Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
A/N: Just a little silliness that I thought of, please don't be offended by any remarks made between Hiroshi and Fujiwara-san.
Ventis secundis, tene cursum
Go with the flow
Ren and Ayumu
Ren and Ayumu sat watching Hiroshi, Ibiki, and Fujiwara-san looking at her newest piece of art. The three were inside the studio while she and Ren sat in the garden enjoying the peace and quiet. Just like all her other pieces of metal creations this one was pure insanity. It stood about five feet tall and had the general appearance of a flower unfolding it petals, but there any similarity between botany and itself ended. It was filled with sharp and pointy edges all over, and if one looked closely at where the stamens would be it almost looked like rows upon rows of sharp little teeth.. Like all her other metal sculptures it was slightly scary. One could even probably say that it was nightmarish in design, in that it looked more like a monstrous maw ready to engulf any who were stupid enough to get too near it. It certainly had the composition of something that would likely scare any children unfortunate enough to gaze upon it. Ayumu didn't think that Fujiwara-san had ever made anything out of metal that wasn't smooth or rounded. All her creations were roughly textured and some what hostile looking. Ayumu smiled thinking about what Ibiki had once said- that Fujiwara-san would have made a mint if she had ever decided to go into armor making. Even he shuddered at the thought of what she would have come up with. Ibiki thought that the mere sight of hundreds of nins dressed in battle gear made by Fujiwara-san would send any intruder packing...
Ayumu noted wryly that Ibiki and Hiroshi looked like they were trying hard to keep a straight face and maintain somewhat of a professional or even friendly demeanor. They looked like they were trying their best but somehow it seemed that they weren't quite able to maintain the obvious facade. Thankfully their respect and love (and Ayumu couldn't help but wonder if slight fear) for the old woman kept them from loosing it in front of her. She had no doubt that later on they would share a great laugh together. Looking at the three together brought her back to her original musing, and she turned to Ren with a quizzical smile on her face.
"Ren, if you were to put all three in a locked cage together and they had to fight it out-with no weapons, just their bare hands- who do you think would win? Who would you put your money on?"
Ren looked at her surprised for a moment, and then seemed to give it serious thought. "Hmm...You know, that is a very good question. I honestly couldn't say as they all seem equally matched." Ren grinned at her and turned to look back at the three deep in conversation.
Ayumu nodded. "I agree- they each have aspects of their personalities and physiques that give them an 'edge' over the others. For example: Fujiwara-san is a tough old bird. She might not have the physical strength or cunning that the other two posses, but she does have tenacity on her side. I think that once she latched on to you she would never let go- you would have to pry her hands and jaws off of you with a crow-bar...even after she was dead she would still be locked on to you."
"Plus she is just insanely scary..." Ren said looking at Fujiwara-san with a small amount of fear. He was still slightly terrified of Fujiwara-san, no matter what any of them said. The woman intimidated him on many levels. He was thankful that she liked him, but he still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not...
Ren nodded to Hiroshi. "Look at Hiroshi, he is sly and cunning, and though he doesn't have Ibiki's bulk I would think that it would be like fighting a mamba. He seems like the type to strike and just back off, but then be back for more before you knew it. He would wear you down until you fell to your knees and then go in for the kill."
Ayumu giggled and tickled Ren in the side. "Is that what he did to you? Wear you down until he brought you to your knees?"
Ren laughed and blushed furiously. It was about right. Even though he had somehow gotten the courage up to ask Hiroshi out first, it was enough motivation for Hiroshi to take control and just run with it. Ren had been lost from the get-go.
Ayumu cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "I agree Ren, Hiroshi is sneaky- but in a good way. No, on second thought I wouldn't call him sneaky as much as I would more describe him as being cunning. I certainly would rather have him with me then against me..."
"What about Ibiki? I think that he also has a few tricks up his sleeve. I don't really think that he has to use his physical stature to intimidate as much as people think. I think that he is probably very good at mental manipulation, and only uses brute force when necessary or as an secondary adjunct. I think that he would be the type to break down a persons confidence through verbal manipulations." Ren was remembering back to when he had first met Ibiki, and the man had deftly maneuvered Hiroshi (and the situation) without even having to use his large size. He had Hiroshi off-set with just a few carefully chosen words(and one of the hottest lip-locks that he had ever seen, but he thought it best not to mentioned that to Ayumu).
