Hey y'all! This is my first fanfic for South Park! An unintentional Creek one-shot that's told in Craig's POV. I hope you all enjoy it. Who knows, there may be more one-shots for them to come around the corner!
Smoking was a disgusting habit. I still did it anyway. So, I guess by default that made me a pretty disgusting person, right? I guess so.
I once debated on whether or not I should switch to rolling my own cigarettes. They say it's supposed to be better for you, but that's not the reason why I thought about trying to learn to roll. Fuck the healthier option bullshit, we all know it doesn't make that much of a difference, be honest here. The main reason I debated switching was because it's pretty annoying when you buy a pack of cigarettes and seeing pictures of tarred up lungs and tongue cancer on the back of it. Thanks manufacturers, but no thanks, I'm pretty well aware of what smoking is doing to my body. You know what the fantastic part is? I still don't give a shit. I've taken your memo, so has everyone else in the god damn fucking world, you can stop with the pictures. The messages they write on the packets are just as annoying too, but you can choose to ignore them. Nothing screams attention more than two lungs shrivelled up and black.
The messages however, have evolved over time. While the pictures are redundant and usually stays the same, the messages desperately try to become more attention seeking. It's like the companies need to make some sort of disclaimer out of their cigarettes. Like, 'here, enjoy smoking, even though we want to disclaim the fact we're killing you we're still going to make these cancerous sticks anyway!' how thoughtful of them. However 'smoking kills' has somehow changed over time into 'smoking will harm your children'. I don't have children. Why the fuck should I care about my habit affecting these non-existent children of mine? Oh yeah. I forgot. I shouldn't. Props to you, companies out there, for trying though.
Tweek tells me I should give up on the tobacco. He doesn't sit there for hours on end lecturing me about it, he knows better than to do that – and he knows I wouldn't pay attention to him anyway. Apparently the smell makes him nauseous and sometimes triggers panic attacks or something. I personally think if he started smoking he wouldn't have any panic attacks to worry about. That, and sometimes I think he's just being over dramatic. He could really benefit from smoking though, it's an instant stress reliever. Just the thing that paranoid fuck needs. Side effects? What side effects. All that companies broadcast today is how smoking harms your children. He doesn't need to know about the lung tar and the cancer part. So all he needs to ask himself is if he has children or not. Don't have children? Fucking fantastic. Hop on board.
Eh, I was never really someone who was good with sarcasm. Tweek would still get a kick or two out of smoking though, I stand by that. That caffeine shit really doesn't do fuck all for him any more. Trust me, take it from someone who's seen him drink a strong cup of coffee twenty minutes before he passes out for bed. Kid's immune to that shit.
Clyde's different. Sometimes he'll take the hall pass out of lesson, or just skip altogether, to meet me around the back of the school to smoke. He started out of curiosity when he was around mine and had nothing better to do. Now he's hooked. Not my problem. Smoking is always better when you do it with someone else, though. Even if you never really talk about anything. Clyde and I sure as hell don't. He'll ask me for a cigarette, I'll borrow his lighter, and we sit there in peaceful silence as we inject cancer into our bodies. Cue the dramatic music and the long overdue monologue of how tragic our lives must be for doing that to our bodies.
I really should stop with this sarcasm business. It's not my thing.
Sometimes Token will join us, but that doesn't happen often. He's the kind of smoker who just does it socially and doesn't get hooked up on it, the lucky bastard. Says it's because if his parents ever so much as smelt smoke on his designer clothes or whatever, they'll cut his allowance down by half. Personally, I don't see what the problem is going from three hundred dollars a month to about a hundred and fifty. Then again, I'm not a rich kid, so I can't exactly sympathize with his stupid little rich kid problems. Eh, whatever, Token's still cool in my books. Plus he's someone to talk into buying me a pack of smokes when I'm down on cash for the rest of the month. A little bribing and a white lie promising that I'll pay him back one day goes a long way. He's not an idiot though. I'm sure he knows by now I'm never really going to pay him back. He still buys me cigarettes anyway when I ask,
The McCormick kid is worse than me when it comes to relying on other people to buy you a pack of smokes. That kid would probably probably sell his body if he was desperate enough for a smoke. It's tough being a poor kid with an expensive habit though, I'll give him that, so I try to be generous and give him one or two when he asks. Only if I have some to spare though, fuck wasting my last few on that bastard.
