The Missing Becomes Found
Book 4 Lord of Tarc
By Ryuu no Okaasan
Prologue
Ilena looked north in horror. The words coming into her ears from the line of Children in Tarc were telling her things she did not want to be hearing. They'd planned long and hard, even for another day and a half just before. Obi had gone into the Lord of Tarc's tents, bravely facing this hurdle that was necessary, Petroi and Thayne at his side, Justinian and the P'rathna behind him to watch and serve. Not only could Ilena not go into Tarc yet, she couldn't even look at the tents of the Lord of Tarc from a distance. Her life was forfeit if she did. But Obi was there and the words coming to her ears were that Obi and his men had been overpowered. The Lord of Tarc had understood who he was to her and had turned the knife, taking Obi from her. It was yet another taunt, another lesson that she would never have what the Lord of Tarc didn't give and then take from her himself.
As Ilena sank to her knees, the tears were streaming from her eyes. She wasn't seeing through them anyway. She was seeing what the words were telling her. Seeing only her beloved and her Sons. When the words finally released her, her wails split the air, her cries for the man who she would never see again unheard by his ears deafened by death.
CHAPTER 1 Ilena's Shield
The door slammed open. "Liam! Liam! Come quickly!"
Liam was up and out of his bed already, running now the door was open. He could hear her from his room.
"OBI! OBI!" Her heart rending cries pierced everyone in the hall, and it was worse in her room. She was always careful to keep her voice quiet. She knew it was a weapon. But tonight she was not comprehending, not sane. Those trying to help her in the room were hampered by their instinctive reaction to cover their ears. She'd trained all those ears to be extra sensitive, after all, and this was excruciating to them. Liam waved them all out and they fled gratefully, closing the door behind them.
Liam climbed on her bed and pulled her into his arms, cradling her head in his chest to muffle the cries just enough to not deafen him either. He was also careful to put one of her ears on his chest where she could hear him. He began to sing. It never mattered what he sang. It was the tones she needed. He chose to sing the words she needed to hear, though. He sang to her of her dreams - that they were nightmares, not reality. He sang to her of Master Obi's love. And most of all, he sang of the surety of Obi living for her. That he was not dead. He sang the words over and over until she calmed enough he could switch to humming.
When Liam hummed, she would calm deeply enough to be entranced. He'd learned it by accident the first day he'd seen her again, the day she'd come to reclaim him twenty years after he'd seen her the first time. She'd come to him soaking wet. Walking through his woodland prison, caught in the rain, she'd sought out his hut for shelter and slept with his mule. In the morning she'd moved into his house and dried off herself and her blanket. He was used to it...well having people seek his house for refuge, but not having them do it fearlessly. He'd come back in from taking care of his mule, Polly, to see if she'd stayed and to get breakfast on. She was sitting in front of the fire on his chair, drying her blanket and herself, unplaiting her long black hair that was as wet as her blanket.
This strange woman had suddenly asked him if he hummed. He'd been surprised and, for some reason, humored. She'd frozen as if she'd suddenly realized she'd asked the question aloud. He went back to his chores until she relaxed at not being taken to task for asking such a thing. Then, because he'd wondered why she'd asked it, he did begin to hum. It was something that he caught himself doing occasionally to keep himself company, so it came easily enough. When he was done with his morning chores, he'd stopped and looked at her. She was still working on her hair. It looked difficult. He'd felt sorry for her, sorrier he didn't have a brush. Picking up his comb, he'd gone and offered it to her.
He'd not received a response. That had been interesting and from what little he did know about her, probably not normal. He'd experimented, though lightly. He didn't want to startle her. No light to medium sound made it to her. Finally, he put the comb in front of her eyes, and slowly moved it towards her eyes to see how far out she was seeing. She noticed it when it was about two hand widths from her eyes, and she'd been slow to return to the present, finally saying only, "Thank you," taking it, and returning to her hair. Shortly after that he'd leaned against the wall to see if she'd pay attention to him if he stared at her, or if she was still gone. She hadn't been. Instead, she'd turned those eyes of hers, dark golden brown, onto him and she'd judged him from bottom to top. When her eyes caught onto his, he'd lost the air in his lungs and nearly given himself away by bowing to her commanding look. He'd been lucky she'd let him go before he did. He held still until her inspection was done. She'd released him to tend to the breakfast then, but the strange morning wasn't over.
They'd had breakfast outside at her request. He'd learned since that it was because she couldn't be in small rooms very long. She'd not wanted to know why he kept a light on in his window all night and the fire going in the fireplace. She'd already guessed it. She wanted to know who had told him to do it. No one ever asked that question. He'd answered it, and she'd told him that he already knew her, later letting him know she already knew him and why he was there. He'd run from her then. It was that or kill her and he wasn't allowed to do that, by express order. Anyone who came to his house for protection and slept and spoke to him was to be let go unharmed. He was to tell his contact with the King exactly what happened and where they went so that his obedience could be tested. His punishment was to atone for the sins of his whole family in their generations, by not killing anyone. They had been master assassins that had angered the previous king and he was the only one who'd been left behind - at the time the youngest and the heir.
