Some of you might think this story sounds familiar and that's because it does, I first published a version of it around the end of S3 and never updated it. I can give you excuse after excuse as to why but the truth is, I was stuck - I knew where I wanted the story to go but every time I set down to write something, I couldn't. Well last night that changed, Chapter 2 is almost finished and I even changed the story a little. Which is why I reposted it and deleted the other one.
Shouldn't be longer than 3 chapters but I'll let you know if that changes.
Enjoy!
She shouldn't be here.
It's completely unfair to do this to him but she has to see him. This was her last chance – to do what, she wasn't sure.
On the drive over, she tries to recall what led to this moment; her married to Jack and him engaged. She's supposes it because they're too toxic together, too much alike to ever truly be happy. But she reminds herself how for a brief time they were happy. For twelve blissful months Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, King and Queen of the Upper East Side were very much in love. It wasn't always easy and most days they fought against their natural instinct to hurt one another but she always was a hopeless romantic who believed love could withstand anything.
"The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had…I will still by you through anything."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because...I love you."
It took her a long time to realize love was never their problem; it was the people around them, the schemes…the life they both been born into that wouldn't allow it. In their world you didn't marry for love, you married out necessity and obligation.
But even on their worst days, she never imagined they would turn out like this…so utterly broken. Two years ago the hardest thing she ever had to endure was Chuck and his endless need to run from her and stupidly, she believed once he said 'I love you' life would be a fairytale.
Oh how wrong she had been.
Her mind wanders off to thoughts of Jack and Jenny, and petty wars that only ended in tears. She supposed it was fitting they ended this way—they never did anything easy. And yet knowing this didn't stop her heart from holding out hope that one day he would swoop in and save her.
He never came.
In fact she saw very little of him these days. Being around him was hard enough, being around him with her on his arms was torture. She assumed that was how he felt so she stayed away and once Nate and Serena found out what she had done, it was easier to make excuses. They sided with Chuck and though she couldn't blame them, they were once her friends too.
The non-judging breakfast club: her, Serena, Nate, and Chuck, friends no matter what. She didn't expect Chuck to understand but she never expected Serena and Nate to turn their backs on her so quickly and without even trying to find out why.
"He's my brother Blair," Serena said upset. "How could you do this to him?"
Gossip Girl leaked the news this morning; it was now afternoon and Blair had spent all morning answering to the blast. "Serena—," she starts but is interrupted. "Don't Serena me Blair! Why did you beg him to come back if you were just going to run off—"
"Shut up Serena," Blair exploded. "You don't understand anything so stop trying, okay? Just leave this alone."
A bit surprised by the outburst, she looks towards Nate for some help. Surely he had an opinion on the matter, "Do you have anything to say about this?"
He looked between the two girls, one his girlfriend and the other his ex, he loved them both and understood neither. What he did know, without a doubt was that Blair would never do this to Chuck. "Talk to us," he pleaded with the brunette. "What happened?"
The tears well up in her eyes and she wants to give in but she can't, too much had already been set into motion. "Nothing happened…I love him," she says but even to her own ears it sounds like a lie. She had been doing that a lot lately.
"What about Chuck," Serena snaps. "Did you ever consider his feelings? What this would do to him—you know he hasn't been in a good place since he came back from Paris."
He hadn't been in a good place? What about her? Why didn't her best friend see that this was killing her just as much? "You mean when he came back with HER on his arms."
Serena softens for a moment, understanding Blair's jealousy, "B you knows she means nothing to him. If she did he wouldn't have allowed you to chase her away."
She closes her eyes, still ashamed for her part in Eva's departure. "Both of you just drop it, okay! Chuck and I are over."
"Blair we want to help you," Nate says, still not believing that this was what she wanted. She despised Jack more than most. "Talk to us."
She appreciates their concern, really she does but there was no going back. "There's nothing wrong, I love him—there's really nothing else to it." she says. "Either be happy for me or get out."
"I guess we'll leave then," Serena says, heading to the elevator. "My mother is already angry that I came in the first place. You know I told her that Gossip Girl was wrong, that it had to be some kind of mistake because you love Chuck. And you know what she did? She showed me a copy of your marriage license, apparently it had been delivered to Chuck this morning." She looks towards Nate and grabs her coat, "Come on, she doesn't want us here."
