Me: Alright so, I am working on my other story. It's just that my laptop fried…literally. It started smelling like burnt plastic so I figured it might be a good idea not to use it and then it wouldn't turn back on. So my time to write has diminished greatly :'( I was all ready to watch 4 Rooms when this terrible tradgedy happened too!
Cal: It really was a little saddening, she very nearly cried.
Me: So yeah, well I was listening to some music and well this idea came to my head. It's just a little something. A bit of an apology for not updating my other story and something to tide you over for a bit.
Cal: … ;-) All I'm going to say is that I enjoyed this one
Me: !…this one? Just this one? What about all of the other one's?
Cal: Oi! I complement you and you get mad at me? I think there's something wrong with this picture…
Me: -.- …sorry…you know I've been a little irritable since my laptop broke and all.
Cal: Yeah, well you're forgiven luv. Anyways the author of this does not own LTM and on your way out just hit that review button, you know the one. The author really likes reviews and they keep her happy while she contemplates what to do about her laptop. Fanx. Now Enjoy!
The first time he'd walked into the establishment it had been because he had lost a bet with one of his drinking buddies at one of his usual watering holes. The bar he had just walked into was fairly nice, a bit more upscale than his usual, but it wasn't too bad. The deal was that he had to do karaoke to Headstrong by Trapt and he was dreading it. He had never sang in front of an audience before and it seemed to be nothing short of pure humiliation and torture. Eventually it was his turn and he told the person running the wretched machine what song he was going to sing. He was allowed a brief moment to take a deep breath and then the song began.
Gillian walked into the bar with her girlfriends. It was their night to go out and quite frankly she had been looking forward to getting out all week. As she opened the door she heard an unmistakable voice. She looked around to find Cal on stage singing Headstrong. One look at him she could tell that he hadn't come here willingly. She toyed with the idea of making her presence known but instead opted to follow her girlfriends deeper into the bar to enjoy their night out and gossip.
When Cal finished singing he tried to maintain what little dignity he had left and stepped off of the stage. His eyes shot daggers at his friend as he took a seat at the bar and ordered a lager. They stayed there for a little while longer and as Cal reflected on what he had just done (something he rarely did) he realized that after singing, some of the pent up tension and anger he had from that day had subsided a bit. Cal was shocked had he really just admitted to himself that he had actually somewhat enjoyed singing? He shook his head a bit and resumed nursing his lager.
The next day Gillian didn't say anything about seeing Cal and decided to save that information for a later date in case he needed a little encouragement to work on his book. Cal was still oblivious to the fact that Gillian had heard him sing and still thought that his new 'vice' was known to him only. For the most part life carried on as usual, they fought and joked and solved cases. About a week later Cal finally worked up the courage and the sheer need to go back to the bar. For the past couple of days his heart had literally been torn apart from watching Gillian with Burns. She was happy and they loved each other and it killed him that it wasn't him she was smiling at and it wasn't him that she loved. So he found himself at the bar again. He ordered a lager then once he had finished it he went up to the stage and told the DJ the song. The music came on and Cal began to sing.
I was thinking about her I was at the top and now its like I'm in the basement
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...
It was one of those nights when Burns had to work late so Gillian had decided to just go out and had found herself at the karaoke bar. Gillian's ears perked when she heard his voice. Was he really back? She thought that hearing him sing was a one-time thing and she couldn't believe he would come back willingly. Although, she heard no tension like she had the last time that would have been an indicator that he was being forced to sing again. Instead she heard the passion, sadness and truth in his words.
So I travel back (uh)
down that road (road)
Will she come back? (Uh)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.
Number 1 spot, Now she find her a replacement
I swear now I can't take it
Knowing somebody's got my baby
Now you ain't around, baby I can't think
I shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring
Cuz I can still feel it in the air
See her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair
Her breath stopped, a ring? Had he really been thinking of…Gillian shook her head, no it was impossible.
My lover, my life, My shawty, my wife
She left me, Im tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right
She tried to ignore the way her heart fluttered when he said "My lover, my life…my wife". She had to remind herself that they had a line and there were reasons that line was in place. Although in the back of her mind she could hear him saying "It's your bloody line not mine."
