescence, Blaise Zabini had become accustomed to the adoration and attention of all the girls, young and old, which Hogwarts had to offer. When he went out into the world, women dropped handkerchiefs at his feet, pretended to faint and tripped into his arms accidentally on purpose. Simply put, Blaise Zabini had never had to woo a girl in all his 23 years.
It was obvious therefore, that the one girl Blaise would fall for would be the one could care less about the good looks and charm that attracted the others.
It was too late, though, and he had already fallen hard, with no way to climb up again, so he took the challenge with the kind of determination that only Gryffindors were said to possess. He flirted and was charming and when that failed, he lowered his guard and became disarmingly honest and the true, decent person that only Draco Malfoy knew him to be.
And in the end, it was the last part that finally got Hermione Granger to go out with him.
Ever since she had read her first Jane Austen, Hermione Granger had had a clear idea of the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
The man she would fall in love with would be kind, considerate, honest. He would be, in every single way, her intellectual and spiritual equal. He would be the one person in the world who would truly understand her and share her hopes and dreams.
With a man like that as the ideal, it was quite natural that Hermione sometimes wondered what she had ever seen in Blaise Zabini that had piqued her interest.
The man had never read for pleasure in his life. The closest he went to paper was to flick through the sports pages of the newspaper to find out how Puddlemere United were doing.
His player constantly played wizard metal, which was different from usual heavy metal only because the enchantments embedded in the songs made it impossible for secondhand listeners like Hermione to protect their ears from possible damage. He snored through Beethoven and Bach and claimed that the Beatles made his ears bleed, though Hermione suspected that he said that just to annoy her. Everyone loves the Beatles.
He turned up his nose at the food in the best restaurant in London and went home to dine on three-day old bread and a can of baked beans about a week past the sell-by date. The day after wasn't pretty, and even then he blamed the dinner rolls in the restaurant.
He never listened to her and assumed that, "I'm sorry, babe, traffic was a bitch" was an adequate excuse for any time of the day.
It was these humungous differences that caused so many of their various fights, though things had never escalated enough to make either doubt their relationship, until at Draco and Harry's annual Christmas party she saw Blaise kissing Lavender under the mistletoe.
"Hermione…"
"You were kissing her! Don't even say it's not what it looked like, because there's no way I could mistake that for anything else!"
"Hermione, it didn't mean anything! We were under the mistletoe, okay? And she noticed it and pointed it out, so…it was just for a laugh, it really didn't mean anything!"
"She pointed it out? Then why couldn't you just step away?"
"For the love of Merlin, it was wizard mistletoe! You know how it is! I had to do it!"
"I do know how it is! And I also know that a simple peck on her cheek would have sufficed! There was need for you to stretch it beyond that!"
"That wasn't me! She wouldn't let go!"
"Oh, she wouldn't let go? You're about twice as strong as her, and she wouldn't let go? That's really funny, Blaise."
Blaise's eyes narrowed.
"What are you saying?"
Hermione took a breath and spoke in a low voice.
"She's half your size, Blaise. You could have pushed her away the moment the charm ended."
Blaise was getting angry.
"So, what? Are you saying I kissed her on purpose?"
Hermione collapsed on her couch, wiping frustrated tears away.
"I don't know! I don't know what I'm saying. I just know that I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing someone else under the mistletoe and looking, for all intents and purposes, like he was enjoying it immensely."
"What you see isn't always what is true. You know that."
Hermione was tired.
"Do I? Is that always true?"
Blaise reached out a hand to touch her, but withdrew it after a second.
"I am not cheating on you."
"Please, Blaise. I saw those letters on your table the other day. From Lucy, or whatever her name is. She had a great time seeing London with you."
"She was a client's daughter. An important client. I just showed her around. That's it."
"So the photo she enclosed of you under the Eye was to show you her appreciation?"
Blaise closed his eyes.
"She also mentions that she'll never forget those memorable moments way up in the sky."
Blaise ran his hand through his hair and sighed. Now he felt like shit.
"I…we'd had a fight. You weren't picking up my calls and you refused to see me…"
"So you thought it was okay to go pick up the first attractive girl that came your way?"
"I thought it was over."
"You got over it pretty quickly."
"What do want me to say? I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? I just…I've never…"
'"You've never what? Been in a mature relationship before? You made that blatantly clear last weekend. And today."
"Hermione…"
She got up. Her face was tear-streaked and she suddenly felt very tired.
"Go away, Zabini. I don't want to look at you right now."
"No, wait! Come on, Hermione, please let's talk about this!"
"There's nothing to talk about. Not right now."
She turned to walk into her bedroom, and though she said them softly, Blaise still caught her last words.
"I should've known better."
Suddenly, Blaise was very angry. He stalked up to her, and grabbing her arm, spun her to face him, pulling her close in the process.
"Hey, I didn't plan this, okay? I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to fall in love with you! This is new to me, Hermione, and I don't know what I'm doing!"
Hermione stared at him, her eyes wide. Tears welled up again.
"That still doesn't excuse the fact that you kissed someone else while we were still together."
He let go of her and sighed.
"I know. I know I made a horrible mistake. I didn't know what I was thinking. But I was scared, Hermione. You're the first woman I've ever fallen in love with. You're the only woman I've ever loved, and you have to trust me on that. I've loved you for longer than Draco has loved Harry, and it scares me."
Hermione bit her lip.
"Why?"
