Author's Note: I don't own anything.

Summary: Jiminy Cricket opens his own therapy office and everyone comes to see him. Lots of pairings, lots of ooc ness, and perhaps some slash.

Chapter 1: Ursula

Jiminy Cricket was so excited for today because it was the first day of him officially opening his therapy office. He had received so many calls from different people and animals and magical beings that it was going to be crazy busy! The first call he received was from none other than Ursula. He agreed to see her. Jiminy left the door open and put out an inflatable pool and filled it for Ursula. She was after all half octopus.

When Ursula arrived she had to be carried by a helicopter because she was so big and no one wanted to carry her. The pool was pushed outside by Donald and Goofy. "Hello Darling," came the voice of Ursula as she was dragged in.

"Wow, you are so purple. Did you eat too many grapes as a child?" asked Jiminy.

"I want to talk about my brother."

"King Triton?"

"Of course."

"Well what about him!"

Ursula swam around her pool to a comfortable spot and sighed. "I'm so jealous of him. He's perfect and awesome, and the ruler of the sea. I only got a brief taste of it before I was kicked out."

"Brief taste?" Jiminy eyed her up and down, "I would say a huge bite."

"You calling me fat?"

"No, no, you are sexy."

"You think me sexy?" Ursula jiggled herself around.

Jiminy wanted to barf but he was a therapist after all and had to keep calm. "What would you do if you were a ruler?" asked Jiminy.

Ursula sighed dramatically and threw her hands around. "I just want a crown to be honest, something shiny and special."

Jiminy hopped off his chair and went to his desk and opened a drawer. "What do we have here?" gasped Jiminy, "Look, a crown!"

Ursula's eyes widened as he whipped out a golden crown. "By the beard of Triton!" she cried.

Jiminy hopped onto her head and placed the crown on top. "How does it feel?"

"I've got the power," screeched Ursula as she splashed around in the pool laughing evilly.

Jiminy scared for his life held on and screamed as Ursula continued to splash around. Soon she grew tired and sunk to the bottom of the pool for a nap. She was tuckered out.