I've always wondered what death felt like. I've thought about the moment I would die, whether it be in 80 years or five. When I was younger, every new place I'd go I'd imagine what way I could die. Like this one time I went to thisconcert and above
there was this thing hanging over the stage, I had imagined a guy taking me up there and throwing me off.

Death fascinated me, and now because of me, my brother is dead. Ironic, isn't it?

There's another thing that I think about more than I should: my best friend. I met Jace Herondale before I could remember. He's just always been moms took this picture of us at one of our play dates, I was in my brother,Jon's lap and beside us Jace
was grinning at the camera. I was pulling his hair. It was a quite amusing photo, before the accident. Now it's just a reminder of what was.

So maybe I should start with that night, that god awful night.

"Clarissa! Hurry up!" I huff at the sound of Jace's voice, slipping on the heels that Izzy picked out for me and fluffing my hair up a bit. I walked slowly down the stairs, just to piss Jace off even more. Jace sighed in relief whenhe saw me and
wrapped his arm around my shoulders before "guiding" me out the door. "We're late."

I smirk at him, sliding from under his arm and jumping into his jeep. "We're always late." Jace laughed. He turned on his stereo, and turned it up loud. I looked out the window, seeing the street lights passing by. It wasn't longbefore we arrived
at the party, the street wascrowded with cars and the house boomed with laughter and music. It was Magnus Bane's party, only he could throw such a success and all of itfor his cat.

We walked into the house with no problem, but once we got inside we found we had to hold hands so we wouldn't lose each other. That is until we found our real friends, down in the basement that was off limits to most. Maureen, a freshmengirl and
Jordan, a scary senior guy were guarding the door to the basement. Downstairs there were beanbags, the best alcohol and a pool table. Jace went to the pool table and I sat by Izzy in a beanbag. We talked, it was fun.

But then it wasn't.

Magnus gathered everyone by the beanbags and decided a little game of truth or dare would be fun. The only thing was that it was drink or dare, so if you didn't want to do the dare you had to take a shot. I knew immediately I was not going

to have fun.

Izzy was first. "Okay give Simon a lap dance!" Magnus suggested and Alec gagged. She did it though, left Simon drooling and probably in pain trying to hide a boner, but she did it. Then it was Alec's turn, and he had to kiss the hottest

person in the room. He kissed Magnus, left Alec in a blushing mess when Magnus kissed back. Then it was Jace.

Jace and I were dared to do seven minutes of heaven in the closet. Such a cliche, but once they set the timer we did go into the closet. "I don't know what they expect..." I whispered to Jace, looking up at him and the closet began

to feel incredibly small.

Jace moved impossibly closer and looked down at me. "They expect me to kiss you," Jace paused and grabbed my hand. "Can I kiss you?" He asked, he sounded so vulnerable and I couldn't help but find myself nodding. He leaned further

down and his mouth barely touched mine but it set me on fire. Then I kissed him back and it felt like a dream. I didn't know what was happening around me, except that Jace's lips were there touching mine. Then I became aware of his hands on my hips,and
of the wall on my back. Jace pulled away and stared at me for a moment before furrowing his brows. "Did we just?" I nod.

I hear Izzy yell that we could come out and I tumbled out, feeling like I was suffocating. I ignored their stares and walked up the stairs two at a time. I mumbled a goodbyeto Jordan and heard someone scream my name but it was

drowned out by the music. I got lost in the crowd but somehow made my way outside. I had only been there for two hoursbut I called my brother to come get me at a gas station a few minutes walk from Magnus's house. I couldn't stay, not when Jacewould
be making his way out of the house any minute now.

So I began walking, hummingto a song in my head. I didn't know minutes later my brother would be dead. I didn't know just minutes later I'd wish I had died with him. I didn't know minutes later Jace would find Jon and I, in ourflipped car. I wish
I had never called him or gone to that stupid party.

Once I made it to the gas station, Jon was already there, wiping away the tiredness from his eyes. I climbed into the passenger seat, pulling on my seat belt. "Thanks Jon" I mumble and he nods, pulling out of the parking lot.

I returned to my staring out of the window, I tune out so much that it's too late when I realize that a truckwas coming for us, Jon's side. I closed my eyes and the next moment I opened them, I was staring at Jon's eyes. Hiseyes that weren't blinking,
I realized he was dead. All I could smell was gasoline and blood. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling my face dampen with my tears. "Clary, you have to let go." I felt Jace tugging at me, and I shook my head,holding on tighter. Jace wrapped
his arms around my waist and pulled. Hard. I screamed as he tore me away from him and he ran away. I clawed at his chest, but then the car blew up, with Jon in it. I hit Jace's chest.

Again

And again

And again.

I weakened around him and he held me up, holding my head to his chest as I sobbed into it. That's when I heard sirens and everything went dark.