APOV

Kate sat across the table from me, eight months pregnant and royally pissed off. I sat there knotting my fingerers in my lap, scared of what she will tell me. Everyone hates me now but I couldn't be what everyone wanted from me and I am ready now. Now I am prepared to be the person everyone in this life expects of me.

At sixteen being in the Mafia seemed like a thrilling experience, one I wanted to live so I could escape the life with my mom and her third husband. By the time I was twenty, I had a four year old son and a newborn daughter, was engaged to be married to my children's father, and I knew then that I couldn't handle it so I ran.

"It's been nearly ten years Ana, what the fuck are you doing here?" Kate sneered.

"I want to see my kids, I want to be in their lives Kate. I want to get a second chance and try again. You don't understand what it was like…" I attempt an explanation.

"I don't understand? That's funny because I am married to Elliot who is second in command. I know what the expectations of being his wife are and the ramifications when I do something that displeases him. I also know things that you do not. I know what it was like to be there for Christian and explain to Noah, a four year old, that his mother ran away. I know what it's like to watch your daughter grow up without you and ask questions at every opportunity she gets. I know what it was like to watch Christian break into a thousand pieces he tried to kill himself more then once because you left. You left, you lost every right to be in their lives and I don't believe Christian will just take you in, his kids are worth much more then you. You were to be married a month later," Kate ranted.

"I just… can you please talk to him. See if he will meet me?" I beg.

Unfortunately she is right, I know that she was there for my kids and my fiancé when I was not, but to hear what happened after I left hurts more then I thought it would. To think that Christian tried to kill himself over me, maybe I am worth more then I thought.

Kate jolted to her feet, waddling towards the door of the cafe and effectively blocked my view of whoever she was heading over to talk to. Maybe she is right, I should just leave and not stir the pot up again only to disappoint everyone.

I turned back to stare at my tea and scone, willing one of the objects to give me an answer to all of my current issues in this world. I mean the rules to being Christian's wife was a lot, the fact that he was building up his real business that was law abiding and the inauguration into him becoming the new boss of the Family.

"Anastasia?" That oh so familiar voice said.

I looked up, my eyes quickly locking with the grey ones that bore into my soul. He looks stronger but still so broken. He claimed the seat that was Kate's and waved over a server who brought him a coffee, at least I think it was. It was as if I believed he would disappear if I took my eyes off his so I didn't.

"Hi Christian," My voice cracked.

"You want to see the kids?"

"Yes, and I wanted to see you."

A very unwanted frown spread across his face as he looked down and shook his head, clearly in disapproval. I would disapprove of me too if I were him.

"I have always carried an open book with my kids, I always asked them if they would want to see you and meet you if you ever decided to show you face again. Noah wants to see you if his sister wants to, but Mouse said the only way she would ever meet you is if she was certain you would be a part of her life and were not temporary. I asked what she meant and she said we would have to be married and you would have to wear a tracker. It is your choice now, as to what your next move is but I'm listening to my son and my daughter. Do you get that?" He growled.

"Yes sir, I understand. I will do whatever you see fit and will do everything I can to receive your forgiveness and earn your trust. I'm back Christian, and I am not going anywhere. Not this time."

We sit there in complete silence, the cafe busy with other customers whizzing about. I forgot how busy and non-stop New York City was compared to Phoenix. It was easy to take note of his possessional phrases: my kids, my son, my daughter. Unless he named our daughter Mouse I still have no clue what her name is.

"We will go to city hall right now and get a marriage license, I will call Jose who is a judge we work with to make it official. On sunday we will have a real wedding in front of my family and crew. Between today and sunday you and I will stay in Albany where we will discuss new rules and your parameters. We will Skype and call the kids three times a day so they will recognize your face and voice. Do you understand this, Anastasia?"

"Yes, sir."

We got up and I followed him out into the street, one of his black Audi SUV's waited by the curb for us. He travels like he is damn royalty with the luxury vehicles, designer clothes, and security details. I feel so out of place but there is no option of running this time.

Six hours later we're legally married and sitting in the dining room of the Albany house that I ran from, the weekend house we agreed on so the kids wouldn't always have to be in the busy city with nowhere to play and run. For the last twenty minutes we have sat here in silence.

There is a sheet of paper and a pen set in front of me, we already went over our vows for sunday and I really have no idea if I want to argue.