"Yes, Ibiki can manipulate people and situations very deftly with just his speech. I haven't ever seen him beat the crap out of anyone, but I bet he could hold his own for sure. So that takes us back to my original question- who would win? It seems like it would be a very cyclic fight: Fujiwara-san vs. Ibiki physically; Ibiki vs. Hiroshi mentally; Hiroshi vs. Fujiwara-san sneakily. I think that it would turn into one, massive cat-fight, don't you think?" Ayumu looked to Ren with raised eye-brows.
Ren nodded. "A really ugly cat fight. One that I certainly wouldn't want to get in the middle of..."
"Hmm, yes. But who would you put your money on to end up the victor? Can you imagine the odds? Can you imagine the money we could make? It would be a win-win no matter who you decided as the odd-on favorite."
"Now here is another question: what is that sculpture supposed to be Ayumu? That statue of Fujiwara-san's...is it a flower?" Ren looked really confused.
Well, he wasn't the only one. Ayumu shrugged her shoulders and gave a lopsided smile.
"I am not really sure, and I don't know that I really want to know, but she calls it 'The Birth of Womanhood' or some such none sense. I'm almost too scared to ask really. Whatever it is called or whatever it is supposed to represent Hiroshi just claims that all her 'metal monstrosities' are nothing more then physical manifestations of her true, inner self. I almost hate to imagine it, but I think that it is supposed to represent female sexuality on some level..." Ayumu looked slightly horrified, and Ren looked slightly ill.
"Good grief...this is definatly one of those times that I am glad that I'm gay..."
Ayumu giggled and put an arm around Ren. She really liked him- a lot, and she was ever so glad that he and Hiroshi had gotten together. He was just so good for Hiroshi, and he fit so well into their ever-widening little family circle.
"I can just imagine what Ibiki and Hiroshi are saying at this very moment..." Ayumu said gazing off at her lover and Ren's.
Ibiki, Hiroshi, and Fujiwara-san
"Well, you've really gone and done it now old hag," Hiroshi said shaking his head. "This thing is bound to give countless generations to come nightmares to end all nightmares..."
Ibiki smiled a sly grin and just looked down at his land lady. She looked disdainfully over at Hiroshi with a barely concealed look of disgust.
"What would you know about artistic expression- all you do is dress up and prance around on stage acting gayer then you already are."
Ibiki shook with silent laughter. Ibiki loved to watch the two verbally spit and spar with each other. He couldn't figure out if they acted more like obnoxious ten year olds or batty eighty year olds. Either way it always proved entertaining unless he was drawn into it. Then it became merely annoying.
"No, seriously you old kous- what do you call this metaled-mawed thing? Honestly, I don't think that you have an artistic bone in your gristled old body. Not if this is your idea of 'artistic expression'."
" I call it 'The Birth of a Woman' and it is phenomenal...pillow biter," she said just daring either man to say anything against it.
Ibiki and Hiroshi just looked at it and her- horrified.
"You have got to be kidding?!" Hiroshi said wide-eyed. "It looks more like a thing of destruction rather then of parturition! Good Gods- if that's the fact then it could almost be considered a form of birth control...chicken choker." Hiroshi said shuddering in disgust. He looked over to Ibiki and said sotto voce, "It really should be called 'The Birth of a FemDom'..."
"You have no clue about art interpretation, and you even took a class in it! This master piece is filled with female sexuality and sensuality. One of the many things that it symbolizes is not only a woman's physical sex but her innate sexuality as well. It is both literal and figurative in its composition., jag-off." Fujiwara-san looked at Hiroshi with a fierce pride.
Hiroshi now looked almost stricken. "Gods woman! What kind of sex have you had?! It must have been chilling if you have something like that hidden away in your knickers..."
Fujiwara-san turned to Hiroshi with fire in her eyes, and when Hiroshi barely even deigned to acknowledge that fact she became even more incensed. Ibiki could see real trouble brewing as Hiroshi was maliciously and purposefully stoking Fujiwara-sans fire. He might not agree on her interpretation of artistic representation, but he did believe in her right for artistic expression. He was about to stick up for his land lady when she whirled on him with a gimlet look in her eye.
