I think it's been years. But none of us truly know. Time almost isn't a factor in life anymore, there's no more planning your life out to reach certain milestones, or trying to 'live fast and die young,' there's only survival. But if I had to guess, it's been around 3 years since the outbreak.
Jesus.
It feels like a lot fucking longer. Maybe it's the constant threat of death hanging around all our heads, or maybe it's the lack of technology and abundance of ignorance for time. Either way, it feels like I'm 10 years older than my 24 years of age.
I should have been teaching history to teenagers for three years by now, probably with a nice partner, either engaged or at least shacked up, maybe even married. But. Shit happens.
As I step outside of the house I share with Tara, and used to share with Denise, I take in my surroundings. The orchards are groaning with apples and pears, thank fuck, filling the air with sweet scents which remind me from a home long ago. Far away I can hear the clanging of tools against metal, from the workers, who used to be run by Abe, expanding our little sanctuary we call Alexandria. And that's what this place is. A sanctuary. A few months ago, I would have chastised myself for even muttering the word, or even wishing for something relative to the word, but now, after months of turmoil, it really is just that.
I quickly jog down the few steps of the house to reach the cobble stone path that leads to one of the few streets which I know will take me to the main hall. God this place is so middle America. The thought almost shocks me to the bones, it's almost as if I'm back to my pre-apocalyptic cynical, sarcastic self.
I am meant to meeting Rick, Maggie, Ezekiel, and the other leading members of our communities, well, five minutes ago. So, as I pick my pace up to a quick run, I allow myself to let my heart rate fall into the pace which my feet are making along the concrete of the sidewalk.
I arrive 10 minutes late. Fuck.
"Ah, Toni, nice to see you could join us," Rick notes in a tone which is both threatening and light-hearted at the same time. God, I need to know how he does that. It's a trick of his I have been trying to learn for myself ever since he joined the camp way back in Atlanta.
"I would come up with an elaborate excuse Rick, but as we all know you can read me like a book," to that comment, I hear Maggie, one of my closest friends, stifle a laugh, "but really I had an extra-long shower, if you catch my drift." I end the sentence with a wink to Noah, our resident bible banger, who nervously avoids my gaze. Noah's a good guy, loyal too, but boy do I love to ruffle his feathers.
"Yes Ton, we know how much you love the water pressure here," Rick says with an exaggerated eye roll, which surprisingly earns a hearty chuckle from both myself and Maggie, "but we have actually been waiting for you."
Okay, now I'm confused. Yes, I might be one of Rick's confidants, especially after Glenn's gruesome departure by the hands of Negan.
I nearly vomit at the thought of this horrid man. Thankfully, or not so thankfully if it meant Maggie and Glenn's child could grow up with two parents, I was out on a one-man scavenger mission to find medicine at the time of the savagery. I am a 'backstage' person, like Daryl, not minding the dirty work, and preferring it to trying to please everyone.
"Toni!" Rick shouts, snapping his forefinger and thumb in front of my face. "We were waiting for you."
"Yeah, I got that, what I was wondering about is, why?"
There is long pause, where no one meets my eyes. Maggie refuses to meet my gaze, and even Daryl pretends to clean one of his arrow heads.
"Okay guys, you're getting me nervous, which is strange as the only thing I get nervous about is the possibility of running into that savage who shall not be named."
Rick gulps and the silence thickens throughout the people I call family. Oh shit.
"Well Ton, I-I mean we, need to talk to you. You've been by my side since Atlanta, doing things which should have destroyed your sanity, which we thank you for as we could not have done them," to this I feel pure pride, and manage a small smirk at Rick's appreciation for me, "but that's exactly why you're perfect for this role."
Yet again, another pause of silence ripples throughout the hall, as if silence could ripple. I know what is coming and I clench my fists.
"Following the truce which has been established between our communities, and the saviours, there needs to be certain people, ambassadors, which need to be assigned to keep relations…well peaceful and diplomatic when it comes to terms of trade, rights, and well, to make sure the truce doesn't implode." He takes yet another pause. I wish he would just spit his words out, I've never been one for pussy footing around the subject.
Suddenly Daryl interjects the quietness, "for Christ's sake Rick, just tell her."
Rick takes an unsteady breath in, "we need you to be the main ambassador from the factions to the Saviours and the compound."
Fuck.
I unclench my fists and ask the obvious question, to which I know the obvious answer, but ask anyway. "Why me?" I manage to choke out, not from fear, or pain, but from anger. Rick knows I would much rather be left to my solitude completing tasks which don't want to be done, such as killing saviours and rule breakers such as that asshole Rob who tried to rape myself and Maggie shortly after the death of Glenn.
Rick briskly walks up to me, takes my elbow and leads me to the corner of the room, out of earshot. He does this as he is expecting me to blow my very short temper. "Look Toni, you weren't there that day, you don't know what it was really like."
He catches my wrist before I punch him square in his previously twice broken nose. Rage fills me. "How the fuck can you say that Rick?! Glenn was like a fucking brother to me! I feel as much pain about it as the rest of you, even if I don't bitch about it by nearly topping myself in grief!" I say the last part of my rant a little too loud, and even though I know Maggie and Noah have heard what I said, I don't regret it.
"Look here, I know you loved them, the same as I, but I need someone I trust who I know won't let their pain get in the way of doing the job done."
He's right. He's so damn right. I wish he weren't fucking right.
I shake my wrist from his grasp and nod to him my acceptance of this role. Rick and I walk back to the centre of the room as he lets everyone know I accept my new role as fucking peace keeper. Maggie looks at me with thankful eyes, as I know she wouldn't want anyone else to deal with the monster who murdered the father of her child. Carol glances my way, but I know better than to read into her body language. Daryl avoids my gaze which is odd.
Daryl and I usually speak to each other through our eyes, so something is up. He knows something I don't.
My thoughts are interrupted by Rick's announcement of the first ambassadorial meeting this Friday. Only two days away. I ask whether the other ambassadors will join, to which I am informed that I am representing not only Alexandria, but the Kingdom, and the Hilltop, until the truce is set in stone.
Brilliant.
Not only will I have three very different communities riding on my back, but also, my own personal grudges to hold back when I meet the devil incarnate. This Friday. This fucking Friday.