He usually hangs with Mash, Broflovski and that fat fuck Cartman, but when he wants to smoke he'll ditch them to come and chill with me and Clyde. He says it's because he can't smoke around them or something stupid like that, I wasn't really paying much attention when Clyde asked him to explain. It had something to do with Cartman ripping on him for enough things without having to add smoking to the list, and Marsh had told him if the second hand smoke clung to his clothes, his girlfriend Wendy would freak the fuck out. As for Broflovski, McCormick didn't really need to say much, it was pretty obvious why he couldn't smoke around him. Broflovski's mom is a fucking psychopath. If she found out her son was within twenty yards of someone smoking, she'd probably try and get a smoking ban passed in all of Colorado, and then if she had time, get on passed for the world.
So for that reason alone, McCormick was okay to smoke with us. If it meant that the risk Broflovski's mom passing a smoking ban on Colorado was lessened, then that's all the reasoning I needed.
Oh, and just to be clear, that wasn't sarcasm. The bitch is fucking mental. She'd do it if she had some reasoning behind it.
I guess McCormick is pretty cool though, compared to the other three dicks he usually spends his time with. Maybe if he didn't waste his time following around those three assholes, I'd probably consider him a friend, get in on that first name basis. Really, for the time being, he's just a smoking buddy, and by smoking buddy, I of course mean he fucking leeches off me for his fix the god damn scavenging bastard. Again, this isn't really news to anyone. His family is way more poor than even mine. My dad just lives off council tax ever since he got fired from his job and has been too lazy to find a new one. McCormick on the other hand lives dirt poor with two crack heads for parents. In all fairness, I don't even have that much of an excuse to rely on Token to buy me my cigarettes half of the time. I'm just an asshole
For an asshole, I'm pretty self aware.
My sister Ruby likes to tell me I'm an asshole a lot. I remember back years ago when she used to look up to me as her big brother, was kind of her idol in a way, pretty cute stuff. That was before I started smoking though, and before her vagina started bleeding the colour of her name and she turned into a raging hormonal lunatic. Kind of like Broflovski's mom. I've lost count of the times she's made snide, witty and smart ass comments at me and I've flipped her off in response. Then she freaks out on me and tells mom I swore at her. Mom just says to me 'Craig if you have nothing nice to say to your sister...'
Yeah, yeah. Don't say it, right? That's the thing. I never fucking say anything to her. I just flip her off, ignore her and then usually go outside and smoke. That's what annoys her the most, and it gives me an excuse to smoke, so it's a double win for me. I don't need to speak my mind with Ruby.
My mom's advice is pretty sound and solid, though. I don't really talk much to anyone other than Clyde, Tweek and Token – and sometimes McCormick too, obviously. Conversation and idle small talk with other people my age, or of any age for that matter, is bland and distasteful and leaves a bad taste in my mouth afterwards. A lot like what cigarettes do now that I think about it. Usually if I try to give my input or opinion on things, people get horrendously offended or I scare them off for being too intimidating and blunt. Personally, I think these people just need to grow a fucking back bone and maybe a pair of balls while they're at it. Until then, I'll stick to keeping my thoughts and my comments to myself and to Clyde, Tweek and Token.
You see, I have this reputation for being intimidating. It's really fucking annoying because it means anyone who I'm forced to talk to gets their panties in a twist trying to speak to me. Like I'm going to punch them in the face or rip off their balls or something, I don't fucking know. Clyde thinks I'm just bitter and my bitterness gets mistaken for anger and shit. Tweek thinks I was born looking scary. To that I say no shit, I came out of a vagina covered in blood and probably screaming the hospital down. Of course I came out looking scary. Token doesn't really have an opinion. He likes to stay neutral as often as he can. McCormick on the other hand thinks my mysterious, dark, angry persona is my selling point to pick up chicks. His words, not mine.