It went downhill from there. She said some things, they said some things and before she knew it, she was two friends short. They, of course crossed paths occasionally but it was always awkward and never friendly.
That was exactly 2 months ago. It amazed her how fresh the memory still was but nothing could compare to the memory of the Gossip Girl blast that literally took the breath out of her. Chuck asked Eva to marry him. She cried for a week and hadn't gotten out of bed for three.
Eva fit right in, everyone loved her - sweet, caring, and all it took was one phone call. One phone call and she was on a plane back to New York. No questions asked or so Jack liked to tell her. Even thinking about it left a bitter taste in her mouth which she supposed was unfair, Eva was innocent in all this and she generally cared about Chuck.
Blair supposed she should be grateful for that but she hadn't been appreciative of anything since the plan was hatched.
The plan.
Being here was never a part of it but she figured she earned at least that.
"Do it Blair or Chuck loses everything, his money, his name, Bass Industries. You do remember the last time Chuck lost everything Blair, don't you? He almost jumped off the roof. I imagine it would be much worse now but if you want to risk his life..."
She knew the minute she saw Jack back in New York, it couldn't be good. Everywhere he went, destruction usually followed. He was heartless but more importantly he hated his nephew with every breath he took. Everything he did, every scheme he carried out was him one step closer to eliminating Chuck but it wasn't until he popped back up that she started to ask herself why?
So Blair did what she always did, she dug and she found out from an old maid of the Bass' that Jack had loved Elizabeth more than any brother-in-law should love his sister-in-law. They were best friends, she said. Always together, though she suspected it didn't go any further than friendship for Elizabeth. Blair had a hard time picturing Jack as anyone friend but the maid assured her, he was once a good man but when Elizabeth died, something inside him did as well. The worst thing was everyone knew Jack blamed Chuck.
She couldn't understand how anyone could blame an innocent, little baby for anything but to blame him for his mother death...she would never understand.
Clearing her thoughts, she steps out the elevator and nervously runs her hands down the front of her dress. She can't remember the last time she was this edgy. Physically she was safe, he wouldn't hurt her but emotionally...he wouldn't be able to help himself. Being in the same room as him would be agony, nonetheless she was here and wasn't backing down.
Taking a deep breath, she knocks on his door.
He didn't always have a door but since moving back into the Palace and into his own suite, a suite he shared with Eva, many things had changed. The Empire was long gone and as far as she knew he hadn't stepped foot back in the hotel since that night. It took her a long time to realize that what happened was never about his love for her or lack thereof. It was about him and always had been - she just got caught in the crossfire.
Getting impatience, she knocks again and this time she hears footsteps. She knows it's him, even without seeing because only Chuck could make her heart race and skin tingle at the same time.
He opens the door with a smile on his lips, "Did you forget your..."
They both just stare at each other for a moment, taking in the changes. This was the first time either had seen one another in over two months.
"What are you doing here?" he asks after a moment, shocked to see her.
She doesn't answer, not really sure what to say.
"Do you want to come in?" he opens the door out of politeness but she doesn't move. "Blair?"
"I—um, I wanted to say goodbye. I'm leaving tomorrow," she manages to gets out, weakly.
"Leaving?" He almost looks fearful but it passes and is replaced with relief. "Serena didn't mention it."
She ignores the latter. "Moving actually — to Spain." Serena and her weren't friends anymore, hadn't been in months a fact she knew he was aware of.
Lies, lies, lies.
They came out so easily now, she can't remember the last time she spoke a word of truth. But she supposed it was just another sin she was guilty of.
There was so much she wanted to tell him.
I forgive you.
I love you.
Please don't marry Eva.
But those three sentences would change everything and the risk was far too big, so instead she says nothing.
"Come in," he opens the door a little wider. "We should probably talk."
She nods and follows him into the sitting room, commenting on the décor. She tells him Eva did a beautiful job on decorating. "You never did master the art of lying well Waldorf."
Apparently, well enough she thinks. "It doesn't look like you," she says, taking a seat on the oversized couch.
He shrugs. "It made Eva happy and if she's happy, I'm happy."