She'd told him that she was the one who had wanted him just after his house had been destroyed by the king. That she had been the five year old princess who ran her King Uncle's house for the nearly month they had been there to visit for the Second Prince's birth celebration. The one who had teased the First Prince, a few years her senior, then run to hide behind his legs as he stood for the first part of the family penance, watching over them both without moving. He was to protect them, but not touch them. When she would hide behind him, though, she would wrap her arms around him and that got him into as much trouble as she got into for teasing her older cousin. Still, he couldn't be angry at her. She was the only thing in the castle that trusted him.
Then, a few days before they were to return to Selicia, she'd asked her father for him. Her father, the Third Prince of Selicia had asked ever so nicely if he could take the lad for his daughter since she'd taken a fancy to him. The King of Clarines had refused. Liam, though that wasn't his name back then, still had to pay the price set by the King. It hadn't been explained, of course, and the Third Prince had graciously moved on. The little princess had another idea. She began to cry. When that didn't work, she wheedled, then begged, then finally wailed and thrown a full tantrum. The King of Clarines had removed Liam from the room and not allowed him to see the little princess again. Liam had been touched by the princess's determination to have him, not even knowing who or what he was, and he'd wished he could go with her. To have her show up, suddenly, twenty years later, in his prison and announce calmly that she still wanted him, and that she was going to take him and then find out if it was okay had shaken him to the core. Only Obi had seen that, though.
When they'd finally reached their destination, Liam had learned more things about Princess Ilena that shocked him, though he'd already learned to go with her flow in their two days of walking through the woods. Nothing had shocked him more than to hear the words that freed him from his prison and gave him to her, followed by her pronouncement that he had a new name, Liam Melick, freeing him from his past and making him Obi's brother. When she'd asked for his heart, not just his person, he hadn't comprehended. She'd already had it years before. He'd had to tell her though before she believed it and would relax.
In addition, he'd been surprised to learn that he was joining a brother in more than name. He was joining a brother in form as well. Obi Melick didn't start life with that name either. And he'd come from a house just as terrible as Liam's. Obi's original house was violent and, until the most recent generations, had hidden their evil works well. How could anything good come out of that house? Or even his? They'd both asked her and her response had floored them both, tying them to her even more. She'd seen their true selves in how they'd treated her at the age of five and she'd claimed them both then. Now she'd come to retrieve them: Obi, her sword and husband, and Liam, her shield and protection. Liam had been retrieved just in time. In this place Liam was not her shield against blade or foe. He was her shield against insanity and fear. He was giving himself wholeheartedly to that position, trying to help her beat it back nightly.
Five days after Liam had been brought to join them, Obi went into Tarc to begin to fulfill the promise he and the Regent, Zen Wisteria, the younger cousin she had come to see at his birth celebration, had made to her to free her from the Lord of Tarc, who had killed her family in Selicia and taken her for his own. That was a long story in itself and he'd been told it by someone other than her. She didn't like telling it, they said, but she'd told them to tell him because he needed to know. She'd lived a life like no other in those twenty years. Steward of an earldom - not just any earldom but Obi's family's earldom - from the age of seventeen, Queen of Knight - the head of the most well known night House in Wilant for the last fifteen years, Director of Intelligence of the Regent and 'Mother' - the head of an extensive intelligence network that extended in detail through Wilant, northern Clarines, Selicia, Tarc and beyond, all set up to take out the Lord of Tarc and free her from his clutches. The Lord of Tarc had pushed her to be taken by Obi and Regent Zen as the prelude to his coming to take over Wilant for himself, and her own plans had begun to unfold in reaction. Finding Liam had been her last piece of the preparation for her.
But this, holding her and singing to her, had not been an expected part of his job duties. At least he didn't think so. He'd never hummed to her as a youngster. He thought he'd never talked to her either, but she'd said she recognized his voice. The nightmares were getting worse the farther Obi got into the clans. She'd talked to Liam about this, as they'd walked from his prison to his freedom. She'd called it the gap between planning and reality. She could put into place all the plans she wanted and the Lord of Tarc would easily crush them just at the time he knew it would cause her the most distress, delighting in her agony. It had happened so many times now, Liam had been told by her staff, that the Lord of Tarc didn't need to do anything. Just the movement for her to start acting would bring on the nightmares. They'd never seen them this terrible, though, and they were refusing to let Obi know about them.
They believed Obi would come back for her, and the plan couldn't afford that. It was a very tight schedule and the plan had to work just right. That was, if they didn't want the war to be bloody. If it didn't work, they'd just go to the fall-back plan of actual war - swords, blood, and all. What Obi, the Regent, and Ilena were attempting was as peaceful a solution as possible to getting rid of the Lord of Tarc and his influence. Ilena herself had set it up and wanted it, but the doing of it was torture for her, literally.
