How to Write a Mary Sue
I always wondered why people wrote Mary Sue stories, but I guess what really boggles the mind is why people READ Mary Sues…
.o0o.
Ivy(1) had just transferred from an American school and already she was at the top of her class.(2) Not only were her grades hire then(3) all the other students, including the famed Rowen Hashiba(4) but she managed to gain more attention from the opposite sex than even the Flirt King Sage Date could. (5) But no one could really begrudge her her great fortune because she was super nice to everyone. (6) And that was only in two weeks!
.o0o.
Now, let's break down what we've read.
1. Self-insertion. The #1 priority of all Mary Sues. We select a name that is not our name, but the name we've always wished our parents had given us. This way, we can reasonably claim that the Mary Sue is NOT a self-insertion while comforted by the knowledge that it is.
2. You must be sure not to use any logic in the writing of a Mary Sue. Of course Ivy's Japanese is flawless, even though she just transferred and probably had no prior knowledge of the language. It has to be; otherwise she can't demonstrate her geniosity. And she's always stunningly brilliant. Who doesn't like a know-it-all? Let's also ignore that Japanese high schools are extremely competitive and have a much more intensive course load than most American schools. Of COURSE she aced her Japanese history class; all American schools have an in depth course on Japanese history!
3. While it pained me to write this, it is of utmost importance to make numerous grammatical and spelling errors when writing a Mary Sue. This way, poor saps who get sucked into reading this garbage have something to comment on besides the utter lack of plot and character development.
4. Rowen is a bonified genius who has been studying this material since the beginning of the year, but yes, Ivy is smarter. That's why she wins the undying affection of Rowen. Because we all know that no one ever gets jealous of new comers who are smarter than them. We should also note here the use of the name Rowen instead of Touma. When writing Mary Sewage, you must always use the English versions because the dubbed versions are always better and more accurate than the originals.
5. Your character must also be stunningly beautiful. If not, she cannot win the undying affection of Sage. This logic follows that of point number four. And we all know that the English version which pits Sage as the Flirt King is more accurate than the original Japanese version which gives his personality as slightly "afraid of girls."
6. You must explicitly state that your Mary Sue is nice, super nice even, because it will never become clear throughout your writing. In fact, quite the opposite appears to be true.
.o0o.