by Oregano
EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – FRONT PORCH – DAY
It is a beautiful autumn day. Brown leaves are all over the ground. We MOVE towards the front door to see LORELAI GILMORE closing it. She turns around to reveal a black BAG with a white pocket. Printed against the white background is a bold red cross.
RORY (O.S.)
What is that?
LORELAI
(looking down)
What is what?
RORY GILMORE steps into the scene. She points to the bag.
LORELAI
Oh. This. Got it from some flea market. I think it's cool.
RORY
You're kidding, right?
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Lorelai and Rory enter. JESS MARIANO is holding two plates. He hears them come
in and turns.
JESS
Wow. World War III? So soon?
LORELAI
This is a cool bag!
JESS
Sure. If you're a medic…
LORELAI
Just give us some coffee.
LUKE DANES enters from the kitchen.
LORELAI
Hey Luke!
Luke doesn't answer. We ZOOM to his face. He grunts and as we ZOOM OUT, he walks
towards Lorelai as if to attack. When he reaches her, Luke grabs Lorelai's face
forcefully and KISSES her. Lorelai is surprised and falls back to a chair. Luke
is still kissing her.
CUT TO:
The Diner still, but Luke is holding a coffee pot and a plate in front of
Lorelai.
LUKE
Lorelai? Hey Lorelai!
Lorelai stands by a table with a dazed look on her face. She snaps back to
reality with an embarrassed yet confused look.
LUKE
Are you okay? You kind of zonked out for a second…
LORELAI
Gah, I'm fine! Yep. Fine. That's my middle name. I'm fine.
LUKE
You're sure?
LORELAI
Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?
LUKE
Okay.
(beat)
Oh, hey, guess what, I had a call earlier.
LORELAI
Really? Someone cool?
LUKE
Kind of. It was the Swiss Army General; they want their First Aid Kit back…
LORELAI
What is wrong with this bag?!
RORY
Well, the fact that you actually own it is one thing.
INT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Lorelai and Rory are on the couch, eating junk food and watching a movie.
Lorelai looks disturbed and preoccupied. Rory notices this.
RORY
What's wrong, mom?
LORELAI
Huh? What? Ah, nothing wrong. Why would anything be wrong? All is right in the
world, nothing wrong to witness…
(off Rory's raised eyebrow)
FINE! I had a weird moment this morning in the diner, okay? But I'm sure it's
nothing.
Lorelai examines her nails haughtily.
RORY
(suspicious)
What "weird moment"?
LORELAI
(mumbles)
I, uh, zonked out and dreamt that Luke… kissed… me…
She now looks at Rory with a sour expression, as if she had just eaten a bug.
RORY
Well, that's not a nice face to make, especially since it's Luke we're talking
about...
LORELAI
What about Luke? What are you yammering about, Missy?
RORY
That you like Luke as much as he likes you.
LORELAI
Of course, I like Luke. Everyone likes Luke.
(beat)
Well, maybe not Taylor. Or Kirk. Hey! Even you like Luke!
RORY
Yes, I do like Luke, but I'm not the one having kissy-kissy fantasies in his
diner.
LORELAI
(defensive)
They weren't fantasies; I had one of those scary panic attacks.
RORY
Of course. Because every person who has a panic attack experiences kissing
people in flannel but actually don't.
LORELAI
I did! I actually felt my heart stop—
RORY
From the sight of Luke?
LORELAI
(squints an eye)
…And my breath quicken—
RORY
Again, from Luke?
LORELAI
I don't like where this description of my, may I remind you, fatal experience is
going…
RORY
Yes, having a kissy-kissy moment is a lot like running in front of a bus.
LORELAI
If, tomorrow, you find me sprawled on my bed, motionless and bleeding, I'll come
back from the dead just to say, "I told you so."
RORY
And then we'll walk to Luke's and you can ghost-kiss him, like Demi Moore!
LORELAI
I've taught you too much of this sacred art of mocking.
RORY
Hey, I'm just trying to survive in society, babe.
LORELAI
(puts her hand to her mouth)
My God, you're a monster!
