Summary: Natsu knew they had to stop, that what they were doing was wrong, but how could he say no when his heart begged him to say yes. –au, nalu.

Series: Fairy Tail

Rating: M

Genre: Romance/Angst

Pairing: Natsu x Lucy, Lucy x unknown

Note: I don't own Fairy Tail, nor any of the characters.

Natsu felt like he was on fire.

Nails grazed along his back, not applying too much pressure, but enough to make him arch and send little tingles that feel like shockwaves all throughout his heated body. Her nails grazed against his back before she slid her fingertips over his body, down to his sides, then hips, and then back up to his chest, her palms flat of his skin as she felt his muscular chest. His lips were pressed against her jawline, a soft yet passionate kiss, that followed by another kiss just below it, and another, and another, all the way to her neck. His pampered her neck with the same gentle, passionate kisses, teasing her with small nips, which made him grin against her flesh when he heard a gasp pass her lips, his hands firmly resting on her hips.

His lips moved from her neck and trailed up to her cheek, and then impatiently to her mouth. The kiss wasn't the best, slightly clumsy from his eagerness, but they still wrapped each other closer together, kissing. Natsu had always been used to the heat and hardly ever felt hot, but right now his blood was boiling, leaving him hot and bothered above the stunning blonde. With her, he felt alive. More alive than when he had been in when involved with various fights, or when he got drunk for the first time, or even when he had taken a girl to his bedroom for the first time. But right now was different. None of them made him feel this hot, or made his heart ache in a surprisingly good way before. And for one simple yet complicated reason.

He loved her.

He loved her so much that it hurt. He never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loved Lucy, but he did. She filled his body with such a strong emotion, and it was wonderful. The ache in his heart was something that made his legs feel weak, made him shiver, all the weaknesses he hated, yet he couldn't imagine doing or feeling this with anyone else. She was his only exception, but he was not hers. She was all he could see when he closed his eyes, day or night.

He was at her mercy; but she was not at his.

His kiss and touch was filled with sweetness and passion. Hers was filled with despair and darkness. And it pained him when he saw those feelings during their heated sessions together.

He could still remember the time this thing between them started. They were both suffering, Lucy had just lost her father who she never really had mended with, and Natsu from the loss of his best friend. They had both decided to take comfort in each other's presence, even going as far as to make a pillow fort with several blankets underneath them, just watching movies with a few drinks. Of course, somehow, one thing had led to another, and their sweaty, bare bodies were being tangled and moving together until they both reached their orgasm.

They had both agreed to forget it happened, but he couldn't. He had developed a crush on his friend long before that night, but something in him changed. He saw her differently. But he was too dense to realize what it was until it was too late. She had showed up at his door one day, her usual bright, brown eyes were glazed and red, obviously from crying. She had told him her little sister Michelle, her only living relative, had died in a freak car accident. All he could do was hold her close and gently stroke her hair, his heart clenching in pain at the sight of her so upset. She had stayed in his arms for a long time, and when she looked up at him, he realized he always wanted her in his arms. His lips met hers deeply, and they once again ended up tangled together, naked and sweaty.

It wasn't just all sex, though. Sometimes it'd only be a few kisses, or cuddles, making out was a regular occurrence too. He could remember like it was yesterday that they started using each other as comfort in a way that was not good for his heart. And he could also remember her rejection.

They were pressed together while making out, their hands groping each other, their hips grinding together while she straddled his legs with her own. It felt amazing and left him feeling light headed. But that may have had to do with the lack of oxygen he received from the kiss. He remembered her flushed face when she had pulled back, the way how his stomach twisted and how his cheeks started to burn. She was so breathtakingly beautiful he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even realize he had blurted (more like huffed) out his feelings towards her, his love, not until it was too late. His heart started to throb harshly in his chest while her hands went to her mouth, and he was sure he was never seen a woman leave a room as quickly as Lucy left him, his confession unanswered. He remembered it all. Especially the ache that spread through his entire body when he got a text from her, explaining how he was just a friend and nothing more.

They had ignored each other for over three weeks, until she appeared at his doorstep, her mouth connecting to his own almost instantly. He didn't know what she was doing, but her lips were so sweet and soft he couldn't stop. Their bodies squished together as he slammed and locked the door. Soon, clumsily, finding their way to his bed. His confession seemingly forgotten.

They hadn't spoken about their actions besides that what they were doing was wrong and that they should stop, but the nights they spent together getting intimate didn't stop there. It was their choice, to use each other for their own selfish ways. Whenever one of them was feeling depressed or stressed, they would seek each other out for comfort.

Which was where Natsu and Lucy were heading now. They were both exhausted from midterms, and were trying to unwind.

Natsu was kissing her, the type of kiss that no one else would want to see, but it wasn't like someone was going to stroll into his apartment, right? He was happy. Very, very happy. She had broken from the kiss, laying on her side on his bed, his body in a similar position to hers. Natsu had always regarded Lucy tenderly, full of love, he just simply adored her. But there was an uneasiness to his stare as well. One that, from the pitying stares he got from their friends, showed he knew Lucy didn't feel the same way. But Mavis, he didn't want them to stop, no matter how much it hurt his heart.

"Do you think we'll pass, Natsu?" Lucy asked in between huffs.

His fingers played with the hem on her shirt, making her bite her lip when he teasingly let his fingers brush against her waist, her chest rising and falling more often until her breathing started to become heavy.