Only Liam's voice was able to calm her when the terror brought on by her nightmares overwhelmed her. He'd tried it the first time based on that accidental discovery, when nothing anyone did worked, and had been surprised when it worked. None of the others had been and they had begged him to continue. They came to him now immediately. They'd been coming just as the terrors came on until tonight. No one wanted the screams to really start. He wondered what had happened this night.
Ilena's eyes flew open and she clutched at his arm. Her head jerked up and she looked into his face, her eyes still full of terror. "Mistress Ilena," he said, "it was a nightmare. It isn't real. Master Obi is alive. He spoke with you this evening and he is well." This was also new, that she wasn't going from night terror to trance to return to sleep.
Ilena shook her head rapidly. "I-I have to talk to him. To know."
Liam nodded. "Okay. But first you have to calm down. Regent Zen has ordered that you can't let him know about the nightmares. If you're too panicked in your speaking he'll suspect it. It's okay to say you had a bad dream and just wanted to check up on him, but it must be said calmly." He went back to humming quietly to help her get there, to the place she needed to be so she could talk to Obi using the intelligence network's coded language she'd created, sent along from one Agent to another until it reached the intended ears. In this way they could communicate quickly across long distances.
She and Obi communicated this way every evening before dinner, exchanging Department business, confirming plans, and expressing love. Without it they wouldn't be able to be apart at all, he'd been told. She would have followed him into Tarc secretly and stayed by him, particularly once the nightmares started. Those conversations and Liam held her here, in the garrison closest to the border with Regent Zen until it was time for them to also enter Tarc. She had others who helped, but if Liam weren't here at night she wouldn't have stayed. It was hard to help her stay sane. That hurt all of them the most. It was a relief that she was capable during the day. She was extremely busy and needed at the garrison with the preparations and training, particularly of the members of her House who would be going with them.
Marcus, Ilena's fourth knight, opened the door and poked his head in. He was the next person who could handle Ilena in these states, particularly once she started calming. "What happened?" Liam interrupted his humming long enough to ask. He put a hand over her free ear so she would hear his humming better than the conversation, though she heard the best of anyone, even through three walls if she wanted.
"It came on too suddenly. She was laying still, then suddenly she was screaming." Marcus was still shaken, it looked like. He'd been the one on duty then, to watch for the nightmare to come on. He and his partner, Henry, split the duty. They followed at her back and had been with her many years now, they said. She called them the Twins, and they liked that, having been partners since she'd put them together in Lyrias as lads on the street with no other family to care for them other than each other and her, until they'd discovered the rest of her Family, the network. They'd worked hard to be her 'favorites' until they had risen to the top and joined the top level of her network, the 'Immediate Family', as Third Son and Fourth Son.
Eldest Son and Second Son walked at Obi's back and were in Tarc with him now. Eldest Son was Petroi, the man who was her guard since she was old enough to walk and who'd come out of Selicia with her, bringing her and her nurse safely - until they reached Tarc anyway. He'd been a youth then and hadn't been able to protect her the way a man could have. He'd found forgiveness through Regent Zen and some level of inner peace, they said, but he would be exacting his mistress's vengeance from the Lord of Tarc once he was taken prisoner, making him pay for all that Petroi had not been able to prevent. Second Son was Thayne, one of Ilena's Children Obi had picked to walk at his back - relaxed and of a similar personality and temperament to Obi and Marcus. Together the First and Second Sons made a good pair...and they were both the second highest in the House of the Queen, her Messengers, Obi being King and Consort.
"Was there anything different during the day?" Liam wasn't always with her during the day since he had his own lessons and duties away from her for now, until he also was fit into the network.
Marcus turned his head to look out the door, then moved into the room and Henry followed him in, closing the door behind him. Henry answered, soberly, "Obi's in the tent of a potential enemy tonight."
Liam nodded. That would do it. "He's reached the third one, then?" Henry and Marcus nodded. The first one had been a staunch ally of Ilena's and Obi had stayed two nights to be trained in how to behave properly as a clansman of Tarc in the tents of others. Ilena had dreamed then, but not this badly, knowing they were helping her. Three nights later, Obi had been in his first clan without help, other than his men, the Children in that clan, and the words of advice from the Tarc advisor to the Regent. Ilena had a bad nightmare that night, though they knew that clan was somewhere between neutral and wishing the Lord of Tarc would go away. If he was in the tent of an enemy tonight, she would already be terrified when she fell asleep.