Apparently girls dig that kind of attitude. I don't know what sort of girl would dig a fine asshole, such as myself, who would choose to spend what little money they get on a pack of cigarettes over taking them on a date – but if those kind of girls exist, then I definitely don't want to attract them. If they're seriously delusional enough to think that a snarky ass bastard is sexy and alluring, then they have bigger issues to deal with that I really don't want any involvement with.
If I can be honest for a moment, I don't think I'm a bitter person. I don't have a lot to be bitter about. Apart from my dad being a lazy cunt, my sister being a hormonal sociopath, my mother being an oblivious emotional wreck and my dire smoking habit that will probably lead me to an early grave, my life was pretty damn fine. An average C grade student, an alright record of attendance, could do with some improvement here and there, a part time job at my best friend's coffee shop and hey, I just got a new pair of shoes yesterday. They were rubbing at my heel a bit today though. I'm probably going to get blisters or something. Oh well.
My life was dull and conventional, and I preferred it that way.
"C-Craig s...seriously, why the hell did you drag me out here!? Th-this is way too much pressure. Fuck!" Tweek hissed as he nervously glanced from one end of the building to the other. His teal eyes were frantic as they desperately danced from one end of the back of the school wall to the next. It was like he was expecting someone or something to just suddenly pop out at any moment. What an idiot.
Unfortunately, Clyde was absent. Sick with the flu or whatever lame bullshit excuse he gave his dad this morning to stay off of school. McCormick was...actually, I had no idea where the fuck McCormick was or what had happened to him. I hadn't seen him around for a few days. Probably dead for all I care. Token was in the middle of an in class exam, which meant he was not a candidate for smoking with either. That left me with one option, dragging Tweek out of class against his will to join me behind the back wall of the school for a smoke. He didn't really want to, and I really didn't care that he didn't want to. Over the years I'd been smoking, I developed a habit where if I was smoking by myself, I'd rush the cigarette and that just took the enjoyment out of smoking, really. So when all else fails, I'd drag Tweek with me. He'd complain a lot, but doesn't do much else, so I always assumed he'd just deal with it.
"Craig? Are you even listening to me!? Gah! Jesus fucking Christ Craig! Hurry up!" Tweek reached out and gripped the sleeve of my blue coat to hastily tug on it. I simply jerked my hand a couple of times to shake him off so I could take another drag of my cigarette.
"Here, you should take a drag or two. Maybe then you'll calm the fuck down," I rolled my eyes, not bothering to extend my arm over and offer the cigarette to Tweek. His answer was always the same. It'd be something along the lines of 'there's no way I'm touching that Craig!' and then he'd go on and ramble about some other nonsense. Same old. Same old. I've tried to pay attention to the things he goes on about in the past, and with the things he was coming out with? Believe me, I'd have bet my life savings he was taking some kind of drug.
As if on cue, he proceeded to freak out, "Craig just...ah! For the last time n-no! I'll probably choke a-and die!"
Such a drama queen. I rolled my eyes again, but this time, I kept my mouth shut.
Having Tweek around when I smoked did have its benefits. It meant there was always someone keeping a watchful, albeit paranoid eye out for a teacher or some other student that might be heading our way. It's not like I was worried about a teacher or a student catching my smoking, but Tweek worried. In a way, I kinda get the whole thing with the teachers, some of them are complete assholes and would smack me with a weeks detention if they caught me smoking. They'd probably throw Tweek in a couple of those detentions too just to prove a point. Some of the teachers are pretty chill, they'll tell me to put out the cigarette and head back to class and they'll pretend like they saw nothing. So I do, because they asked nicely, and so they have my respect.
The world would work a lot more smoothly if it just tried to earn my respect.
As for the students? I really had nothing to be intimidated by. I'm six foot two, taller than most of the teachers at this school, paired with a grade A asshole glare that puts other students on edge. Especially the freshmen. Sometimes when freshmen start walking in my direction and I look at them, they turn the fuck back around and go the other way. It's kind of funny and sad at the same time. Sad as in, they're really lame and they need to join the 'people who need a backbone if they thing Craig Tucker is intimidating' brigade. Sign ups start today.