"Yes?! And what about you bish-head? I saw you smirking as well...You have your own smart-assed critique to add as well?!"
Ibiki closed his mouth and squinted his eyes in irritation. He didn't want to be drawn in to this hellish conversation anymore then necessary. Even if Hiroshi was right, he didn't need the aggravation. All he had planned on doing was picking Ayumu up to go home, and instead he ended up walking in on this...these two going at it like the dip shits they could sometimes be. He didn't mind a good mind-job- but just as long as he was the one giving it. But when these to went at it he was always somehow drawn into the middle of things. What had they done before he showed up? They must have used Ayu as the pickle in the middle, and then after sensing fresh meat they quickly ditched her and latched onto him. All he had wanted to do was pick up Ayu, go home, and maybe get laid. Instead he got this...
Ibiki just stared his land lady down and said nothing. No way was he going to play into their hands. He refused. Where his Ayu was a cracked pot at times these two were just fucked up, plain and simple. Though not for the first or last time he thought that they would have been a shining addition to his T and I team. He could admire the thought and effort that they put into their psychological terrorizing. They could wear on anyone's nerves within a matter of minutes. Who knew that Hiraku was loaded with such potential? He just didn't think it was too brilliant when it was his nerves that were the target.
"My critique is this: you're both fucktards in my book." Ibiki looked out into the garden and called out to Ayu. "Ayu- let's get the hell out of here."
Ayumu and Ren just looked at Ibiki's scowl and laughed. When his scowl deepened they laughed even harder, but neither made an effort to get up and join him. They seemed to be watching the trio intently.
Hiroshi elbowed Fujiwara-san with a lewd look in his eye and nodded to Ibiki. In a stage whisper (which meant that Ibiki heard every word quite clearly) he said, "Look Fujiwara-san, seems like Ibiki is chomping at the bit to get home. I think that he is interested in our kitten's own version of 'Birth of a Woman'."
Like a lioness on the prowl Fujiwara-san quickly picked up on the newest target and joined in on the hunt. "Yes, and the clock is ticking if he intends to 'make it' before curfew..."
Both snorted and chortled in adolescent glee. Ibiki was not amused as he turned and glared at them. No way was he going to let this obnoxious behavior continue...no way in hell was he going to let himself (or Ayu) become the targets of their juvenile sense of humor. Damn Ayu for that stupid-assed rule anyway. Not that he paid it any heed what so ever, but it certainly proved to be a crimp in his style at times.
Ibiki placed a nasty grin on his face and picked up the gauntlet that they threw down. He was not only going to pick it up but he was going to beat them down with it as well. One thing that he had quickly learned about the two that when it came to sex they were just like Ayu- they would probably do anything and everything, but talking about it publicly in an explicitly personal manner was another matter. They might talk the talk but they couldn't always walk the walk. He on the other hand could, and with relish. He also could top them with poetic style, rather then using the general and juvenile epitaphs that they were wont to.
"Oh, you bet that I'm chomping at the bit...because pretty soon it won't be the bit that I'm chomping on...pretty soon I plan on being nestled within a valley of clouds and holding my own personal flower's delicate and soft petals in my hands. I'll immerse myself in a bountiful valley of rain forest warmth. Then, when the dew has coated the flower's petals fully I'll slowly and deliberately drink my fill." Ibiki spoke quietly enough so that only they could hear him. He didn't want Ayu eaves dropping in on this little conversation, as she would most probably loose her mind and he would be out of luck for the night...
Hiroshi and Fujiwara-san immedialty became quiet. As Ibiki spoke he let his posture portray to anyone looking a seemingly nonchalance attitude, but his eyes and grin spoke otherwise. His eyes and grin were just down right scary and evil. Hiroshi became slightly nervous as he remembered one other time when Ibiki gave him that look...
Ibiki looked at Fujiwara-san and smiled a slow and lascivious smile. "You know what I mean- what it's like for a man to bury himself against a soft body pillow made of the smoothest and silkiest elder-down. To find fingers holding on tight against rippling and undulating movements...I'll be like the proverbial sun beaming down on a delicate flower as it slowly unfolds its petals for me. Wide open."