Liam sighed. "I'm hoping that when all goes well with each one and he continues to survive them that the terrors will subside. With each one we pass, she walks closer to her goal and I believe will be able to find strength to overcome this." The Twins looked at each other. They didn't need to say it. They all knew that when Obi went to the Lord of Tarc's tents for real, Ilena would break, for at least that many nights and days, needing to hear from Obi himself that he was still alive afterwards. They were trying desperately to come up with a plan that would let her keep her mind. Liam knew the answer and he suspected they all did, but Regent Zen was difficult to approach at this time. He was missing his wife, his third knight and aide who kept him cheerful and whom he was worried about almost as much as Ilena, and was not dealing well with Ilena - his beloved cousin and adopted sister - losing her mind. His own personal knights, Mitsuhide and Kiki, were holding him together, barely it seemed sometimes. He was at least certainly leaning on them heavily.
In thinking that, Liam had another thought. "Henry," he said in his quiet voice that was his natural volume, "when Mistress Ilena is calm, Marcus and I'll take her to go and talk with Master Obi. Will you please bring Mister Mitsuhide to us there? It may help to have Miss Kiki also, but I don't want to disturb both of them if we can help it."
Henry nodded. He looked at Ilena's state a moment longer, making sure she was calming. His position was also to keep her calm and restrained, after all. When he was satisfied, he nodded again at Liam to let him know she was close, then left the room.
Liam tipped Ilena's head up to make her look at him in the eyes. He looked at her with his 'normal' expression, trained by long years of practice: a mask of calm, underlaid with friendliness and kindness. The perfect mask for a house of master assassins. She knew what he had come from and didn't care. She trusted him implicitly. He was resolved to never fail her in that. It was a face that helped her settle, finding the calm within herself. Gradually, she began to breathe deeper breaths and her eyes cleared, though fear still tremored through them. That would not go away likely until she talked to Obi. "Once more, Mistress Ilena. One more breath," he encouraged her.
Ilena closed her eyes, shuddered, then took one more deep breath and let it out, opening her eyes again to look him in the eyes. He fought to keep the sad pride out of them, to keep them open and calm. She was so deep that she called to the hidden deep emotions he kept locked away from the world. Before he'd left, Obi had a long talk with him. Obi also had deep emotions he kept locked and hidden. His family curse was rage and Obi had spent many years of his youth learning to control that rage in himself. But Ilena was in those depths also, so had shaken him many times until he'd learned the strength it took to support her without being lost to her and all the emotions buried there. It was from that place Obi saw into Liam and understood what was deeply buried and no one else saw.
Obi had warned him that when Liam took his place as Ilena's handler that he would be tested like he'd never been tested before. Liam suspected Obi had told him things Obi had never told anyone, all for the sake of his wife, who was unique and had needs like no other person. This need to receive strength and calm from without when she was broken inside was one of them. The person offering the calm and strength she needed would have the full depth of their capacity plumbed. Shallow people would be eaten. Liam had wondered if this was another reason she'd chosen them - if she'd instinctively understood at the age of five how deep she ran and how deep the people she would rely on had to be.
When Ilena nodded, Liam tested her, looking to see that she stayed calm and patient. When he was satisfied, he nodded and helped her sit up. Marcus came then and helped her to the edge of the bed while Liam scooted off the bed. While Marcus put Ilena's shoes on her, and found her a cloak to wear in the cool fall mountain night air, Liam slipped back to his room for the same, since he'd come from sleep himself.
He'd been told that she had a maid, and the nurse still, but they weren't here. Regent Zen hadn't wanted to put the non-combatants in jeopardy, so they'd been sent to Obi's barony, Falcon's Hollow, to make it look like Ilena was hiding from the Lord of Tarc, should he win this first round and chase them back into Wilant to bring war to the region itself. The court lords of Wilant had wanted to know how the Regent would care for the region if the plan failed and he fell in battle. His wife, First Princess Shirayuki, was at Wilant Castle, running the region's day to day affairs while Zen was here on the front line. She would lead if the castle became besieged, or the Tarc initiative overthrown. Ilena, the Second Princess, was supposed to be in hiding at a third place so that if the castle fell, there would still be royalty to lead the lords and the people in the defense of Wilant, and to rule when peace was restored.
She'd been walking through Liam's woods to hide from the eyes of those lords that she wasn't going to be in a separate hiding location. All of her Children knew she was here, and many of the soldiers who would be going north with them. The King even knew it. She was here because as part of freeing her from the Lord of Tarc, she had to go and confront him herself. It would take all three, Regent Zen, Obi, and Ilena, all being present at the yearly market and clan council, the Marluk'nak', to convince the clans of Tarc that she should be freed from the Lord of Tarc, and that the Lord of Tarc should be made to pay for his hubris and sins. If the clans could be convinced in the clan council, there would be a peaceful ending. If the Lord of Tarc convinced the clans otherwise, he would bring all of the fighting men of Tarc against Wilant - a force that had whittled down Obi's ancestors, the original kings of Wilant, and made them finally submit and bow their heads to Clarines, their south neighbor, and willingly become a vassal state in exchange for protection from the clans of Tarc. Everyone was working very hard for the peaceful solution, and Ilena was an important piece that couldn't be holed up in a safe-house waiting it out for it to happen.
