Cold Sleep
Summary: The first time the Fire Nation attacks, Hama learns that humans aren't so different from her dolls. They break just as easily. And Hama learns that she's very good at doing that.
Pairings: None.
Warnings: Violence and death (burned bodies, mentions of boiling/freezing blood due to Bloodbending, the suffocation of an infant, the implied rape of Hama's mother, and Hama's eventual death), the abduction of Fire Nation villagers, coarse language, racism, isolation, and mental health issues. This is not a happy story.
A/N: Thanks to Somariel for the beta.
The first time the Fire Nation attacks, Hama learns that humans aren't so different from her dolls. They break just as easily. And Hama learns that she's very good at doing that.
After the battle, there are charred dolls lying on the ground. Hama steps on one, vaguely realizing that the tiger-whalebone comb in its hair looks like an exact replica of the one that her friend Leina wears. Then she goes somewhere private, crouches on the ground, and cries.
-x-
Mama has a new doll, one that she won't let Hama play with. She won't even let her touch it, keeps it all to herself. It's bigger than Hama's dolls, and softer too, and it makes noises. It mostly cries, but sometimes it coos and giggles.
Mama spends all her time with it, sings it songs, sometimes weeps. The new doll makes Mama sad. Mama's always been sad, since that man came and hurt her.
The doll stares up at her with golden-brown eyes. It blows bubbles with its saliva and grabs her finger with a chubby, too-pale hand. She stares at it for a long while, until her Mama comes in and shoos her away.
One day, Hama presses a blanket against its face and waits until its thrashing stops. Then she places the blanket back under it, strokes its smooth black hair and leaves.
-x-
At first, she's afraid that being withheld from water for so long is damaging her mentally. She's having bloody, violent, crazy thoughts, but then she realizes that this is a war, and she needs to do whatever she can to help her brothers and sisters.
Eventually, they all die, and Hama is left alone. Well, not completely alone; there are the rats. And it is here, in a stinking cage, with the moon shining down on her and the rats crowding around her, that she has an idea.
Hama plays with the rats.
It's fun, because she can make them do tricks: dance and jump, shake her hand.
She can make the guard do tricks too, but she settles for freezing the blood in his veins. He drops like a stone, and it is so much more amusing than her rats.
-x-
Hama knows that she's not that pretty.
Maybe she would have been, if things had turned out different. But she's too tired now, with deep lines on her face, and a too thin body, and unkempt, lackluster hair. A life of stress has caught up with her. She can't even convince herself to relax here in this small, quiet little town, because it's Fire Nation. Everywhere she turns, she's assaulted with garish red, forcefully reminding her that no matter how nice the people seem, they're still Fire Nation.
But it's more than that. It's the stupid Fire Nation man that keeps calling her pretty and winking at her in the marketplace.
He sends her fire lilies.
She draws the water from them and sends them back.
That doesn't deter him though, and he keeps talking to her and flirting with her. How can she show this Fire Nation scum that she's not interested?
And then she realizes.
The next time he offers to carry her groceries back form the marketplace, she accepts. She can see the surprise in his eyes, and then the happiness. He's like a little cat-puppy, eager and trusting. It's easy for her to convince him to come to her house the night of the full moon.
He is her first doll, and she plays with him until he breaks, then she finds a few other dolls. And then a few more, and then a few more.
-x-
Her trial is a sham, of course. Not that she'd expected much else from these Fire Nation scum, but she's surprised that she's even getting one. She knows that they wanted to kill her outright, as revenge. (She sneers. What would they know about revenge?)
She supposes that she should have seen this coming though; her protégée is quite soft-hearted – as Hama has learned the hard way – and had argued for a trial, protecting her from angry villagers while simultaneously condemning her.
So Hama gets her trial, though she doesn't actually get to testify on her own behalf. She's 'too dangerous,' so they've given her some kind of drug that keeps her disoriented, hampering her ability to Waterbend and clouding her senses.
When they find her guilty, she can't find the energy to care.
