Summary: Edward comes home to an empty apartment. "I'm home, Al… Where are you?"
It had been thirty-one days, 13 hours, and 52 minutes since Edward Elric laid his brother Alphonse to rest forever. Thirty-one days since he'd seen his face. Since he'd watched him lowered into the ground, surrounded by friends and loved ones. It had been twenty-three days since Edward Elric was last sober.
The memories kept coming back every time he stopped drinking.
"No, Al, please! Stay with me-"
"Sorry, brother..."
"Al! Al!"
"He's stopped breathing-"
"-Al!"
"Mr. Elric, step back, please!"
"No! He's my brother! Al!"
"Mr. Elric, he's flatlining and we need you to step out of the way!"
"He's all I have! He's all I have left, Al please, please!"
"...Al..." Edward looked blearily about his empty apartment, drunkenly stumbling inside. "I'm h-home… Al… Where are you..?" he mumbled, struggling to put one foot in front of the other.
"Here, brother… follow me..."
'I can't… you're gone...'
"Here, here… here..."
'I can't follow...'
"Under the dirt, rotting forever brother."
'I should try… I'm so weak...'
"You didn't save me."
'I need you...'
Jean Havoc pulled up into the parking lot of a dingy apartment complex, looking up at the building looming before him. He'd been following the Boss for several days now, studying his pattern. Luckily, it was pretty simple… disconcerting, but simple. He was off of work for grievance. So he left the complex roughly around 8 o'clock every night, went to the nearest cesspool, shit hole bar, and drank himself silly. Then he got home the next morning at around 4 AM, only to start it up again the next day.
"Damn, Boss..." Jean whispered to himself, before getting out of the car and slamming the door. He walked into the complex before heading up the stairs. The elevator didn't work, but luckily, Ed lived on the third floor.
He made his way to Ed's door, knocking. Only… the door was open. It creaked ever so slightly more ajar, and Jean opened it fully, expecting to see Edward slumped against the wall or floor, passed out drunk. This wasn't the case.
The apartment was eerily silent – the calm before the storm.
'This is just like...'
'...before...'
"Where's Alphonse?!"
"We're sorry, Ed… he attempted-"
"I don't want to hear your bullshit, show me my fucking brother!"
Jean hoped this wasn't like before, desperately hoped he wouldn't find another unconscious body barely breathing-
hanging
-wouldn't have to check for another pulse, another sign of life from a tortured brother.
He walked down the short hallway to the bedroom, making sure to check the kitchen and living room beforehand. He slowly opened the door, spotting a small line of light from the adjacent bathroom. Good… hopefully.
Jean walked into the bedroom, stepping over discarded clothes and piles of old takeout. He clicked open the bathroom door, cursing at what he saw.
Pills, strewn across grimy tiles-
golden hair splayed out
like a halo
kind of demonic-
God, he was too late, he was too late and Edward was dead God please answer this prayer let Edward be okay he needs to live god not another one not another one not another one not another one notanotherone-
there
a ghost
a whisper
of a breath-
Jean ran to Edward's body, splayed out like a crime scene – so familiar, yet not…- and cradled him in his arms.
"Ed, Edward?" Jean whispered, almost afraid that a loud noise would shatter the boy – he was glass, he could break, easily shatter into a billion pieces of dusty fragments and join the air – and he brushed a strand of hair away from his face.
Ed's eyes, those golden eyes windows into his soul god please don't let him see how much this hurts gazing at him blearily. Blinking sluggishly. Glazed and dull – like the sheen of old, corroded metal. Gold frozen over and left to rot.
God yes, those eyes are looking at me again…
"Ed… did you take these?"
Jean was, of course, referring to the pills strewn across the grimy tiles. Edward blankly shook his head, mumbling about how he was so weak that he couldn't do it, couldn't go to Alphonse, and Mom, and they were so disappointed, so disappointed. No, no Ed.
Jean held him close, shaking his head. "It's okay, it's okay… you aren't weak."
No
It was Jean who was weak.
Craving Edward...
his love
his devotion
his care
Curse his damnable adoration
for that frozen over gold
because without it, he'd collapse, he'd die. They'd taken everything and everyone. The world was
so
cruel
took Al
Roy
Hughes
Hawkeye
Fuery, Breda, Falman, Grumman, Winry, Pinako,
light
sound
everything
It was just the two of them
the two of them against the world and he needed Ed to be alive
So that he could selfishly hold onto this world.
The world could be so cruel. But not now. Now it was just him and Edward. Blessedly breathing, Edward… not-dead Edward.
Don't die.
Don't leave me alone, Edward. You're all I have…
A/N: So I wanted to convey confusion and anger and sadness, all in one fell swoop. D'ya think I did it?
I think I did it. This came from within. Emotions that I've felt, really.
If you want me to expand on this in a full-length fanfiction, I might. Maybe. Just to explain everything before this. It might even take like, hella words. Maybe more than 1K words per chapter...