I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much

Summary: Dean doesn't want Castiel to change. Dean/Castiel, boy kissing, comfort.

-x-

Dean waited. And waited. And waited. But still he never came. The bastard angel on his shoulder, who was supposed to be helping them had done a runner on them, and fuck knows where his angel ass was now. Dean tried calling his cellphone, leaving far too many abusive messages about how he was supposed to be here helping, not sitting somewhere 'holding his dick', even though Castiel would probably have no idea what Dean was talking about. Sam had said nothing the whole time Dean had been leaving these messages. He didn't want to get in the way of Dean having a domestic with his angel-slash-boyfriend of who he was in denial about. Dean dialled Castiel's number again, and let it ring a couple of times, before a rustle of wings in the middle of room made him turn, and violently slam his phone shut before throwing it on the bed. Castiel was dishevelled; a mess would be the better word, and he had a half drunk bottle of straight vodka in his hand. His eyes were bloodshot and he was sweating a lot.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Dean demanded, storming forward, but Castiel stood his ground.

"Drinking ..." was his simple answer.

"No shit, Sherlock. We have been waiting for you, but if you think it's alright to go get drunk at a time like this. It's nearly the end of days, Cas. And you saunter off into night after your asshole Trickster-brother gets bumped off the map. Good call, Cas ..." Dean ranted.

"Dean ..." Sam said, warning him of going too far.

"... and vodka? Way to be classy, Cas ..."

"Shut up!" Castiel said, causing Dean to stop what he was saying. "You don't know anything."

"I know that we need you and you need us, and this," he took the vodka bottle from Castiel. "... isn't helping."

"Give it to me, Dean ..." Castiel held out his hand for the bottle. Dean just shook his head.

"You are an asshole, Castiel ..." he said, surprising Castiel with the use of his full name, before he launched the vodka bottle at the wall, glass and liquid flying in every direction. "I told you not to change. But now you want pills at the first sign of pain in your vessel, you need alcohol to cure everything. This isn't how you should be, Castiel."

"Dean, calm down ..." Sam said, standing up and taking hold of his brother's shoulders, but Dean just shrugged him off.

"Could you leave us for a minute, Sam ..." Dean asked. Sam was still for a moment before he nodded and left them alone. Dean turned back to Castiel, who was staring at Dean, with something in his eyes that Dean couldn't seem to read. "Why are you doing this, Cas?"

"The same way every other sorry human being on planet does. Because I need something to take away the pain ..." and for the first time since Dean met the angel, Castiel's voice broke as he spoke, showing obvious emotion. Dean cursed and grabbed Castiel by the lapels of his coat and pushed him hard against the wall.

"You are unbelievable. Castiel, I would do anything to take your pain away, but you won't let anyone in," Dean said. He shook Castiel violently. "I am here to help you as you are to me. I can't lose you, Cas." His own voice broke as he and Castiel both let their tears fall, slinking down to the floor, so that Castiel was now in Dean's arms. "Don't do this again, okay? I need you." Castiel clung to Dean's front, sobbing, before he lifted his head to look at Dean's face.

"I'm sorry, Dean ..." he whispered. Dean just watched him for a second before doing something he never thought he would do. He moved in slowly, and pressed a small kiss to Castiel's lips. The falling angel immediately stiffened in Dean's arms, before kissing him back. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him as close as was humanly, or angelically, possible. Dean took hold of Castiel's tie, pulling him in, the taste of vodka on his tongue bitter.

"Cas ..." Dean whispered before pulling back. He then pulled Castiel in, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. "Don't do that again. Please?"

"I'm sorry, Dean. I won't."

"Just don't ever change."

Just something I whipped up in ten minutes. Hope you like it. XD