-x-
Hama's so tired of Waterbending. That's all she ever did as a child; she worked with water, she used it to cut and stab and drown and freeze. She doesn't want to Waterbend anymore. She just wants to play with her dolls. Maybe later, once Katara learns how, they can play together. They can treat their dolls any way they like, especially the Fire Nation ones.
Katara…
For some reason, the name tastes sour in her mouth, but she doesn't remember why. They've done something to her, these Fire Nation bastards, so that she can't feel, can't remember, can't think.
She's trapped in this body, and everything's blurred and muffled. She can feel the moon sometimes, but she's too far away to use its power. She's lost for days on end, drifting in a fog. She notices that this always happens after she eats. So she doesn't. As a result, for the first time since she's been here (wherever here is), she feels clear-headed. And she knows.
Katara's terrible betrayal cuts her deep, even as it makes her furious. Why would Katara do this to her? They're Water Tribe, and Water Tribe has to stick together, united against the Fire Nation swine!
But Katara knows the art now; she's tasted the power, and one day, she'll come back for more.
Congratulations, Katara; you're a Bloodbender.
She remembers laughing then (though really, it wasn't that funny), and she remembers Katara's tears. Hama realizes that she's the one laughing and crying right now, jerking against her chains while the Fire Nation bastards come and force her to the ground. She fights back, of course – she always fights back – but she's just a frail old woman, and there are too many of them.
A needle pricks her arm, and she can feel the poisonous liquid rushing through her veins and overpowering her mind. Her mouth is dry as cotton, he tongue swells, and all she wants is some water – please, just a drop, to feel on her tongue – and she's drifting away, and that's all she's unaware of anything else for a long time.
-x-
Sometimes she can hear one of the Fire Nation scum talking to her, cajoling her to eat. Like hell. She's going to make his job as difficult as possible, just to spite him, and maybe he'll lose that patient, kind mask he always wears, and kill her.
He feeds her by hand, spoonfuls of something that dribbles down her chin. She would be embarrassed, but she's used to this by now. She's spent a good portion of her life in captivity.
"I've got a Grandma your age," he says. If only he'd let his guard down, just for a moment, and then she'd show him just how much of a 'Grandma' she is. "I know you've done some awful things, but haven't we all? This is wartime, though that's really not a good excuse." Hama burns with fury. How dare he judge her? She just wants to…play...with her…dolls…
Hama can feel her thoughts becoming sluggish as the drugs begin to take effect, and the concept of Bending slips further and further out of her grasp. She can't remember…
-x-
She can't feel her body. There's nothing but her, alone, with the distant call of the moon, but she's too deep inside herself, and she can't reach up.
One day, there are noises, loud enough to penetrate the cloud that dulls her senses. A new group of prisoners is being moved through. These prisoners are special though. They're Water Tribe!
She peers hazily through the fog because there's something familiar about one of the men, in the curve of his jaw and the bridge of his nose, but she can't place where exactly she's seen him before.
And Hama tries to let him know that she's Water Tribe too, but the words get lost somewhere inside her throat, and all that comes from her numb lips is a low groan. She can't speak over her swollen tongue, and they walk by her without looking.
The chains are biting into her flesh, and she struggles desperately. She wants to curse at her tormentors, but the only things that come out of her mouth are garbled shrieks, then they come to subdue her again, and with the prick of a needle, she spirals away from reality.
-x-
Hama has finally learned the name of this place. The Boiling Rock…if she were free, she'd make their blood boil!
The brief moment of defiant fury costs her, and she sags in her chains. She's been feeling so tired lately. Sometimes she just wants to give up and let the weariness overcome her.
No, she can't think like that. She'll survive. She'll escape. She always does. She can get out of this. She's done it before, she'll do it again, and when she's out, no one will ever stop her from playing ever again.
But there's a pinch at the side of her arm, and now it's time to float away, and everything falls into white steam – no, it's not steam, it's snow! It must be snow, because it's so cold; the chill seeps into her bones and she can see her Tribe in the distance, laughing gathering around the fire like they always do. And Kanna's there, waving her forward, and Hama breaks into a run, because she's finally home. She's free, after all these years, she's home and now she's going to play forever.
A/N: Reviews are welcome!