As I sit here, covered in bruises and scars, I think about all that's happened in my short 16 years of life. From my dad 'leaving' so my mom says, to all the way up to now, how I've been beaten, everyday of my life since my dad 'left.' I emphasise those words because I know the truth of what happened to him, but am too coward to tell anyone that I know. My mother killed him. I'm sure of it. It may have been accidental, or it may have been purposely, but I know that she had done it.
I also think about my older brother, Cory. He's 18 and my mother has never laid a finger on him, ever. He's the 'perfect' child and I was a mistake. I've learned to cope with it though, because I know that I can't change anything about it. Even though, I'm the one who gets the good grades while he parties every night, I'm the one who does all the chores while he plays his video games, and I'm the one who has to work every day and every weekend to pay for the house bills while he hangouts with his friends.
Having no friends, whatsoever, all throughout school can have a pretty big part in why I never lived up to my mother's standards too. Because, for her, it's all about popularity, money, and the clothes you wear. I would say she's shallow, but that would be a huge understatement. And not to say I'm beautiful or anything, but I don't find myself that out of league with the girls at school. The only problem is, is that all my money goes to our house, while my mom sits on her ass all day and does nothing, so I can't buy any decent clothes. I've been wearing the same 15 shirts, and 3 pairs of pants, over and over and over again for the past 4 years.
If you're wondering why I'm going over all this right now, is because I've thought about this a lot, and I've decided to put an end to my life, once and for all. I need an end to all this pain and suffering, and the only way to do that, is to end it.
So, I'm sitting here, alone at the park, with a rope in one hand, and a stool next to me. I know it's a pretty public place to do this, but that way my mom won't be able to hide the evidence that I'll leave for the police officers, and she can finally be put away.
I tie the rope around a monkey bar, and set the stool underneath it. I step up, and set my head in the small loop I made in the rope.
I'm about to kick the stool away, and face my death, when someone from the other side of the park yells "Hey, what are you doing!" and, startling me, I fall backwards and land on my back.
I'm getting up and about to run away when a soft hand comes around my waist, and holds me in my spot.
"Please let me go," I whimper.
"Not until you explain what you're doing here," a familiar boys voice says. It's familiar, but unrecognizable to me.
"Just please, let me go," I say again. The person holding me, gently turns me around, and I'm standing eye to eye with Chris Matthews. The Chris Matthews. As in the most popular guy in my whole school.
I silently gasp, and try and hide my face behind my long brown hair, hoping he doesn't recognize me, but then again, I doubt he's ever even seen me before.
"Not until you explain to me." He says sternly. I look up into his clueless, sheltered eyes, and I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything. Not because of who he is, just because I've been wishing to talk to someone about it for a long time now, and it would feel nice to get it all off my chest, and be understood. But, I know telling him would be a bad idea.
"I don't have anything to explain, to you" I say, just as sternly as him. He loosens the grip on my shoulders when he sees my expression, but doesn't let go.
"Fine," he says quietly, "but, at least let me take you home?" He asks.
I think about it for a second before nodding my head slowly, even thought I'm not going back home. He seems satisfied and leads me to his brand new, shiny blue convertible.
He opens the door for me and I sit myself down in his passenger seat. Once he's in the drivers side, he starts the engine and drives all the way across town, leading to where my house is.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask, startled.
"Your house," he says, "don't you live in this neighbourhood? I actually live right next to you, I think." And he does, but I never thought he knew I lived next to him for my pretty much my whole life.
"Oh," is all I say. He can think I'm going home, but once he drops me off, I'll just be going straight back to the park.
"So, Sarah-Lynn… that's your name right?" He says as we pull up in my driveway. I nod, with my hand on the door handle. He continues, "okay, so listen, you don't have to answer me, but were you trying to kill yourself?" I don't respond for a few seconds before I say, "You're right. I don't have to answer you. And I won't, because it's none of your business of what I do with my life. I can do whatever I want, and what I want is to be gone from this world. So, just go back to your perfect life, and pretend you never talked to me." I open the door, and start walking quickly in the direction of the park again.
"Sarah-Lynn, please wait. Don't do this. I can help you." I can feel him chasing after me, so I turn around and stop, having him almost run smack into my face.
"Listen Christ, just leave me alone. You don't care, so just go back in your house, and pretend. You. Never . Talked . To. Me." I say pronouncing each word separately.
"Please, just come back here. I do care, just don't do this okay? I can get you help? What's going on?"
"Nothing.. Nothing at all." I say, before turning around and sprinting down the path.