The only people who really came behind the back of the school building during lessons were freshmen running duties for their teachers. Sometimes another smoker will come around the back and give you an appreciative and understanding nod, and then they'll go about their business. They don't have your back, fuck no, they'll bail if they can at the first sign of a teacher. I know I'd do the same. But they're not about to go and purposely get you into trouble either. A mutual respect and agreement. One that Tweek didn't really seem to understand. But Tweek doesn't really understand a lot of things, so it's not like that's a shocker or anything.
"Are you done yet?" Tweek asked impatiently in an overly loud whisper. I shook my head as I took a long drag from my half smoked cigarette. I wasn't prepared to rush for him either. I still had twenty minutes of this period to kill.
"C-can't you hurry it up Craig!?" his complaining sometimes irked me. Scratch that, it irked me a lot. More than it should. He should feel lucky that I was currently smoking a cigarette, meaning I wasn't as angry as I'd probably be if this was any other situation. I brought my hand down to my side and flicked some of the excess ash onto the snowy ground before looking over at Tweek.
He was short. Short compared to me anyway. I think he was about five foot ten? Nine maybe? Something like that. I don't carry around a measuring stick that I can just whip out when needed to make accurate measurements of people's height, so I couldn't really tell you how tall he was, y'know. His hair gave him a couple of inches extra height though. It stuck up everywhere in an uneven, untidy manner, all out of place and everything. I wonder if he ever thought about taming it for once? Probably not. 'Too much pressure' to get up a little earlier in the morning to sort his hair out. The way he let it stick up all over the place made him look like he was on crack. But I wasn't going to be the one to tell him that. Fuck trying to calm Tweek down from a panic attack if he was told that. No thank you.
"What's so great about smoking Craig!? It's...it's gross," Tweek wrinkled his nose in disgust. I blew out some smoke in his direction to prove a point. He just coughed a lot.
"Dunno. It's fun," I glanced down at him once last time before I looked away from him again.
"F-fun!? Bullshit!" Tweek protested. He leant up against the ice cold bricks of the school wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I watched him carefully out of the corner of my eyes. He began to frantically rub the sides of his arms in order to warm himself up, I guessed. It was his fault for not wearing a jacket is what I say.
Actually, why the fuck wasn't he wearing a jacket? Weirdo.
"You're missing out," I said whilst dropping more ash onto the floor. The snow ate it up immediately and it disappeared amongst the thousands of snowflakes coating up the ground. This small talk was making the cigarette less enjoyable, I noticed. Maybe I'd have another one once I finished this one to make up for this pointless small talk. Also to prove a point to Tweek.
I don't know what that point was though.
"On what!?" Tweek yelled this time. I winced in both disgust and annoyance. Seriously, if he kept this up we were definitely going to attract attention from somebody. Tweek really needed to learn how to keep his voice down.
This time, I decided to extend my arm towards Tweek with my cigarette on offer. The cigarette rested between my gloved fingers as my hand rested in the air in front of Tweek, "Just take a drag Tweek. It's not a fucking big deal. One drag is not going to kill you."
"Are...? That– J-Jesus Craig! Are you trying to peer pressure me or something!?" Tweek shoved my hand away from him and he took a couple of steps to the side away from me. I almost dropped my cigarette from the force of his shove. God dammit. Fuck you Tweek.
"Jesus...watch it Tweek. I almost dropped it. Calm the fuck down," although my voice kept its same dull, bland tone, the glare I shot Tweek spoke wonders otherwise. This time, I made sure to project my annoyance and growing anger as my icy blue eyes met his nervous, teal coloured ones.
Tweek let out a surprised noise that sounded something like a shriek, a yelp and a whisper mixed into one huge commodity. I couldn't really think of a word for the noise he just made, but a mixture of those three things best fitted the description of what it sounded like. He must've realized how weird it sounded, otherwise I really couldn't tell you why Tweek's cheeks turned a shade of deep pink as he turned his head away from me.