He could see small beads of sweat start to form on Fujiwara-san's upper lip.
Ibiki laughed a low, sultry laugh as he turned to Hiroshi and smirked. "You know what I mean as well 'Roshi. You have girls under your supervision - young girls ready and almost bursting to become some of Konoha's newest bouquet of flowers. Ready to open their own petals- just waiting for the right sun's warmth to make them flourish properly..."
Hiroshi might have been slightly entranced (and even slightly turned on) by Ibiki's sensual descriptions, but the minute that his girls chastity was mentioned he immediately came back to reality. No way were his girls going to be thought of as flowers ripe for the picking. As long as he was on duty their buds were always going to remain tightly closed. No marauding 'sun' was ever going to shine down on their secret garden. Certainly not while he had breathe in his body.
"Oh hell no...no way is any Sun of Konoha getting any where near my little beauties...those gardens are closed to the public!" Hiroshi had the maddened look of a father protecting the purity and virginity of his daughters.
"What gardens Master Hiroshi?"
All three adults quickly turned to the new voice. Standing in the doorway was an innocently beaming young girl of about twelve. She walked up to Hiroshi and placed her hand in his, looking up at him with all the love and trust of the unsuspecting.
Hiroshi immediately enveloped her tightly against him and even partially shaded her from Ibiki's gaze. "Nothing sweets, it's grown-up talk, and one that you need not be concerned about..." Hiroshi looked at the two warningly.
"Oh Master Hiroshi- what is that supposed to be?" she asked pointing to Fujiwara-san's master piece.
Hiroshi could hear slightly muffled laughter coming from Ibiki and Fujiwara-san.
"Why, we were just talking about that..." Ibiki answered drolly.
Hiroshi now looked at Ibiki with a warning scowl on his face.
"It looks like a killer flower, Master Hiroshi" she giggled.
Ibiki and Fujiwara-san now openly chortled and guffawed. They grinned at each other and openly reveled in the proverbial corner that Hiroshi had just placed himself in.
"What do you call it Master Fujiwara?" The young girl said smiling up at Fujiwara-san.
Fujiwara-san couldn't even answer because she was laughing so hard. Ibiki had smugly crossed his arms and smirked at Hiroshi. He raised an eye brow and just waited for his response.
"Nothing! She hasn't figured it out yet, and we have to go- now..." Hiroshi took his young charge by the hand and with a severely affronted look and slight throw of the head left to leave the Den of Iniquity, but not before he turned and gave one parting shot of his own.
"Ibiki, I hope that someday you and Ayumu have nothing but girls- at least five of them. Then I can guarantee that you'll be singing a different tune. Then my revenge will be complete."
His exit was followed by Ibiki's and Fujiwara-san's loud laughter.
Ayumu and Ren came in and looked questioningly around. All they found were Ibiki and Fujiwara-san laughing like idiots, and no Hiroshi anywhere to be found. Ayumu knew that something was up, and she really didn't think that she wanted to know what it was.
"Hey, where did Hiroshi go?" Ren look disappointed.
"One of his girls came and in typical Hiroshi style he spirited her away back to her ivory tower..." Fujiwara-san laughed up at Ibiki.
Ibiki shook his head almost sadly and smirked. "I don't know who I feel sorrier for- those girls when they start dating or the boys that try and get those dates...He is ferocious..."
Ayumu looked at the two with a suspicious look. "What did you two do? It must have been bad to make him run out like that, and forgetting Ren in the process." Ayumu just shook her head and looked from one to the other. She patted Ren in consolation.
Neither Ibiki nor Fujiwara-san looked at all contrite. In fact they looked almost self-satisfied about the whole thing. Fujiwara-san looked at Ibiki proudly and patted his arm in gratification. She knew that there was a reason that she liked Ibiki so much- he really was like the son that she never had.
"You really are a clever and wonderful man, Ibiki. I always knew that there was a reason that I liked having you around so much." Fujiwara-san reached up and patted Ibiki on the cheek almost lovingly.
Ibiki looked down at Fujiwara-san and merely shrugged. She might be a crazed, old bat – but she was his crazed, old bat.
