My friend Gwen is studying to be a film director. A little while ago she got a chance to co-direct a stage production of Shakespeare's Macbeth, so she went for it. Then she asked my friend Jake and I to try out. I got the part of Banquo, the third-lead who gets killed onstage and comes back as a ghost, and Jake got the part of the Third Murderer, then when the Porter got sick, he filled in and had both roles. It's been a total blast meeting and working with all these other weird people. It's so fun! Anyway, here are some funny, strange, and interesting things they've said on and off the stage.


"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
-Steven, as Macbeth (This is my favorite soliloquy of all of Shakespeare. It kicks ass has has an awesome meaning. Steve does it perfect too! Go Steve-O!)


"Ohmygod, they killed Duncan!" -Chris, as Macduff, who forgot his line in the scene when he was found Duncan's body.


"This damned damned damned play repeats everything everything everything three times!" -Cristen (Lady Macbeth)


Oh I'm sorry! My fault. My bracelet got stuck on the vines here when I was trying to grope Wood. -Janelle (First Witch), when she missed her one of her lines


Between you and me, Banquo, you're gonna die at the hands of nameless murderers, you'll come back with lots of makeup to haunt Macbeth, and your son will run away to become king! That okay with you? -Janelle, when someone missed a line and we just goofed the rest of the scene.


Wood's pissing me off, can we kill him today? -Rob (Second Murderer)


Dude! I got promoted!

Yeah! Last week I was third murderer, and now I'm the Porter!
What's better- guarding the gates of hell or killing me?
Tough decision. I'll just have to settle for both. -Jake and I, when he had to be the other Porter's understudy.


How do I look?
Like a pussy. Me?
-Chris (Macduff) and Steve (Macbeth) at the costume fitting.


Okay okay okay. I was thinking, the Porter's drunk and thinks he's guarding the gates of hell, right? Well what if I, you know, spiced it up a bit? *In his best grim reaper voice* I am the Porter from hell... fear me, Macduff! *Gwen rolls her eyes and walks away* Okay, maybe not... -Jake, trying feebly to milk his role for all it's worth. Give it up, dude! You're just a drunk Porter!


Out damned spot! Out I say! Oh, shit! I think I got a splinter! -Christen (Lady Macbeth)


Hey there! I'm Jake. Who do you play?
I'm Owen. I got cast as Seyton.
Satan?! I knew there was the goddess of witchcraft, but there's Satan too?! This play kicks ass!
Uh, well, not exactly... oh never mind. -A demented Jake and a confused Owen.


Thou liest, thou shag-eared villain!
What, you egg!
Hold on a sec, did he just call me an egg? -Twelve-year-old Gareth, as Macduff's son and Ken, the Murderer who had to put up with him.


Hey, instead of killing Lady Macduff, can we rape her?
No, you sick-minded fool!
Sorry, I just came back from watching Clockwork Orange. I'm kinda still stuck in the movie. -Joe and Ken, the murderers who kill Macduff's family.


Wood... Wood just doesn't look freaky enough... add some fake blood, and spike up his hair. And if that's too much, we'll just take pictures and laugh. -Evil, evil Dave, the director.


Shakespeare had a thing with geese. People are always called geese! In Romeo and Juliet, they had the Mercutio far and wide a broad goose' thing, and they have geese in here too! What's with the damn geese? -Steven (Macbeth)


I hate this damn costume.
Come on now, think of it this way, what would Shakespeare think?
He was gay, he'd probably think you were hot. -Chris (Macduff), Kerri the costume bitch, and me


Exciting, exciting. The week of hell starts in two weeks, so we've been cramming lately. Should be pretty good though. Can't wait to get killed in front of my entire family. They'll just love that.