A/n: Whoa it sure has been a long time. I hate wwriter's block. Well here you have it, another Shizaya fic. This is a one-shot so :D Enjoy.
A years worth of breaking.
A year. It's been a year since I left you. I'm really sorry. Have you moved on? I know I haven't.
I sat in my swivel chair and stared out the huge windows behind my desk, looking at the buzz of my city. Shinjuku has been quiet lately. I closed my eyes as memories flown into my mind. It was exactly a year ago today.
-A year ago-
"Shizu chan I want to break up."
"Wait what? Why?!"
"It's not fun anymore. There's no more excitement. I miss our fights Shizuo. I really do."
"More than our relationship Izaya? You're willing to give this up just because you miss fighting?"
"Yes. I loved our chases and I loved your energy. That liveliness it gave out. I want it back. I want it all back."
"You fucking flea! How sick are you exactly?"
"Very. Let's just go back to the past Shizuo. Like all this never happened. Change our 'I love you's back to 'I hate you's. Wouldn't that be fun Shizu chan?" Twisted emotions fit twisted words. I laughed like a psychopath when I said those words. I've been longing for our spark to return.
"Two years! Two bloody years of dating and you want to end it now? With a reason like that?!"
"Hahahaha yes. Goodbye Shizuo. Let this be our last I love you." I leaned in and kissed him before I jumped out the window of his apartment.
All that happened afterwards was a blur. We left half the city destroyed and I remembered something told me I was going to regret my decision. And it was right. I thought that was what I wanted but when his rage broke, I was, for the first time in my life, scared. He was so much faster than he was before and with that anger, I believed he lost all sense of reality. As I hid behind a dumpster in an alleyway, he stepped closer and closer like I was some prey and he was the predator. But just before he reached me, he broke down and cried his lungs out. And there I, Orihara Izaya, questioned my decision. My heart sank. Don't get me wrong, I loved Shizuo, but that crave for adrenaline rush filled me for who knows how long and I just had to.
But now... I am all alone. Just like how I was before. That thought rang in my mind for the whole day I sat there.
-Present-
I grabbed my jacket and went out for a walk, I really needed a breather. Bittersweet memories seem to fill the streets of both our cities. From the chases to that love confession, from our dates to arguments, they were everywhere and I just felt broken. So much broken.
Without a destination in mind I continued walking until a felt cold drops of water hit my hair. I looked up and saw dark clouds blanket the sky. Pulling up my hood I made a turn into an alleyway to get shelter. Looking around I realised that this was the very place our relationship began. Once again the past flooded my mind.
-Three years ago-
I ran like I usually did during our games, and as I had planned, he followed me into the alley. Due to a small miscalculation, he managed to pull my jacket and I fell backwards.
"Shizu chan, seems that even a protozoan like you can manage to get lucky. Now if you don't mind, can you let me go?"
"Shut up you louse."
He straddled me to the ground and leaned in, I felt a warm sensation on my mouth and there was the taste of nicotine, he was kissing me. Wait... what? I was shocked as hell, I didn't know what was going on. When he pulled back, a hue of pink grazed his features and I was left flabbergasted.
"Look flea, I've been thinking and I came to a conclusion; I like you. I don't want you dead and I don't want to hurt you. You don't have to give me an answer. I just wanted you to know." He stood up, lit a cigarette, turned around and left.
I stayed in that position for almost an hour until I sat up and decided to just go back to my apartment. I was lost. What just happened?
The very next day I went to Ikebukuro to play with my monster again, pretending that whatever happened the day before never did. Though once our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat. We just stood there for what seemed like an eternity, blocking out everything else around us. After a while I stalked over to the blonde and locked my eyes on his. I don't know what came over me.
Without hesitation, "Shizu chan, want to be my boyfriend?" I started with a smirk on my face. I did like him, ever since the first fight I fell in love, with the excitement and with him. So why not?
"Wait, what? Really?"
"I thought it'd be interesting, so..." I leaned in and placed my mouth on his. "... Why not?"
The bodyguard's face turned blood red. This was already getting interesting.
-Present-
The rain had already soaked through most of my clothes but I just ignored it. Continuing my stroll, I had unconsciously walked into Ikebukuro. I've stayed away from here for at least six months by now, each time I came to this city that I loved so damn much hurt more than the last, especially if I happened to bump into Shizuo. When that happened there were only two outcomes, one being we left most of the city destroyed or him giving up halfway.
His words during that period of time were like daggers. They were being thrown to me like how I used throw my blades at him.
"Fucking flea get out of this city! I don't want to see your damn face! Get out of my life like you intended to."
...
"Please... just leave."
Although we were no longer 'us' I still got back what I exchanged it for. Our spark. Yes, it was back but, not the way I wanted to. It was suffocating. What happened before I stopped visiting Ikebukuro was that I was walking the streets of endless life one day and again stumbled upon the ex bartender. Though that time, it was on purpose. I decided that since I said I wanted this I should just accept it.
"Let's just go back to the past Shizuo. Like all this never happened."
What I never expected was, when I stood in front of the blonde, he stared at me and said, "You said to change our 'I love you's back to 'I hate you's, so I'm going to do just that. I hate you, Orihara Izaya." then he just walked off.
When those words escaped his lips, my heart stopped, cracked and shattered. How? I didn't know. All I knew was that, I regretted letting go.
xxx
I took off my thoroughly soaked jacket and swung it over my shoulder as I sat on a bench in the middle of Ikebukuro Park. I started up at the midnight sky, clouds were everywhere and the rain drenched my face. With an empty smile, I started talking to no one in particular.