EXT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Lorelai and Rory are again on their way to Luke's Diner. It's a school day, so
Rory is in her Chilton uniform. As they come closer, Rory snickers to herself
and gives a teasing glance to Lorelai.
LORELAI
Don't look at me like that!
They enter.
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Lorelai smiles to herself. Nothing. They take a seat at a table.
LORELAI
Nothing! I told you it was a fluke. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will now proceed
to do the "Nyah-nyah" Dance.
Lorelai starts bobbing her head and singing, "Nyah-nyah," in a hip-hop tune.
Luke comes up to them with two mugs and the coffee pot. Just as Lorelai whips
her arms up,
LUKE
(alarmed)
Why are you so hot?!
Lorelai immediately stops and quickly looks at Luke.
LORELAI
What?!
LUKE
I said, "Watch out, it's hot." What's wrong with you?
LORELAI
I think I've shifted to the Twilight Zone.
LUKE
Haven't you been living there for the last ten years?
LORELAI
Funny man. You should be a superhero with that talent of sarcasm. You can run
around in spandex and neon underwear in the outside of your pants and tuck your
socks into your—
LUKE
HEY! Here's your coffee.
He pours Lorelai a generous cup.
LORELAI
I am thoroughly enjoying this coffee-giving activity of yours.
LUKE
Anything to stop you from talking about stuffing socks in odd places.
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY – LATER
Rory goes over to the counter to pay. She sees Jess and smiles. Jess remains
stoic. She leans over the counter.
JESS
(fake concern)
Watch out, your bulldog may be looking.
RORY
(exasperated)
Jess…
JESS
We all know how protective Lassie is of her owner. I have work to do, Rory.
(beat)
And that's $12.50 please.
Rory gives him the money. She stares at Jess sadly as he holds out the change to
her.
JESS
Thank you, come again.
Rory glares at him and doesn't take the money. She leaves. Once she's gone, Jess
shrugs and puts the money in his pocket. He turns and bumps into Luke. He frowns
at Jess.
LUKE
(sighs)
Jess…
JESS
I love how everyone knows my name! We should franchise this diner in Boston!
Luke opens his mouth to speak, but Jess cuts him off.
JESS
(glowering)
Spare me.
Jess goes around Luke and exits. Luke closes his eyes and sighs again.
INT. INDEPENDENCE INN – LOBBY – DAY
We PAN OVER to the RECEPTION DESK. MICHEL GERARD holds the phone in one hand and
points to a page in the telephone directory with another. He is about to MAKE A
CALL. Lorelai enters and walks beside him.
LORELAI
Hey Michel.
MICHEL
Yes. Hello. What do you want now?
LORELAI
(smiles fancifully)
A foot massage.
(beat)
Any messages for me?
MICHEL
No. Nobody likes you and the world once again makes sense. Go away.
LORELAI
Touchy.
MICHEL
(annoyed)
I'm not the one in denial!
LORELAI
What?
MICHEL
I said, "I've just lost the one to dial."
LORELAI
Oh.
(face scrunches up)
Okay.
Lorelai exits, leaving Michel staring at her retreating form weirdly. He rolls
his eyes and starts to look for the telephone number again.
INT. THE INDEPENDENCE INN – KITCHEN – DAY
Lorelai opens the door to talk to SOOKIE ST. JAMES. She is busy decorating a
cake. Lorelai grunts and plops down on the stool beside the cake.
LORELAI
Sookie, I am going insane.
SOOKIE
(not looking up from the cake)
Why? Did something happen?
LORELAI
I keep hearing these stupid things! First with Luke, now a while ago with
Michel! I feel like I should be walking around with Bruce Willis instead of that
kid from AI!
SOOKIE
Luke is in love with you.
LORELAI
(jumps in her seat and points)
Now it's you!
SOOKIE
(ignores the cake and faces Lorelai, excited)
Ooh, ooh, what did I say?
LORELAI
You just said that Luke is in love with me!
SOOKIE
Really?!
(pensive look)
Well, it is true…
LORELAI
In what universe would that be construed as useful?
SOOKIE
(gasps)
You're finally realizing it! I may win this round yet!
LORELAI
Realizing what?
SOOKIE
That you're in love with Luke, too!