She just smiles because even after everything that's all she wanted.
"You doing that thing again," he starts, "where your mouth doesn't match your eyes."
This time it does, "You always did know me best."
Yes, she wants him to be happy but not like this, not with Eva.
He's still amazed how much power a simple smile has over him. "I used to anyways, now I'm not so sure," he says. "How is my Uncle by the way?"
Caught off guard by the comment, she gasps.
Good, he decides. He wants to unnerve her.
"Chuck—" she starts. "What Blair?" He takes a set across from her. "Don't mention your husband."
He even surprises himself on how easily he can say it. "Does Jack even know you're here?"
"No," she whispers. "He would kill me if he knew."
Of course he would. "Are you really leaving?" he asks her, his face inches from hers.
"My flight is tomorrow, early morning," she answers. "I didn't want to be here…" she doesn't finish but Chuck knows what she means. She didn't want to be here when he marries Eva, which is exactly why he never sent her an invitation.
"Too bad my Uncle didn't feel the need to give me the same courtesy."
"Excuse me?" She was married at the Justice of the Peace, no guests, no pictures, no videos were taken.
"Jack sent me a home-made video of your wedding," he says. "It was a while before Nate convinced me to turn it off…I guess I just thought if I kept watching it I could figure out where I went wrong."
She closes her eyes, unable to bear the pain in Chuck's eyes, which mirrored her own. "I'm sorry Chuck; I never wanted you to see that."
"Why are you here?" he asks.
She says nothing because honestly she isn't so sure herself. All she knows is this is the closest she's been to him in months and yet the furthest. "You're getting married tomorrow," she shrugs, as if that explains it.
"We've already established that." He tucks a locket of hair behind her ear; he knew she hated it when anything was out of place. Then he realizes what he's done and hates her for it. He managed the last few months without her just fine. "Do you even care?" he spits out, so sure of her answer.
"How can you ask me that?"
"How can I ask you that?" he repeats, getting angry. "How can I ask you that? I'm not sure maybe it's because 6 months ago while in Paris you begged me to come back to New York, which I do, only to have you chase Eva away. Then after Jenny and the war, we get together on your Birthday and I think maybe, just maybe we're on our way back together again but no because first you want to be an independent woman. So I back off, giving you time because you said it was what you needed, only to wake up one day to Jack telling me you had married him the week before."
He stops, his eyes begging her to say something, to tell him he's got it all wrong—that these last few months have been nothing but an elaborate lie. When she doesn't he continues.
"But you see I didn't believe him, at least not at first. It was Jack after all. I figured it was another one of his games and this time I wasn't going to let him win. I know we weren't together but we were friends and I wasn't going to let his lies destroy that. So I went to his hotel intending to sign over everything and anything if he would only leave us alone but what did I find instead Blair?"
Still she was silence and it was starting to piss him off. "What did I find instead?" he yells, standing up. "What did I get front seat tickets to?"
"Chuck please," she says just barely loud enough for him to hear. She never wanted to think of that day again. Jack's hands all over, his lips on her body, Chuck's face when he found them. She never hated herself more.
"What did I find instead Blair?"
"…you already know. Don't make me say it," she pleads with him.
He lifts her up by the arms so they're face to face. She whimpers, he's past being gentle. "Say it."
Blair shakes her head no.
His hands tighten, "I want to hear you say it," he breaths. But Blair Waldorf was nothing if not stubborn, "No."
Furious, he demands it again, "Say it dammit." She tries to look away but his hands jerk her around to face him once more. "Damn you Blair."
"Say it, " he yells again.
"I was in bed with Jack," she whispers.
"My Uncle, Blair! You didn't even have to decency to tell me yourself," he pushes her away from him and she falls back onto the couch.
"I couldn't—I didn't know how," she rushes to explain. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, you have to believe me."
He smirked. "I might just believe you if it wasn't for the ring on your left hand."
"Chuck please—I didn't mean to hurt you." She grabs his hands and he tries to jerk away but she hold tights. "Everything I've done, it has all been for you—please just trust me." She probably has said too much and her timing is wrong but if he trusts anything she needs it to be that.