"Tell me your vows," He ordered.

"I Anastasia take you Christian to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, to cherish, and to wholly obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and therefore I give you my loyalty," I recite.

"Good girl, now you are going to write a prayer that you will read out before your vows. One that expresses your newfound role to me."

He walked out of the room taking out his phone, probably calling the kids. I pick up the pen he left me and stare at the blank sheet of paper. This prayer thing is more for him and his ego then it is for me. I have no clue what I have gotten myself into and whether or not I am really ready for this because I don't feel ready at this moment.

There are security men everywhere: all in black suit pants, black tee shirts, sunglasses, earpieces and black leather jackets. My guess is that they are packing weapons underneath their coats. In this room alone there are three but at every exterior door there is one on the inside and two on the outside.

Christian walks back in with his laptop and briefcase, work never ends for him. It does not matter if it is legal or not. I finally gather the courage to put pen to paper, hoping he accepts what I finally put down.

Allow me the strength to answer questions I can't fathom,

Allow me the spirit to know His needs.

Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace.

Allow me the love to show Him myself.

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him.

Allow me the light to show us the way.

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him.

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him.

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him.

Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman.

Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself.

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely.

Give me strength to please us both.

Permit me to love myself, in loving Him.

For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to me His life complete,

As He makes mine.

I push the paper across the table to Christian who quickly skims what I have written down, his stupid smug smile spreads across his face. I gave him what he wanted, I just hope that he does not expect me to be perfect for him yet because I won't be.

"Good girl. I'm going to Skype the kids and tell them whats happening, it will be their choice if they want to see or speak with you but you will sit here in this room and listen to them if they don't want to see or speak with you," I nodded, he hit a few buttons and I could hear the ringing through his computer as if it was a phone call. "Noah, ciao figlio. Dov'è tua sorella? Abbiamo bisogno di parlare di qualcosa di serio."

"Hey dad, Mouse isn't back from her tutor session yet," I heard my son's voice for the first time in ten years. Then his voice changed to a kind of whisper. "Dad, is she there? Is mom there? Can I see her?"

"She is here, I don't want to put her in front of the camera in case your sister comes rushing in," Christian explained.

"Can she talk or is she muted?" I wonder what he means by muted. "Did you use the vaymin on her?"

Christian looked over the table at me and nodded slightly, telling me that I was allowed to say something to him if I wanted but that it would be a good idea.

"Hi Noah, I can't wait to see you baby," I smiled, the tears flowing out. "I can't wait to really get to know you."

"I remember your voice, I hear it in my dreams sometimes," He answered. "Dad, Mouse just got home."

I knew that I couldn't talk until Christian gave me the okay again. My daughter doesn't know me and pushing her too far may end in a really bad way. I don't want her to hate me for the rest of her life, and that may happen if we move to fast or if we don't communicate right with her. I would always hold that on my shoulder.

I watched Christian, he wasn't talking but using sign language now when talking with the kids. I was really far out of the loop. I learned the alphabet in the first grade but nothing after that, if we needed sign language I had a shit tonne of learning for me.

"Dad, she has her hearing aids in. Mouse can hear you but she knows what's happening. Aunt Kate stopped by earlier to tell us," Noah explained.

"Maia Eden Hope Grey, if you can hear me you are in a lot of trouble for acting as if you have your hearing aids out. Do you understand me?" Christian glowered.

"Sorry, daddy. I'm just not used to it now," My daughter stammered through, her speech was not where it should be. "Aunt Kate, is she right that she is back?"

"She's here with me now, and you can see her only if you want to. Noah and I won't pressure you Maia, understand that." He signed while he spoke.

"She'll just leave again, no matter what you do. I don't get why she came back if she never wanted to be in it in the first place." Her meek little voice came through the speakers.

I have destroyed my kids, the one thing that I never wanted to do. I wanted to be something but I couldn't if I was a mom and wife. I wanted to give them their best shot at life without the worry of me holding them back but without meaning to I did. I ruined my family when I wanted to help them, give them chances to move forward in life. Christian looked at me and his eyes said it all, the kids hated me more then he does.

Author's Note: Any question's, any theories private message me. Keep the reviews coming, and I am going to do something that I have never done before. I get 25 reviews for the twenty-fifth chapter in twenty five hours ((Wednesday morning at 1 am PST)) I will upload five chapters by Thursday July 9th 4pm PST.