Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pulling.
He started kissing down my neck.
Pushing. Ripping. Pain. Crunching.
He pulled my shirt over my head and took off my bra.
Blue eyes. My fault. Crying. Yelling.
I tried to push Mike off of me but he wouldn't stop.
"Mike, I can't, it's too much," I said softly.
"Shh," He mumbled kissing my breasts.
I shoved him but he wouldn't stop.
"Mike stop it, I – I can't," I said giving him a firm push off of me.
He climbed off of me and sighed. He ran his hands over his face and mumbled something.
"Bella – Bella I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I just – I have needs and – It's my fault not yours," He said pulling on his shirt.
"I'm sorry Bella, really I am," Mike said again before he kissed me lightly on the head and stepped out of my apartment.
I stared at the door for a second and then burst into tears.
I hopped off the couch, pulled on my shirt, and ran to the door. I swung it open and shouted down the hallway, "Mike! Wait please don't go! I'm trying I really am!"
I saw Mike turn down the hall and I let the tears fall down my cheeks freely then.
I went back into my apartment and closed the door firmly.
I sat down on the couch and grabbed my cell phone.
I scrolled until I found Jasper's number.
I sent him a quick text:
Can you come home? –B
A few minutes later Jasper's reply came:
Course. Want me to bring anything? –J
I replied quickly:
You and a tub of ice-cream. –B
I threw my phone on to the coffee table and curled my legs under myself.
I could always rely on Jasper.
We had been friends for 20 years now and it seemed like a life time.
I could remember clearly the first day we met:
FLASHBACK:
I was 7 and Jasper was 9.
I was sitting at my lunch table when I was all of a sudden pushed out of my seat.
I fell on the ground and looked up to see a boy my age staring down at me.
I stood up and found it was Eric Yorkie.
"What are you doing sitting at my table, New Kid?" He asked, spitting my famous nick name.
It was always rough being the new kid. "Sorry Eric, I didn't know it was yours," I said staring at my shoes.
"Yeah well watch it, New Kid," He said pushing me out of his way.
Everyone erupted into laughter and I started crying.
I sat down at an empty table and a few minutes later a boy came to sit next to me.
I started to stand up when I heard his soft voice say, "I'm sorry Eric's such a jerk."
I smiled a small smile and he said, "Just ignore him, and if he messes with you again tell me."
I laughed and he smiled at me.
END OF FLASHBACK
From then on out Jasper had been my best friend, and now he lived with me.
We started the tub of ice-cream in high school when I first broke up with my first boyfriend. Then I did it for Jasper… Now it's a tradition.
Jasper was always there for me… Even through the worst of it.
Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pulling.
I was pulled out of that disturbing train of thought when I heard Jasper's keys in the door.
I kept crying even when I heard Jasper come in and sit next to me on the couch.
"Bella, sweetie, what happened?" He asked his usual question.
"Mike – Mike broke up with me. He said he couldn't take it anymore," I managed through my choked sobs.
Jasper pulled me into a tight hug and I sighed.
"Today was our 1 year anniversary Jasper. I couldn't. I tried, really I did. I just – Just couldn't," I said sobbing.
I relived every moment of my relationship with Mike eating my tub of ice-cream with Jasper.
The many times Mike had tried to take me.… The many times he had understood when I had had him stop…. The many times when Mike had simply talked to me when I needed it…. The many times when Mike had been there for me as a friend when I needed it the most.
I finished the tub and Jasper pulled me into another hug.
I lay my head on his chest and pulled away after a few minutes.
"Why – Why am I such – Such a – a – Fuck up?" I said, my tears turning into hiccups.
"Bella, shh, you're not a fuck up. It's not your fault," Jasper said soothingly.
I sighed and stood up. I stretched and went to the kitchen to throw away the empty tub of ice-cream.
"So what were you doing before I called you?" I asked.
"I was with Jessica, but she understood," He said.
"Oh," I said.
"I'm going to go change my shirt, be right back," Jasper said before slipping into his bedroom.
I sighed and went back to the couch.
I curled up into a tight ball and just sat there.
Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pulling. Pushing. Ripping. Pain. Crunching. Blue eyes. My fault. Yelling. Crying.
Someone was saying no over and over again.
I realized it was me when Jasper walked into the living room and pulled me into another tight hug.
"Shh, Bella, it's alright. Shh. It's okay," He continued to whisper soft soothing words while rocking me.
When I felt better we watched T.V.
It was around 7:00 P.M. when Jasper's phone buzzed.
He pulled it out and laughed.
I felt a pang of regret remembering Jessica.
I'm such a fuck up. I took Jasper's time away with his girlfriend. He didn't need to come comfort his emotionally unstable friend. I could have handled this on my own.
No you couldn't have. You know Jasper doesn't mind comforting you.
Of course he doesn't. He's your best friend.
Jasper was texting and I was trying to not let the regret wash over me.
It was around 11:55 P.M. when Jasper stood up and stretched.
"I have got to get some sleep. Don't stay up too late, silly girl," Jasper said.
He kissed me on the cheek and ruffled my hair before slipping into his bedroom.