Even though Ilena had calmed, she still shivered and tensed when they made it outside. It could have been the cool air, but Liam didn't think so. He looked at Marcus. "Please call Master Obi," he said. Even if Ilena didn't talk at all, hearing from him was what she needed. Liam was only just learning to hear the sounds and distinguish them. He still had no idea what they meant, though when he was with them, he sometimes had a clue, like tonight. He knew that Marcus had said, Ilena to Obi. Are you awake?, or some such thing.
Liam stood in front of Ilena, holding onto her hand, the one not clutching the cloak around her. Regent Zen called her his falcon, and Obi had told Liam that when she wasn't doing well, his hand would be her perch and he wasn't to let go, only to let her let go when she was ready. He needed to be where he could keep her eyes focused on his as much as possible, and watch her expression to see she wasn't going to fold again. Marcus, after sending his message, stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her while standing steady and firm behind her. Obi had told him also: when she needs to calm quickly, or becomes confused, hood her by putting your hand in front of her eyes; when she needs comfort, place the back of your hand lightly on her opposite cheek and let her hide her eyes if she needs to; rub her head to reward her. Henry and Marcus had taught him this one, though. When she wants to fly and run away and shouldn't, hold her like you've trussed her, firmly but gently. The external restraint will help her calm inside enough she can think and not worry about where her body will go or what it will do. This was particularly important because she was a master assassin herself, by Liam's standards, and was so fast that she would escape before anyone could know it had happened. Sometimes just having two of them stand next to her was enough, but when she was also frightened it took one of them doing this.
Liam all of a sudden realized he'd slipped and let his sorrow out. Ilena was looking at him, now that she was trussed, with compassion and the hand holding his pressed his hand. "Thank you, Liam," she said softly. Then she gripped his hand more tightly. "Liam, it isn't the time, but I haven't cleaned your past emotions out yet. It will help you. You've been wavering more frequently. I can see it will come out on it's own soon anyway, if I don't help you. Please, it will be less painful and random if I'm with you." Her eyes were looking into his pleadingly. He knew she needed him strong and he was ashamed he'd shown her weakness.
He bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Mistress Ilena." Ilena was instantly angry and it surprised him, but she was brought up short by the return message from Obi.
Obi to Ilena. I'm here. Ilena's nonexistent falcon's ears pricked up and she stared into the north, trembling slightly, standing stiffly in Marcus' arms. At Marcus' widened worried eyes, Liam began to hum softly. I am well. Please do not worry about me so. You've promised to trust in your partner. I won't leave you. The messages tended to be long, the sender putting as much as they could guess needed to be heard into them because they took long to transmit.
Ilena's eyes closed and her head dropped. I'm sorry, Obi. It was a bad dream and I couldn't rest until I heard your voice. I know that you'll be well and I'll come find you when it's right. Everyone is trying to help me the best they can. I love you. She began to sob. Liam looked questioningly at Marcus.
Marcus sighed. "Master Obi scolded her...and she apologized."
Liam was impatient for a moment, but not with Mistress Ilena. Master Obi didn't know what to say because they wouldn't tell him what she needed. Liam needed two deep breaths to calm himself. He would do his best to set this right. He wished he could understand and speak it already. They were teaching him, but he hadn't quite gotten it yet. When he was calm enough, he motioned for Marcus to let her go and he took her into his arms himself and held her while petting her head. She hadn't done wrong to call Obi.
Henry, followed by Mitsuhide and Kiki, came out of the garrison sleeping quarters to join them. Mitsuhide and Kiki looked at them in concern. "Thank you for coming," Liam said. "Please wait while we see if Master Obi sends another response." They nodded and moved to stand near Ilena to give her their support also, standing with Marcus and Henry. Slowly Ilena recovered, her tears drying, though she stayed in the comfort of the protection of Liam's arms. Shortly after they heard, I love you Ilena. Good night. Ilena trembled again. "You see, Mistress Ilena - Master Obi is alive and well. It was only a nightmare. He lives and loves you, as always. Let the air of the night brush away the stuff of dreams. It does not need to hold you captive." He stepped back from her, but kept his hands on her shoulders. He looked at her until she lifted her head to look at him. She was right, his own emotions were going to overwhelm him before too long. It was good Kiki had come. "Please go with Miss Kiki and Henry back to your room. Marcus will come soon to be with you also. I need to speak with Mister Mitsuhide, but will come when we're done. You don't have to sleep for now, if you can't. ...Please let Master Obi's voice be your comfort." He smiled at her.
Ilena nodded and did her best to be brave for him. She would recover more with Kiki and Henry at this point. When Liam turned her around, it was Kiki who took her hand, tucking it into her elbow and leading her back to her room. Liam watched them until they were back inside, then he turned to Marcus. "Please tell Mister Mitsuhide what was said."
