Author's note: Hey all, this is a response to an anonymous request for a Dislestia fanfiction on the week I was taking submissions. I hope you enjoy.
Discord and Celestia were attending the fair on a large grassy field plotted just three miles east of Ponyville. It was a good place to have fun; everyone liked the fair, and while Discord could turn himself giddy by taking in its inherent goofiness, Celestia found it nice to relax someplace fun after countless days of royal work. They explored and pointed and accepted free food to their heart's content.
Halfway through the day, Celestia stopped. "I want that." Discord followed the direction of her gilded hoof all the way in the statue of a fearsome Ursa Major, its arms reaching out, jaws open in a terrible constellated snarl.
"I can get you three of those," Discord said, snapping his fingers and materializing a trio of identical statues not counting the differently colored fur.
"I know, Discord," said Celestia. "I want to play for it."
The game belonged to two pale stallions wearing barbershop quartet outfits and carefully made striped manes. "Well lookee here lookee there at the sight that we have found!" said the one with the mustache.
His brother sped to Celestia's side before she could speak. "The greatest most royal most amazing alicorn around!"
The first sped to her other side, dazzling her with attention. "The one and only Princess Celestia, you see? Could it really be?"
"Such an honor that you can take any one prize for free! But just one," the second barker added, dropping the salesman chatter. "And look here, there's also, uh…" The brothers frowned at Discord, rubbing their chins.
"Discord," the draconeequus replied with a tout gesture to his chest.
"Who?" piped someone else. Discord looked down at a gray colt holding a lollipop, his tousled black mane hidden under a propeller hat.
"Discord," he insisted. "The valiant and selfless fourth member of the second great group of heroes in Equestria!"
"Oh," said the colt. "I liked Thorax better."
He started licking the lollipop while Discord and Celestia turned to the game. Behind the stand, a giant plastic apple sat on a metal tank that sloshed and hummed with something inside. A small pipe connected the two, ending a hole visible through the apple's clear gilded window. A classic strength meter was next to to the contraption, reading "Ultra Muscle Maximum" at the top and reaching well over Discord's head. The strength marks were illustrated with paintings of the brothers, who wore appropriate faces at each line.
"I'm going to knock your hats off," Discord said in reference to the final painting. He cracked his fingers.
"Hold on," the mustached stallion said as Discord snapped a mallet into existence. "The Flim Flam Brothers Super Power Cider Trooper has one rule for demigods: no magic."
Discord's ears fell. "No magic?"
"None. Nada zip zero zilch," echoed the stallion with a more fabulous mane. "We've always had that rule, slick and strong, and certainly not made up in the last eight seconds or so."
Discord's mallet disappeared with the sound of a deflating balloon. "Fine," he said. "Let's play your way."
"I'll do it too," said Celestia, sidling up beside him. "Let's see who can get it first."
"Celestia." Discord's face rose with his tone, then narrowed into impish smile. "Are you challenging me?"
Celestia shrugged. "Maybe." She winked.
She took two bits out of her saddlebag and threw them in the jar on the counter. The brother's watched it ping the glass with bright eyes.
"So, ladies first," said Flim, taking Celestia's shoulder and scooting her closer to the booth. "Do you want the mallet or would you rather try hitting targets?"
"I'll try the targets."
Flam yanked a pulley on the booth ceiling. Eight targets flipped down between the apple and meter, stacked into pairs. "So," he said as a few spectators fanned into the scene. "Take this ball and don't be shy, let it fly at any target of your choosing! If it cracks, your mark will go up on the Strength-O-Meter. You have to get to 'Phenomenal Muscle Power' to win the Ursa Major." He pointed to the second highest mark on the meter. "Additionally, the stronger you hit, the more you fill up the Cider Trooper," he said, making a grand gesture to the plastic apple. "If you fill it up you can have some, on the house. Two in one deal, you know what I'm saying?" He smiled wider. "Let 'er go, Princess," Flam said, patting her and darting behind the booth.
Celestia narrowed her eyes and lit her magical horn—but then remembered and picked up the ball herself. She grounded herself and lowered her neck, concentrating. Her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth. She arced her hoof back, threw, and barely scraped the target on the bottom left.
"Ooh, better luck next time, your Majesty," said Flam.
Celestia threw again, then a third time. The final one she batted with her horn, which managed to ding one ring away from the bull's eye of a target. It didn't crack.
Discord stepped forward, taking one of the balls. "Here's how you do it when you have hands," he said to the crowd, and threw the ball as hard as he could. It missed the targets entirely and sailed down the field into a mare's ice cream.
"Hey!"
Discord was surprised by his poor aim. He picked up another ball that Flim rolled down the counter with his magic. He hit a target, but the ball bounced off the wood with the dullest plink. The third ball made a rubber ducky noise.
Discord threw his arms up. "Bottles are easier than this!" He stormed to the Strength-O-Meter and picked up the mallet. He raised it high over his head, grunting with the effort, and sent it flying down on the pad. The red line crawled up a little over his waist, and dinged.
