Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach in any shape or form.

You're too important for anyone

You play the role of all you long to be,

But I, I know who you really are

You're the one who cries when you're alone

-Where will you go, Evanescence

"Shiro-chan..."

The nickname was annoying, and he hated every time she had said it. Now, he wouldn't have minded hearing that name once more spill from her lips. He would have taken secret pleasure as she ran her fingers through his naturally white strands while smiling at him like he was her entire world. Never again would that be, however. While he took great pride in his position as the captain of the 10th division, there were times when he wished for a simpler time back in west Rukongai, first district junrin'an when it was just his Granny and Hinamori. Although he would never admit it out loud, he honestly missed the days.

The rough and worn wood of the porch had been hard but they never minded. It seemed to always be hot, but never uncomfortably so. They would spend countless hours outside, Hinamori chatting about her day while he pretended to be disinterested and ate his large quantity of sweet watermelon. Then Granny would join them on the porch with a warm smile and kind words before they settled down to watch the elaborate array of colors streak the sky from the sunset. Eventually blending to the black of night, they would enjoy the night stars for a few moments before Granny ushered them to bed. At the time, he never knew or thought that things would have turned out the way they did.

What would his Granny think of him now? Would she be repulsed and call him a monster for his actions? He could have saved her, he could have salvaged Hinamori. Somehow, he could have recovered her from the darkness that trapped her within her own mind. There hadn't been a need for bloodshed nor for the horrible outcome.

He thought engrossing himself into the endless piles of paperwork would distract him from those types of thoughts. They were thoughts that had begun and never ceased plaguing him even after the final battle with Aizen and Arrancar had ended. It didn't work, if anything it gave him more time to think about past events and contemplate other possible outcomes to the point where he wanted to scream and curse his own inability to change certain things.

Even now as he sat his desk seemingly attentive to the paperwork that was laid out in front of him, his mind was a million miles away. The writing had ceased, ink brush hovering above the paper waiting to be pressed down once more. The hand holding it, however, was now quivering. Toshirou's face was drawn into aggrieved look dispelling the usual apathetic expression that donned his features. His eyes held a distant look within him and the tension in his body revealed that whatever was on his mind, it was not pleasant. A memory was playing across those eyes for only him to see. It was something that would forever be embedded into his mind regardless of what he attempted to do to rid it.

"Toshiro-kun, you have to stop this."

Her voice sounded loud in the large circular room. The stone that formed the walls and ceiling absorbed the sound but he could still hear it. Hinamori looked absolutely positive that she was on the right side. It was embedded in her mind that Aizen-taicho was the correct one, and, if only those who opposed him took the time to understand, they would realize that he was going to lead them into a new era. An era where there would be no need for fighting and there would be peace. Toshirou couldn't believe the naivety she was displaying. She looked affirmed to raise her sword against him once more in order to protect the man that was her taicho.

"You're the one who needs to stop this, Hinamori!"

It was Ichigo's fate to deal with Aizen. Ichigo stood beside him ready to face the challenge waiting just beyond the large double doors behind the former 5th division fukutaicho. She was the only thing standing in the way. The other taichos, fukutaichos, and Ichigo's friends were currently engaged in battle with the rest of Aizen's army. While they outnumbered the espada, it still took several of their comrades to handle just one. While Toshirou had initially felt compelled to assist them, his fukutaicho as well as some others encouraged him to move ahead to attempt and save his childhood friend before it was too late. Though he worried, he had more than enough confidence in the other's abilities to hold their own.

"I'm going ahead," Ichigo announced.

The orange-haired teen shunpo near the doors, oversize with elaborate curving designs, before rushing closer and placing his hands against the smooth wood. Hinamori's eyes narrowed as she turned quickly, her zanpakuto drawn in order to guard the door and stop Ichigo from passing. There was a loud clang as two opposing weapons clashed. Ichigo, who had raised a arm to shield himself, slowly lowered his arm to see what had stopped the attacking weapon. Toshirou held hyourinmaru in a dead lock with tobiume, his teeth clenched while Hinamori's eyes were widened in shock.

"Go," Toshirou gritted out.

Ichigo nodded in response and proceeded through the doors. Panic rose in Hinamori's eyes, she attempted to push Toshirou off to attack Ichigo once more but was held still by the force Hyourinmaru. The dread within Hinamori's eyes was quickly replaced by intense anger and the way that she looked at Toshirou now seemed to almost border hate. It struck something deep within Toshirou to see such an emotion in her eyes directed towards him. It was enough to cause him to falter allowing Hinamori to fall back. She raised her zanpakuto towards him before releasing it.

"Snap tobiume!"

