Cupid's Arrow
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter nor it's characters nor am I making any money off of this.
I never imagined it would come to this and yet I can't help these feelings that are inevitably taking a hold of my heart.
I like him. I really like him.
No, I am not in love with him; I hardly know him. However, there is definitely something different in the way I think about him. The usual mental denials, which were present in the beginning, have suddenly vanished like a stain of breath upon a mirror.
I wonder if he felt the shift too.
There are days when I'm itching to ask if he cares for me, thus ending the constant torture of thoughts tossing back and forth, always wondering, but never knowing the answer.
On the other hand, I don't want to ask him. I'm afraid…afraid that if I have indeed read too much into his actions than it'll ruin our friendship.
I don't know what to do. He is constantly on my mind. I really care about him. Every time we are together, I'm piecing together the tiny fragments of what makes him, James Potter, and yet I don't know him.
Looking down the road, I have no idea where our paths will take us, whether we'll become boyfriend and girlfriend or if some unforeseen action will separate us, only to reunite us later in life. I have no way of knowing.
Although I care for him, unshakable fears frequently haunt my mind, casting doubt and uncertainty. Where are James and I similar? If he and I were to date and later get married, would we be suited for each other? Sure, we enjoy each other's company and goodness knows we can talk about anything for a long stretch of time, but do we share any similar interests? (Besides being witches and attending Hogwarts!)
The other fear is of getting hurt. The last guy, who I seriously liked, ended up defrauding me. Thinking back, I realized it would never have worked out between us, but that night still bruised my heart. Truth be told, I'm afraid if James and I do get together and we don't work out, the tear in my heart will cut deeper. I, unlike other girls my age, don't want to bounce around from one temporary relationship to the next. I want one, which will last. I don't want it to begin as "a harmless fun and innocent relationship" only to fade after time because neither one of us no longer feels the same.
I want a guy to be with me for me, not just my looks. I want the relationship to be based upon something stronger, deeper, and everlasting.
Although things are progressing slowly between him and I (I received my first hug from him, even if I did initiate it), I still don't want to rush into anything without caution. Maybe I'm being too cautious or am I?
Although my brother assured me he's confident that James likes me too, he advised me not to ask him until after we go to Hogsmeade this weekend.
But I'm scared—I just don't want to get hurt again.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Obviously the character POV is Lily; this Oneshot, taking place after she and James become friends, is my take on how Lily dealt with her emotions towards James.
Quick question, can anyone tell me James's middle name? I for the life of me can't remember.
Please read and review. I always enjoy hearing what others have to say about my word and constructive criticism is always welcome.