Title: If We Were a Sitcom
Universe: Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto are roommates.
Summary: Sakura finds a flyer then finds herself sharing a bathroom with two men.
A/n: I think I'll do a bunch of these with different !verses. Woo. PS: If you like this there's a longer, narrative version of this which is actually much better titled 'Roommates'.

the power of the star

When Sasuke was little, his older brother handed him a plastic telescope. It wasn't much of anything really, just cobbled together scraps of an 8th grade science project. But Sasuke cherished it, found the stars through the glass and pretended the future.

two is a crowd

When Naruto was six, he made his first friend. He was older, and so by playground law, was the boss. He didn't like playing knights and dragons or cowboys and Indians or goodguy/badguy. He didn't like to pretend. Naruto did. One day he didn't toss the ball back. He set it at his feet and went off to pretend that the jungle gym was a fortress all by himself.

And the girl in the corner that no one ignores

Sakura, even in her younger days, had been easy to spot in a crowd. She didn't like this much because the attention wasn't exactly 'positive'. Her childhood wasn't a tragedy, but still she wished she could have been a little more invisible. Until high school that is, when everything seemed to flip on its head and no one ever spared her a second glance.

a match made in hell

The problem with having friends, Sasuke and Naruto soon discover is that some people aren't very good at it. They meet like this: Sasuke has a friend who knows someone and Naruto has a friend who knows someone and as it turns out everyone in the world thinks they're gay. A blind date has never been more awkward.

the whole war

Eventually their brief truce over the salad course is broken when Naruto decides that it's freaking him the fuck out that Sasuke's face hasn't moved at all the whole meal. "TERMINATOR!" He shouts then tosses water in his face. Sasuke is not pleased in the slightest.

questionable

Their university, as it turns out does in fact have a head honcho. And it is possible to be sent to his office. Naruto thought he'd outgrown this, Sasuke was appalled that his perfect record was tarnished. They never do find out why they weren't in deeper trouble (they'd really stepped in it with their plans of vengeance), but Sasuke has his suspicions. Itachi gets a very big birthday present that year. And his card has handwritten words on it.

inevitability

Med school is over before she can blink and she's the youngest in her class. She came in first and she is really proud of it. Her aunt Tsunade brags about it to everyone she meets. Sometimes though, she wished that it hadn't been a given since day one. She sometimes wished that someone could have believed that there would be something in her life that she was good at besides homework.

farewell is for the sake of tomorrow

She had a friend once. The year she was sent to live with Tsunade, her aunt sent her to summer camp to try and make her feel normal. Clearly she didn't understand that after everything she'd lived through that wasn't going to happen but because her heart was in the right place, Sakura went anyway. When she said goodbye to Ino, her heart broke a little and it may have done more harm than good. Because at 14 years old, Sakura was given a taste of something she wouldn't have again. Not for another decade.

desperate situation

Depending on who you ask, she didn't need to find them. Her life wasn't hanging in the balance. Her happiness didn't hinge on meeting them. It didn't start out that way anyway. Finding them, she never tells them, was like being starving and then having your first bite of cake or steak or an apple; nothing in the world is worth sacrificing that one bite. In her case, she got two.

butterflies and hurricanes

Finding that flyer on the messageboard at the hospital changed everything.

Roommate wanted.
No smoking, no pets and no music from artists under the age of 20.
Individual bedrooms, shared bathroom, kitchen and living room.
To submit application, contact the landlord, Kakashi Hatake: 657-4367

everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger/ a little bit thicker/ a little bit harmful for me

"I'm just concerned," Tsunade says in that way she has when she's not going to take no for an answer. "Don't be," Sakura says in that way that she does when she knows that she's not going to get what she wants. "You're rooming with someone with multiple arrests." "So? It's silly, petty stuff. Besides, there's also Sasuke." "Him, I just don't like."

her knights in dinky armor

There is a rat in the bathroom. She vowed from then on that there would be no more ramen parties in the bathtub. But first, she had priorities higher on her list. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs and pulled the towel around her. She ran into the living room, soaking wet and disheveled. Sasuke looked up, Naruto looked down. "RAT. KILL IT. KILL IT NOW."

Only a mighty sadness fills/ The spaces of the dark

When she starts to forget things about her parents, Tsunade gives her an old video that she likes to look at; of a young man and woman trading the camera back and forth, including a beaming infant in the shot every second of the film.

One night she comes home from her shift to find Sasuke staring at the reel, as engrossed as she's ever seen him in schematics for satellites.

She closes the door, he looks up and their eyes meet. He smiles a little and she runs to him. Her arms wind around his neck and squeeze tight. He strokes her hair, clutches her back and lets her cry.

if we cannot see

"Goddamit Sakura-!" "No you cannot have your glasses back. They're cuter on me."

that stupid four-eyes

"SHUT UP FOUR-EYES." "YOU'RE STILL WEARING MY GLASSES."

three heavenly kings

Is the name of the novel based on their lives. Naruto weaves a tale about two kings who ruled over the land. Though their friendship was strong, tension ran high and there was always the vague threat of war. Until a third king arrived, she demanded to be called such despite her gender and claimed no territory but merely wanted a title and a home. She found it.

It sucked actually and he never got past page 12. He couldn't figure out how to capture the magic of their family. He couldn't bear the thought of not doing it justice.

dirty little secrets and white lies

World of Warcraft is possibly the worst kept secret in the SasuSakuNaru household. Sasuke tends to yell at the screen.

Although, neither Sasuke nor Sakura has figured out yet that Naruto is FrogSageNin, the sage who's been stalking and pwning him for the past three weeks everywhere he goes.

the point between life and death

In…out…in…out…

"Sasuke? Honey, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to! I am so so so so sooooo sorry. The fuse blew. It's just s game anyway, I mean-!"

"Just…a…game?"

"Well, I mean World of Warcraft really is just a-" she cut herself off when she saw his expression darken more. "No. No it is not, you must of heard me wrong."

You woke the beast!

Naruto and Sakura had pushed the couch over onto its back and hid behind it like a foxhole. "What did you do?"Naruto hissed to his sister-in-arms.

"I did a very bad thing," she replied, shell-shocked.

Naruto patted her arm comfortingly. She was new meat. He was a veteran to Sasuke's temper.

what a lady really wants

She wants a bath, sleep, food and sex. In that order. Her shift was long. Very long. Sasuke has other plans. He adds massage to the list.

And zombie-killing.

not just a dumb blondie

Naruto realizes before they do.

love can change any pessimist

"Will you marry me?"

I don't think now is the best time

"OW MY EYES! I HATE YOU, YOU BOTH SUCK!"

A/N: Long version on my profile under 'Roommates'.