Marcus looked at Liam a little surprised, then quoted back exactly what was said between the two of them. Mitsuhide frowned a little in concern. "Mister Mitsuhide," Liam drew his attention. "I allowed her to call him because her night terror tonight was the worst it has been. I made sure she was calm before coming out so that she wouldn't disobey Regent Zen's wishes. It wasn't wrong of her to want to be reassured so that she can rest and have the fear leave her." Liam snapped his mouth shut. When he had breathed to calm, forcing it to come quickly, he motioned to Marcus. "Thank you. Please return to her. She'll need comfort still." Marcus bowed slightly and left.
Liam turned and walked away from the sleeping quarters wing. Mitsuhide followed him until they reached the farthest north wall and climbed to the top of it. Liam took a breath. "Mistress Ilena said to me tonight that I'm needing my emotions cleaned out so I can stop wavering, and she's right, I fear." He took another deep breath and let it out. "I'm angry, Mister Mitsuhide. I'm also sad for her sake. And if I were to admit it, I'm as afraid as everyone else that in four nights she will break and we may not be able to retrieve her." He finally looked straight at Mitsuhide.
"I'm angry with your master. I need you to help him understand. Master Obi wouldn't have scolded her tonight, but would have given her the words she needed to heal if he understood where she stands. Now we have one more wound I don't know how to heal. I am not her healer. I am her bandage. The healer resides there." He jerked his head towards the north. "And your master has refused healing because of his own fear and lack of trust in his own man." He snapped his mouth shut again until he had breathed a few more times. "Please go tell him this. Now. We need to tell Master Obi while he's still not yet back to sleeping and while Mistress Ilena isn't where she can hear it. In fact, please call him now so he'll be waiting, rather than sleeping again."
Mitsuhide looked at Liam for a moment, then nodded. He sang to the north briefly, then left the wall. Liam turned and looked north, standing at rest attention and letting the wind blow his emotions away, as much as they were going to, seeking the calm. He heard the sounds that said Obi was standing by and was relieved.
-o-o-o-
Mitsuhide strode quickly back across the garrison, his long legs making short work of it. He and Kiki had been watching things unfold and were as unhappy as Liam and the rest were. Already they'd tried to intervene, but Zen had been set and it confused them. Liam's words had summarized the problem the best they'd heard it. Mitsuhide had other words that had come up in relation to them as well. It had been his job since Zen was nine to gently guide him to becoming the Prince he needed to be. He had become a fine young man, a diligent Regent, devoted husband, and many other good things. This recalcitrance of his was puzzling.
Mitsuhide knocked on Zen's door, then opened it. Zen stirred. "It's me," Mitsuhide said before Zen could reach for his sword laying as always on the side of his bed near at hand. "Please wake. You've been called out."
Zen was suddenly sitting up. "What's it about?"
"Ilena." He let it ring in the air for a while. He wanted Zen worried.
Zen frowned, then picked up his sword and slid to the edge of the bed. Mitsuhide handed him his boots and he put them on while Mitsuhide found his cloak. When they were one courtyard and wing away from the sleeping quarters, Mitsuhide stopped Zen. "Zen, another has called you out, but first I must have my say." Zen raised an eyebrow at him. "You haven't been yourself. Will you tell me what's going on?"
Zen looked at him calmly for a minute. "We have a war to fight. I need my Director of Intelligence. Pandering to her nightmares is not helping her."
Mitsuhide reared back slightly, and he blinked, thinking about that. "Is that what it is? Or are you having your own nightmares you can't resolve?"
Zen stared at him. "Are you stupid?"
"What else am I to think when you're about to break your falcon...again...and lose your goal because of whatever it is that's blinding you."
Zen chose angry. "Aren't I doing my best to get to the goal we've already set?"
Mitsuhide opened his mouth, then closed it again and took a breath. "I've been told to say a thing to you, and then we'll go have a discussion. I will hope you'll leave your unreasoned emotions here. …Mister Liam is angry with you." Zen's jaw dropped and Mitsuhide folded his arms and looked at him sternly. "Ilena had her worst night terror tonight and he allowed her to call Obi after she was calm enough to merely confirm he was alive and sleeping. Because you haven't trusted Obi enough to tell him what she needs, he punished her for needing it. Mister Liam has required you to face him tonight." Zen blinked.
Mitsuhide paused, then added, sadly, "Zen. I don't know what concerns you, but for you to not trust Obi to stay when he knows the importance of his task is unusual." He bit his lip, then ran his hand through his spiky hair and sighed. "We're all worried and upset because we've all promised to help you reach your goal. Please come talk to Mister Liam and Obi."
Zen turned sharply and headed in the direction they'd been going. Mitsuhide's long strides caught up with him quickly and he led Zen to the stairs and up to the wall where Liam was waiting.