"Am I really not lifting that much?" he thought, flexing his lion's arm.
"Oh, but the prize is worth it, my draconequus friend," promised Flam, "as this one-of-a-kind Ursa Major statue was fashioned after the very one our uncle Flomp fought in the Everfree Forest generations ago, right before he discovered zap apples!"
"Such a remarkable gentlecolt," Flim recalled fondly as his brother placed his hat over his chest.
Celestia and Discord continued to play, and continued to prove they were at a loss for games without magic. The bits in the jar were piling up. Celestia finally cracked a target after wearing it down over several rounds. The tank under the Cider Trooper rumbled with a clogged, unseemly swirling noise, and a layer of cider rose in the apple.
"Well, if anything, I suppose we might get some of that?" Discord said to Celestia as his next mallet swing reached just below his shoulder.
Celestia leaned closer to inspect the apple's contents. "I think there's part of a tree branch in there."
A fair crowd had built by then, making them more pumped and more awkward to be seen for a normal day by Equestria's subjects. Their remarks grew more fervent the longer they played.
"So close!"
"The targets must be made of steel."
"Is there a filly mode somewhere?"
"Did you put glue on this ball?"
The sun was halfway down the peak of the sky at the time Celestia's saddlebag was almost depleted of bits. Discord had filled about half of the brothers' jar, but his patience too was running low.
"Looks like the royal duo can't resist a token from the days of our uncle," Flim stated wryly to his brother as Celestia and Discord lay panting on the grass. "Would anyone else like to try?"
"Wait." Celestia raised a hoof to Flim. She took in another couple breaths, then stood. "When we first arrived, you told me I could take any one prize I pleased. You play a good game, Flim Flam brothers, but quite frankly your promises of cider aren't enough to keep this mare in the game. I want the Ursa Major," Celestia said, leaning her horn in its direction. There was a sound like a finger going around a glass orb, and the statue rose off the prize rack. "Thank you for the most elaborate and suspicious carnival game I've played in centuries," Celestia said as she transported the bear into her saddlebag.
"Well, suspicious as a classic theme of carnival games, your Majesty," Flim replied.
"Wait a minute," Discord said as he and Celestia started to leave. "You said the Ursa Major is the second highest prize on the rack. What's the first?"
"Glad you asked, mishmash man," Flam said, speeding over without taking his hooves off the grass. "Our most wonderful, spectacular, splendoriffic prize of the day is none other than this shiny red apple," he said, pointing to an admittedly flawless replica of such a fruit. It was as big as a collie.
"Well," Discord said after a moment of scrutiny. "I suppose there are ways to have fun with such a grand prize." He snapped, and a fake worm popped into the apple.
"Thanks for playing," Flim called as the duo left for good. "So, anypony else want to test their skills to see if they outmatch the mighty defeat of two cosmic gods? Plenty of time left in the day, folks. How about you?" he asked the colt in the propeller hat, who had bolstered his spectatorship with popcorn and a drinking helmet. "Do you want a chance to taste a mug of our delicious cider?"
"Mm, no," said the colt. He picked up his popcorn and walked away. "I prefer the Apple family's."
The other ponies in the crowd began to disperse. The brothers smiled uneasily, trying to wave others over. There was a magical zap, and half the bits in the glass jar disappeared.
Discord released his fingers as he and Celestia walked down the concession stands. There were a few hours left in the day, and lots of other things to try. They walked in silence for a while, taking in the moments around them.
"So, hay fries or elephant ears?" asked Discord.
"Elephant ears," replied Celestia. "I could use some sugar to pep me up."
"Sounds great," said Discord, willing a cartoony elephant's head into being. He pinched the trunk around his neck. Then he opened Celestia's saddlebag. "Hm. All this for an Ursa Major statue," he said, letting the head turn into a pair of elephant-faced birds that flew away. "Is it really that desirable to you?"
"Not as desirable as getting to spend time to you," Celestia said with a shrug. "The statue is more of a souvenir."
"I see," Discord said, a bit of pink tingeing his ears. They smiled, and kept walking.
"Ursa Majors are fearsome beasts," Discord said later, raising the statue in the air to get a better look at it. "I ran into trouble trying to enslave a cave of them to do my bidding, long ago. Do you really think their uncle fought one off?"
"Given it was Granny Smith who discovered zap apples all those years ago? Not really," said Celestia, bringing the statue back into her bag. "Did you see the red slash on its left leg? It's a character from a comic book about the Daring Mariwether."
Discord stopped, at a loss, and then caught up to Celestia going to the elephant ears. While they ate, the sky turned a little darker. Discord and Celestia noticed the lights that began to glow on the canopy above their table. They looked away from each other, Discord tapping his fingers. They turned to the rides in the distance.
"The Ferris wheel probably has a good view of the horizon," said Celestia.
"With more lights that turn on at night!" added Discord.
"Sounds like we have a plan for after we're done with the rest of the evening."
"Absolutely."
No more words passed between them as the elephant ears were finished. They rejoined each other's side, a little closer than before, and went to see the rest of the fair.