LORELAI
I am not in love with Luke!
SOOKIE
Then why are you hearing stuff?
LORELAI
I don't know! Maybe it was bad pizza, stale coffee… I don't know! Stupid Al.
It's probably his fault. See if I ever come back there again… and if I do, I'll
be wearing a very mean scowl.
SOOKIE
Or maybe…
LORELAI
(looks sideways at Sookie)
Maybe what?
SOOKIE
Maybe the Higher Beings got pissed with you being all oblivious and stuff.
LORELAI
(lets out a breath)
I'm taking the day off before I start chewing on my own arm. This is all too
weird.
SOOKIE
Okay, take care, honey.
(beat)
Luke is in love with you!
LORELAI
That's not funny.
Lorelai exits. After a moment, she comes back in.
LORELAI
Wait a minute. What "round"?
SOOKIE
(deer-in-headlights look)
Nothing. I didn't say, "I may win this round yet!" No, no. I said…
(thinks for a moment)
I said, "Pie day Cindy's pound… set!" Because if I DID say, "I may win this
round yet!" that would imply that I was part of some sick bet to predict when
you'll realize Luke likes you. And I'm not that kind of person. At all. Do I
look like that kind of person?
(turns to one of her assistants)
BOB! I'm not that kind of person, am I?
BOB
Of course not!
SOOKIE
Of course not! See? Heh. Even. Bob. Thinks. So.
Lorelai glares at Sookie as she exits again.
SOOKIE
(sighs)
Fine. You win.
As soon as Lorelai's gone, she pulls out a board with everyone's names on it and
the bets. She looks at it for a moment and then reluctantly shoves it in the
garbage.
The room groans.
SOOKIE
(yells)
She found out, okay?!
EXT. NEWS STAND – DAY
Lorelai stops and takes a minute to read one of the magazines. She flips through
it. Luke comes up from behind and embraces her tightly. Lorelai is surprised and
gasps. She then calms down and relaxes. She closes her eyes. Luke bows his head
and kisses her shoulder.
CUT TO:
The same news stand, but she's all alone.
Lorelai opens her eyes again. She clutches the magazine stiffly.
LORELAI
Oh, my God.
Lorelai runs out of the scene.
INT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – DAY
Lorelai slams the door behind her, panting wildly. She is in a panic. We PAN
OVER QUICKLY to the opening of a hallway, and we see Luke standing there with a
toolbox in hand. He looks at Lorelai funny but he is concerned.
Lorelai's eyes widen and she screams. She flattens herself against the door with
her arms in front of her.
LORELAI
AAAAUUUGGHHH! IT'S LIKE THE SHINING!
LUKE
What the hell is wrong with you?
LORELAI
(lowers her arms)
What are you doing here?!
LUKE
What? You told me last week to come over and fix the back door! You and Rory
broke the window with that big-ass bread loaf you baked, remember?
LORELAI
(gets lost in the memory and laughs)
Yeah, that was a good one.
(beat)
How did you get in?
LUKE
Come on, Lorelai. The freaking door was smashed to splinters.
(beat)
Are you sure you're all right?
LORELAI
Hey, Luke, do you like me?
LUKE
What?
LORELAI
Do you like me?
LUKE
Well, not right now-- you're kind of freaking me out.
LORELAI
I'm serious, Luke.
LUKE
(smiles a bit)
What's not to like?
(beat)
(frowns)
What's wrong with your face? It's all twitchy.
We see that Lorelai's eye has developed a considerable tick. She slaps her hand
onto her face.
EXT. BUS STOP – DAY
DEAN FORRESTER waits for Rory to come home. He sits patiently at a nearby bench.
Jess passes by behind him. He sees Dean and smirks.
JESS
Well, well, well, if it isn't Dean—The Man, himself. Why so lonely, Dean? Forget
your Gameboy?
DEAN
Beat it, Jess.
JESS
Aw, waiting for your girlfriend? That is just so, so sweet! Are you going to the
Malt Shop afterwards and share a vanilla milkshake? I'll bet Pop Tate'll give
you the special seat!