-o-o-o-
"Mitsuhide, please translate so Master Obi can participate and understand." Liam said in his calm voice. It left no room for refusal tonight, though. Zen stood with his arms folded, staring at the man who had been given by his brother to Ilena and he chose to start there.
"Liam, Ilena didn't ask for my permission to bring you out of the forest and into her household. I've asked her from before to be sure I'm aware of what she is doing so that I can understand and plan accordingly. She explained that she finds you necessary, and that with you in place Izana is blocked from removing her and Obi from my side. However I find the former insufficient and the latter unnecessary."
Liam paused and considered how to answer Zen. "I can't answer for Mistress Ilena, Regent Zen. She stumbled onto me by accident and recognized me. It was as sudden for me, to be pulled from the place I'd been for twenty years. If you need such a thing resolved, you must speak with her." He looked at Zen, waiting for him to decide to settle or not on the issue. "I can only do what I can do in the place I'm in. Right now, I'm in the place of standing beside Mistress Ilena, watching over her. She needs her healer, and that isn't me. But you've refused her access to her healer."
Zen scowled. "I haven't refused her access."
"You've not prevented her from speaking to Master Obi, but you prevent us all from helping him understand what she needs."
Zen pursed his lips, on the verge of telling Mitsuhide to stop talking. It took him long enough to calm down that Obi's answer came back. Master. You've given her to me. Do you clutch her talons too tightly in your fist, afraid to let her fly because I'm not with you?
When Mitsuhide translated it for the both of them, because it was in the new coding that Zen also hadn't learned yet, Zen looked away. Liam looked at Mitsuhide. "Answer him, 'Yes he is, from my perspective, and she's beating her wings to injury and crying out in terror.' "
Zen's eyes whipped around to stare at Liam in horror. "It isn't so bad!"
"It is, Regent Zen," he answered solemnly.
Zen looked to Mitsuhide, looking for comfort. Mitsuhide, rather, gave it confirmation. Zen's face twisted and he turned his back on both of them.
Tell me. What does Ilena need? Obi asked.
Zen's shoulders twitched and he held himself rigid. Mitsuhide remembered something Ilena had said early on when she'd come to them. Slowly he said. "Zen...your anger won't go away. Is it jealousy?"
Zen looked at him with a rather amazed look on his face. Mitsuhide pressed on. "What was your first thought to Obi's question?"
"Why isn't it what I need?" Zen said.
Mitsuhide looked at him for a moment. "Well...what do you need, Zen?"
"I need my wife."
"Call for her."
Zen looked at Liam in shock. "In a war zone? I'm not a fool."
Mitsuhide translated the latest part of the conversation, in summary somewhat, to Obi.
"We aren't at war here in this place. Can't she come to stay here at the garrison until you go north?" Liam asked reasonably.
"The lords of the castle would have a fit." Zen said. It seemed he meant to say it derisively but it came out miserable.
"And Ilena would punish you for that," Mitsuhide said dryly. "She was working so hard to get you to think as the Regent. Izana, too."
"When did Kiki arrive?" Zen looked around the wall, then at Mitsuhide, crossing his arms.
"When Liam called the both of us and asked her to go with Ilena back to her rooms so he could stay out here and talk to you," Mitsuhide answered the question exactly.
Zen frowned. "Kiki's with Ilena?" They nodded. "What about the others?"
"They're with her also," Liam answered. "And I shouldn't be away too much longer."
"It's taking that many?"
"Yes," Liam answered sadly. "You're holding her too tightly and it now takes four of us, though most often she only has the three. We can't heal her wounds and she receives new ones nightly. ...Tonight's was particularly difficult, to hear her sob in grief because she heard Master Obi's voice, when all she needed was to have him calm her. ...I'm worried that she won't turn to him when she needs him most and we'll lose her, because you're teaching her that to turn to him is to be hurt."
Zen's face went from shock to pain. "That isn't what I want."
"...No, but it is the result." Liam didn't relent.
Zen made an impatient gesture, but without much force. "Tell him, Mitsuhide. You've said that much and he'll be panicking, himself, now." He turned and walked away from them a bit to think on his actions and what he'd heard, while Mitsuhide finally told Obi that Ilena was having nightly nightmares and regular terrors.
Has Master not been talking to Mistress in the mornings? Obi was answering the prior sending. If he has, and it's still more than he can bear, he needs to see her. There's still time to do so. ...And, she is part of the lore as well. If Ilena will be protected coming here, Mistress will be even more protected. She may not be needed, but if she were here and things became very difficult, she would tip the balance very quickly. The Sun is the most revered and feared of all.
Zen's head came up and he stared at Mitsuhide open mouthed again. "Okay. I can get the first part...but actually take Shirayuki into Tarc with us?"
