A/N: I'm not too sure about this. It just kind of popped into my head so I wrote it. It's definitely not my best work, but then again I think that about everything I write, so who knows. Well, here goes nothing... Oh, and I don't own Firefly or Serenity. Or Simon, but if someone wants to give me him for my birthday, I won't object, : P (Just kidding, I'm taken, anyway)
The crew of Serenity is quiet these days. Few words are spoken between them as they all attempt to deal with their feelings about the past weeks, and about the future, if they have one.
Mal is frustrated. River notes this with an ever so slight smile on her face, because the way Mal is currently living in just this moment is a statement that even the most broken of people have some kind of hope. To River, there is nothing more reassuring. Simon and Kaylee are apparently sickening to watch, and River has to agree there. They really are getting a bit ridiculous with their sappiness.
Inara is sad. She misses being a companion. She misses it, but not enough to leave Serenity again. Not enough to leave the one place where she feels, at least since Miranda, that she is understood. Here, other people know what it is like to have faith in something and watch it be utterly destroyed. River knows that, more than anyone, Simon understands what Inara is going through, and that is another reason that Mal takes more pleasure than usual in 'teaching' Simon how to fight.
Jayne is indulging in yet another bout of drunkenness. The Jayne of old would leave the ship to do this, but this Jayne locks himself in his bunk and tries to drown his sorrows. River feels the guilt that is pushing on Jayne and understands it, more than anyone else knows. Jayne, despite claiming not to care for anyone, holds himself responsible for the safety of the crew. Wash's death rests heavily on his shoulders, she knows, and this is the reason she does not pick on him as she once would have. He does it for himself, now.
Zoe is sitting in the mess. There is a bottle of alcohol in front of her, but it is untouched, because of what Simon recently confirmed. Mal sits across from her, but neither acknowledges the other, too lost in their own thoughts. Zoe's thoughts ring with a sadness that makes River want to weep, but she holds herself back, just as Zoe does. Mixed with the sadness in Zoe's mind is a desperation the likes of which even River cannot recall experiencing. How is she going to do this without Wash?
Kaylee has mixed emotions, all strong. She's the happiest person on Serenity and she feels terribly guilty for this fact. As she lies in Simon's arms, she sobs, both for what they have lost and because she feels she should be much more in pain than she is. It isn't that she doesn't miss them, doesn't hurt with the same intensity of the rest of them, it's just that she's finally gotten what she's wanted and sometimes it's just so hard not to be happy.
Simon is angry, and he feels helpless in a way that comes so very close the helplessness River had once known, in the early days of the Academy. Kaylee is crying again and Simon wants to make it better, but there's nothing he can do, because for all of his medical training, he cannot bring back the dead. So he comforts her, and the next day, during the training that Mal insists on (can't have you being a liability to us, Doc), he takes out all the pent up anger on his captain. Mal doesn't mind at all, and he returns the favor.
Serenity is very quiet these days, physically, but River can hear the screams coming from each and every member of the crew. They come loudest from Zoe, but everyone is screaming, they are all in pain and they all want to wake up to find it was all a nightmare.
River is quietly broken. She is more sane than she has been in a very long time, and with sanity, comes clarity. And she hurts for the loss of Wash and for the loss of Book, and they both tear her apart and she grieves with an intensity that she's not certain anyone on the crew can match, because as she grieves for her own loss, she is forced to deal with their grief, too.