I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...
So I travel back (Uh)
Down that road (Yeah)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.
When I be ridin
man I swear I see your face at every turn
trying to get my usher on but I can't let it burn
And I just hope that she notice she the only one I yearn for
Number one lesson when will I learn?
Didn't give her all my love
I guess now I got my payback
Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby
HEY, she was so easy to love
But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough
I'm going through it every time that I'm alone
And now I'm wishing she would pick up the phone
But she made a decision that she wanted to move on
Cause I was wrong.
I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah) So I travel back (Uh) If you ever loved somebody put your hands up I was thinking about her So I travel back (Uh)
it was only just a dream...
Down that road (road)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream...
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...
Down that road (road)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream...
I was thinking about her So I travel back (Uh)
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...
Down that road (road)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream...
Cal finished the song, he usually didn't show much emotion but it seemed that he couldn't help it when he sang. All of his emotions poured out unbidden. He stepped off of the stage then went back to the bar to nurse another lager.
Gillian practically ran from the bar and back to her apartment. She couldn't handle what was going on in her mind. She was in love with Burns so why was she so moved by what Cal had sang? A tiny voice in the back of her head whispered the answer but she refused to hear it. When she got home she quickly took a cold shower and tried to go to bed.
The next day at work Cal noticed that Gillian seemed to be avoiding him but he had a lot on his mind with their new case and spying on Burns so he attributed it to one of the various wrongs he always seemed to be doing. As the days went on however Gillian seemed to forgive him and their normal closeness, well as close as they ever got since she began her relationship with Burns, resumed. A few weeks later Burns had to transfer. Gillian had been heartbroken and pissed at Cal for being the cause, in her eyes at least, of Burns' transfer. With all that was on her mind Gillian's friends had kidnapped her and taken her to the bar.
Cal had found his way to the bar again. He'd been royally fucking things up for quite some time now. He hadn't seen Gillian this sad in a long time and it was his fault. First he had gone and got Burns transferred and then Wallowski came into the picture along with a myriad of other women. Every woman but her it seemed like. He didn't even bother to drink a lager first, instead he went straight to the stage and told the man the song. Cal took a breath then sighed as the music came on, more than ready for the reprieve he'd get after he had finished singing.
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Why hadn't he done something more to try to be a better man for her?
I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
He so desperately wanted to be the right man for her but it seemed that all he did was hurt her and he hoped that she would stay with him long enough for him to make things better.
Well I'd hoped that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Gillian couldn't help but shake her head as she heard the song and the lyrics that he sang. Just like a paperback novel? Not like one of the ones she wished her life was. Her life was a far cry from any of her romance novels
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
At first Gillian thought to go up to Cal and forgive him. His voice had shown nothing but the truth of his feelings but she sighed, she wasn't ready to forgive him tonight. Maybe after she had some more time but she wasn't up for having a meaningful conversation with him tonight.
The reprieve that he had been hoping for didn't come and Cal was in too much of a bad mood to stay at the bar. No, instead he went home and nursed a bottle of scotch until he fell asleep. At least he could come to terms with his hangover in the morning on his own time since it was Friday night.
Weeks passed and as usual Gillian forgave him. As a matter of fact after a while she had moved on a bit and they were as close as they had been before the Burns Era as Cal called it. Actually they were even closer than that now. Sometimes she openly flirted with him and Cal soaked it up like a sponge, he'd take anything he could get from her and if that just made his dreams that much more vivid then so be it.
It was the night after he had confessed to Emily that he loved Gillian and tonight Emily was with Zoë. He sat at the bar slowly nursing a lager and contemplated his feelings for Gillian. She was one of two people that actually understood him, the other being his daughter. At first he used to ask himself if he was willing to risk the friendship he and Gillian shared to try their hand at love. But now he didn't see any other option. Later on once he had finished his lager Cal went to the stage again and told the man his song.