"Come on Ren, let's go find Hiroshi. I am sure that he is back at The House and looking in on all his girls. He won't be able to get a lick of sleep tonight until he knows that all the locks on their chastity belts are closed and firmly in place." Fujiwara-san rolled her eyes and took Ren by the arm leading him out of the shop. "You'll close up- won't you Ayu?" she said as the two left together.
The last thing that Ayumu saw was Fujiwara-san's arm entwined through the slightly trepidatious Ren's. He looked too scared to resist. Ayumu turned to Ibiki with a slight smile and just stared at him, waiting for him to maybe come clean, but she doubted it as he just stared blankly back at her.
"Oh, Ibiki...do I really want to know?"
"No."
"I thought so..." she said nodding her head and starting to laugh. She squealed when Ibiki picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, and headed for the stairs that led to the bedroom upstairs.
"Ibiki- what are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious?" he said as he took them both upstairs and into the bedroom.
"Why do you always sling me over your shoulder like a bale of rice? You know most guys carry their girls in a more romantic manner...Not like some caveman dragging a woman back with him to the cave for the night." Ayu may have looked put-out but she didn't act it as she never even tried to protest, and she even went so far as to rub his back a bit.
"Because you like it. Your sweetly submissive nature craves my lovingly brutish handling of you." And with that Ibiki gently but playfully threw Ayumu onto the bed.
Ayumu scooted back up on the bed a bit but stopped Ibiki with a foot before he could lay down on top of her. He just grabbed her foot and took her shoe off.
"Lovingly brutish handling of me? Where did you come up with that? And who said that I am submissive?"
Ibiki smiled a wicked smile that showed a lot of teeth.
"You think that you aren't submissive?"
"I know that I'm not!" Ayumu puffed her chest out trying to act (and look) more dominant than she really felt.
"Want me to show you why I know that you aren't dominant?"
Ayumu looked at Ibiki with suspicion. She was slightly hesitant about toeing a line in front of Ibiki and daring him to cross it. It wasn't like she didn't think that he would cross it, of course he would. It was that she wasn't sure how far he would step over it...And it wasn't like she wouldn't enjoy it either, but was she in the mood for it? Sometimes when he was allowed free reign he could just get so-cocky-about things. The smugness would last for days afterwards...She thought that one of these days she was somehow going to have to teach him a lesson and put him back in his place. Remind him that this relationship's dominance was a lot more fluid then he thought it was...
Ibiki didn't move from his spot on the bed, or let her foot go. He could see the wheels turning in her head. He could see her trying to make up her mind about how far she wanted to dare him. Silly girl, who did she think she was? Hadn't she learned any of her previous lessons? Not only daring him but questioning his authority and intelligence as well. He knew her better then she had ever known herself, or ever would. Question him? Defy his dominance? Oh, I think not...
"Well?" Ibiki raised an eye brow and squeezed her foot, seemingly waiting patiently for a response.
Ayumu looked him in the face and then shrugged her shoulders and looked away. "Whatever."
Ibiki chuckled and moving her leg off to the side he nestled himself comfortably in between her thighs. He knew that she wasn't upset as he felt her arms gather him closely in. When he nipped at her neck he felt her shudder and sigh contentedly. He couldn't help but let a deep laugh escape him.
"See? Like I said before- sweetly submissive."
Ayumu couldn't help but rub her face against his- she just loved the feel and smell of his skin. "And like I said before- 'whatever'."
"Uh-huh, you keep thinking that. Whatever gets you through the night, baby." Ibiki laughed in her face as he started to undo her clothing.
Ayumu gave her own laugh, but her was filled with a certain amount of feminine mystery to it. It even caused Ibiki to stop his ministrations and look up at her with a slight question in his eyes.
"No Ibiki, I just know how to go with the flow."
As Ayumu wrapped her arms and legs around Ibiki she could see a light of appreciation gleam in his eyes. Let him think that his control was unshakable. Obviously her little lesson a while back hadn't stuck, or maybe he just forgot? Maybe she would have to step it up a notch? It wasn't always an easy task to try and keep one step a head of Morino Ibiki. But it could be done. Hmm, food for thought...