Disclaimer and Note: I don't own FE9, there will probably be a few off details in this when FE10 comes out NA side. Anyway, I had wanted to write a Renning fic for a while, but it ended up more about Elincia. I took a lot of liberties I think, mostly with dealing with Elincia and Renning's relationship, and the Bertram/Renning thing. Besides that it has a weird ass modernist feel. (Originally it was a lot worse, so I toned it down.) Don't bother putting grammatical/spelling criticism in review. Most of everything is actually intentional. Think of this fic like a fun game to figure out!

I am "Orange" and I am her Uncle. I am the only one who understands her and he is the only one that knows what I am. To say we are close is a gross understatement. Our day begins when he comes to visit me, and all time passing since has been one long night. My nightmare will never end because I died. I died, but I never stopped wishing that he would come back to me. Ike is very charismatic and always knows what to say to me but he doesn't see her many sides at all. Not many people understand that Elincia has so many facets to her. A normal man might look at her, see the scared shy sweet sorrowed solemn woman and he might not see the right one of me at all. My Uncle always could.

I'm afraid to be Queen. My Uncle was supposed to be King, and I understood what it was like to be afraid of that. I never anticipated anything bad happening. I'm glad I taught Orange to use a sword because now I can use it to become Queen like my Uncle would have been King. Ike told me that I did so much but she wonders how much of that was me because I am so close to my Uncle that he is also me in me.

Ike is the one holding my hand but his hand actually has the same calluses that I had because they both used swords pretty regularly. So I have to wonder how much my Uncle is in me and how much I am in everyone on which she relies. She also wants to believe that she has a special kinship with Ike because I lost someone that I almost couldn't live with out to Daein but I was killed by Ike. I asked him to do it. So if she has a special tie to him, she doesn't want to know it because I don't want to hate him.

Because of Bertram I found out about the games the challenges the rise to power. In conversation. Titania told me. Anyone who succeeded at them was made in charge. So what if Bertram whom nobody knew before was my Uncle? But my body disappeared so she can't know it. The armor was enchanted maybe and it scorched his body as Ike severed his head gracelessly. Soren told us not to dwell on it. Crimea was to be repatriated and she couldn't waste time trying to find me. How could she know?

But I thought that I would know. He was my Uncle and Orange was mine. I thought that she would know me too. That was the thought that kept me going! When I was lucid. In the game, I thought about Orange and I couldn't even recognize you. What if everything I thought was wrong? What was it you told me back then? You knew me and you knew me not. It's not her fault. She couldn't have known but I should have.

I want his hand on my shoulder and the curve of my back. I started sleeping in the same place as Ike. He doesn't really sleep. He just lies down and closes his eyes. Sometimes he keeps them open. He doesn't notice. I tried to make sure no one noticed. Especially not the vendor. She might have misconstrued everything. He just got used to it after awhile. He told me once to go back to my own bedroll. I said no I won't I won't. He seemed surprised. I came sporadically anyway. When I had a nightmare. Only when I missed my Uncle and Orange missed me.

When Elincia was small she decided that Orange was the happest color. I told her she was the happest little girl. She had nightmares. When I was there at the villa I held onto her the nightmares stopped tossing her around. She always came to me even if she was grown up (sixteen years old.) She graduated to happiest when she learned how to speak properly (five years old). She asked me if I was much older than her (twenty-six years old). I said not really anyway. She asked if I would marry her when she was grown up (eight years old). I tried to explain to Orange that I was already her Uncle and he said Uncles couldn't marry Oranges but she wasn't deterred but I was in love with him regardless.

During the war I felt like I was on the roiling sea. I had Ike but she wanted Ike to be me. I was lost to her and I loved to whatever I could get. I had a lot of nightmares. Some weren't that bad. I could live without a hand on my shoulder and the curve of her waist before it was even much of a curve. She looked very much like me, actually. I loved her very much but never the way I loved him. I was always a little girl. I could never get away from my nightmares afterwards. They always reached for me. Blamed me. I blamed myself too. Stupidity, usually. And for daydreaming. She never stopped wishing for me even if out loud it was a wish for a man like me. That scared me, too. She was a very beautiful girl that anyone could fall in love with and I was raining with tears when I said goodbye to him for the last time ever and Ike was the one who killed me.

Raining

I didn't talk about it with anyone. I held on to him, my Uncle and my Orange but I didn't tell anyone that I had let Ike kill him. I held on to the memory of me holding on to him and the last innocent kiss on the cheek although any kiss was innocent from her, she didn't know what brutality was, because I know what it is now.

Raining I

I wish I had him back. I think that I took him away. Which is childish. Like thinking that we have a special understanding. Bertram could have been any number of men. I am childish thinking that I might have commanded the death of my Uncle. I would know. I am childish in thinking that I would know. He was just another man. Bertram was just another man. He has to have been. Too much of a coincidence to be my Uncle who calls me Orange.

It's raining I can't

The nightmare keeps coming back. My Uncle is not here. I feel so guilty. Could I have killed him? Could I have let Ike kill him? My nightmare keeps coming back. Ike kills Uncle Renning. He doesn't know. I didn't know. How could I? How could he have been Uncle Renning? It doesn't add up. Uncle Renning was killed by Daein troops. They overwhelmed our peacetime forces. Crimea has never needed to go to war. Uncle Renning was killed in combat. I know this. I saw it. I had Ike kill him while he was in my arms.

It's raining, I can't possibly go back to my

That's how the nightmare goes.

"It's raining, I can't possibly go back to my tent now, Ike."

"That's not a good excuse."

"Please."

I don't talk about it. Ike understands that I don't want to talk about it. He just acquiesces to me. He doesn't understand me. I like to pretend though. I do love Ike. I do want him. I wish that he knew what I am. Like Uncle Renning did. I think he could learn. I don't want to hate him. Ike didn't kill my Uncle. Bertram wasn't anyone to me. He was just a thing. I would know but it is a paradox. If she knew she wouldn't doubt herself when she said it wasn't me that Ike killed. Maybe we had no connection at all. There was nothing between us that was special.

I am "Orange" and he is my uncle and he called me "Orange" because of a silly conversation we had. I had a nightmare, as I said, and we resolved to instill the happy color of orange everywhere to dispel the nightmares that I lied about having so I could be with him.

I am Elincia and at my side is Ike. He didn't kill my uncle.

"Thank you, Ike."

"What's wrong, anyway?"

"I had a nightmare again."

I would know if he killed him but I don't because we don't have that connection and there's no way that I could know like I think I do. I am not my uncle's "Orange" and he is not mine. I'm not. I'm not. I made it up because I was in love with him and I wanted his every thought to be my thought and about me. Childish.

"Good night, Princess."

Thank the Goddess for Ike. He flinches away from Aimee but doesn't hesitate to hold on to her shoulder and the curve of her waist like he is having difficult staying afloat too. They have a kinship, don't they; a father and an uncle to Daein. He understands a little, doesn't he. He doesn't sleep when he goes to sleep. He just lies down and closes his eyes. That's how Ike doesn't get nightmares. She can close her eyes and arms too.

I am "Orange" and I am her Uncle.