The air was cool as it blew, and it triggered memories of running off to the park to watch fireworks. Jackets and pants were required to keep from being eaten alive by bugs. And as the sun set, brisk winds would send chills through your body, if you didn't have sleeves on or someone to cuddle up with. Even in the summer, the nights were chilly. Maybe the park was naturally that way, making everyone long for the arms of another. I remember laughing with my friends, jumping at the crack of the fireworks. I haven't been to that park in years, now.
As I walked on, all alone, I wished I could be at that park again. I missed being able to hang out with friends on a calm summer's evening. I missed being able to laugh. No one lied when they told you that you grow up quickly. I see things in a different light now. What were once thoughts of flowers are now considerations of if I will make it another day without dying. There is too much for me to handle in this life. I am not ready to realize that I cannot bear the entire weight of the world on my shoulders. Even fights that do not concern me have risks that hang in my mind. My friends are the ones who fight much more than I do, my friends whom I may not know much longer, if I even truly know them now. We all seem to be on the same side, but none of us really know for sure.
When it comes down to it, I wonder if we kids were really ready for all of this. Maybe we proved that we had enough physical training, but that is not the same as mental training. There are so many struggles to get through. There is so much uncertainty. In a time when our emotions are always on high, we young ninja must face so much extreme behavior. All the fighting, the death, the detachment, the lack of trust-- it's hard to tell what actions will benefit you and may harm you. When someone dies, we are to keep going, fighting even harder now to honor the fallen. There isn't a time to mourn until the fight is done. But will our battle ever cease? In black and white, isn't this your average battle between good and evil? The day that the battle is over is when the world either finds true peace or concludes.
If I were still the innocent girl I used to be, I would tell you how much I wish that there were no evil in the world. But I have since lost that innocence. I have seen things I wish I never had to see. I have realized that there is much more to life than what you can separate into a couple categories. I have learned of the scales we must respect, how all things must exist to keep balance in the world. I have found out that there is a lot of gray, and that we are not always on one path or one side. Yet, while the battle thrives on, it is the few of our kind that must go on and hope for the best, regardless of what out alignment is. By believing in ourselves and each other, we give hope to those who are not fighters in this war. While the world may not be only on my shoulders, all of us do carry part of the burden; even those on the other side of the fight. I am not sure whom I can truly trust, but my heart wants to try. I hope I may live through this battle to see the end of it. I trust we will not be disappointed.