"Huggalo's Pizza, we are pizza." An average man in a red ball cap croaked. It was a hot humid day, heat seemingly soaked to the bone. God this is stupid. Wish I was still racing. "We are pizza?" A dirty man in the corner blurted out. The ball cap man rubbed his eyes with a humble sigh "I gotta say it." The drunk man shrugged decisively. "C'mon on in, hey and close the door. I got weed in here cowboy." The ball cap man hesitantly shuffled into the apartment...
Vanellope turned to Ralph with a glazed look of confusion in her eyes. "Weed like Candy Cane tree weeds?" Ralph's eyes popped open like the flip of a switch. He had been relaxed and reclined against the inside of the screen to Fix-It-Felix Jr. "And this is why we don't watch Mr. Litwak's TV, time to go!" Ralph snagged the girls hood and jumped off the ledge to the screen, landing on a tree top with more than a thud. The tree squeaked seemingly in surprise, flexed and cradled it's riders to the ground... Then snapped. "Aw Ralph come on, I wanna see what happens! We always get to watch movies on Friday!" The tiny racer crossed her arms in a pouting fashion, knowing all too well on how to melt the giants heart. God I could use a distraction. Ralph folded his hands, glancing around nervously. "Hey you think if a tree falls in the woods anyone hears it?" The camera flips to a shot of the tree they rode to the ground moments before, suddenly realizing the tree has a mouth as well as the trees around it. A tree to the left cackles in laughter and blurts sarcastically "Hey if a tree falls in the woods does anybody hear it? HA HA HA!" The camera snaps right "Sure does, Frank here broke 10 seconds ago hasn't shut up about it!" Pan to the broken tree "Oh that's real mature Todd, lucky I'm not from Malchior 7!" Pan to a random tree "Hey guys look I'm playing the world's smallest violin."
Minutes later the red headed mammoth of a man and his chipper companion are walking through the cord to game central station. "It's a real shame the trolley's out for service. Felix has that hammer and all..." Ralph pouted through the barely visible tunnel. "I think it's fun, now move your molasses Ralph time's a wastin!" Vanellope chirped as she skipped gleefully. "Hey Ralph where's Malchior?" Ralph trudged along, his oversized bare feet throbbing already "I don't know, to the left of Uranus." Vanellope glitched and the sound echoed through the tunnel "OH GOD NO WHAT HAVE I DONE!" Ralph cried melodramatic as ever. Vanellope slapped her knees laughing to the point of tears. "I sure hope you wash your hands after you're on that planet!" She faked a disgusted look and slapped her hands on her chest as if trying to clean her self. "Well what do we have here Brussel?" A gravely voice shot out from the darkness. "Looks like some tourists Sprout" A nasty voice shot back. Sprout chuckled slowly "Well should we give them the tour?" Brussel gleamed "Yes the tour straight to Hell, b-because we'll be killing them! With our own two diabolical hands which are composed of many sinister fingers which we shall fiendishly use to destro-" An enraged Sprout cut in "Yes they get it we're evil shut up!" Two men swooped like bats from the shadowy roof in an instant, blocking our heroes path. One was tall and slightly hunched, the other rather short and round. The taller gravely vocalized "Seems you've come for the Dragon Balls as well, wouldn't it seem Sprout." His partner nodding in agreement. "The Dragon's what now?" Vanellope cooed in a cheeky manor. "Vanellope no!" Ralph shielded her from approaching them with his right hand. Sprout raised his chubby gray arm "We wouldn't want you getting in the way, right Brussel?" They locked eyes momentarily, grinning maniacally. "I wouldn't think so. Now di-!" Sprout was cut off, only able to make a gasping sound. Brussel's eyes widened in panic as he whipped around to aide his companion seemingly in slow motion. Blue slashes filled the air, cutting the antagonists to ribbons. For a split second the two men stood motionless, their diced bodies suddenly crashing to the ground. A deep tortured voice rasped as if on his last breath. "Sorry about that, I've been trailing these two for a while." The figures on the ground flashed in a pixel sort of way then suddenly disappeared. The shadow of a slim being stood as still and menacingly as a gargoyle in the dark, orange lights flashing around what appeared to be his head. "You two are safe. I won't keep you." The being whipped his sword in a flash of gold, sheathing it on his waist. Ralph stared for a second, his jaw dropping slightly in shock of all that had just happened. "Who are you..." Ralph strained to vocalize. The being turned, and in an instant was gone. Ralph snapped to his senses no longer feeling the presence. He glanced down at his right foot, realizing the green baby eyes of his companion looking up at him with great concern. She was clinging to his knee with both her hands firmly. So much for not over exposing her to the human world. "I loved it..." Vanellope said in a barely audible voice. "I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! OH THE SWORD AND THE SLASHING DID YA SEE IT RALPH?!" She jumped around imitating a sword fighter. "SLASH WHACK WOO HOO! ... That was so awesome! I feel like I may be sick" she curled up in a sickly manor "Like a vurp ya know?" Ralph cocked an eyebrow "Isn't that where..." "A burp and you feel the vomit rising up, OH THAT WAS SO EXCITING!" She resumed bouncing around. Ya little guttersnipe.