Eh, it could've been down to the cold, not that I think about it. It was pretty fucking cold out, and I still couldn't get over the fact Tweek wasn't wearing a fucking jacket. Why the fuck wasn't Tweek freezing to death? All he came out in was an unevenly buttoned up shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Shit was mental. Never mind his problems with paranoia, the kid was going to catch hypothermia at this rate. Or was it hyperthermia? Fuck if I know. I didn't grade well in Biology for a reason.
"Aren't you cold?" it was more of a statement than a question, as I gestured to Tweek's lack of attire. I had no idea why I was pursuing this idle small talk. When the conversation looks to the weather for a topic to talk about, you know you've hit a brick wall with the conversation and should just end it while you still can.
Tweek, however, just hmm'd in response to my question, before noticing that I was talking about the fact he was wearing nothing but a shirt and a pair of worn out jeans. I couldn't see what was on his feet, probably boots. Or at least I hoped for his sake he was wearing some weather appropriate shoes. He couldn't be that retarded.
"Oh...no. Not really...I don't know? Gah, Craig, stop asking all these questions dude! They hurt my head..." he muttered this time instead of projecting his voice all over the place. If he kept his voice at that level, at least we weren't going to draw in any unnecessary attention any more.
"You look it," I stated yet again before taking another drag of my cigarette.
"Well I...didn't really n-notice?" he really surprised me sometimes with how stupid he sounded.
I shrugged, "Suit yourself. Smoking could warm you up."
"C-Craig!"
"Whatever, it was worth trying."
Tweek didn't respond to me for a while after that, and I really did not mind in the slightest. Tweek had done his job of making a bit of small talk, and I had done my duty of making some small talk back, as much as it killed me deep inside to do so. Much like the cigarette was actually. That aside, that was enough conversation for me for today. In fact that was enough conversation to last me all week. Any more small talk and I probably would start unintentionally insulting people.
Actually, that's a lie. There would be some intention behind it.
It wasn't until a few minutes later when Tweek pipped up and broke the silence between us.
"F-fine! If it means you'll stop p-pressuring me Craig!"
It took me a moment to realize what the fuck he was going on about, and then it clicked. In all honesty, I was more than just a little surprised. Even though I spent a lot of my time jokingly nagging at Tweek to start smoking to relieve his stress levels, I was never actually completely serious about it. Well, maybe sometimes I was completely serious about it because I'm just an asshole like that. But Tweek could seriously do with smoking nicotine or something. Definitely not weed though. He had enough paranoia to deal with without the risk of that side effect.
I stared down at him through the gentle breeze of the soft, ice cold snowflakes that had begun to fall from the sky at some point or another. When had that started to happen? I didn't notice. Everything was always so god damn white and snowed up all the time it was hard to tell usually when it was snowing or not. Looking at Tweek however, gave the clues away. He stuck out against the snow like a sore thumb, and from the way the icy flakes were resting on the golden ends of his hair and the pink tip of his nose, it was a clear indicator that it was snowing.
"Sure, whatever, you know how to do it, right?" I raised an eyebrow at Tweek as I paid close attention to his immediate reaction. He was either going to lie about knowing how to smoke, or he was going to try and dance around the subject in some roundabout manner that would just end up frustrating me, and a manner that I had little patience for. The best way to know what Tweek is really thinking and feeling is to watch his immediate physical reactions carefully, and closely. The initial reactions gave more than enough away. His body language was able to speak wonders that he was never able to do.
That's what I liked best about Tweek. He didn't have to say a whole lot, or anything at all really, for me to understand him. The less talking, the better.
"I–" he began.
"Save it Tweek. Look, you just put the filter to your lips, breathe in but don't inhale it, alright? I don't want you coughing up shit and phlegm all over my new shoes."
"O-oh Jesus–!"
"Jesus fucking...here, just don't fucking inhale the smoke alright? You have to breathe it out after you take a drag," I sighed heavily. I already knew he was going to take it in completely and cough it back up. Tweek had already furrowed his eyebrows together manically, which mean he was already over analysing the whole thing. Fucking fantastic.
