Chapter One

"Did you honestly think that everything I did was for selfish gain," the man asked, scarlet drops falling from his gasping mouth. Another man sat beside the fallen figure, one hand clutching a blood-stained pistol. They were trapped in darkness.

"You never led us to believe otherwise. Acting like a jerk all the time didn't help your case either," he answered.

"When have you ever seen me spend any of my share?"

The other man was silent. He placed the pistol back in its holster. "How come you never said anything?"

"How come you never asked?"

One week earlier…

River's eyes snapped open. Chatter filtered through the air vents overhead. She slowly got up and opened the door of her room. Across the hall, Simon's door also stood open and his bed was empty. Only one other place he would be at this time of night. She headed towards the infirmary. Just about everyone was there, minus Inara and Shepherd Book, who had both left Serenity a month ago. She walked over and stood in the threshold. She watched her brother digging through the contents of a drawer. Mal and Jayne were the ones in need of attention. There was a jagged gash on the Captain's arm and blood oozed from a crack in Jayne's skull.

"You want to tell me what happened this time?" Wash asked.

River already knew what happened. She could see the dark figure with a broken bottle lash out at Mal. She saw Jayne smash a pool cue across a patron's head, only to be smacked in the face with a pistol butt from behind.

"Just a simple bar fight Wash. Nothin' special," Mal replied.

"A fight which we won by the way," Jayne added.

"Doesn't look like it," Simon commented, checking his shipmate's pupil reaction with a pen light.

"Just goes to show that without me, you two are hopeless in a fight. What's the prognosis doctor?" Zoë spoke up from where she was standing next to Wash.

"Well, Mal is going to need a couple of stitches, and Jayne has a slight concussion. He'll need stitches too."

"Please tell me that before you offended some of the drunks you got us a job. We need a new catalyzer for the engine. It's nearly all the way sanded down and it only catches a spark about half the time," Kaylee piped up.

"Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?" Mal asked, pulling out a folded letter.

Zoë grabbed it and started reading. "Shiny. Another dusty planet. Why can't we go somewhere with trees?"

"Trees are too fancy for us," Wash said sarcastically.

"Where are we going?" Jayne winced as Simon dabbed a rag across his wound.

"Some place called Nirvana," Zoë answered.

Jayne stiffened from where he was sitting.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to hurt you," Simon said.

River knew that her brother hadn't hurt Jayne. Garbled thoughts raced through his mind. Fear, grief, an unresolved past.

"Just continue," Jayne muttered, still tense.

"Nirvana means paradise don't it? It don't sound like no dusty planet," Kaylee commented.

"That's how the Alliance works. They name barren planets all pretty like to get more settlers there," Mal explained.

"What is the job exactly?" Wash asked, trying to peer over Zeya's shoulder.

"The locals are having some trouble with a group of bandits. Apparently, they've taken to stealing everything from food to medical supplies," Zoë read.

Jayne started once more causing the half-stitched wound starting to bleed again.

"Tyen shai duh!" Jayne gasped, blood dripping on the floor.

"Hold still then," Simon complained as he pressed some more gauze on the gash.

"Problem Jayne?" Mal gazed at him curiously.

"Not at all. Doc here is doing a jing tsai job with his magic hands," Jayne replied sarcastically.

"If you would stop fidgeting, I could be done sooner and you wouldn't be hurting yourself," Simon stated.

"Well, maybe if you-"

"Play nice Jayne. He's only doing his job," Mal interrupted.

Jayne threw him a sullen look, but closed his mouth and let Simon continue.

"Where is Nirvana located at," Wash asked, trying to stay on subject.

Zoë scanned the note once more. "It's about two days further from Whitefall on the Southern Shipping Lanes."

"We'll need to stop for fuel once. We don't have much now," Kaylee added.

"We'll take care of that and get some other supplies on Shwai," Mal said.

"I'll go up and plot our course now." Wash walked out of the tiny room and headed for Serenity's bridge.

"I'd better go with him and make sure he's not distracted by anything." Zoë took off after her husband.

"I guess that means I need to go warm up the engines," Kaylee said as she left as well.

With almost everyone gone, it was mostly silent in the infirmary. Finished with Jayne, Simon moved on to Mal. River watched as her brother quickly examined the injury and put on a fresh pair of gloves. Mal rolled up his shirt sleeve further so Simon had more room. River could feel the tension in mal as well as a worried anger that was building in Jayne. She observed him out of the corner of her eye, but he only rested his head against the wall. He was hiding his emotions well. This was the second time that River had got a reading off Jayne. The first time was after Ariel. Shame and fear had been flowing off him in waves. A crate of apples had been purchased to alleviate the guilt, but it was still there. But before that, there was a large void whenever she focused on him. Sometimes she only focused on him for that was the only time her mind had peace. The rest of the crew was an overwhelming, almost to the point of making her sick, melting pot of emotion. River was snapped out of her reverie by Simon as he clanked down a bowl full of bloody bandages on the counter.

"All done. Don't go bumping that arm for a few days and Jayne," Simon gazed over at the now paler jerk. "You need to stay in bed and rest for a couple of days."

To his surprise, Jayne just nodded and carefully rose to his feet. Mal nodded his head in the injured man's direction indicating that he'd see him to his room. Simon waited until they both had left before he started to clean up. Seeing that River was still there, he set down the vial of medicine he was carrying and sat down beside her.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Do I need something?

River smiled slightly. She needed a lot of things, but Simon wasn't the one who could give it to her.

"River?" Simon pressed gently.

River looked at the floor. "We shouldn't go to Nirvana."

Simon gazed at her confusedly. "What do you mean?"

"It's a mistake," she whispered.

"Why? Why is it a mistake River?"

River shook her head. She didn't know. But whenever he planet was mentioned, a cold, sick feeling lay in her stomach and conscious. Simon, seeing her confusion, took her hand.

"Come on Mei-mei. Let's go back to bed. You may remember after a good night's sleep."

Simon looked sincere, but she knew. He knew too. She wouldn't know what was giving her that feeling. It would still be as obscure as it was when she first heard of Nirvana. Taunting her. But she followed her brother anyway. What else was there to do? She didn't know much, but of one thing she was sure. When the Alliance was choosing a name for the planet, they should have chosen Hades, and not Nirvana.