Summary: "Dad Egbert," you begin, "I am fucking your son."

Disclaimer: Not mine guys. I own but shitty fanfiction and an imagination.

(see end for author's Note)

Your name is John Egbert, and you've had enough of hiding this from your father.

"Dave," You murmur, prodding the sleepy boy's nose. "Dave, this is important."

"Mfhm, fuck, Egbert," he growls, "What is it? If it's so important, can't it wait until I wake up?"

"Not really," you pull your bottom lip into your mouth and chew at it nervously.

He groans. "Well?"

"We need to tell them."

"Tell who what?"

"Dad and Bro. That we're... Uh..." You can't quite get the words out. It's been four months since you and Dave became more-than-bros, One since you started... Erm... That... And you have a /very/ hard time saying it.

"Sleeping together?"

"E-er, uh, yeah. I mean, it's my dad, Dave!" You're scrambling, trying to explain yourself. You love his crimson eyes, but hate the look he's giving you. "If anybody deserves to know, it's him. And Bro, well okay I don't know that much about bro, but I'm sure- mmmmmffffffffhhh," A gentle, smirking set of lips has found their way to yours to shut you up.

"Okay, John," He breathes against you and oh God, do you love the way your first name sounds on his lips. "If it means so much to you, we can sit 'em down later and tell 'em. Hell, coulda done this sooner if I'd known it bothered you." He wraps his arms around your bare waist and falls back against the pillows, bringing you close to his chest. "But if ya want this to go down okay, lemme sleep so I can handle this right."

You are more than happy to agree.

Your name is Dave Strider, and it is 'later'. You can tell John didn't mean quite so soon by the way he glances at you every couple minutes with emotions ranging from 'this has me under so much stress I am going to fucking /kill/ /you/ when this is over' to 'Oh God, Dave, what if they don't accept us? What if I won't be allowed to be your friend at all anymore?'

Fuck yeah, you read all that through a few glances.

It actually took you most of that sleep/spooning Egbert time earlier this morning to come up with this. When Bro comes to pick you up (probably by ninja-ing through a window and giving everyone a heart attack, the ass), you're going to sit both him and Dad Egbert down and tell them you love John.

You told him that's how it would work, anyway. Just to calm him down. Actually, you'll probably just say something really stupid and abscond the fuck out of there.

With that plan in motion, you're seated comfortably on the floor in the living room with John playing Portal while Dad Egbert cooks or does some other fatherly shit somewhere else in the house. You know it's only a matter of time before-

You see a flash of Cal in the window.

"Showtime," you grumble, almost inaudibly.

Predictably, Bro has let himself in, and made his presence known with a loud noise, created by God-Only-Knows.

And soon enough, like the good host he is, Egbert is greeting him politely, as usual.'Dave is such a nice young man, a good friend for John to have,' he's saying, you're sure of it. 'It's always a pleasure to have him over.'

You guess you got the monologue right, because there's Bro's voice; 'Yeah, thanks, I try to raise him as more than a little douche, Kid are you ready to go? I got shit to do."

You feel John tense beside you.

It's now or never.

You stand and make your way over to where the men are talking and resist the urge to dart your eyes and shift from converse-clad foot to converse-clad foot. You are behind your shades, you remind yourself, you can-and will- make this happen.

"Dad Egbert," you begin, and fuck you are so nervous you can't even imagine how John's feeling, "I'm fucking your son."

Well okay, you hadn't expected to be /that/ crude. Shit.

There are several tense moments of silence, well, save for John's mantra of 'ohGodnoohGodDavewhydidyouohf uckI'mgonnadie', before Dad does anything.

And then-

Wait.

The fuck?

He's smirking. Why the fuck is he smirking? You glance over at Bro, whose face is as expressionless as usual. He does look amused, though, just in the way he stands. What the fuck? What joke are you missing, here?

"Fine by me," Egbert chuckles, "After all-

"I'm screwing your brother."

Oh hell.

I don't even like Bro/Dad. This, there was a picture Of this on Tumblr and-

I had to. I uave been writing so much DaveJohn lately you don't even know.