I stood up and walked into my bedroom and too lazy to take off my clothes and change into my pajamas, fell into bed and drifted off to sleep.
Except I didn't sleep.
I had horrible vivid nightmares.
I woke up screaming into Jasper's tight hug.
He whispered soothing things until I cried myself out and then I went back to bed.
I'm pretty sure he stayed in there for the rest of the night because the last thing I remembered was holding onto his hand whispering, "Don't leave me."
---
When I woke up the next morning I immediately felt guilty.
It was about 6:00 A.M. and I hopped into the shower.
I let the hot water fall on my skin and when I felt clean I pulled on a button up long sleeved shirt I had stolen from Jasper not too long ago. I put on my yoga shorts and went to the kitchen.
Jasper would be up in a half an hour.
I pulled out eggs, bread, and everything else I would need for French toast.
I was cooking the last piece of bread when Jasper wandered into the kitchen. He looked horrible.
He must have stayed with me last night.
He is by far my best friend.
"I thought I smelt your French toast," He said.
He took a deep breath through his nose and let it out.
"Just like mom's," Jasper said.
I laughed and handed him his plate.
He grinned, got some orange juice, and sat down at the kitchen table.
He ate his food while I sipped coffee.
I so could not eat at that time of the day.
Way too early!
Jasper stood up, sat his dishes in the sink, and pulled on his coat. "I've got to go to work," He said.
He kissed the top of my head and was out the door.
I texted Emmett, my brother:
What are you doing today? –B
Nothing… Why did you have any plans? –Em
Well if you want we can meet for lunch at around noon. Little Café? –B
Sounds great Bella. –Em
Great! Love you! –B
Love you too. Noon. Little Café. –Em
I snapped my phone shut and mentally prepared myself for the talk I was going to have with Emmett.
Emmett knew everything that happened.
If Jasper hadn't moved in with me it would have been Emmett.
I went into my bedroom and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt.
I had therapy at 8:00 A.M.
I really didn't think I needed therapy but Emmett and Jasper had insisted.
I sighed and got into my car.
While driving to Dr. Cullen's office I started thinking about what I was going to say to Emmett about Mike.
I thought the conversation might go well or might not…. Maybe Dr. Cullen would have the answers.
I parked outside the doctor's office and sat in my car for a few minutes at exactly 7:55 A.M. I went into the building.
I waved to Heidi, Dr. Cullen's assistant, and went into the doctor's office.
I sat on the couch and waited.
After about 5 minutes Dr. Cullen walked in.
I stood up and shook hands with the doctor saying, "Nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."
"Nice to see you too Bella, and please call me Esme," She said.
I smiled and sat down.
"So what did you do yesterday?" She asked.
"Mike broke up with me last night," I said quickly.
Wow. Don't ease into it or anything.
I told her the whole story all the way up to texting Emmett this morning and worrying about the conversation.
"Dear there isn't anything to be scared of. He's your brother and he understands everything," She said.
"But what if he over reacts and talks to Mike? I don't think I could stand that," I said.
"He wouldn't do that, not without asking for your permission first," She said.
I glanced at the clock. My time was almost up.
"Dr. – Esme… I keep having nightmares. I'm having panic attacks more and more lately. Everything sets them off now. The slightest thought in his direction sends me over the edge," I said.
"Maybe we have hit a bump in the road. Is there anything in particular that hurts the most?" She asked.
"His name. The news is horrible. Seems like all of the serial killers, mayors, and what not have his name now. Getting in the act. It hurts me physically and mentally to think or do anything in the act," I said softly.
She nodded and said, "Well, I'd advise no more news for awhile. Have you been taking your anti depressants?"
I only nodded because I knew my voice would give me away.
I was shocked when Dr. Cullen had prescribed anti depressants. I was appalled too. I hadn't taken 1. I flushed 1 down the toilet whenever I was feeling near a panic attack. Then I'd refill them. It was just like taking them, except they didn't help at all.
"Okay well keep taking your pills and call me if it gets worse," She said.
"Alright, thank you," I said.
I left her office at 11:30 and went to Little Café.
I knew it was early but a nice table was in order for this conversation.
About 45 minutes later Emmett showed up.
I saw the waitress come up to him and I waved him over.
He excused himself from her and went over to me.
He took off his hat and jacket, setting it behind him on his chair and he sat down.
He said, "Hey little sis, how's it going."
"Not great Em," I said.
"What's wrong?" He asked. His face was all concern.
"Why don't we order first and then we can talk about that," I said.
He nodded and I waved over a waitress
"What can I get for you today ma'am?" She asked.
I huffed at ma'am.
Honey I'm only a few years older than you are.
"Coffee," I said.
She nodded and turned to Emmett.
"And you sir?" She asked.
I snorted. She was practically doing him with her eyes.
He's not going to say you!
"Coke please," He said.
"Alright I'll be right back with your drinks," She said.
When she walked away Emmett said, "What?"
"That girl was practically doing you with her eyes," I said.
He smiled and shifted in his seat.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yeah," I nodded.
He laughed his big booming laugh and a few patrons of the little café turned to look at him.
I gave them death glares until they minded their own business.
"So… You said you were not doing great. Why?" Emmett asked.
