"Gin!" Tom Paris announced, laying his cards down on the floor with a flourish.
Chakotay sighed. Twelve games and twelve losses. The man had to be cheating. He tossed his cards on top of Tom's and moved the lantern toward the oxygen display again. Ten hours of air left. Settling back down, he leaned against bulkhead and closed his eyes.
"Done playing for now?" the pilot asked.
"You're cheating. So, yes."
"Come on, Chakotay. How am I cheating?" he replied, expertly shuffling the cards for another game.
"I'm not sure. But twelve losses doesn't make me want to play again, and I don't think thirteen will be my lucky number," Chakotay smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Voyager should be within comm range soon. Is the beacon still transmitting?"
Tom stood up and checked the display on his side of the shuttle.
"Yup, still at eighty percent power. They should detect us soon," he answered, sitting down across from the first officer. With his feet stretched out, he mirrored Chakotay's position. The lantern sat between them in the darkened craft. Not much light entered through the transparent aluminum panels, the majority was provided by the emergency single cell lantern. He sighed deeply.
"Do you think the girls will kill us since we've damaged another shuttle?" he asked.
Chakotay cracked an eye at him. "I wasn't driving when we collided with an asteroid. You were. They can kill you," he replied, knowing instantly of whom Paris was speaking.
"Your history with shuttles would make you a more plausible suspect, if I decided to tell the Captain you were at the conn," Tom ribbed.
Chakotay flashed a full dimpled smile."I really don't have that bad of a record. I'm not sure how that joke started," he replied, tucking one leg under his other. "I swear B'Elanna has crashed more crafts than both of us combined."
Tom smirked a little and reached for the box of crackers in their ration pack. Opening up the vacuum seal, he offered them to the older man before taking some for himself.
They'd collided with the atmosphere of a large asteroid, and their shuttle had blown several dozen relays. While trying to get their navigational systems functioning, they had bounced around the field like a pinball before Tom was finally able to point them toward open space and fire off a short burst of the engines. With the deflectors offline some debris from the asteroid field had damaged several of the exterior power systems, plummeting the shuttle into darkness. They had enough power to activate the beacon, or run the air recyclers, but not both. So, they would run the beacon for as long as they could, and when the oxygen levels dropped below a few hours, they would reactivate the recyclers and hope someone received their message before they had to shut down the beacon.
"I suppose, I should ask what your intentions are with her, you know," Chakotay said after several minutes of silence.
"Honorable," Tom replied. "She's… special."
"She is."
They sat in silence for several more minutes, quietly regarding each other and chewing crackers.
"I suppose you are the closest thing to family she has who I can talk to," Tom started.
"Sounds serious."
"It is. I… I haven't done many things right in my life, Chakotay," Tom continued. "But I want this to be one of them."
Chakotay nodded silently.
Tom gave a self-conscious smile. "B'Elanna is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I probably don't deserve her. But… If I were ever to pick someone to spend my life with, I can't imagine a better person. I… I wondered if… if you would be okay with that?"
Chakotay carefully pondered the pilot's words. This was not the conversation he'd expected to be having today. He had to admit, he never thought Tom Paris would be concerned about anyone's opinion other than his own. But over the last five years, his opinion of the man had changed. He was no longer the sellout he once was, drifting from place to place and causing trouble. No, this man had grown into a fine officer and, he realized now, a pretty good friend. Furthermore, he made Chakotay's adoptive sister a happy woman. That had to be enough.
"I'm surprised you are asking me," he replied softly.
"Your opinion matters to her… and to me."
Chakotay reached over and briefly clapped Paris on the shoulder and smiled.
"You make her happy, Tom. That's all I've ever wanted for her. She's spent so long being angry… It's nice to see her content with her life. Just don't expect it to be this easy all the time. She can sometimes be a difficult person to love."
Tom visibly relaxed with Chakotay's approval.
"The best ones are, aren't they? I mean, look at the Captain," he smirked.
Chakotay glanced away quickly, delving them back into awkward silence. Kathryn had been a thorny topic of late. She'd been moody and in low spirits - more so than he had ever seen her. Loving her had indeed been a challenge; one that was impossible to even acknowledge since she was determined to keep him at arm's length and to deal with her problems and depression on her own. Paris had no idea that he had touched on such a raw nerve.
"Sorry," Tom whispered. "I didn't mean to…"
Or maybe he did know.
"It's alright," Chakotay interrupted. "She can be a difficult person to care for but it's part of what makes her such a good leader."
"But?" Tom prompted.
"But it can also be a fatal flaw. My father used to say 'Those who walk alone are easily lost'. That's how she is sometimes. Determined to face everything alone, even though we can help her... I... can help her."
Tom studied his senior officer. They had strayed into dangerous territory and he knew it. Chakotay rarely discussed his relationship with Janeway - or lack thereof - with anyone. The entire crew knew that out of necessity - in her opinion - the Captain maintained a professional distance from her subordinates. But they all longed to know her better. They wanted to know what made her smile, the places she liked to visit, the people she missed from home, and stories of her childhood. Those things made her more human, more approachable; more like them. So, when moments like this happened, the details spread like wildfire among the lower ranks. But not this time, Tom vowed. This conversation wasn't leaving the shuttle.
"Chakotay, you know this conversation is between us right? Only us?" Tom whispered. The older man nodded slowly. "She is loved, by everyone on the ship. But we'd love to know her better. We all want to see what you see. With B'Elanna, it took a long time of waiting by her side before she would trust me to catch her when she fell. You already have that with Kathryn."
Chakotay's head whipped up at the pilot's use of her given name.
"Hear me out, Chakotay, please," Tom said, responding to the angered gaze. "I think, if you can convince her to loosen up around us, allow us to really be her friends, she might realize it's okay to let go. If she's more comfortable with us, she'll be more comfortable with you, too."
Their gazes locked and another awkward silence descended. Tom was afraid he'd gotten too comfortable in their conversation and overstepped some hidden line. Opening his mouth to apologize, the comm system crackled to life.
"Voyager to Shuttle Cochrane, do you read us?"
Chakotay scrambled to the communications panel and punched the line open.
"Chakotay here, Captain. The shuttle is on limited power. We could use a tow before we run out of air."
"Understood, Commander. We are ten minutes away. Try not to breathe too deeply. Voyager out."
Chakotay smiled gently at the teasing tone in her voice. His and Tom's eyes met across the lantern again.
"Chakotay," Tom started, only to be interrupted again.
"It's alright, Tom. I know you want to help. She is more complicated than you know," the older man sighed, straightening up their shuttle for Voyager's arrival.
"We want her to be happy too," Tom whispered moving to sit in the pilot's seat.
Chakotay grabbed the lantern and sat to his left.
"You know, your idea's not a bad one. Maybe you and B'Elanna can try to get her to socialize more with you. Not that I want to give up my time with her, but with great risk comes great rewards."
"Another of your father's sayings?" Tom replied.
"No. I'm surprised you don't know it. It was American forefather Thomas Jefferson of the United States on Earth. Anyway, his quote is sound, and it can't hurt to try."
"We'll be double dating in no time," Tom laughed. "Maybe with her as your partner, you can beat me and B'Elanna at Euchre."
The tense moment passed as Voyager locked onto its wayward shuttle and towed it into the shuttle bay. Whether it had the desired result or not, Chakotay knew it would be good for their captain to make an effort to get closer to her crew. Having Tom and B'Elanna on board was going to make that transition a lot easier.
Maybe, just maybe, Tom had a valid point. Letting go a little with them, could help her let go with him as well.
And he would always be there to catch her.