This time Gillian had come to the bar in hopes of seeing Cal. She wanted to talk to him about the things that had been going on, she wanted him to comfort her the way he wanted to and she wanted to let him know how she felt. She saw him take the stage and wondered what song he was going to sing since they usually reflected something that was going on in his head. He tended to reveal more of himself through song than any other means throughout the day. She saw him take a deep breath and then his wonderful voice filled her ears.
I really need to talk with you
I keep stepping on the vein that keeps my lifeline flowing through
I wanna be your perfect stick of glue
But I don't feel perfect at all
Sad and insecure, flawed
Yeah, I find it hard to hold conversations
I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away
No, it's not you, it's strictly me in this situation
But I'm wondering will it ever go away
Just go away, still
Gillian smiled a little bit, Cal had always had a harder time with words than expressions. Then her mind wandered off to a time, a few years ago when she had been working on a project with Emily and had asked Cal for some glue. He had retrieved a stick of glue and in usual Cal fashion made a dirty joke about it making Gillian blush. Of course Emily had been a little confused because Cal hadn't said a thing but Cal had a way of saying things without words.
Sometimes I feel like weeping
Awake and when I'm sleeping
Perfecting how to put a game face on
And this puzzle I've been keeping
Has been in hiding, creeping
Out the closet door
Spilling out onto the floor
How long will I be picking up the pieces?
How long will I be picking up my heart?
Cal knew that the love he had for Gillian was revealing itself in more obvious ways than he intended sometimes.
Listen, I'll be as honest as I feel
I feel like I'm getting more paranoid
Cuz I'm hearing things and they never turn out real
It feels like my heart is made of pure steel
It just feels so heavy all the time
I'm scared of death, I'm scared of living
Shit, I gave up on the past cuz it's unforgiving
I misplaced my trust
I watch my word begin to rust
I'm that balloon about to bust
I need a place for reliving, still
It seemed to him that most of the time he hurt her, and every time he did his heart got heavier. He needed someone to keep him in reality and to be there when he needed them to be and that person was her.
He'd given up on his past a long time ago because he'd been hurt so many times and she could relate. Gillian knew he had trusted people only to have it betrayed. She did her best to make sure he knew that she'd never go back on him.
Sometimes I feel like weeping
Awake and when I'm sleeping
Perfecting how to put a game face on
And this puzzle I've been keeping
Has been in hiding, creeping
Out the closet door
Spilling out onto the floor
How long will I be picking up the pieces?
How long will I be picking up my heart?
Be picking up my heart
Be picking up my heart
Be picking up my heart
How long, in another space and time
Keep picking up pieces in the corner of my mind
How long, did I know so hard to find
Keep picking up pieces in the corner of my mind
C'mon
Whoa Whoa
Whoa Whoa
Whoa Whoa
Whoa Whoa
Whoa Whoa
Whoa Whoa
But I still walk on
Cal took another deep breath then nodded to the man and surprised Gillian by singing another song.
Just one more moment
That's all that's needed
Like wounded soldiers
In need of healing
Time to be honest
This time I'm pleading
Please don't dwell on it
Cause I didn't mean it
I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter, cause I made it up
Forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my soul's inside out
Gotta be some way that I can make it up
To you now somehow
By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I'd come for you, but only if you told me to
I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you
Cal would do anything for Gillian but he knew he could never tell her that he loved her until she gave him permission and was ready to do away with her damned line.
Gillian smiled, she knew he'd lie for her, as a matter of fact he had done it in the past. However what was important was that he was a man of the truth and he lied for only a very select few.
I was blindfolded
But now I'm seeing
My mind was closing now I'm believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does
Or ever will
So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home
Here and now, this I vow
Cal didn't know how to explain it any other way. He knew he had trust issues, but he had them for a good reason. Gillian was one of the only people he had let in and see a part of him he didn't trust anyone else to see.
Gillian choked up a little, she was one of the few he had let in. It wasn't a big secret that he had trust issues but he trusted her with his life and that meant more to her than he'd ever know.
By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I'd come for you, but only if you told me to
I'd fight for you
I'd lie, its true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you
Cal smiled ruefully internally, he'd hug her, kiss her senseless and comfort her but only if she gave him permission. Only if she looked away and forgot about the line for a time.