"I'unno. You're a smart girl, Luce. I bet you aced it. Me? I probably didn't do as good." His hands now moved up her shirt all the way to her shoulders, gently pushing her down onto the mattress, his fingers soon playing with the underwire of her bra. She faked a laughed at his words, her usual laugh sounding much less bitter, her hands moving from his chest to his neck, leaving a trail of small shockwaves as she grazed against his skin. He was already bare chested, he had ditched his shirt just after they were done making out and moving on to getting hot with each other while struggling to find their way to his bedroom.

He undid one button on her blouse, followed by a hard kiss, not coming up for air for quite a long time. Then went another button, another one, some more, then followed by the last one, his hands spreading her shirt away. She was beautiful. So, so beautiful it hurt him.

Soon, their lips had made contact again and their tongues were fighting and their hands were going places and doing things friends shouldn't be doing. He had always wanted this with her. But not just for the benefits, but out of love. Like the cheesy romance books her and Levy are always squealing about.

More clothes disappeared.

Followed by the condom coming out.

There was always that sadness he felt with her when they had sex together, that it was based purely on pleasure, and that even though it meant everything to him, it meant nothing to her.

Soon they were going at it anyways, despite his worries and heartache.

He moved in, out, in, and out.

But as he watched Lucy underneath him, he could tell that there was a name threatening to escape her lips, one that was not his. That was the problem of their relationship. She was in love with another man. A man who didn't even notice how beautiful she was, or how compassionate and kind she was, the way she would fake a pout while trying to act mad. That she bit her lip when she was nervous. That her cheeks would turn pink when her sex appeal failed. He had all the things Natsu could only dream about, and he was certain nothing had ever frustrated him as much as knowing someone didn't appreciate her.

He could tell that she wasn't thinking about him when they had sex. She was imagining it was someone else.

But he couldn't stop himself from calling this thing off between him. No, not when it's all he ever dreamed about. He'd go through with his decision, right until the very end, when she breaks his heart into a million pieces.

He moved faster and harder, to try and conceal his anger and hurt, trying to pretend and fool himself she was doing this for all the same reasons he was. For love. For him. Only for him. But he could tell by the way her eyes were screwed shut while she bit back tears (a regular reaction she had to his touch), that she wasn't, and he couldn't lie to himself. She using him for affection and comfort, he knew. She was just using his feelings to her advantage.

And he couldn't even bring himself to pretend he wasn't doing this out of love.

Sweat dripped from Lucy's forehead into her hair, the hair he longed to run his fingers through, but knew that he can only go so far with his 'comfort'. She urged him with her huffing and moans, to go faster, harder, deeper, as if to make the pain in her own heart go away. It made his heart fall to the pit of his stomach, but be complied and moved with her. Natsu desperately tried to convince himself that something might be there, and that someday she might do this with him for love and not for comfort. But no, she loved someone else. Always someone else. It was never, ever him. Sometimes he felt like yelling at her. Was he no good like the teachers whispered about behind his back? Or wasn't he good enough for her? Like her father had once lectured him about, back when they were just friends?

But were they ever really just friends? He honestly couldn't remember a time he didn't love her.

He could feel it, the way her hands clutched at him desperately, her body reaching its climax as she arched slightly and shivered against him, his hips still moving against hers until he felt him twitch and throb harshly, grunting as he came. He leaned down, gently kissing her collarbone, before removing himself out of her as he laid next to her. Her eyes were open but focused elsewhere, seeming almost distant and glazed. Emotionless. Nothing like the giddy smile he always longed to see after sex. She stayed with him until they fell into slumber in each others arms but still remained somewhat distant, but she wasn't there in the morning. She was never there in the morning when he woke up.

His gut would twist painfully every time he rolled over to see her gone, leaving a lonely ache in his chest. Sometimes he wished she stayed with him until the light blinded his room, just once. He wasted no time in dragging himself out of the lonely bed and into the shower, where the water would taste salty from his tears and the sound of the running taps muffled his cries.

In a couple hours, he'd met up with his friends, with her, and pretend that nothing has ever happened between them, and that the feeling in his chest was non-existent. He was so sick of pretending, but he couldn't stop. She was like a drug, she was addictive, and everything about her was undeniable. He had no idea what he'd do without her. He couldn't even imagine not getting intimate with her and instead with someone else, and vice versa. But he knew someday, that things between them would stop, and that he couldn't be selfish and keep her all to himself. Someday, he'd see her holding another man's hand with an adoring sparkle in her eyes, and it'd break him. After all, it had been her. It always had been her. He couldn't imagine it any other way.

He dreaded for the time that day would come.

Natsu still didn't know what love was exactly, how to describe it, but in the end, it had chucked him both into a pit of pain and hurt like none other he had felt before.

It left him feeling as depressed and emotionless as his dear, sweet, lovely Lucy.

fin.

i wrote this story just a bit after valentine's day, but i been feeling secure about it since this is my first time writing smut (and oh my gosh my cat just burst into my room chasing a mouse and he jumped all over my homework damn it) but i'd like to know if this is a decent story for someone who has unrequited feelings yet still smothers the other person with love anyways? i don't know to be honest, i was just feeling crappy about finding out my boyfriend cheated on me and some of the stuff he said really got to me.

i'm also writing up another nalu, but i'm unsure whether i want it to be a one shot or a chapter fic. i'm already having trouble with this one part and i'm only up to the start, so it might take me a while to post it. i'll be posting some gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun and magi stories before then.

edit; so, i probably should have said this a while ago but natsu and lucy as going to be ooc (out of character) considering this is a au and with their situation, certain things have and haven't happened to them unlike canon fairy tail, so they're going to be somewhat different.

review/favourite/follow!