"Just...just give it here!" he grabbed the cigarette hurriedly from my fingers, almost dropping it into the snow as he snatched it away. I unintentionally let out a small growl under my breath. There were at least four or five more drags out of that cigarette. Dropping it into the snow and watching the wet, icy monstrosity eat away at a perfectly decent cigarette would've been a fucking waste. Also a perfect way to get me incredibly fucking pissed off.
I watched intently as Tweek stared at the end of the cigarette. It was actually kinda amusing to see his gaze turn slowly from morbid curiosity to that of horror and confusion. If you peered close enough to look into his teal eyes, you could see the little cog wheels in his head turning and twisting as he held the cigarette shakily in-between his middle and index finger. His bottom lip had curled inwards before he bit down on the inside of it, only to then firmly push his upped lip tightly against the exposed skin of his bottom lip. He didn't even have to say anything, it was completely obvious he was going over the instructions I gave him over and over and over again in his head until he was certain he could mentally go through the order of process without fucking it up. That's just how Tweek was. Practical and analytical, and that usually got the better of him.
Basically. Tweek doesn't really understand the concept of just doing something.
"Well?" I asked impatiently. Nervous eyes glanced up to meet my own ones before looking back at the cigarette again. I folded my arms in response to that and lightly tapped my gloved fingers against the backside of my upper arm.
"I-I'm just...give me a second Craig, fuck," Tweek replied. I could see his jaw tense up as he grit his teeth together. God he was so retarded sometimes.
"Dude, you just put it in your mouth and smoke. It's not AP Chemistry you're doing here," my dry sarcasm strikes again.
"Jesus fuck Craig! I know already! Christ, stop with all this pressure!" Tweek yelled again this time. I decided it was probably best to shut up for now. There was no use nor point in trying to rush Tweek, it's not like it was going to get me anywhere or him to take a drag of a fucking cigarette.
Tweek took a heavy, deep breath in before exhaling loudly. A misty cloud of smoke appeared in front of him as he exhaled, the heat of his breath meeting with the cold temperature in the air. Figures he'd try and practice like that at least before he went about and actually did it.
Within a split second, he shoved the cigarette against his lips and closed his eyes incredibly tight whilst he inhaled the smoke. It happened really quickly, so quickly in fact, it surprised me when Tweek suddenly threw the cigarette onto the snowy floor and coughed the smoke back up violently. With his ass resting against the bricks of the school wall, he leaned forward with the walls support as his hands reached under his shirt to grip his stomach furiously. He continued to cough while I continued to just stand and stare at the sight that was happening before me. I tried to register everything in order, piece by piece, making sure I didn't miss anything. I looked down at the snowy ground where the now wet and put out cigarette was letting off its smoky remains, buried within the snow that had put out the lit ash – and then I turned my attention back to Tweek, who was still profusely coughing.
"You wasted the rest of it," I groaned as my shoulders slumped a little. At least it meant I had an excuse for another one now.
"I-I'm dying Craig!" Tweek choked as he reared his head up to look at me. His teal eyes opened a little as a stream of tears ran down his face. He was gasping for air too to catch his breath. Call me a dick, an asshole, or whatever you'd like, but I found it to be kind of funny.
"I told you not to breathe it in all the way. You deaf or something Tweek?" I reached into my back pocket to take out my packet of cigarettes. This box was one of those boxes with a child staring off into the distance on the back and the words 'smoking will harm your children' sprawled out across the front. Typical. I was hardly surprised by this any more.
After catching his breath, Tweek managed to stand up with a wobble and let out a faint sigh. From the way his tongue began poking and prodding the inside of his cheeks in turn, it was obvious he was left with a bad after taste. His own fault. Should've listened to the advice I gave. God damn fucking idiot.
"Wanna try again? I'll help you out," I offered as a hint of a smirk grew on my lips. I don't usually smirk often, but I smirk more than I smile or grin. In fact, I don't think I ever smile or grin. My smirk replaces those visual gestures and portrays me as some evil looking bastard whenever I show emotion that isn't annoyance or anger.
Tweek frowned, "I said once Craig!"
"Don't be a pussy Tweek. You barely smoked it. You just inhaled and then gagged it back up," I protested.
"Isn't that the point!?" Tweek cried back, wiping some of the stray tears away from his eyes that he had missed from before. I almost felt bad for him.
