A/N: This is my first fic in years, but I'm really excited about it. Hope you like it. Reviews are very welcomed!
"You call me monster, heathen... Maybe I am. No," he paused, "I am. I know I am, but I also got my soul back, and took care of the Lil bit while you were... And not to mention saved the world!"
She looked up to meet his gaze.
"But I was still never good enough for you..." he added after a moment of introspection, "Not really... I knew it, I just didn't want it to be true..."
"Spike-"
"Let me..." his eyes pleaded with her,"I need this..."
She nodded but remained silent as he continued his confession.
"You have a kind of darkness like I've never known."
"Stop," she winced, not wanting to hear all of that again.
His jaw tightened at the interruption before he went on, "And the most amazing light I've ever seen."
Once again, her eyes were drawn up to his, watter forming at the inner corners.
"I forget what I am when I'm with you," he admitted quietly, searching her for any sign that she might feel the same way.
She knew that look well, but this was a different William than she had seen before.
"Who are you then?" she dared to ask, "When you're with me."
His silence seemed as eternal as he while she watched him shift, suddenly uncomfortable in his own skin. It was such a vulnerable response, so human.
"In my life I was one person and in my afterlife, I became something as far from that as I could, but you... You bring out the me in between the man and the monster..."
Her response was weak, "Why me?"
She knew his answer, but so many things were different. She wanted to hear it from him now.
"Buffy... It was always going to be you," he smiled a little before adding, "Dru saw it coming."
Her eyes widened and before she could work herself all up into finding some way to be angry with him, Spike spoke up again.
"This was not the way I interpreted that particular prediction," he motioned between himself and the slayer, "Probably because I didn't want to accept it yet... Plus Dru's visions were only right about a third of the time anyway, so you know... this one's not on me."
"Spike," she interrupted softly, "Can I speak?"
He nodded, for once glad to be silenced.
"I get why you'd be hesitant to call at first... Our relationship hasn't been the easiest, but after everything... We were close, right?" she didn't pause for an answer, "I mean, I thought we were, and at the end, when you... When it all collapsed and I told you-"
"You loved me..." he finished at a whisper.
"You said that I didn't..." she replied, looking down at her feet nervously, "Did you think everything that happened toward the end wasn't real? That it was just because the world was ending?"
"Wasn't it?"
"It felt real to me..."
"What about now?" he took a hopeful step toward her but immediately took it back again, "What do you feel now?"
She honestly wasn't sure how to answer that.
"Everything..." was all she could manage, emotion threatening to take hold if she wasn't careful.
"I need more than that, love..." he challenged.
Things weren't what they were before. The things that bothered her about their relationship at the time didn't seem important anymore. This was a whole new world, and she was as tired as he was of fighting whatever it was that kept drawing them together.
"Buffy..."
"I love you," she stated, plain and simple.
This time there was no Apocalypse to hide behind, no flowery words to conceal her meaning so that she could later take it back. This was it. There was no going back.
"You're serious?" he asked looking as if he were afraid of the answer either way.
She stepped up to close the space between them before giving him a solid and unwavering, "Yes."
"This should be interesting then," he flashed that wicked grin of his and kissed her longingly.
Her hand moved to his cheek as their lips parted and her eyes gazed deeply into his.
"This doesn't seem real," he finally spoke.
"My thoughts exactly," a voice spoke awkwardly from the doorway, "Hi Buffy, Harmony said you were in here... said you wanted to see me."
"Of course she did," Spike grumbled under his breath, remembering how he had specifically told her to keep that ponce out when he pulled Buffy into the empty office space.
It wasn't the way he wanted her to find out. She had surprised him when she showed up at Wolfram and Hart, but it was his fault for being such a coward and waiting as long as he had to talk to her.
"Spike," Buffy's voice cut through his thoughts, and his eyes immediately met with hers as her fingers brushed over his upper arm, "I have to talk to Angel about some things, but we aren't done here."
His eyes softened as she grinned playfully at him
"No we're not," was his only response.
"Should I have knocked?" Angel asked as they exited the room, clearly irritated, but he immediately went silent at the look on Buffy's face.
"How long has he been back?" she asked, not meeting his gaze.
"Months..." he answered simply.
"And no one thought to tell me?" she looked more hurt than angry which he wasn't expecting from her.
"Buffy, I-"
"It's fine... More important matters to deal with," she replied quickly as she swept past him and into his office, obviously expecting him to catch up.
Spike emerged moments later from the room he had procured for Buffy and himself and crossed the lobby toward Angel's office. He stopped just before reaching it and waved off Harmony's attempts to stop him as he cracked open the door to hear what Buffy and Angel were saying.
"When?" he could hear Angel ask.
"Soon..." Buffy responded solemnly, "One of our teams was tracking it, but they lost it just outside of the city... I just thought you should know before it can do any real damage."
"I'll get someone on that," Angel replied absentmindedly.
"Get someone on that, huh?" Buffy seemed amused, "Listen to you..."
"I could say the same..." he smiled, "'One of our teams'?"
A comfortable silence fell over them until it was finally Angel who broke it.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Spike was back, it was... it was a strange time... which I know sounds like a horrible excuse, but it also might have been partially due to the fact that I liked you not knowing he was back... It wasn't really my decision to make, or at least that's what I kept telling myself..."
"I can understand that," she responded honestly.
"I still don't like it," he threw in, clearly referring to what he'd seen between her and Spike.
"I'm aware," was all she seemed to be willing to say to him on the matter.
Spike let the door close, not wanting to push his luck, but there was now a proud smile playing across his face.
"Weirdo..." Harmony voiced to herself.
"What's that now?" he asked, turning his attention toward the blonde vampire at the nearby receptionist's desk.
"Oh nothing!" she grinned cheerfully.
"Uh huh..." he scoffed before walking over to a nearby chair and taking a seat.
"Slayer lovers..." she added again to herself and made a 'yuck' face before going back to work on her computer.
Ignoring the sign that was visible right over his shoulder saying not to, Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it with the silver lighter that he pulled from his coat pocket.
He had to do something to pass the time while he awaited his slayer's return.