DEAN
Jess…
JESS
Oops, my bad. Was it a strawberry milkshake? You guys aren't going to sip from
the same straw, are you? How cute!
Dean stands up and looks down at Jess. But before he can say anything, the bus
arrives and Rory comes out. She sees the inevitable fight and runs over to them.
RORY
Hey, Dean!
(kisses Dean)
Jess, what are you doing here?
DEAN
He was picking a fight again.
JESS
Oooh, tattletale.
Dean is ready to punch him.
RORY
(holds Dean back)
Jess, just leave.
JESS
Fine. I was just passing by anyway. Don't choke on that milkshake, okay, Dean-ie-poo?
Jess walks away with a smile on his face. We then MOVE towards Rory and Dean.
Dean puts his arm around Rory protectively and frowns.
DEAN
I really hate that guy.
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Lorelai and Rory are eating breakfast in the diner again. They sit at a table
and talk. Lorelai glances at Luke.
RORY
Why do you keep doing that?
LORELAI
Doing what?
RORY
Staring at Luke like he's on the Discovery Channel.
LORELAI
I am not!
RORY
Ms. Goodall, the apes are in Africa.
LORELAI
There is no staring!
RORY
Huh. Mom, you know Clint Eastwood, right?
Luke walks over to them, again with the coffee pot.
RORY
Hey Luke!
LUKE
(nods)
Rory.
LORELAI
(snickers)
Luke likes me…
LUKE
(turns red)
I do not.
LORELAI
Sure you do…
LUKE
(turns redder)
I do not!
LORELAI
You told me yesterday you did!
(beat)
You don't hate me, do you?
LUKE
Of course not!
(sighs heavily)
I like you, Lorelai. Okay? Now shut up and eat.
LORELAI
Ha!
RORY
Hi, those of us past third grade, please raise their arms.
Everyone in the diner raises their hands except for Luke and Lorelai.
RORY
Aw, mom. You made Luke all blushy.
Luke walks away with a scowl.
LUKE
(to self)
You try to hope for the best, but somehow it always, always blows up in your
face the moment they speak.
Rory grins wickedly at Lorelai.
LORELAI
You're turning into the Cheshire Cat, my friend. Don't disappear on me and leave
your mouth behind. Because I'd totally scream bloody murder.
RORY
You're in love with Luke.
LORELAI
Come again? I think I'm hearing things again.
RORY
You are in love with Luke.
Lorelai glances at Luke again.
LORELAI
(softly, distracted)
No, I'm not.
Luke looks up from behind the counter and meets Lorelai's eyes. Lorelai sucks in
a breath. She blinks. She slowly stands and makes her way to where Luke is
standing.
LUKE
What's wrong with you now, Lorelai?
LORELAI
(grabs Luke's shirt)
I'm not quite sure.
Lorelai pulls Luke towards her and kisses him. The diner becomes quiet as
everyone turns to look at them both.
MISS PATTY clasps her hands together and chuckles.
MISS PATTY
Finally!
KIRK GLEASON sits motionless, as he always does.
KIRK
Damn.
Dean walks into the diner. He sees Lorelai and Luke and raises his eyebrows. He
takes a seat in front of Rory.
DEAN
Wow, those two are really at it, huh?
Luke has overcome his surprise and is, rather, "enthusiastically" kissing
Lorelai back.
RORY
(slightly disgusted)
They're turning the gross factor up a notch.
(yells)
GET A ROOM!
All of a sudden, Jess appears behind Dean, who is still smiling at Rory. Jess
suddenly grabs Dean by the shoulders and throws him aside like a dummy. He then
throws the table behind him with one hand. Rory leans back, frightened out of
her wits. Jess steps closer and leans down to kisses her passionately. Rory
finds herself kissing him back.
CUT TO:
The diner. Dean is still sitting in front of Rory.
DEAN
Rory? Rory!
Dean snaps his fingers in front of Rory's bemused face.
DEAN
Are you aright?
Rory jolts from her stupor with wide eyes. She turns to look at Jess. He stands
behind the counter. He is wiping it, bored. His head suddenly shoots up. He
looks up to see Rory staring at him. He smirks at her.
RORY
Oh. God.
END.