"It'll be fine," I said before putting a new cigarette to my lips and lighting it up, "I'll help you out. Relax."
I could see Tweek's confused gaze out of the corner of my eyes.
"How the hell can you help me out? By putting me on life support!?" Tweek gripped the hair on his head and yanked it rather roughly in frustration. A calming mechanism of his. Looked kinda painful if you asked me. I'd much rather be smoking and risking lung cancer than yanking at my own hair to calm the fuck down.
I decided against replying. It was probably for the best that Tweek didn't know how I planned to assist him in smoking, or he'd have something else to freak out about. I wasn't prepared to be the one explaining to the paramedics why Tweek suddenly had a heart attack behind the school whilst I was smoking. Too much effort and baggage to deal with. This time, I made sure to at least get a few quick, but long lasting drags out of this cigarette. To hell with letting Tweek waste another perfectly good cigarette.
After three or four drags, I waved my hand towards Tweek, a motion for him to stay still in hopes that he would understand what I meant by just the waving of my hand. From his lack of movement or speech, I took it as my message being clear – and took a final drag from the cigarette.
I turned to Tweek, and I quickly placed my hands on his shoulders. The ash from my cigarette fell down and partially onto Tweek's shoulder, whilst the rest of the ash slipped away to behind Tweek and into the snowy void that lay waiting on the ground below next to Tweek's feet. As my gloved hands gently gripped Tweek's shoulders firmly, I could tell from the way he suddenly twitched in my grip I'd taken him by surprise. It's not like it mattered though. Anything could take Tweek by surprise, it doesn't take a whole lot to surprise him. Indirect mental insults aside, I shoved Tweek back up against the wall, making sure he was pressed firmly in place so he couldn't suddenly whack me or my cigarette away if he started choking on the smoke again. He'd have to learn one way or another.
Without warning, I took a small step towards the smaller boy, and leaned down to swiftly press my lips against his own.
It's not like it was a kiss or anything gay like that. Tweek and I might be best friends, and we may have been incredibly close, but we weren't the Marsh and Broflovski kind of best friends, or that kind of 'close' either. Fuck knows what kind of things those two get up to but I promise you, it isn't anything homosexual. Marsh could bag on about his girlfriend all he liked, it didn't cover up the fact there was something gay between him and Broflovski. This, however, what Tweek and I were doing wasn't anything like that. At least, that's what I had to convince myself with so I was able to teach Tweek to smoke this way, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to do this.
When I felt Tweek squirm against my tight grip on his shoulders, I quickly lifted my hand off of his right shoulder and slapped it lightly as a means to tell him to stop squirming. I wasn't about to choke on the smoke I currently had inside my mouth, burning my tongue up and drying it up too just because he couldn't stay still for a couple of seconds. He wriggled a little more, and so I slapped his shoulder again, only this time I did so harder. As soon as he decided to stay still, I could actually help him smoke. A win/win situation he was not grasping.
I pressed my body firmly up against Tweek's own. I felt one of the black buttons on my coat jacket tug and nip at the tiny buttons on Tweek's shirt as he continued to wriggle against me. I wanted to sigh, the only thing that was stopping me from doing so was the fact that if I did, the smoke would come out, and this would've been nothing but an awkward kiss. After a few more moments, Tweek stopped squirming, thank fuck. I felt him relax up against the wall behind him and his body slouch from under mine. I leant downwards a little more to ensure our lips stayed connected, whilst his hands found their way to tug on my blue coat to give himself extra support. For a moment, I swore I felt his lips move against mine, as though he was kissing me, but pushed that thought straight out of my head and brushed the notion away. Like hell Tweek was kissing me.
Tweek remained still and slightly responsive for a while, before he finally parted his lips, to which I let out a heavy, well deserved sigh. Breathing the smoke into his mouth, I cupped my own open mouth around his to ensure all of the smoke passed into Tweek's mouth. Obviously surprised, I felt Tweek's tongue suddenly dart out and brush against my upper and bottom lips in jerked, uneven motions as he breathed some of the smoke back into my mouth too. Before pulling away, I heard him let out that god forsaken undefinable noise again against my lips.
