Disclaimer: The Sarah Jane Adventures is property of the BBC.
Author's Note: This ficlet was a result of thinking about the fact that while several SJA fics have explored the idea of Clyde dealing with his feelings for Rani through his art, I think a trick has been missed with Rani trying to write out her own thoughts on the matter. This takes place somewhere between Seasons 4 and 5.
Stop the Presses
And now, over to Rani Chandra with some breaking news that won't surprise anyone.
Sarah Jane says a journalist should never be afraid to tell the truth, no matter how scary it is. She also says you should get to the point quickly. The point is that I fancy Clyde.
Maybe it'll make more sense on paper. I spend all my time with Clyde and Luke. We save the world from aliens every couple of weeks. We can't tell anyone else about it so of course we're close. But now Luke's at Oxford and it's just me and Clyde. I miss Luke, and we talk on Skype whenever we can, but sometimes I don't see Clyde for a couple of days because we're busy with school work and I miss him more than I should.
Most of the guys at school just know me as the headmaster's daughter. They're nice to me but not much more. I don't mind. I've been asked out three times this year and said no every time. I barely knew the first guy. The second guy I get on with fine but that's all. The third time was last week. He makes me laugh and we help each other with English. I felt really bad saying no, but I wouldn't have been fair to him if I'd said yes. I don't want to go out with him, I want to go out with someone else. I never told Clyde about being asked out. I didn't want him to get upset. I told Luke and he just nodded like it made perfect sense. At least it makes sense to someone.
I haven't told Luke I've been thinking about Clyde more and more. Or Sarah Jane. Or my mum. We spend all our time together and for an hour and a half we were the only two people on the whole planet. But that isn't what I've been thinking about. I've been thinking about all the times he's smiled – really, properly smiled – and I've smiled too just because he's doing it. I've wondered what it'd be like to walk to school holding his hand. I've thought being older and standing in Sainsbury's arguing about what we're going to have for dinner like my parents sometimes do. I've worried about what it's going to be like when we go to university, where he's going to go and what'll happen if he meets another girl there. Sometimes I imagine all those times we've hugged after we stopped an alien, only instead of just hugging I kiss him and he kisses me back, but I can't really think what that's like because I've never really kissed a boy before.
I've just re-read what I've written. It's no wonder everyone's acting like they already know. I wonder if my mum's started planning the wedding. I don't want to ask Luke because I know he'll tell me exactly what he knows. Same with Sarah Jane.
I know Clyde likes me. Everybody knows that too. Watching him trying to pretend he doesn't is just funny. I wish I knew why he bothered. It could be any number of stupid boy reasons, but it might be serious. And this is the one thing we can't talk about. He's Clyde Langer, Defender of the Earth. He'd never tell me he's scared about liking a girl, especially when I'm the girl.
He told me he thinks if something's going to happen, it'll happen. We're friends. We're not just friends, but right now that's the most important thing. The world's going completely mad even without the aliens and I don't think I could handle it without him. Whether we're mates or something else, I love him. He might never say it but he loves me too. That's what I want. That's the truth.