The Love That Passed Through Here
Reyna lay on the floor, shivering. It was cold and her lungs hurt but she could not get herself to move. The pain of the cold made things more bearable, more real. Those words kept ringing in her head, his face, his eyes crystal clear in her memory but she could not get herself to believe it. She had made so many excuses, rationalized so much but could not come to terms with the brutal reality of what the Fates had planned out for her. She lay there, in the balcony, watching her breath fog in front of her and let his words wash over her again and again. As if playing it in her head repeatedly will bring her closer to accepting it.
"I remember everything, Reyna. But things have changed and so have we. I really like Piper now. I'm sorry."
And just like that Reyna was a dusty old relic in the list of Jason'' conquests. She was no longer a person whose feelings mattered, no longer someone for whom Jason Grace would fight to the ends of the world for. She was no longer the Reyna who had a life ahead of her, to live, make memories and die with Jason Grace.
Reyna lay in the cold, ignoring the whiteness that surrounded her. When does a person come across an instance when their whole life changes? She could not remember the exact second when she transformed from a person living for herself, surviving each harsh day and became a person who would die for Jason Grace a thousand times over. She could not remember the last time she had any control over her life and not be willing to face any pain, any suffering, any type of torture if it meant that she and Jason could be together.
People do speak the truth when they say that love is an addiction. It makes you lose all self-respect and sense of self. Reyna would have done anything for Jason. She ran after him to be rejected again and again. She analyzed and justified all of his actions until he came and told her outright. That's the thing with love especially love amongst unequal persons. The person with less attachment becomes this all powerful being in a person's life. Their every smile, every frown and every word seemed to be of utmost importance. And the other person becomes a huge vulnerable fragile ball of hope and longing. They long for the day that their partner will finally love them as much. And once the ball really drops, the incomprehensible pain of heart break brands you every second with the agony of not being good enough.
The most painful thought that kept flitting through her heart was that she'd never be with him again. It was over. She was suddenly deprived of a best friend, a confidant and her safe place. She would never lay her head on the chest she was so familiar with and forget all her worries. She would never be engulfed by his scent of crackling atmosphere and clean linen. She would never feel his warm arms surround her and stroke her hair as she fell asleep. She'd never wake up to his gentle kisses on her forehead. Reyna wanted to scream and cry out at the Gods for showing her paradise and ripping it from her. It would have been kinder to disembowel her. At least, she would not be expected to get up the next day and maintain dignity with a thousand eyes watching her. She would have been able to just shut her eyes and fade away from the pain forever.
Reyna lay there, amongst the cold ice, watching her icy breath fog in front of her. Her body seemed to be weightless and she felt so lost when something miraculous happened. There they were, looking into her eyes again, those blue eyes she knew so well.
A sob broke out of her aching chest. She only then realized that she could not move her jaws.
"Jason."
He smiled at her without saying a word. He put his warm hand on her face and moved a strand of hair from her face. He must have done that a thousand times when she was hunched over her desk in their camp. She leant into his touch when he cupped her face tenderly. A single tear rolled down the side of her face as she faded out of consciousness.
Nico and Percy scoured through Camp Half Blood before they found out that Reyna had left for a hotel close by before heading back to Camp Jupiter. Nico had met Jason and Piper at dinner and Nico could not help but resent them. He knew the hope that Reyna had held so painfully in her heart for Jason. He had known that she planned on confronting him once the war was over that day. When Nico saw Jason and Piper sitting together, blissfully happy, he knew that Reyna was in pain. Percy had found him frantically looking for her near the Big House and insisted on helping him find Reyna.
Nico was still recovering from the war against Gaia to shadow travel them to reach Reyna so they had to resort to Mrs. O'Leary following Reyna's scent and leading them to her. The second they left Camp Half Blood, Nico was thankful for the excessive winter clothes Percy had insisted on before leaving. Luckily, Mrs. O'Leary seemed to know where she was going so it would not be long before they could get off this hellish ride with cold biting stinging their skin.
Reyna was a painful shade of blue when Nico and Percy found her in the balcony of her hotel room. The boys immediately rushed to her side. Percy scooped her up and quickly laid her down on the bed. Nico, so panicked at seeing Reyna, frozen and barely breathing, desperately felt for a pulse.
Percy quickly shut all the doors and windows and turned up the heat while Nico froze at the weakening, faint heartbeat.
"Percy, quick!" Nico yelled as he laid her on the thick rug and straightened her neck. Thankfully Percy understood and started pumping her chest. For every three compressions, Nico pushed as much air as possible into her mouth and kept checking her pulse. Finally, after what felt like hours, her pulse stopped dropping. Nico signaled Percy to stop and pulled her onto the bed.
Nico, relieved beyond measure when he felt the weak pulse under her skin, turned Reyna onto her side and started rubbing wide circles on her back, trying to generate some heat. He peeled off her wet clothes when Percy returned with a bucket full of steaming hot water and both the heroes rushed to warm Reyna up.
Her lips were blue and unresponsive.
"Shouldn't she be shivering, at least?"
"She's far beyond that point."
"Fuck."
Percy and Nico hurried, sweating in the room, trying to warm her up. Percy began to rub her chest and shoulders furiously.
"Come on Reyna! Don't give up like this. You can do it! Wake up!"
"Reyna, wake up! Open your eyes! I know you can hear us!" Nico joined in. He started rubbing her arms and legs, trying to keep track of every minute change in her complexion.
They kept yelling and trying to coax her into waking up. After an hour of rubbing circles, generating as much heat as possible, Reyna stopped looking like a Smurf. She was drawing in shaky breaths but was not waking up.
"We have to get her back to the Camp. She's not getting any better like this."