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what
Remember
You know I'll always come for you
Yes I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I'd come for you, but only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, its true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what
Remember
You know I'll always come for you
I crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what
Remember
You know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you
Cal finished the song then went back to the bar to have his usual second lager. Gillian contemplated several different ways to approach Cal but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Eventually, when she realized that he was almost done with his lager and would be leaving soon Gillian walked up to the stage.
Cal had been engrossed with a knot in the wood of the bar counter when another song filled the bar.
Na na na na Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Na na na na Love is great, love is fine (Oh oh oh oh oh) Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Na na na na S-S-S & M-M-M Oh, I love the feeling you bring to me, oh, you turn me on Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Na na na na S-S-S & M-M-M
Come on
Na na na na
Come on
Na na na na na
Come on
Na na na na
Come on, come on, come on
Na na na na
Come on
Na na na na
Come on
Na na na na na
Come on
Na na na na
Come on, come on, come on
Na na na na
Then Gillian began to sing.
Feels so good being bad (Oh oh oh oh oh)
There's no way I'm turning back (Oh oh oh oh oh)
Now the pain is my pleasure cause nothing could measure (Oh oh oh oh oh)
Cal's head whipped around at the sound of Gillian's voice. One look at her and he could tell that she had heard what he had sang, hell she had probably heard every song he had sang.
Love is great, love is fine (Oh oh oh oh oh)
Out the box, outta line (Oh oh oh oh oh)
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more (Oh oh oh oh oh)
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it (Na na na)
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Out the box, outta line (Oh oh oh oh oh)
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more (Oh oh oh oh oh)
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it (Na na na)
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
S-S-S & M-M-M
It's exactly what I've been yearning for, give it to me strong
And meet me in my boudoir, make my body say ah ah ah
I like it-like it
Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it (Na na na)
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
S-S-S & M-M-M
S-S-S & M-M-M
S-S-S & M-M-M
Gillian smiled as several people applauded, some guys even tried to make a move on her but the one man she wanted to be with was waiting for her at the bar. She languidly walked up to him and as she got closer she could see that his beautiful hazel eyes were now black. He was turned towards the bar slightly to hide his raging hard on but that did little to hide it when she sat down on the seat next to him.
"Cal, we need to talk."
Cal's eyebrows lifted a little in disbelief.
"You want to talk now luv?"
He saw the small look of confusion in her eyes, like she was a little afraid that he wasn't ready to go the extra step with her.
"Oi, now's not the time to start acting so innocent luv. You know very well what you did to me Gilli. Right now I don't think that I'm up for a very serious talk. Besides, I thought you wanted to get out of here, that you liked the smell of sex in the air?"
The hint of confusion was gone and Gillian realized that she let her fears get in the way of reality. She had seen his discomfort and should have realized that he was in no condition to have a serious talk. She had to suppress a soft moan as his voice became a low seductive whisper.
"Of course, your place or mine?"
Cal felt a searing heat as she placed her hand on his knee and the other against his cheek, her thumb brushing across his jaw. Then he leaned forward and kissed her, demanding rather then asking permission as his tongue delved into her mouth. She gave a small gasp at the sheer passion of his kiss and before she recovered enough to return it he pulled back then put his lips next to her ear.
"Mine."
He growled his answer, downed his lager then rushed to his car trying to ignore the throbbing of his cock. Gillian followed him outside then headed for her own car. Cal made it back to his house first and quickly parked his car then went inside. Gillian arrived a few seconds later and found that had just finished hanging his jacket. Cal saw her and the predatory look returned. The moment she was inside the house he closed the door and pinned her against the wall. Expecting his kiss she opened her mouth to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He brought his hand to her back of her neck and deepened the kiss. Gillian ground her hips against his causing his hips to involuntarily thrust into her and eliciting a deep moan from the back of his throat. He broke the kiss abruptly, he was breathing heavily and there was a fire in his eyes as he stared into hers.
"Bed."
