Ah! IDEA. IDEA. INSPIRED BY KITTENS.
"Your Mom Doesn't Satisfy Me"
- - x
"Hey, Lettie."
"Hm?"
"Why is it that you never hang out with girls?"
Olette looked up from the DS that was in her hand to raise a brow at the blonde boy that was lying on the couch.
"What are you getting at, Hayner?"
"I'm just asking. It was just a thought that came to my mind."
"Dude, there are so many answers to that. Suggestive answers," Roxas chirped without looking up from his own DS. He received an elbow jab from his brunette friend, causing him to almost lose his balance. "MOTHERFU-"
"Are you trying to call me a flaming lesbian!?"
Roxas paused the game and looked up at her. "Well, no… I was planning to call you a skank because you DEFINITELY are one, but that could work out, too!"
"Oh, go die in a well, jerkface."
"I love you."
"Seriously! Have you not realized that you don't have any girl friends!?" Hayner said as he sat up on the couch, irritated that his two friends were delaying the answer to his question.
"What's going on?"
"Hey, Pence. Hayner asked a very intriguing question, so intriguing that no one really cares about it."
"Since when do we care about Hayner?"
"Fuck you, Pence."
"Amazing comeback, Hayner."
"Lesbian."
"Don't make me come over there!"
"Seriously. What was the question?"
"He asked why Lette doesn't hang out with girls."
"Well, that is a very intriguing question. I kind of care. Why don't you, Lettes?"
"Because!"
The three boys looked at her with expressions that one could tell they were waiting for the rest of the answer.
"That's the end of the sentence! BECAUSE."
"Miss OHEHMGEEIHAVETODOEVERYTHINGINPROPERGRAMMAR is not using proper grammar! LE GA–OW. WHAT THE FU-"
"That doesn't satisfy me, Lettie."
"Oh my god. I think you bruised my flippin' kidney!"
"Your mom doesn't satisfy me."
"Roffles."
"Pence. What have we said about using online talking in real life?"
"Would you quit moaning about your kidney, Rox!? You sound like me whenever I have menstrual cramps!"
"Online talking in real life makes you look like one of those… people who use online talking in real life."
"So, are you saying I sound like a dying whale?"
"Why do I get the feeling that you're trying to call me fat?"
"Because you are phat: pretty, hot, and tempting. Now stop avoiding my fucking question!"
"I don't freaking know, okay! You guys were just… there!"
"What!? That kind of hurts. You make me-"
"Us. There's three boys here, Roxas."
"-us feel like we're some… some…"
"Trees!"
"What the freaking h?"
"Trees are just there!"
"We need trees to breathe, Hayner. They're kind of necessary."
"Your mom is necessary."
"Roxas, don't try. It's only cool when Lettie does it."
"Is pouting."
"Well, I don't know. Maybe some girls bullied me when I was younger, making me want to hang out with boys despite the cooties. I don't freaking know."
"There's your answer, Hayner."
"I am not satisfied!"
"Your mom didn't satisfy me last night!"
"Okay, Roxas. Stop. Lettes already used that one."
"Okay. Fine. I've got a satisfying answer, so satisfying that you should be able to smile all day because you're that satisfied."
"Blow job?"
"Okay. No. I'm not going to answer you anymore."
"I'm kidding. Why can you make such good 'your mom' jokes and not take anyone else's 'non-your mom' jokes?"
"I'll do it."
"I know you want to, Roxas."
"Mmm. Only for you, baby."
"Oh dear… Maybe this is the part where me and Lettes should leave."
"I know you guys want to watch u-OW. YOU KNOW WHAT, LETTE?! I'M MOVING AWAY FROM YOU SO YOU COULD STOP HURTING ME. Goes over to other chair."
"Okay. Anyways, I guess I just don't really like girls. I mean, there are some cools ones out there, but they're just… really… annoying."
"WHOA. SHE AGREES WITH THE MALE OPINION!"
"Don't get your head too big, pompous dick. I mean, like, well, the girls at our school are mostly… airheads. Every time I talk to one, I end up having to talk to them about boys, hot actors, make-up, clothes, what they did with their boyfriends, what they want their boyfriends to do, why their boyfriends are idiots, their hair, what they should do with their hair. Like, I can't have an intelligent conversation with them! I just can't!"
"What makes boys so special, then?"
"They're funnier. And more amusing. And need someone to keep them in check."
