What Hurts the Most

Author's Note: I just saw RENT this past Saturday. So, this is during Roger's withdrawal period. And the first time Mark met Mimi.

Roger sat on the couch, he was so twitchy. It drove him nuts, but he knew no other way to life. He once did. But, not anymore. His life was consumed with drugs. When he could get the next fix. Songs meant nothing anymore. Life meant nothing.

The day he'd first shot up that poison…was the beginning of the end for Roger Michael Davis. He stopped writing his folks as often. He didn't talk to his roommates. Because he knew he'd get lectured, and he didn't want to feel any guiltier about his choices than he already did. Mark would feel ashamed. Like he'd led Roger to picking up the needle.

Maureen would call him a dumbass, and try to take away the last thing Roger could depend on. Depending on people tended to get Roger in trouble. So, he decided not to trust anyone anymore. To be alone. With just April and his needles. That's all he needed out of life.

He hadn't heard from his two sisters since he started using. He kept getting letters from Lizzie. Who was blossoming in her freshman year of university. He'd tried the college route, but it never really panned out. The loft was cold, damp and drafty. So, he had to make a lot of money to fix it.

Mark was always working at the Life Café, or at the Statue of Liberty. He took pictures at the Statue. He hated it, but it was money. Maureen was a tour guide in the good part of town. She actually kind of liked her job. Collins was studying for his high school equivalency exam.

Benny was wooing Allison Grey, and was gradually moving out of the loft. Roger had no job, a drug habit to nurse, family who was dependent on him. Especially his sick mother and his alcoholic father. His older sister Denise spent her time taking care of Carol, their mother. Elizabeth, the youngest, went to college in Maine, far away from her parents or sister. Roger was always responsible for her.

Had to be. He protected her from their father during his drunken tirades. His bohemian friends said they understood what he went through, but they didn't. April did. She truly loved him. She introduced him to heroin, because she wanted to spend her life with him.

And that was what she did most of the time. Except for that year she moved to New Jersey, to 'take care of her sister, June and brother, August.' He believed her. And when she came back, she looked healthy and clean. But, she went back to their old habits, and loved being the way they were.

She let herself in, and sat on the couch with Roger. She looked him in the eye.

'Roger lets go get some stuff from the man.' They weren't allowed to know his name. Privileged information, he said. He had a smoker's cough, and a bad attitude. He was always threatening the new comers. Scared Roger to death the first time he'd met him. He always called him 'Lover boy' because he said April was like a daughter to him, and so he 'had to protect her'. April had later told him that the man and she had dated in high school. They even had sex. So, he was really jealous when he saw them together.

Roger grabbed his leather jacket. A Christmas gift from Elizabeth. He followed April out the door, grabbing his keys. They held hands, hers were freezing. The man jumped out of the shadows.

'Hey Ape, Lover boy.' he said, nodding in Roger's direction. Roger nodded back. April had the money in her hand, and reached in for a hug. 'Hey, honey!' she exclaimed! He patted her back with one hand. She smiled as he put the tiny baggie in her pocket. She kissed his cheek, and walked off, Roger following close behind.

LATER

They were lounging at April's apartment. It was in a cleaner part of downtown New York. She lived alone. She was a painter, a well-known painter. Ever since Vincent Grey, of Westport, bought a painting of Allison for her 21st birthday. She had a fancy art studio. It usually had pictures of a little girl with light blue eyes and familiar dirty blonde hair. She looked like a newborn in some pictures, a 1 or 2 year old in others. April said her name was Avery. She was so beautiful. He turned away from the paintings, and smiled at April, who was on the phone. She smiled back, and looked out the window.

'Hi, honey. I miss you, too. Soon, honey. I promise. No, he can't. He can't, sweetheart. I know. I realize that, sweetie. I love you more. Put June on. Hey, June. It's Ape. Yeah. He's here. Yeah. She did? Well, I miss her too, June. You know I do. She is mine. I wish I had. I'll see you at Christmas. I will. Tell her I love her. Bye, sis.'

She hung up, and looked at Roger who was piddling with his guitar, that he'd left at her apartment. It was a birthday present from Denise to Roger. April had gotten him high on his birthday. He loved them all. He kissed her neck, when she cuddled up to him. She looked at her watch. 'Rog, I have a doctor's appointment. A follow-up from 6 months ago.' She said her face a worried look. He nodded.

'I'm going with you. If it's something involving you, it involves me.' He said, shrugging his shoulders.

She kissed him on the lips, grabbing her coat. 'Let's go, then.' She said, wiggling her nose suggestively.

He smiled, and followed her. Not knowing that this doctor's visit would change their lives forever...