"It's been a year ne~? Sorry about leaving you, I guess it's too late to regret it now. I'm really sorry."
I slowly let my tears flow, for the first time ever since our breakup, I cried. All my pent up emotions just poured and poured and... poured.
"It's been a long time. You're regretting this now? Do you have any idea how much it hurt? Where have you been for the past six months?"
Shizu chan? I turned around but no one was there.
"Shizu chan where are you?! I'm sorry! Come out! Don't leave me alone..."
I felt pathetic. Alone in a park, on my knees and crying my heart out at something that never would've happened. Something I could've avoided. And I started it.
"Oi Izaya, I'm right here. You look like shit."
I felt a hand on my shoulder. The warmth felt too familiar. Slowly turning my head towards the voice, I tried my best to keep my composure -or at least what's left of it- intact.
"Sh-Shizuo..."
"Yo. It's been a while..."
"Shizu chan I'm sorry, I'm.. very... s-sor-"
xxx
I blacked out. Wait why? Huh? Isn't this... the alley that we stopped at after our breakup... Turning around, what I saw almost gave me a heart attack. It was me. On the ground, in a pool of blood, my own blood. Shizuo was beside me kneeling down. I remembered! After Shizuo's breakdown I tried to leave, he grabbed a vending machine and hurled it at me out of blind rage.
I reached out to touch Shizuo's shoulder, but before I did, the scenery changed. This is... Shinra's? Why am I here? What happened to me after I got hit? Eh...? My body was on a medical bed, hooked up to various machines and heavily bandaged. A heart meter was beside the bed, the beatings were weak. Far too weak for someone alive.
A ring of the doorbell told me that Shinra had a visitor. I leaned against the wall to listen to whoever was in the other room.
"Shizuo, here again today?"
"Yeah. How's he doing?"
"... Not so well. His heartbeat is getting weaker. He might not make it after tonight."
"What? How can this happen?"
"He's been in a coma for a year Shizuo, it's no surprise that he won't wake up."
"C-can I have some time alone with him?"
"Yeah, sure."
The bodyguard walked up to my unresponsive body and sat in the chair beside it. So... I've been asleep for a year huh? Were those six months of fighting after our breakup all in my head? Was it all a nightmare?
"Fucking flea get out of this city! I don't want to see your damn face! Get out of my life like you intended to."
"Please... just leave."
"You said to change our 'I love you's back to 'I hate you's, so I'm going to do just that. I hate you, Orihara Izaya."
All that never happened, because, I've been in a coma for a year. But am I going to die now? I haven't even apologised... I don't want to die.
"Oi flea, how long are you going to fuck with me? It's already been a year, 365 days Izaya! Wake up already."
Shizuo...
"You're always running away. Coward. You know, it's partially your fault you're like this. You wanted our so called spark back."
I'm sorry.
"But... I took it too far. I'm sorry Izaya, I'm really sorry."
It's not your fault Shizu chan...
"I hate myself. I hate my strength... I just... I shouldn't have existed."
It's not your fault you protozoan! It's mine. If only I hadn't...
"If we could turn back time, I would've wished I never met you."
What?
"If only we never met... then you wouldn't be like this... because of me..."
What the hell are you saying? If we never met? There is no 'if' Shizuo, there will never be an 'if'.
"So can you just wake up? I'm not giving up on you so you better as hell not give up on me... Izaya, if you hate me after you wake up, I won't blame you. I just want to see the life in your eyes one last time, then I'll be out of your life for good. Please... I beg of you."
I couldn't help crying as I watched the scene before me. I loved Shizuo, how could he ever think I'd hate him? Seeing Shizuo breakdown will never be easy. It hurts, it's suffocating...
What the?! I'm fading... No! Oh god please no. Not now!
-Shizuo pov-
I can't stop crying. Not that I can help it. The thought of Izaya not making it alive after tonight is just too much. Everyday for the past year there had been no response, no movement, no reaction, nothing. So why now? I looked at his face, he is so pale and so much thinner than he was before.
I stared in shock when tears started to form and flow down his face. Can he hear me?
"Oi Izaya, if you can hear me, answer me. Something, ANYTHING! Don't you dare let go, open your eyes! Hey I'm talking to y-"
"SHIZU CHAN I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" His eyes shot open and he sat up.
-Izaya pov-
I'm... I'm awake! I didn't die. Suddenly I felt arms wrap around me and I was pulled against a firm chest that I knew all too well. Abruptly I was let go and all the comfort and safety I felt from the embrace left me. I was desperate to get it back but the fear of rejection crushed me. It was too much.
I had been alone in a nightmare for a whole year and now that I'm awake, I don't want to feel that loneliness again. You broke down my walls with your monstrous strength and interfered with my games of manipulation. So please... hold on to me and don't let go.
"Izaya, I missed you... I'm really sorry about this if it weren't f-"
"Shut up, it's not your fault! I started this, I hurt you. You know how lonely I was trapped inside a nightmare that just got worse each minute. I'm sorry. I regret my decision. I wish I never existed!"
Smack!
Wh-what?
"Stop talking. Enough talking. I don't care what you have to say. I am not going to let you leave me again whether you like it or not, get it?"
"Yeah. I love you Shizuo."
"Same here. Let's have Shinra check on you."
End.