"Mike – Mike broke up with me last night," I said.
He face was angry and then it softened.
"I'm sorry Bella," He said.
I smiled a small smile and the bouncy waitress came back with our drinks.
She sat down my drink and then Emmett's.
"Anything else for you ma'am?" She asked.
"Yeah, don't call me ma'am. And if you want you can address him first. I'm his sister, not his date. Oh and I need a refill on my coffee," I said politely.
"Okay," She said.
She ran away from the table before Emmett was even asked what else he wanted.
I laughed and Emmett and I discussed the details of the break up.
"Bella I have to tell you something," Emmett said.
He was being careful about this. It kind of scared me. He was going to say something I wouldn't like.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Bella, Rose invited me to her house for Christmas," Emmett said slowly.
"Oh," I said.
Emmett knew this would be hard for me.
It had happened around Christmas.
"What did you say?" I asked.
"Well, I said I'd have to talk to you about it," He said.
"I don't want to keep you from you're girlfriend on Ch- Christmas," I said.
"It wouldn't be like that. She would understand. And if she didn't then she isn't right for me anyways. I just felt like I should ask you before I said yes… or no," He said.
"You know what, you go ahead. Dr. Cullen invited me to have Christmas with her and her family a few weeks ago anyways. I might as well take her up on her offer. It would be nice to get out and see the country," I said.
Dr. Cullen didn't invite you anywhere.
YES SHE DID!
Last week? Remember? "Bella do you want to come to Chicago with me? My family would love to have you," She said that!!!!
Oh yeah.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yeah, go ahead, I'll be fine," I said.
"Okay, as long as you're okay with it," He said again.
We spent another hour in the café talking about how great Dr. Cullen was for me. How great Rose was for Emmett. And then we talked about Jasper and Jessica.
"She's been really understanding with him leaving all the time," I said.
"Yeah but she just doesn't seem like his type," Emmett said.
"Yeah," I said.
We left it at that and soon Emmett had to go back to work.
"Love you Emmett, call me later," I said hugging him.
"Love you too Bella. I will," He said.
We parted and I walked through the growing snow to my car.
When I got to the car I pulled out my cell phone and I called Dr. Cullen.
"Hello?" A drowsy male voice said.
I bit my lip.
I thought this was Dr. Cullen's home phone number….
"Is Dr. Cullen there?" I asked.
"Oh, ah, yes, just a second," The voice said somewhat more awake.
"Esme, there's someone on the phone for you," I heard the voice say.
"Thank you Carlisle," Dr. Cullen said.
"Hello?" She said.
"Hi Dr. Cullen, its Bella Swan," I said biting my lip.
"Oh, Bella! How are you dear?" She asked.
"I'm fine, Dr. – Esme, I just wanted to talk to you about the offer to go with you to your house for Christmas?" I asked.
"Oh, okay. It's still up if you want to come with," She said cheerily.
"Great. Emmett is spending time with Rose this Christmas, and Jasper is being called away for a business trip," I said.
"Oh, okay. So just be here tomorrow at 8:00 A.M.," She said.
TOMMOROW?
8:00 A.M. on a SATURDAY?!
"Is Christmas so soon?" I asked.
"Oh it's in a few weeks but we can only be sure to get there. You know because of the snow storms between here and Chicago," She said.
Ah, yes, snow!
Blech.
"Okay, well I'll be there, can I have some directions to your house?" I asked.
"Oh! Yes! Just a second," She said. I heard her muffled voice say, "Carlisle come here and give Bella directions to the house."
"Bella, Carlisle is going to give you directions to the house," She said.
"Alright," I said.
I heard her pass the phone and then the drowsy voice came back.
Maybe he is drunk?
Or maybe that's just his natural voice.
"Okay, so where do you live?" He asked.
I told him my address.
"Oh, you don't live too far, so when you go off of…." He trailed off telling me the name of roads and what not. I wasn't really paying attention I was just waiting for him to get to his house.
"Alright so do you have that so far?" He asked.
"Yeah," I said breaking out of my trance.
"Alright so drive on to River View Street and our house number is 14895," He said.
"Oh great," I said jotting down their street address.
"You have all of that?" He asked.
"Yes, thank you," I said.
"Welcome," He said.
I heard the phone being passed around and then Dr. Cullen was back.
"So do you know where we live now?" She asked.
"Yeah and where Krispy Kreme is too. And Sonic. And Wendy's," I said jokingly.
"Well he just has landmarks for everything," She said laughing.
I laughed with her and then we said good bye. I got to my apartment and made a U-turn. I drove to Hallmark, picked up a card, and went to Eric's Gardening; there I got a gift card of about $100.00.
I put the gift card in the card and signed it.
I packed everything, including the card and my anti depressants.
I was packed and ready for Dr. Cullen's house in Chicago.
I sat on the couch and watched T.V.
It was on the news.
"Today in other news, Mayor…." I flipped the channel before I could hear the name.
I sighed.
When will I be normal?
A/N:
Alright so what do you think? Should I keep going? Review….
It's the green button right over there.
Under these words.
Closer…
Yep right there!
Next chapter is Bella's adventure at Dr. Cullen's house!