"What's that supposed to mean? I can take care of myself."
"You definitely can't, Pence."
"Hayner's right. You definitely didn't save yourself from that spider last week."
"Oh shut it."
"BACK TO ME."
"Sorry, Lette."
"Yeah. Sorry, Lettes."
"Anyways, most of the girls are like this. There are a few, like Naminé and Yuffie and Kairi that I can tolerate. They're respectable beings that can hold intelligent conversations, especially Naminé. Like, damn that girl is smart."
"No shit, Sherlock. Not only that but she draws."
"And plays the piano."
"And Roxas has a crush on her. That's gotta be something since he's a flaming homo."
"Okay. That was flippin' sixth grade. And I'm straight, ya douche."
"Your mom definitely wasn't straight last night."
"That was weak, Lettie."
"I thought it was pretty good."
"No one cares about what you think."
"I'm not going to save you from spiders anymore now that you've said that, Pence."
"For the love of all that's holy! I'm not afraid of-"
"Yo, dude. There's a spider inching down from the ceiling towards you."
"OHMYGAWWWWWWWWD. GET IT AWAY FROM ME."
"Roxas is being a dick, Pence. There's no spider there."
"I'm just proving to him that he is indeed afraid of spiders."
"What are you looking at, Pence? Hot girl?"
"More like Roxas's hot girl."
"You? And hot girl? I didn't know you were capable of getting someone hot."
"Shut up, Lette. I don't have a hot girl."
"That's 'cause there is no fucking hot girl. Pence is being retarded."
"I wanted to see if he'd jump and scream Naminé's name. Guess he didn't."
"No fucking really."
"I DON'T FLIPPIN' LIKE HER."
"Then who do you like? Men?"
"Oh, yeah, Pence. Definitely. Penises over vaginas".
"Especially mine. Right, Roxas?"
"I'm sorry, Hayner, but more like Olette's."
"Suck my nonexistent dick, Roxas."
"With pleasure, MAN."
"WAIT. But seriously now!"
Everyone looked at Pence with questioning looks.
"Who do you like, Roxas? I mean, we've discussed about whom we've liked, as in Hayner's ten billion girls-"
"You make me sound like some whore."
"It's 'cause you are one, idiot."
"-Olette's Riku-"
"You still like him, Lette?"
"I don't know. He's being a jerk."
"I'll fuck him up for you."
"It's more like you want to do him, Hayner."
"But I only want to fuck you, Roxie baby."
"-and the nice girls turned backstabbing whores that I've liked."
"That is a good question. Who do you like, Roxas?"
"Uhm…"
"Oh! He's turning red! He does have a hot girl!"
"I'm too afraid to say."
"Dude. Just spill it. It's not like we're going to tell anybody."
"Yeah. And Lettes doesn't confide in girls."
"What Pence said."
"How about I text you the name?"
"What the fuck? Roxas. That's the most fuckingly retarded plan I've ever heard of."
"I'm too shy to say aloud. And 'sides, it's like… I don't' know."
"How long have you liked her?"
"Or him?"
"Go die, Lette. I've liked her since last year, but I don't know why I started liking her just last year. God. Can I just text the name?"
"I'm okay with that."
"Mmkay."
"Ah, fuck it. Just do it."
Roxas then took out his cell phone and texted the three of them. Ten seconds later, his three friends' phones started to ring or vibrate, so each of them took their phones out to read the message. The name the saw made them go wide-eyed and sputter for a moment. Then the three of them looked at their blonde friend with different expressions after they regained some sense in their brains.
"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK."
"INCEST."
"Uh… Well…"
"Yeah. Exactly why I didn't want to say it."
- - x
I love love LOVE the Twilight Gang! Just love them. LOVE 'EM. So much that I had to write something about them! I just had to!
Sorry for OOCing them. Dialogue wouldn't just work out of I didn't. I did use some descriptions in the beginning but that's to show you guys where they are or what they're doing. You could either imagine them in a living room or at The Usual Spot.
And sorry about the title! I couldn't think of anything and I thought it would be clever and creative to use Olette's "your mom" jokes as the title!
Also, this was thrown together in just… I don't know. Two hours?
8/30/09
And if you didn't' understand who I was speaking:
It's Hayner, Roxas, Olette, and Pence.
It's just a normal conversation between friends. You know. Jokes tossed around and stuff and talking about some serious things as in who likes who and why this friend does that.
Hope you enjoyed it!