Percy nodded as Nico started looking for something to cover her in when a weak moan emitted from the bed.
Percy raced to her side as Nico was pulling things out of her small backpack. Reyna's eyes were half open and fluttering weakly but none the less, she had survived.
"Reyna! Reyna! We are here! You are safe now. It's ok."
Reyna seemed too delirious to comprehend a word of what he was saying. He took her hand and started rubbing it soothingly and muttering words of comfort to her.
"Jason?" Reyna asked.
Percy's voice froze in his throat. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear so badly. His mouth was wide open, unable to respond to her heart broken plea, when she slipped back into a fitful sleep.
Nico, who had been standing next to the bed, clambered onto it and lifted her head to pour some nectar into her mouth. Her color improved immediately but she didn't wake up. By the time they got some clothes on her and bundled her in all the blankets, bedcovers they could, it was almost dawn.
The tired heroes sandwiched her between them on top of Mrs. O'Leary and head back to the camp.
Will Solace threw a huge fit. Instantly, Percy and Nico were thrown out of the infirmary while the Children of Apollo tended to Reyna.
Nico and Percy sat outside, waiting to hear from Will before they headed back to their cabins.
"Why did she do that? Why was she lying down, in a t-shirt, in January? How could she not have realized how dangerous that was?"
"Percy, I think she knew what she was doing."
"Why? Because of Jason? Don't deny it. She was saying his name when she was delirious. She's smarter than that. How could she hurt herself for a boy?"
"He was also all she had."
Percy looked at the pained look on Nico's face. He was not just someone who knew Reyna and her pain. He knew that pain. He was not condemning her. He had silently understood and had no locus standi to criticize her actions even though they pained him so much.
Percy glared angrily into the valley. If Nico wanted to rationalize Reyna's attempt or whatever it was called, that was his problem. He wanted to yell at Reyna the second she was doing better and tell her that she did not need a man.
Will finally appeared in the doorway.
"How is she doing now?"
"She's completely stable. All traces of Hypothermia are gone. You both did a great job at first aid. There were some cracks in her ribs due to the CPR but we healed it with nectar. She'll be back to normal in a day. I'll send someone to call you when she wakes up."
Percy heaved a sigh of relief. Nico and Percy had left out the part of the whole episode being self-inflicted and it all seemed to be sailing smoothly at this point.
Nico, however, knew that the war was yet to be fought. Getting your heart broken was tough but living with a broken heart, sometimes, for years or even decades that was the really hard part. When you get it broken, there are friends and sympathy but when you endure that pain day after day, it takes away your will to live. Every day seems like a myriad of endless hurdles. Nico's heart went out to Reyna and hoped for her sake that she'd find someone else soon.
Jason was having a nice hearty lunch when he heard that Reyna was in the infirmary. He raced to see her when Percy stopped him from entering her room.
"Look man, I don't think it's the best time for you to go in there. Will is taking good care of her and Nico is comforting her a lot. I think that you showing up would make things a lot worse."
"What the fuck, Percy? Reyna and I have been best friends since we were toddlers. How the hell is Nico going to be of more help than me? How did she get hurt so badly in the first place? What exactly happened?"
Percy was not on board with Reyna's extreme measures to heartbreak but he did remember how vulnerable she was, when she was hanging between life and death, the one name on her lips was Jason. He did not understand why she did what she did but he knew that letting Jason in was going to make things a lot worse. He considered explaining everything to Jason but right then he could see Piper and Annabeth walk towards the Big House.
Jason was still ranting about how no one was telling him about what attacked Reyna when Percy knew that there was no freaking way that he was going to out Reyna. She would be so embarrassed and humiliated that Nico and Percy knew, forget Jason, Piper and Annabeth finding out. So, he firmly stood there, told them the story about a vengeful snow nymph and Nico shadow travelling her back here once he got her distress call.
"That still doesn't explain why you are not letting me see her!"
"Doctor's orders. What can I say? Will said only visitor while they give her a bath to warm her up"
"Nico is in there while the healers are giving her a bath? Why is he in there?"
"Piper, Reyna woke up briefly and asked for him to be there. Will was hesitant to let anyone in. Look why don't you all head back? Once Nico comes out, we'll know more. I'm just as clueless as you are right now." Percy lied smoothly. A little too smoothly perhaps. Annabeth was already looking at him with suspicion.
Jason and Piper walked away hand in hand. The topic was clearly not closed with Jason. He would be back soon. Hopefully, Nico would figure out a way to get Reyna out of here before Jason would somehow get through to meet her.
"What was all that about, Seaweed Brain?"
So, Percy sat down and explained everything to Annabeth. He told how worried he was when Reyna did not have a pulse. About how scared he was when he was pumping her heart. He told her about how sad he felt for her when she said Jason and he knew that Jason was having the time of his life with Piper and not sparing Reyna a second thought. He told her about how scared they were when they were coming back that they messed up somehow and hurt Reyna badly. He told her about how Nico seemed so calm and understanding about Reyna attempting this and how he was now worried about how often Nico thought about killing himself, if he hasn't tried already. He told her about how protective he felt when he saw Jason and Piper.
"It was not their fault but Jason did something bad right. Reyna did get hurt. Maybe he should have tried harder to remember her, like I had done for you. Would it have been right for me to leave you after Juno's memory trick? No. Because I love you and I promised to be with you and I would die before breaking that promise. Isn't that what love means? That you don't abandon them. Right?"
Annabeth listened to everything patiently with her lips slightly pursed. She did that more and more nowadays, Percy noted duly that the look suited his Wise Girl.
"You are right, Percy. Love is holding on when it's easier to let go."