Mitsuhide shrugged. "I think he's saying only if you need to in order to be effective and perform your work. You certainly aren't right now." Zen threw him a dark look for that, but held his tongue.
What's the cause of the night terrors? What's being done to help her with them? What can I do?
Liam held up his hand. "I've been considering it. I think it's more than what the rest of you do." Zen and Mitsuhide both looked at him, interested to hear it. "It's the gap between planning and action. It's the training of the Lord of Tarc teaching her he'll always make her fail at the time of crossing that gap. But I believe it's also that she's living now the insanity and fear she wouldn't let herself feel when she was seven months in the coffin-box. It was during that time that she came up with this plan. Now that she's walking the path, it's reopened inside her the emotions from that time. They manifest in the night terrors and the fear that takes her sometimes a half-hour to recover from."
Zen was horrified. It was a thing he hadn't considered at all. "Why?"
"Because she repressed it then. They've told me that they were surprised when she came out of it sane then. She's losing now to what she should have succumbed to back then."
Mitsuhide translated it, then Liam answered the next question. "As to what we're doing, tell him that we try to wake her before she can enter the dream far. I sing to her, telling her the truths she needs to hear to fight the fears and lies of the dreams, then hum her into a trance so she can fall back to sleep. Tonight it was different. Because she knew he was in the tent of an enemy, she fell asleep in fear. When the dream came, it came suddenly and I was called after she'd already seen Master Obi's death. She only needed to know he was still alive." He looked sad again, and Zen looked terrible.
Mitsuhide said quietly. "We already know that only Obi's death will break her. She broke tonight, in that dream."
Liam nodded. "Yes. Her cries of despair were painful from a distance, nearly unbearable from next to her. Only my reassurance that she could still speak with him tonight helped her to calm any at all." His normally calm face finally twisted with an emotion - that of grief. "Thus, why it was so difficult to see her break again when Master Obi punished her for not knowing."
Zen looked down. That had been his fault. This is why they were angry with him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
After a pause where Mitsuhide considered him, Mitsuhide translated all of what had just been said. Then there was quiet for a bit.
"As for what he can do: now that he knows, he'll know what to do to help her heal little by little. More frequent communications when he's in any clan's tents would be beneficial. That is when she is the most afraid. I believe they should be in near constant communication the entire time he's in the tents of the Lord of Tarc as that time will be the most dangerous. If she hears from him all the time, then she'll know that he's alive and well. It can be Justinian, or the four in rotation, or a Child in the clan. It doesn't matter. As long as she hears that he's not dead, she'll be able to cross that part of the bridge and not lose to the insanity."
Zen gave a small laugh. "It's the same for her. As long as her Children and Obi know she's alive, they don't lose to the darkness."
Liam looked at Zen closely. "And, I think, you also."
Zen looked at him briefly, then turned away, his ears turning pink, remembering when Obi's words were exactly that to him and it had helped to dispel his own darkness.
Mitsuhide translated the final answer to Obi's questions, sending them north.
Your theory is sound, Liam. I haven't been able to clear that from her. She's repressed it so deeply I couldn't reach even a hint of it. ...There may be a way that we can cleanse it together even though I'm not there. Have you seen a cleansing? Has she done yours yet?
It sounds like you're doing your best. I'll know what to say to her now. Please tell her I'm sorry I didn't understand and that it's okay that she called me. I don't mind it. ...Tell Master I'll beat him up when I next see him. It will be more pleasant than having watched her break before his eyes would have been.
"Ah, you've made him angry, Zen," Mitsuhide added, softly.
Zen nodded miserably. The beating comment had been figurative. It was the biting comment at the end that said how angry he was. "Did you remember to include my apology?"
"Yes," Mitsuhide answered, but softly as he was listening again.
I'll consider what we can do here while we're in the tents. It's difficult at times because the song is too loud when there are others close by. Perhaps, particularly when we're to go into the tents of the Lord of Tarc, we should discuss it all together to come up with an acceptable plan. She'll know what will help her, also.
"Too loud? It's barely perceptible," Zen protested. Mitsuhide and Liam shrugged. They weren't there, so they didn't know. They only knew that Petroi had said sound carried long distances on the plains.
Liam spoke next. "Tell Master Obi, please, that I'll help him with a cleansing if he believes it would be effective. I haven't seen one yet, but Mistress Ilena said she'll do mine very soon. I already can't contain it any longer, it seems." He looked away briefly. "I'll pass on the message to Mistress Ilena. It will help her to hear it." He looked at Zen.
Zen sighed. "I'll accept my punishment, when I see him. When they speak next for the regular meeting time, I'll come and we'll discuss what can be done. Before then, I'll apologize to her, and to everyone else. ...And figure out how to properly deal with my own problems."
Mitsuhide looked at Zen for a moment. "Thank you, Zen," he said quietly. Zen nodded his head. He still looked uncomfortable. It was going to be a difficult thing, his apologies.