The knight that should have been.
A short story by Radagast57BBY.
A/N: This is an AU (alternative universe) where Obi-Wan was never given to the Jedi and lives instead on his home planet of Stewjon.
I also believe that beings strong with the Force have a far above intelligence then average beings. Because the Force provides them to learn quicker and faster, this is said of Anakin in episode I.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars :(
I dreamed once of becoming a Jedi, serving the Republic and bringing peace. My father told me that all dreams pass in time, but I don't believe him. For it is still the dream I secretly dream and I still wish to be true.
All my life I've been dreaming, dreaming of the sky, the stars and beyond. I'm always dreaming, even when wide awake. While I teach my classes at Stewjon's university, while I am explaining the laws of nature to others my age. Sometimes my students are older then I am, which is awkward for both sides.
I'm 25 standard years old and already I have reached the top of my profession. I have earned all of the doctor's grades available in the republic. Something that none can say but me. I should be happy, satisfied maybe even proud of myself. But I'm not.
I feel empty, even when I am dreaming. There is some ting in my mind that I cannot explain and it's driving me crazy. Like it's begging me, begging for attention and something I can't name. None can say what's wrong with me, or if there is something wrong with me at all. My parents don't believe me and my brother, Owen, says that I should concentrate on what I'm doing. No one can find a cure or at least a solution. I love them dearly, but they don't understand. It's like I am incomplete, like I am walking a different path… The wrong path
…
Years later I would learn what was wrong with me. Completely nothing but I am Force sensitive. Which means I could have been a Jedi, had my parents not decided that they would keep me. Well I would be a unfair if I said that I was angry with them for I understand why they decided not to give me away. But I was disappointed, very much so, because like every child I had wanted to become a Jedi. The knowledge that I could have been one hurt.
Of course I couldn't blame my parents, they loved me. They did what they thought was the best for me. And when we were on the brink of war I could tell that they were happy that I was not a Jedi. Happy that they would not live every day in fear, fear for the day that I would be killed.
But I was not, to be honest I felt guilty. If I had been a Jedi I could have helped them, but instead of helping I am still teaching my students. Not that I don't love being a teacher, I truly love it. But I want to help them, I can't help that. Owen says I am worrying to much, as always, but knowing that I could have been one of them and I am not is tearing me apart.
I am now finally older than them but I still see them as my equals. We discussed many subjects including the war. There was one girl who said that all wars were meaningless because in the end we were all bothers and sisters. I fully agreed for every time a Jedi passed away I felt it somehow. The stab in my heart, the ache in my head, nausea I felt in my stomach. Every time a Jedi died I felt it.
…
During the war I moved from Stewjon to Corusant, they had asked me to help with the war. I became a strategist under the command of the Jedi-Order. I enjoyed, despite everything, this job. Maybe because when a Jedi was near, the empty place in my mind was a bit less empty. I felt like I was were I should be.
I met various of Jedi during that period, they didn't seem as cool as some believed them to be. Well at least to me. I met for example Masters Yoda, Windu and Jinn. I met also a few knights; Garen Muln and Quinlan Vos. The most of them were nice and I could get along with the most. Some of them even became my friends!
I met also Anakin Skywalker, who was exclaimed to be the most powerfull Jedi of this age. Well I did not like him, he struck me as arrogant and overly emotional. But it was not my place to say such things. He did not like the interest his master Qui-Gon Jinn showed in me, at first I was flabbergasted. Later on I realized he was jealous, on me of all people.
I was to say at least surprised when I was called to Master Yoda's office. He wanted to speak with me, at first I thought he wanted to discuss the war. But no, he wanted to speak with me about my midi-clorian count. He told me that I was indeed to old to become a Jedi, for I couldn't help but ask if I could be trained, but also that I was very powerful in the Force. He was glad that I hadn't joined the Separatists. I was quite shocked when he said that I should have been a knight for I was already one. He said that there is more to a Jedi than the official status, more then raw power alone.
I was honoured when he told me that I was a knight.
When I left he spoke to me one last time, he saluted me with a 'may the Force be with you, always' like I was a Jedi.
…
I still wonder what happened, what truly happened. Not what the so-called emperor tells us. I can't believe that the Jedi betrayed the republic, that master Windu tried to murder the chancellor. It just seems wrong. I can't image that master Windu would kill the chancellor. Or that master Yoda or Jinn would do it. Skywalker? Maybe he always seemed… unbalanced.
Owen says I have to shut up about that things, he is afraid that I will get caught for my openness. I don't care much about that, I have a feeling that I won't be. For I wasn't a Jedi or one of their apprentices, not even their ally. Well, I was one of their allies but not official. The empire doesn't care about an old professor in that way, I have much knowledge and they don't want to get rid of my that soon. They need my knowledge, for I am still the only one with all master grades. And some of those grades are so difficult to gain that I am the only one who has them. I told Owen not to worry, I am worrying enough as it is.
…
I was walking the other day through the fields nearby my home and I found a lightsaber. I took it in my hands and activated it. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. What in the blazes did that lightsaber here? Lightsabers don't grow in trees or pop out the ground!
I looked around but no one was near, I stretched out my senses like the Jedi used to do. None was here, strange… very strange.
When I was home I put the lightsaber in a chest, one could not leave it in sight these days. The chest is also filled with jedi holocrons I managed to get these last years. Master Yoda had contacted me after the rise of the empire and asked me to safe them. I saved them and learned from them. I protect them with my life until the heir of the Jedi comes for those holocrons.
But the emptiness remains, even now I am still searching for a meaningful life.
For a life as I know that is a discarded path.
The end.