LotR Football Continues
PREGAME
"Greetings to all our listeners and welcome to the second quarterfinal match of the 2760 Arda Cup tournament! We're here at the Gladden Fields Soccer Stadium to witness what is sure to be an exciting match. I'm Bretmyrtl Kanithion-"
"-and I'm Athonin Merrypus, and I must say, the weather is certainly bright today! It's 96 degrees F here with 75 percent humidity. The players are going to have to show some serious stamina today, especially the orcs, who are particularly susceptible to sun-burn among the races."
"Today's match pits two of the finer national teams against each other: Mordor and Mirkwood. One will proceed to the semifinals against Rohan; the other will not, nor, if historic matches are any indicator, will it proceed anywhere under its own power again - that is to say, one team may not survive this match. Let's look at the situation so far."
"Well, Bret, Mirkwood's being playing spectacularly this year, easily beating every team in its starting group, including the formidable Far Harad team, and after shutting out Lonely Mountain four-naught on Saturday, they're looking in a good position to get past Mordor's offense alive, which is more than could be said for Rhun, which lost more than half their starting lineup to Mordor's Gorf and Throknor, who were both red-carded several times over for the offense and will not be seen again in this tournament."
"That was quite a game! Thursday's second round match between the orcs and the Easterlings also resulted in the death of a spectator and the hospitalization of three others after the infuriated Mordor coach Florb went on a rampage in the stands. He too has been red-carded and is under review by MEFA to have his coaching licence revoked."
"As well he should be - this is the third fan-injury incident Florb has initiated in the past eight months, and the second fatality. Obviously this orc has got some serious anger-management problems."
"This year's Mordor team is also particularly aggressive, but Mirkwood doesn't seem phased. In an interview yesterday Mirkwood captain Camdras Calion announced that, and I quote, 'If the yrchs try any funny business we've got archers hiding in the crowd to take them down before they know what's hit them. Just fair warning.' This remark has motivated MEFA to forbid spectators from bringing weapons into the stadium for this match only, and those who refuse to check their illegal gear are being turned away."
"But I see the officials are perfectly fine with the PLAYERS bringing weapons into the stadium! Ridiculous."
"I thought we agreed not to bring that up again?"
"Honestly, Bret, I don't know what you're talking about. Please try to stay focused on your commentating."
"Why y-"
"Because it bores our listeners, that's why. I personally look forward to seeing Mirkwood keeper Beriadan Lastelle play in this his fiftieth Arda Cup - a golden anniversary for a golden goalie. And the players are coming onto the pitch. Our referee is again one of the two lesser-known Istari, Rondafunk the Beigey-Tan with Fuschia Accents, who generally goes by the name Hey You... to avoid confusion, you know."
"Rondafunk's generally regarded as the most placid ref in Middle Earth, mainly because he's deaf. But we're going to need a pretty unflappable person to call this match, I'd expect. And he's bringing the ball onto the field..."
((Stay tuned...))