It wasn't a question, it wasn't even a full sentence but quite frankly he was beyond either. Gillian nodded then they went upstairs. Cal didn't bother closing his door and when they resumed kissing Cal's hands went to work. He began divesting her of her bottoms then her shirt until she was left standing in only her bra. Gillian hadn't been idle either. As he had been practically ripping her shirt off her hands went to work on his jeans. When she undid the fly and pulled both his boxer-briefs down his cock, now released from its confines, sprang to attention. Gillian wrapped a delicate hand around him causing him to thrust into her hand and his head fell to the crook of her shoulder.
"Fuck."
He unclasped her bra and threw it somewhere in his room then put her on the bed. Cal crawled over her, planting kisses all the way up her stomach stopping briefly to lave each of her breasts then he continued up to her clavicle, along the column of her neck, up her jaw and finally to her earlobe where he nibbled gently. He held himself up on his elbows, his body almost completely flush with hers. Gillian's hands were all over his back and shoulders, her nails digging into the skin slightly whenever he hit a spot that pleasured her more. She turned her head to the side a bit and brought his head back down to her neck. Cal smiled against her skin and continued his ministrations on the column of her neck. He growled, as he could bloody well smell her arousal. Without saying anything he positioned himself and thrust into her. He wasn't worried about hurting her with his entry, he was positive she was more than ready and his initial thrust was proof of that. Once he was inside of her he waited, letting her body get used to him then he began to move. Gillian opened her mouth in a wordless scream of pleasure as he thrusted into her. Cal filled her more completely than any man she had ever been with. He loved watching her face as he pounded into her. It was one of the few times when he truly enjoyed his science since it allowed him to read a woman's face and know just how to move and where. Like now for instance, he thrust and saw just a twitch of something on her face, it had been that sign of extra pleasure he was looking for. Cal positioned his hands on either side of her head and thrust again right where he had not a few moments before.
"Cal!"
Gillian locked her ankles behind his back in an effort to get as close as possible to him and her back arched when his dipped his head and took one of her nipples into his mouth. He smiled and continued to thrust into her. Cal looked up at Gillian and saw that she was close. She was writhing beneath him in ecstasy her head tossing side to side, her chest was flush and her fingernails dug into his biceps.
"Cal…please…I…need…almost…shit Cal…faster…harder!"
Cal brought one of his hands to the side of her throat and his thumb brushed her lips.
"Gilli, luv, look at me."
Gillian opened her eyes and saw Cal's smoldering ones starting right back at her. She saw the love, passion, tenderness and the pure lust in them and knew her eyes showed the same. Cal sped up his pace and then after a few more thrusts she was gone.
"CAL!"
He continued to thrust a few more times as she rode out her climax then he stopped to let her come down from her high. Gillian nuzzled into his hand then opened her eyes and smiled. She cupped his cheek with one hand then noticed the almost pained look on his face. His head was bent slightly, his hair slick with sweat and he was panting.
"Cal you didn't?"
Her inner walls fluttered around him and he was shaking from his effort but she could still feel him hard deep inside of her. Gillian rocked her hips, telling him he could continue. This time Cal's pace was fast and hard. There was no gradual climax, no he had taken care of Gillian first and now he had to take care of his need. It wasn't much later when Gillian was writhing beneath him again as a second orgasm threatened to overtake her. Finally Cal thrust into her one last time, his chest rubbing against hers as he came hard.
"Fuck!"
Gillian fell over the edge again shortly after Cal. He collapsed on top of her when he was done, unable to hold himself up any longer. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. His breath was ragged and he buried his face in the crook of her shoulder while he came down from his high. After a little while Cal rolled to his side so that he was no longer crushing Gillian and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her closer.
"So you still want to have that talk?"
Gillian looked at him confused then remembered that she had told him she wanted to talk. She laughed a musical laugh then kissed him.
"I love you Cal."
Cal's heart swelled and kissed her back.
"Me too luv, more than you know."
"Say it."
"I love you Gillian."
She smiled then snuggled in closer to him.
A/N: So fanx for reading now please listen to Cal and leave a review. Cos he wasn't lying when he said they make me happy. Fanx. Hope you liked it!