ICE BLUE
Because his I-love-you's aren't just friendship tests, and his eyes are ice blue.
"Mimi, I love you."
"Maureen, I love you."
"Collins, I love you."
"Joanne, I love you."
"Angel, I love you."
"Roger, I love you."
Mimi lifts her head up from his lap. He's stroking her hair absently and staring into space. His eyes are still blue, as clear and cold as ever. Blue.
"Mark..."
He looks down and smiles. The smile doesn't quite reach beyond his lips. The rest of his face is still pale. And cold.
"I remember... the first time I ever heard you say 'I love you' to me..."
He nods.
"You said it was a friendship test, remember? It was funny."
He closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again they're still as clear and icy and blue as ever.
"Yeah."
"Mark."
"Yeah?"
"I'm dying."
"Yeah..."
She starts to cry.
"I'm dying... and then everyone's going to be gone... and you'll be all alone..."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know."
"Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"You know... I love you. We all love you, Marky. Everyone does."
"... I love you all too."
Mimi's sobs subside, and she burrows her head deeper into Mark's lap, sniffling. After a few moments, her lip trembles and she starts crying again.
"Marky... it shouldn't be like this... you shouldn't have to face this all alone..."
"Benny's still here."
"Yeah, but... he's... Benny!"
He barks out a humourless laugh.
"I'll be all right," he says. He looks away again.
"I'm... so, so sorry-."
"Forget it."
"Marky-."
"I said, forget it."
She keeps crying, and he just keeps staring off into space with those ice blue eyes. After a few minutes, he speaks again.
"Mimi?"
"Yes, Marky?"
"Don't call me Marky."
There is nearly no one at Mimi's funeral. Benny is there. A few of Mimi's fellow dancers, and her boss are there. The priest is there.
And of course, Marky is there. With his cold blue eyes gazing absently at the casket.
There is little service. A few speeches from the dancers. A speech from Mimi's boss. And a speech from Mark, who tries to keep it light-hearted.
But Benny could see that the lines in his face had been etched deeper than the last time he saw him. Mark's hair had always been a sort of white-blonde colour. It used to lean towards blonde more than white. Now it seemed more white than blonde.
Good God. And how old is he now? 29? 30? Good Lord...
Benny suddenly found he wanted to cry. Not for Mimi's death, although that was sad too, but for Mark.
Poor Mark, with those sapphire blue eyes that want to cry... but can't.
Poor Mark, losing constantly the ones that matter most to him.
Poor Mark, watching his friends die off one by one.
Poor Mark, who was forced to mature so rapidly.
Poor Mark, who looked older than he should.
Poor, poor Mark.
Benny wanted to cry really badly.
And he did.
"Benny," he croaks. "Hey."
Benny smiles and claps Mark on the back. "Hey. How's it going?"
"I'm going to the hospital right now."
Benny is about to say 'Who are you visiting', but stops himself just in time. "Why... are you going there?"
Mark smiles weakly. He looks directly at Benny's eyes, and Benny can clearly the cold blue hue of his irises soften slightly.
"I think I might be infected with HIV."
Benny is shocked. "How?" he sputters.
"While Mimi was sick... she got cut accidentally... and... it... the blood... I... I got some inside my fingernail. I didn't get it all cleaned out properly..." he trails off, looking away. And Benny finds that he is slightly relieved that those clear blue eyes stopped drilling into his being.
"And...?"
"And... I've recently developed a nervous habit of chewing on my fingernails."
Mark looks back over, and the only thing Benny registers is that his eyes were so fucking blue.
Positive.
For Mark, that word had never had such a negative meaning. He let out the breath he had been holding, leaned back, and closed his eyes. Beside him, Benny gave a strangled half-sob, half-yelp.
For a few moments, there was nothing but a tense silence.
Then, Mark started laughing. Hard. He was clutching his sides, rocking back and forth, tears streaming down his face. The horrible piece of paper he had been holding fluttered to the ground. Benny stared at it for a moment, then picked it up, tore it in half, and began laughing along with Mark.
"No... don't... stop laughing, damnit!" Mark finally gasped. Benny's laughter ebbed away, and he slumped back in his chair.
They were silent again for a bit. Then Mark grabbed Benny's arm and pulled him to his feet. He looked over, smiling, his blue, blue eyes crinkled. Benny was startled to see that the ice blue had warmed up just a tad. Mark's eyes hadn't been that shade of warm blue since college.
"Come on, people are staring."
They didn't move for a beat, then they ran off, laughing maniaclly and startling the nurses and various other patients.
Benny finished stirring the drinks and brought them over to where Mark was huddled on the couch, coughing. Sick. Dying.
He sat down across from the flimmaker and set the drinks down between them. Mark had refused to go to the hospital, even denied AZTs. He actually wanted to die faster and see the other bohos quicker.
"Hey."
"Thanks -hack- Benny..."
Mark had already been skinny before. Now he seemed to be made of nothing but skin and bones. The one thing that hadn't changed were his eyes. They remained as blue and cold as ever.
They drank the drinks in silence. Benny finished his in less than a minute. He set it down on the table again. He gazed at the crackling fire that they had set up. He looked back at Mark, and was utterly surprised.
Mark was crying.
The whole time he had sick, Mark had never cried. Never. Yet, he was sobbing now. Benny found himself being strangely reminded of icicles melting.
"Mark?"
"Benny... Benny... I'm... s-so scared..."
Benny moved over to where Mark was. "There's nothing to be scared of. You'll be fine, Mark. Just fine."
Mark looked up at Benny, his eyes full of tears. A lump formed in Benny's throat. Those eyes were the same colour, the same icy blue, no doubt, but they were large and shiny, like a child's.
And it suddenly all came back to him. How Mark had to grow up so fast. How he had to watch everyone die with those ice blue eyes that really had no business being so cold.
"Benny... I'm sorry. Mimi... she -cough- she was sorry... for me too... but..." Mark stopped for a coughing fit. Benny rubbed his back. "Thanks... anyway... she was sor-sorry for... for me... but... you... you have it worse, Benny... you... you're watching me d-d... die too... I'm... I'm sorry..."
Benny couldn't bear to see a sick and dying man apologize to him, and he told Mark so. This caused Mark to burst into more tears.
Sighing, Benny enveloped the blubbering Mark in a hug. He briefly wondered how such a warm body could house such chilly blue eyes, and how those eyes in turn could produce such warm tears.
"Benny... I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, Mark."
"... Benny, I love you."
"... I love you too, Mark. I love you all."
"Me too."
THE END