By releasing her zanpakuto, Toshirou could tell Hinamori was determined to defeat him. There was a burning desire in her eyes to overcome him by any means regardless of what they had shared or what he meant to her. Still, he could attempt to talk some sense into her. Perhaps try and find the Hinamori Momo that he had grown up with.

"Hinamori, you've got to listen to me. Aizen does not care about you or anyone!" He cried out narrowly missing a kidou blast.

Hinamori didn't show any indication that she had heard his words. There was a mad gleam in her eyes that almost frightened him. The battle went on with Toshirou mainly dodging Hinamori's attacks and trying to reach her with his words. Nothing seemed to work and it was with a heavy heart that he began to accept that his Hinamori was gone. Replaced by this…this stranger, who had been twisted to hold such an intense loathing for him. Hinamori could never and wouldn't have looked at him that way. Yes, they had fought before but it was only small quarrels and they had never intentionally tried to hurt each other.

"Hitsugaya-taicho!"

The cry momentarily distracted him. It was only a moment, but it was all the opening that Hinamori needed at such a close distance. She released another kidou towards the small taicho. Toshirou turned his attention to the attack but could do little but raise his arms in attempt to defend his body from the blast. It never made contact, and for the second time that day, Hinamori's attack came in contact with wrong person. Long, blond hair was all he saw before Matsumoto Rangiku, his fukutaicho, dropped to one knee and grunted in pain. Small waves of smoke rose from her skin that was badly torn and burnt, glaring an angry red. The sleeves of her uniform has been scourged off up to her upper arms leaving only ragged clothe on the edges of the remaining parts.

"Matsumoto, you idiot!" Toshirou hissed.

He dropped on one knee beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She was shuddering as though trying to keep the pain under control and somehow managed a shaky smile towards Toshirou. He could see the agonizing pain behind those eyes, though, and the smile did little to comfort the clenching feeling in his chest.

"I'm sorry, taicho, I wasn't thinking…but-"

Her eyelids fluttered over slate gray eyes, and she fell over ungracefully onto the body of her horrified Taicho. His eyes slowly turned into a light blue and he sent a dark glare towards Hinamori who now had the audacity to look afraid. Sheathing his zanpakuto, Toshirou awkwardly placed his arms underneath the body of his fukutaicho. He shunpo to the farthest wall of the room before delicately setting Matsumoto down, she was still breathing, if a bit shallowly, and that allowed him a little relief.

"Thank you, Matsumoto…"He murmured.

He stood slowly as though he felt he was thousands of years old. As he did so his reiatsu, cold and airy with a mixture of white and blue, began to swirl about him gradually dropping the temperature in the room. One of his hands at his side clenched, while the other tightened its grip on hyourinmaru. He was willing to pardon Hinamori for a great number of things. He could have even forgiven her for injuring him. For some reason, though, he could not exonerate her for this.

"Hinamori…"

He said her name more coldly than he had ever before. It caught her off guard causing a small squeak to pass from Hinamori's lips. Her eyes held and went through a large number of emotions before once again settling on the hate that was previously there. She soon recovered, holding her zanpakuto readying to fight once more, but the hatred had dulled.

"Some sacrifices have to be made, Toshirou-kun!"

His face was still turned away from her and she didn't know what to make of the shaking of his shoulders. He released a long winded exhale before finally facing towards her. It was almost impossible to see but somehow Hinamori saw it. Toshirou's eyes were watered as though he was about to shed tears. She closed her eyes tightly and gripped the hilt of her zanpakuto tighter. Her lips formed quiet words that were told to her over and over.

"Sacrifices have to be made. Sacrifices have to be made. Sacrifices have to be made."

Even as she said this, her own eyes began to water behind her closed lids. When she opened them, tears spilled over her eyelids and down her cheeks as her hands began to tremble.

"Sacrifices have to be made… Sacrifices have to be made!"

She released a scream as she attacked once more, sending a kidou in the direction of her childhood friend. Despite the expression on his face, Toshirou remained calmed and he closed his eyes before whispering.

"Soar into the frozen sky…"

Hyourinmaru burst forth from its zanpakuto causing the room to drop another few degrees. It released a mighty roar as it pressed forward meeting Hinamori's blast head on, absorbing it, and continuing its path towards the now wide-eyed girl. Hinamori had rarely seen hyourinmaru in action and certainly never directed towards her. She had heard tales of the fear that the ice dragon invoked in people's hearts, she never really understood that feeling before but now she felt it tenfold of what she imagined. Hinamori released a strangled scream as hyourinmaru engulfed her. Her body began to gradually freeze starting from her feet and worked its way up. She fell back on the floor with a cry; her breathing was quick and pained.

Toshirou slowly made his way over to Hinamori. The water she had seen in his eyes was gone but the tortured sadness was still there. She looked at him tenderly; tears still ran down her face as the ice was now encasing her torso. Her lips curled into a sincere smile as she spoke her last words.