I let go of his shoulders and pulled back, wiping my mouth with the back of my coat sleeve afterwards.
I watched Tweek as he inhaled the rest of the smoke and shakily let it back out afterwards, managing to grasp what he's actually supposed to do this time. He escaped unscathed, this time only with a light, throaty cough instead of toppling over his own body and wheezing his guts out like an idiot.
I guess that trick did work after all.
"W-what the hell was that Craig?" Tweek asked while breathing heavily. It was his turn to wipe his mouth with the back of his exposed forearm.
"Helping you smoke," I said simply, dropping the excess ash of the cigarette off onto the floor before taking another drag.
Fuck, I needed that.
"Dude that was–! Y-you kissed me!" he protested. I winced and then sighed.
"If that was a kiss I'd be disappointed in myself. Passing the smoke mouth to mouth takes the edge off it, s'not as harsh," I explained briefly. It's not like it was rocket science or anything, people did this sort of thing all the time.
Tweek didn't protest. He looked away, a bit flustered actually. I pinned it down to the cold again.
"...you're such an asshole sometimes Craig, J-Jesus," Tweek muttered as he folded his arms, his cheeks still red.
"What did I do?" I smirked.
"Just...you...gah! Craig don't do that again without telling me first! Jesus Christ!" Tweek proclaimed. He threw his hands down by his side in protest.
"Whatever," I shrugged whilst leaning back against the wall again. I propped a foot up against the wall whilst I extended the other one out to full length in front of me.
There was a brief moment of silence before Tweek pipped up again.
"Can I...oh fuck, um, try smoking it by myself?" he asked. I cocked up one of my eyebrows as I turned my head to the side to look at Tweek.
"Sure," I say, handing over the cigarette, "Just don't fucking throw it into the snow if you gag on the smoke again. I won't have money for another pack until the end of this week."
Tweek didn't bother to reply to me. He just nodded and took the cigarette from my grasp, a little more carefully this time. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets after he took the cigarette from me. The cold had started to nip through the cotton of my gloves and also through the tiny air holes in my coat. God fuck, how Tweek was not freezing his ass off in this weather with what he had on was beyond me. Like, seriously? It wasn't even like he was warm to the touch either, unlike Clyde who was a human radiator. I certainly won't be to blame if he ends up freezing to death. Not my problem.
I paid little attention to Tweek this time, thinking that watching him would probably make him nervous or something, and I was not prepared to lose another fucking cigarette to his incompetence. No fucking way. Instead I turned my attention to the bleak, overcast sky to watch the tiny snowflakes fall impatiently. Did it really take that long to take a drag from a cigarette? Or was I just an incredibly impatient person?
And then it happened.
The next thing I knew, two unsteady hands had gripped the front of my blue button up coat and yanked me down to the level of the perpetrator. In the swiftness and the force of the moment, my blue chullo slipped off of my head and down onto the floor behind me. My eyebrows wrinkled together and my lips parted as a means to say something, only to be interrupted by a familiar pair of lips covering my own clumsily and hastily. The skin of their lips was cold, chapped, and slightly wet, and they pushed and moved against my own with extreme inexperience and haste to boot. For a moment, I could've sworn this was a kiss of some kind, and was ready to shove Tweek off of me in protest, until I felt a heavy breath of smoke suddenly forced down the back of my throat.
I shoved the other away and rested my hands on my knees, leaning back against the wall for physical and somewhat emotional support as I coughed the smoke back up. The back of my throat burned and my tongue dried up immediately from the bitter, disgusting taste. That little...ugh. Fuck.
I opened my eyes to glare up at Tweek, who stood before me with a nervous smile on his face. His eyes, however, told a different story.
"God dammit Tweek. You're going to pay for that," I promised.
He said nothing, instead, he extended his arm out to hand me the cigarette.
I paused for a moment, surprised at his response. Then it hit me, and I smirked for the both of us.
Who knew smoking breaks could be turned into something fun.
Thirteen pages later! Phew.
Reviews are appreciated~ thank you for reading! Hope you all enjoyed it.