Ralph and Vanellope reached Game Central Station, The smaller of the two still hopping around and slashing at air in a manor Zorro would have been proud of. Ralph was grinning at his companions enthusiasm, when he noticed Sgt. Calhoun walking with Felix . "Felix!" Ralph yelped and started running. Felix turned around in a slight daze, not knowing where the voice came from. "Guys we just saw the craziest thing. Calhoun, is there a new game or something?" The duo had stopped walking and were facing Ralph now. Calhoun snatched a sensor off her waist and glanced at it in a rather un-amused manor. "Scanners say intruders are finding their way to Game Central Station from the internet television." Noting the television set the two had been watching earlier. "Theoretically" Calhoun said grimly as ever "This could introduce any characters they watch into the Station." She spun the device in the snap of an instant, re-harnessing it on her waist in a way Clint Eastwood would have been proud of. "Nothing we can do about it. There's some bad things out there. Some of what I've seen... Ghouls would end us faster than foxes in a coop of crippled roosters" The Sergeant said with all the compassion of the Grim Reaper. They all stood awkwardly for a moment, Vanellope parrying in the background none the wiser. "Nice variation of that rooster line Hun. Sure gave me the honey-glows" Felix glanced around slightly frazzled. More awkward silence... "So who's up for Tappers?"
Ralph and Felix are now relaxing at Tappers having departed from the warrior of Hero's Duty, sitting on the quintessential bar stools. A live band was gearing up on stage in the background. "Tapper I love what you've done with the place" Ralph said trying to encourage conversation. The two glanced around. The place still had it's bar and stools but now the wallpaper was darkly colored, strobe lights gyrating and flashing on the ceiling. The live band was about to start, a guttural guitar riff chugged through the speakers. "See you're a fan of pink." Ralph added sarcastically. "Nice try Ralph but you still gotta learn sarcasm." Felix smiled as he focused on his frosted pint. The two glanced at each other and chuckled slightly. They had become like brothers after the events of the not so distant past. "Tapperrrrrrrrrrrs. " A tall man in dreadlocks growled from stage. "Save your stories for someone who cares..." At that the oily haired bassist picked up, The tone of the music may have even been too dark for Sgt. Calhoun. The air shook as if on a stampede from hell itself. Tapper appeared quickly from his rounds. "I don't know what this is all about guys.." Ralph couldn't tell if the proprietor of the bar was distressed from the music or just had his usual concern about him. Old arcade game characters had a very limited range of movements and emotion after all."Calhoun says outsiders are making their way into Game Central Station." Ralph explained between sips. "From the TV Litwak's got setup." The vocalist on stage erupted lyrics in a deep yelling tone "It's time to WAKE UPPPPPP!" Felix choked slightly on his root beer, and wiped his mouth. "Jimmy jammy Ralph my ears! Mind if we get outta here?" Ralph obliged, sensing his dear friend was uncomfortable with the music. Must be 'nice' to be a good guy Ralph thought sarcastically to himself as the the two left the bar.
"By the way Ralph" Felix was wringing his hat still slightly disturbed from the music. "Where'd you leave Vanellope?" Ralph grinned and motioned over his shoulder. Vanellope was pretend sword fighting with an orange tabby. The two moved in a comical manner, the feline being complete with a pair of dark boots and even a black and gold trimmed matador's cap.
"CUT!" A man in a directors chair yelled into his megaphone. "Okay who wrote this script? I mean really who leaves a little girl with an anthropometric cat?" A man in the corner quickly tossed a script with the words "ORIGINAL DRAFT" into the garbage can and not so gracefully flew out the nearest door. "Sir I'm gonna tell you what you need to do." The producer placed his massive hand on the directors shoulder. The producer was a large well built man with a glistening dome of a head, a fantastic mustache and a rather high yet gravely voice. "You need to sit him down, look him dead in the eye and say... OH A FRISBEE VEGETA." The director removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes as the producer leapt towards the catering table. God the sooner I get signed for Family Guy the movie, the better.
"Ralph? RALPH! What's going on in there?" Felix motioned to his head in a concerned manor. "I don't know. I sensed... A disturbance." Ralph said before he shuddered slightly. He relaxed as he noticed Vanellope cozied up with the orange Tabby on a bench, both sharing the hat as a blanket.
It was now late at night. Ralph had taken a sleeping Vanellope Von Schweetz back to her castle in sugar land and was now back in Fix it Felix Jr walking to his home. Ralph yawned slightly and glanced at the TV through the game's screen. An obese man and a black boy entered the room through two separate doorways and met face to face grinning in a cheesy manor. Music and singing, with a rather 80's tone to it could just barely be heard through the screen and wall of the Fix it Felix Jr game counsel... "My black son, my black sonnnnnnn! and he's also a ninja!" Wow Litwak's kids sure watch some bizarre TV shows.
Ralph shimmied into his makeshift shack. Sure he could sleep in his nice Felix-built home in Eastern Niceland, but he was too tired to walk so far. Ralph sluggishly shimmied into his bed and glanced at the slightly opened door. "Thought I closed that" And on that a monkey jumped through the opening, pointing at Ralph with clinched teeth and a look of icy determination upon it's eyes. "OH GOD EVIL MONKEY! THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN TALLADEGA NIGHTS AND GOT HIT ON BY WILL FERREL'S WIFE!"