She tried her best not to be afraid; after all, how could the dark Raven be afraid of anything?
Little did everyone else know she had many fears, and when one happened leaked through her defenses, it took over and swallowed her whole. She felt like she was drowning, as if a heavy weight was upon her chest, like the walls were closing in around her.
Not even her mantra could help her now. Nothing could eliminate this fear inside her, which showed just how intense of a fear it was, that was how much power it had over her.
She remembered those men touching her, and being afraid of them-only humans!
The irony of made it almost a laughable situation, except for the small fact that it wasn't remotely. Earlier that day she had been drugged, and when finally awoken found foul men leaning over her and leering at her like a piece of meat. Their hands were cold, with untrimmed fingernails that scraped across her skin as they dared to fondle her. Had the drugs not eliminated her powers she would have thrown them across the room, maybe even allowed her demon half take over to have a little fun with them.
The bruises and scrapes were still visible through her torn and battered uniform, and her powers had yet to return. They were reminders of the recent events that had taken place, of the violation of her body. Even though the wounds would heal, she would always have the memories of what those men did to her and how they forever changed her life.
She hit a nearby bookshelf, ignoring the sound of books falling to the floor and the stinging sensations that act of anger created on her hand. She felt dirty, a type of filthy that seemed like it would never be washed away, but it didn't hurt to try.
She stumbled into her bathroom, not even bothering to flick on the light, and avoiding the mirror. She peeled off her battered uniform and turned the water on its hottest setting before she stepped under its downpour. The water burned her skin and made her wounds throb, but she didn't change the temperature, instead she grabbed a plain bar of soap and began to scrub away.
She started with her arms, rubbing furiously at the dirt and blood caked there, using her nails to pry it away. Even after she had cleaned away every speck of filth she continued to scrub her skin raw, part of her hoping it would make the rest of her pain fade away.
Her skin began to turn pink, and soon lines of red were leaking through her now re-opened scratches and the small cuts her own nails had made during the scouring process. Her body burned, and the hot water continued to rain down on her. Cyborg had long ago devised a system that would ensure the residents of the tower would never run out of hot water, and at this moment she was extremely thankful for that.
She was so consumed with her scrubbing, that she didn't even notice the rap at her bathroom door.
When the Titans saved her, she told them in her best monotone that she wanted to be alone, and left for her room. So she never expected that someone would disturb her privacy after just a few minutes.
She didn't hear the person at the door calling her name either, she didn't even hear them when they opened the door and walked inside. It was Robin who found her huddled in the steaming shower, with her hands scratching at her skin, which unlike it's usually pallor, was blotches of pink and red from the heat and intense washing.
"Raven, what are you doing?"
She did hear that, and replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking a shower. I've only been in here for a few minutes; I don't see what the big deal is."
He reached over and turned the knob for the water, ceasing the spray, and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack and placed it over her huddled body.
"Try two hours. I was worried about you, and look at your skin, it's practically raw!"
Her emotional state was so shattered that she couldn't help the tears that fell down her face. Robin was used to her being the calm Titan, the one that was always rational, when he saw the tears he realized that this was much worse than anyone had thought.
"I just wanted to wash them off of me, "she cried, "They touched me everywhere, I just wanted to be clean!"
A wave of fury came over him, and all the pieces came together, "They touched you Raven? Like that?"
She nodded, still crying.
He helped her out of the shower and set her gently down on the floor, cradling her in his arms.
"I'm so sorry Raven, why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought I could handle it myself," she replied.
That was Raven, always stubborn and independent. Of course she didn't want to talk about that to anyone, she probably felt helpless.
He smoothed out her wet hair and hugged her closer, "You're not alone in this Raven, we're all here for you-"
"No! "she interrupted," I don't want them to know, please don't tell them."
He paused for a moment before nodding solemnly, "Of course."
They sat like that for a moment, together in a wet mass on her bathroom floor, with steam still filtering through the air.
"I'm scared," she admitted, sounding much like the young Raven he had saved during Trigon's release.
"I won't let them hurt you anymore."
She cried even harder, and realized that all he could do was hold her, whisper reassuring things in her ear, try to fix what they had broken.
He realized then that he would wait for her, no matter how long it took her to get over this, when she was ready he would tell her what he had recently discovered.
"I love you," he said to her now sleeping figure.
He would wait.