"Because I love you. And I don't know how to deal with it. I didn't have to deal with it before a year ago, because you didn't like me when we parted and I didn't think I would ever see you again. I thought I could forget. And then I saw you in Draco's office and then you agreed to go out with me, and I've been so afraid this whole time that you were going to find out that I don't deserve you and leave me for someone better."
"So you went out and kissed some random girl just because we had a fight? Blaise, we've had plenty of fights before."
"You said you never wanted to see my face again!"
"That's your excuse?"
"No! All I'm saying is, I thought you meant it. And that didn't surprise me because I guess, I thought it was inevitable."
"That still doesn't mean anything. Despite what your history with women has been, Blaise, I know you know that until you're sure it's over, you can't so much as look at anyone else."
"I thought it was over."
Hermione couldn't find words. She sat down on the sofa, and Blaise hesitantly sat next to her, a little distance away. After a long silence, she spoke.
"What do want to me to say?"
Blaise was silent for a while.
"I don't know. I want you to say you forgive me, and that we can go back to the way it was, but…"
"Yeah. I need some time, Blaise."
He swallowed.
"Alright."
He stood up.
"I'm going to leave."
He walked to the door, and then turned around.
"I just need you to remember one thing. I love you. I love you with everything I have, and that will never change, whatever happens."
He opened the door and just before he walked out, she called his name. He turned and saw that she was looking at him with tear-filled eyes, still so beautiful.
"I…love you too."
He smiled at her, a little sadly, and softly closed the door behind him.
He left her alone for a week and for that entire week thought of nothing but her. He drove Draco and Ceci crazy, and almost drove Ron and Harry insane asking about her. He couldn't concentrate on work at all, and when he almost lost a very important contract, Draco snapped and sent him home with firm instructions not to come back until he had sorted out whatever the problem was.
At home, he paced continuously, restlessly, and though his opponents in the boxing ring stopped challenging him after a while, all that restless energy refused to abate. He was going break down soon and call her, even though he'd decided to give her all the time he needed.
Just as he was about snap, he got home from the gym one day, to find her seated on his couch, going through a magazine.
He stopped by the door, and his bag dropped at his feet. Suddenly he couldn't breathe, though his heart was running a marathon.
She looked at him, and smiled, a careful smile, but as far as he could see, a smile devoid of anger or sadness.
"How've you been?"
He took a deep breath and let air back into his lungs.
"Miserable as hell."
She raised an eyebrow.
"That's frank."
"It's the truth."
She looked at him carefully, then put the magazine down and got up. She slowly walked up to him and stared deep into his eyes.
"I thought about it a lot."
He stared at the warm chocolate brown eyes he had missed so much.
"And?"
"You hurt me. That you kissed her is one thing, but you hid it from me, and you thought I wouldn't find out. I trusted you, Blaise, and you let me down."
He started speaking, but she put one finger on his lips and he fell silent.
"I know what you're going to say. You won't do it again. Right?"
He smiled weakly and nodded.
"How do I know you won't?"
He slowly removed her hand and held it in both of his.
"Just give me a chance, Hermione. Give me a chance to prove myself. I promise I will not betray you again. I'm not lying. You can even give me a truth potion if you want. I'll say the same thing."
She smiled and closed her eyes, leaning her head against his chest.
"I want to trust you, Blaise. But I also don't want to get hurt again."
He tilted his head down to press a soft kiss on her head.
"I won't hurt you. Never again. I love you."
She sighed and her arms slowly went around his waist. Without realising it, his arms copied hers, slowly pulling her close to him. She looked up at him, her eyes shining with fresh tears and he bent down and kissed them, kissing the tears away.
"I love you from the bottom of my heart, Hermione Granger. And I will do whatever it takes to prove that to you."
She sighed and slowly raised a hand to his cheek.
"I love you too."
He beamed, smiling for the first time in a week, and bent down to kiss her.
He had missed this so much, this closeness, the feeling of her lips soft on his, the sweet taste of her mouth, the smell of her shampoo, her fingers playing with his hair, her soft skin, her warmth, her laughter. He had missed her so much he thought he would die. He also knew what a lucky sonovabitch he was, that she agreed to take him back so easily. He had convinced himself that he had hurt her too deeply.
"Just one thing, though."
She looked at him curiously.
"What?"
"I wasn't lying about Lavender. That girl has arms like steel claws."
Her eyes narrowed for a moment and then she sighed.
"I know. She's had a crush on you, forever."
"What?! Then why'd you get mad at me?"
Her eyes darkened for a second.
"Do you really want to go into that right now?"
"On second thought, never mind."
He pulled her into his arms again, burying his head in her shoulder and reveling in the feel of her in his arms again. He knew now, with absolute certainty, that he wanted no one else, ever.
Hermione thought about her 'prefect man' as she snuggled into Blaise's arms.
Blaise wasn't perfect. He was a monumental idiot, actually. He had hurt her, and though she had forgiven him, she knew he would hurt her again in the future, even if not so badly.
But he loved her. He was honest and good and he genuinely cared for her, even though his communication skills sucked and he had no relevant relationship experience whatsoever.
He was funny, he was kind, he was creative. He always knew what she was thinking and he was always there for her when she needed him.
He made her laugh, he made her cry, he made her very angry sometimes but most of all, he made her love him so much that even one week without him was intolerable, no matter what he had done.
Blaise wasn't 'perfect', no, not at all.
But maybe he was 'perfect for her'.
And for her, that was more than enough.