"I'm so sorry for everything, Shiro-chan."

Toshirou's eyes widened as he fell to his knees. He grasped her hand within his own and held onto it tightly in an attempt to resist her slipping away.

"Hinamori!"

She looked at him apologetic and with sorrow. Releasing a sharp gasp, she was completely engulfed by the ice. A tear still frozen on her cheek and eyes forever imprinted with that grief and regret.

For the second time in his life, Hitsugaya Toshirou, taicho of the 10 division of the Gotei 13, wielder of the strongest ice and water zanpakuto, hyourinmaru, released a anguish yell for the death of a loved one and cried.

The light snow flakes began to slowly fall around them.

Ichigo had won that battle. They had won against Aizen and his army despite overwhelming odds. Although there were many casualties and a great number of the wounded, they all rejoiced and celebrated. None of this reached him. With the ending of one battle, a new battle begun with the darkness of Toshirou's mind. He was slowly destroying himself from the inside to the out without really acknowledging it. It didn't show. Everyone believed he was the same Hitsugaya Toshirou, even if he was a bit sad he would quickly recover. Perhaps they expected too much of him. Only one seemed to acknowledge the full extent of damage caused to the prodigy.

A loud snap resounded throughout the room pulling Toshirou out from his thoughts. He had unconsciously broken his ink brush and the fragments of wood were embedded into the palm of his hand drawing blood. The blood pooled out of his palm down onto the paper he had been writing on forming small red dots. He internally cursed and clenched his hand further pushing the pieces of wood into his palm. A clicking sound interrupted his self-loathing and he looked up to see his fukutaicho beside him, she had been clicking her tongue at his actions. He had not sensed her coming in and briefly wondered how long she had been around. He almost reflexively pulled back his hand as she picked up between her slender hands and gently began to pull out the pieces causing him harm.

Matsumoto looked completely serious. Her mouth of turned down in a pretty frown and her brows knitted in concern. Toshirou would admit his fukutaicho was an attractive woman, even with such a somber expression on her face. It was a side of her that he rarely had the privilege of seeing but part of him was pleased that she wasn't being overly cheerful that day. He didn't think he could handle it. So rather than sending her away as he had been doing since the battle, he allowed her to stay at his side caring to his wounds watching her with heavy lidded eyes.

Matsumoto was gentle; she looked to cause him the most minimal discomfort and worked quickly so that the wounds would not become worse. Her actions made him think that she could be well suited for the 4th division, but he knew that 4th division couldn't handle her and Matsumoto would have never accepted that. She was happy being his fukutaicho and as much as he hated to admit it, he was content with that knowledge. She finished quickly, and used a basic spell to heal the light wounds. Toshirou clenched and released his hand in experimentation and found it as good as new. He opened his mouth to thank Matsumoto only to feel a light tugging on his arm before he was completely pulled against her body in embrace.

Instantly he was aware that this hug was different from the others. Rather than being suffocated and held between her large assents, his chin rested on her shoulder. She was hunched over in what had to be an entirely uncomfortable position, but she didn't appear to mind. The embrace was tender as though if she hugged him tighter he would break.

"It's not your fault, Hitsugaya-taicho."

Her voice trembled and though he could not see her face, he knew there was a pained expression there. The thought that he was causing her pain made him feel sick to his stomach. Toshirou never realized how his actions could and was affecting others. He never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all Matsumoto. She was the only one left in his life that he considers a friend, even if he never told her that he thought of her such. Matsumoto, despite all her obvious flaws, was indispensable person to him. She always seemed to know when something was on his mind or bothering him. Usually, he would tell her, but this was something he didn't feel comfortable talking about. Hinamori had really meant a lot to him. More than what people knew.

Hinamori had been his first friend, she was the first one to warm his heart and accept him for who he was. They had grown up together and he had grown to love her more than friend. He had even loved her when he knew he had no chance, especially against the great Aizen. Despite his devotion to her, however, he had been able to save her. The knowledge made him furious with himself. What good was he as a captain when he couldn't even protect the person he loved?

Matsumoto seemed to understand his frustrations, probably more so than he could imagine. Moments passed and she never relinquished her hold on him. She would only release him when he wanted her to he came to conclude. It came a bit of a shock to him when he realized, deep down, that he didn't want her to let go, not yet. Somewhere within him still beat the heart of someone who had grown up entirely too fast and experienced too much pain than most do in their lifetime.

So, for once, his arms wrapped around Matsumoto's torso in response and he allowed himself to enjoy the warmth and comfort that was being willingly given to him to melt away the cold cage he had placed around himself.

Perhaps it wasn't his fault.

End chapter 1