A/N: This is a song fic to the beautiful song Your Ghost by Greg Laswell. I just recently heard it and it inspired my muse to come running back to one of my favorite pairings- Thirteen/Cameron. The song is just so heartbreaking and beautiful (definitely recommend you listen to it while reading this!!).
-o0o-
Remy padded quietly into her kitchen, finding herself holding her breath as she listened to the unnerving silence that filled her apartment. It was so rarely this silent here, as she'd always managed to fill the quiet with the voices of her one night stands. As long as she had someone to talk to, to keep her focused on the present, she didn't have to listen to this awful quiet. The quiet that always brought back thoughts of the one woman she'd tried so hard to forget.
Allison.
She shut her eyes as her mind inevitably fell to the woman, the blonde who had filled her every thought for so many years. It had been a secret, their relationship, which had ended nearly two years ago. No one knew that Remy and Allison had met before working at Princeton Plainsboro, let alone that they had dated. Allison had just been hired at the hospital, and had visited her old school for a small reunion party with a group of her college friends. Remy was just graduating, and had decided to visit that same party when a friend of a friend had mentioned it. They'd met and talked and laughed, and to everyone's surprise, it had evolved into a relationship.
Remy had known about her Huntingdon's while she and Allison dated. She'd had the testing done around the time that they'd met, and had felt her heart breaking as she read the positive result when that leaden envelope had arrived in the mail. She never told Allison. Instead, she hid her visits to the doctor and avoided the subject whenever Allison mentioned it. She went out to clubs and partied on the nights she and Allison couldn't be together, rationalizing the action in her mind by saying she deserved to enjoy the little time she had left.
After close to three years, Allison had had enough. She couldn't deal with Remy's secrets and partying anymore, not after so many failed attempts at discussing the situation with Remy. The brunette still remembered how she'd stumbled around in shock as Allison left, not knowing what to say. A part of her wanted to explain everything to the blonde, but she knew she never would. She wouldn't put Allison through all that. Remy loved Allison too much to make her go through what she'd experienced with her own mother. And so she'd watched as Allison drove away and left her behind as she moved on with her life.
They'd both been surprised when they met again at the hospital. Remy almost quit House's fellowship when she found out Allison worked there as well, but a part of her kept her tied to the job just so she could see the blonde every day. She knew she would never have a chance with her again, that much was evident from the way Allison and Chase acted around each other. Occasionally Remy would catch Allison's eye when she was with him, and she swore she could see a speck guilt in the blonde's eyes. But Remy knew she didn't feel guilty for leaving her. She only regretted that the brunette had to see her with her new lover.
Remy had held out hope, pining after the woman she knew was the love of her life for close to two years before the bomb dropped and crushed her spirit: Allison and Chase were getting married.
The brunette grabbed a bottle of vodka from under the counter of her kitchen, feeling her heart ache as her thoughts reached this inevitable conclusion. She poured herself a shot, reveling in the way her throat burned as she swallowed it, wishing she could drink away the emotional pain that still lingered.
The icing on the cake had taken place that afternoon. Allison had pulled Remy aside, surprising the brunette as they entered the abandoned doctor's lounge. Her thoughts had raced with all the fantasies she'd dreamed of since she'd seen Allison again, playing out the scene of Allison professing her love for Remy and begging to be taken back after her stupid mistake of leaving. But such a declaration never took place. Instead, the blonde had taken Remy's hand, speaking softly as she addressed the brunette. I know this is a lot to ask of you, she'd begun, sending Remy's heart racing as she felt the blonde's breath on her cheek, but I want you to be there. At the wedding.
Remy closed her eyes as she downed another shot, wishing she could make the pain of the memory disappear. Her heart ached for Allison. Her laugh, her touch, her kiss. The way Allison would tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear as they woke together early in the morning. The way she would surprise her lover with a romantic dinner when she came home from her classes. It hurt to remember, but all the memories were there. Etched into Remy's mind like a beautiful glass sculpture.
She hadn't given Allison an answer as to whether or not she'd be at the wedding, but she knew she had to make the call. The wedding was tomorrow, after all. Except as she picked up the phone and dialed Allison's number, the words that formed on her lips had nothing to do with the blonde's wedding to Chase.
But as the dial rang and eventually the word "Hello?" filled her ear, the words died on her lips altogether. She'd planned on saying I still love you before she lost her courage, but the voice that reached her ear silenced her and shut her eyes as the phone lowered back down to the counter.
And Remy pressed end, effecting hanging up on Chase as she brought her fingers to her temples. She replaced the phone to its cradle as the tears welled in her eyes, realization finally hitting her as she was forced to accept the unavoidable truth: Allison would never be hers again.
-End-
A/N2: Wow, this was a lot sadder than I originally intended. Well, that's what you get when you write as much drama and angst as I do… I did want to add the lyrics in as breaks to the story, but every time I tried to put them in it just broke up the story in odd places. So I suggest you go track them down if you'd like to see their connection to this piece (after you review, of course :) ).