His eyes catch hers and for a moment she forgets why she's here, what she must do...all she knows is she loves him and this is quite possibly the last time she is going to see him. Standing up, she licks her lips in anticipation, knowing where this is leading—where it always leads. She hesitates for a moment, giving him the opportunity to back away and when he doesn't, she leans in.
Their lips always did fit together perfectly.
She runs her tongue across his bottom lip, asking for permission and just when she thinks he isn't going to give it, he opens his mouth. It was passionate and it spoke volumes because even though she couldn't say it out loud, her love for him was embedded in the kiss. And she could tell by his reaction that he felt it but didn't want to.
He may be a lot of things but a cheated was never one of them. He torn his mouth away from hers, "I love Eva," he says.
She takes a moment to respond but she manages. "I know."
He runs his hands through his hair, "What do you want from me Blair?"
"I don't know," her voice trails off. He looks are her in disbelief. "Really I don't—I wanted to say goodbye, too see you…"
"Why did you marry him Blair?" he asks, completely broken. "You told me to wait and I did, why didn't you?"
"Chuck—" she starts. "No Blair. You want me to believe you then tell me the truth. Why did you marry Jack?"
Tears well up in her eyes because she knows he won't accept anything but the truth and she can't ever tell him. So instead she tells a lie meant to hurt, "I love him."
"I don't believe you Blair. What are you hiding?"
"Nothing, I love my husband…I want to spend my life with him," she whispers, the tears evident in her voice.
Nothing in his life had ever hurt worst then hearing her say those words, I love my husband.
"If that's true then why did you come here? Why bother saying goodbye? Why kiss me?"
He's next to her again; she can feel his breathe on her face. "Just leave it alone—please," she pleads with him. "I don't want this."
She tries to walk past him, intending to leave but he grabs her back to face him. "Talk to me Blair," he begs. "I want to understand but I can't if you're not honest with me."
"Honest with you," she mocks. "You love Eva, you said so yourself. You're marrying her tomorrow. So who's lying to whom because I'm not so sure anymore," she throws at him.
"What was I suppose to do?"
"You were supposed to fight for me," she yells back. "You were supposed to figure it out, to not give up. You weren't supposed to just leave me with him!"
Chuck tries to speak but she stops him, "No Chuck. You wanted to truth well now you've got it," she says. "Why didn't you do anything? Why don't you ever do anything?" Why did he refuse to be the man she knew he always could be?
"You married him Blair—what do you want for me?"
The plan only worked because he allowed it to. She had wanted, even hoped that he would've fought for her, done something, anything other than just running back into Eva's arms. But what hurt the most was how easily he fell for it, how easily he gave her up. Why couldn't he see that?
She shakes her head, "This is a pointless Chuck—it changes nothing." Neither one of them were innocent but this conversation was leading nowhere.
She grabs her purse and heads towards the door once again but just as she reaches it, he calls her back. "Are you happy?" he asks, behind her now.
She wasn't expecting him to ask her that and as she turns around it's on the tip of her tongue to lie but there isn't much point anymore. "Honestly I don't think about it much," she confesses.
He nods, absorbing her admission.
"I want you to be happy," she says, her anger forgotten. "Blair—," he runs his fingers down her arm, leaving goose bumps everywhere. "Promise me Chuck," she demands.
He shakes his head, intending on promising nothing but she stops him with a desperate look in her eyes, "What about you?" he wonders out loud.
She ignores the question, "You are going to make a great husband to Eva...and a wonderful father, Bart would be proud of you." She reaches for his hand, needing to feel his touch, "Promise me."
He wasn't so sure of that, his father had never been proud of him – not when he was alive and certainly not now that he was dead. And the thought of him being good at anything, let alone marriage and fatherhood was absurd but for her…he would try. "I promise."
She smiles through her tears, "Good" she says, relieved knowing all she has done won't be in vain. Chuck Bass never made a promise he did not intend on keeping - he would kept his promise to her.
She drops his hand and steps back; she already stayed too long. "I have to go," she says.
He nods.
She takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for whatever Jack has waiting for her, for he most certainly would punish her for this. But she decides she doesn't much care and when her eyes meet his for the last time, she knows she did the right thing.
Whatever the consequences, she had no regrets.
tbc...