Disclaimer: I do not own HP. :-)
A/N: Happy birthday, Nikki! Were you surprised?
A/N 2: Listen to Adele's "Don't You Remember" while reading this, please!
A/N 3: it's good to be back.
A/N 4: the quote there at the end is from Adele's "Someone Like You"
A/N 5: HBP compliant.
He loved the simplicity of it all.
Just being able to lie down on the grass with her while she stares in amazement at the numerous starlit heavens above.
Just to be able to hold her hand in the dark, the lights not coming from their wands but from the moonlight.
He didn't even prioritize kissing her at all, all that mattered was that she was there and he was hers to hold.
"Do you even understand what you're doing?" she whispered excitedly. "You're interacting with a muggle, a kind you and your family despise!"
A heavy sigh followed.
"I always know what I'm doing." He muttered silently, gripping her hand tighter.
Yes, he did love the simplicity of it, her hair messily spread out on the grass and his eyes focused on her.
He heard her laugh, and he sighed again.
As if spinning madly out of control, the night sky disappeared and was drenched by luminous light. The stars were gone and were replaced by white cotton clouds. He wasn't lying down, he was sitting upright, leaning his back against the tree. She was gone.
He watched her as she happily walked with Ron to his first Quidditch tryout, clapping excitedly and trying to avoid the gaze of Cormac McLaggen.
Why was she happier now than she was with him?
Feasting in the Great Hall etched no difference on the face of Hermione Granger as Draco watched her. She seemed so carefree, smacking Ron with the newspaper for being such a pig. His stomach ached, swirling with jealous pangs.
How could she be so indifferent?
And then she turned slightly towards his direction.
He saw her turn, he swore.
Did he realize too late that he was but a mere ghost? Why had she turned his way but not even dared to acknowledge him? Does she think that she was far better than him? That she could move on so quickly?
He swallowed three huge spoonfuls of mashed potato, obviously angered at her attitude towards him.
Vividness drove him mad, when his fantasies are too real for his liking. His memories were too vivid. She was too vivid.
Come on, Weasley? He thought, incensed. He chose the financially challenged Weasel over me? Is her taste deteriorating? Even perverted McLaggen's better than Weasel.
He slammed his fork on the table and his thoughts drove him wild with jealousy.
I knew I should've let my father expel that penniless twat right from the first day of first year. And I should let my father manipulate the prices of brooms. Flourish and Botts does owe my family a favor—
"Draco?" a female voice interrupted his thoughts.
Pansy. Thank God.
He kicked the leaves as he traipsed around the grounds of the school, alone and his hands in the pockets of his black slacks. The afterglow of the sunset had faded and the light turned into dark. It was the eve of a grand party inside Hogwarts, a grand exclusive party.
"Granger," he whispered. "I need to tell you something."
Hermione looked up and Draco couldn't help but smile. She looked so beautiful.
"What is it?"
"I…"
"It's okay, you can tell me anything."
"I don't think it's something you'd like to hear."
"Well, I don't always have to hear the good things."
"And I'm afraid that you'll judge me right after."
"How could you say that?"
"I don't know. Hunch maybe?"
"Get on with it, Malfoy," she probed, lightly tapping his arm. "The night may be young but it doesn't last forever."
He tugged lightly at his sleeve and shivered slightly as he peered at the outline of the Dark Mark, and immediately covered it up again.
"I…"
His heart raced as he remembered what Voldemort told him to do… for the sake of redeeming his father's disobedience… for the sake of his own life…
"I what?" Hermione drummed her fingers on her knee, waiting impatiently.
"I… love you."
He shut his eyes, hearing her voice ringing in his head. He heard the ecstasy, the shrieks, and the sounds their bodies made when she embraced him and they fell onto the ground with a thud.
Moments like this he would do anything for to get them back, and he was drowning. He was drowning in moments of yesterday, when all seemed well to him. She made him feel different, that he was more than just a pureblood. The mere fact that he accepted her in the first place, that he loved her, told him that he was different.
He was human.
She made him forget that time was finite, and she made him forget who he was. But as he found himself surging past the doors and hallways of Hogwarts and into Slughorn's Slug Club party, all he knew is that she made him forget.
"He looks different, don't you think... Draco? Almost ill."
"Hermione, what are you doing back here?" Harry asked a shaking Hermione.
"Trying to get away from Cormac…" she sighed as she rubbed her palms nervously.
"Dragon tartare?" a waiter offered, holding out his tray of hors d'oeuvres.
"No thank you."
"Just as well," the waiter remarked. "They give you terrible bad breath."
Hermione's eyes widened.
"On second thought…" she grabbed two and started chewing rapidly. "Oh, god, here he—"
Hermione heard screaming.
She ran outside and saw Filch and a red-faced Draco, his collar fisted by the caretaker.
"Well, I'm sorry for crashing your stupid party!" Draco snapped as the onlooking crowd expanded, and Hermione hid behind two Gryffindor girls.
Hermione looked on at Draco's face, contorted and twisted with anger.
He made contact with her, his eyes burning hers with a glare so poisonous, and she shivered.
"I'll handle him," Snape remarked as he took Draco out of the premises. "Continue your festivities."
The party resumed but Hermione didn't feel like celebrating. She excused herself, bidding goodbye to Harry, Luna, and Slughorn and exited the party.
"I mean he's sensitive, people bully him, too, and he feels lonely and hasn't got anybody to talk to, and he's not afraid to show his feelings and cry!"
"WEASLEY! WEASLEY! WEASLEY!" the Gryffindors cheered, pumping their fists in the air as Ron shyly stepped in front of all of them.
Harry smiled as he watched his friend getting all the recognition this time, because he deserved it.
Meanwhile, Hermione didn't feel like cheering for Ron at all. She smiled weakly as she watched Ron and Lavender share their first kiss, and quickly left the festivities.
She isolated herself in the solace of the staircase and she tinkered with the Avis spell, and birds were chirping softly.
Mesmerized by the sounds, she didn't hear the footsteps behind her.
"How heartless could you get?" a cold voice echoed in the silence.
"Excuse me?"
"You move on so quickly!" Draco remarked bitterly. "Do tell me your secret. Or is it shared only amongst your kind?"
"Go away, Malfoy."
"Typical," Draco shook his head, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall. "You always knew how to drive people away. Honestly, is that how you were bred? Loving people and then leaving them right after for no reason at all?"
"I said, go away, Malfoy."
"You can do that all by yourself!" Draco exclaimed. "So go on, why don't you? Just shut your eyes, pay no attention to me, and forget about everything that happened between us. You make it seem so easy. Tell me your secret."
"DO YOU THINK I FORGOT?" Hermione stood up and turned to face him, glaring fiercely. "DO YOU THINK I COULD FORGET SO EASILY?"
"It seems like it," Draco commented, looking at his nails nonchalantly now, and glared back at Hermione. "You couldn't wait to just fawn all over Weasley…"
"Only because you looked like you had yourself easy right after us!" Hermione exclaimed. "You couldn't wait to eat Pansy Parkinson's face off!"
"Oh, don't try to steer this conversation in my direction!" Draco snapped. "You were the one who started it in the first place!"
"I pushed you away because I knew you could never face your father," Hermione blurted, stunning Draco. "I knew you would never have the courage to face or shame your father in this manner, taking home a girl with muggle-blood."
"Stop telling yourself you know everything, Granger," Draco retaliated, clenching his fists. "You don't know who my father is."
"I know about your mission," Hermione said. "And it's not easy because you have to redeem your father for what he did last year at the Ministry."
Draco fell silent. The birds were chirping and Hermione was tapping her foot, waiting for an answer.
He felt dizzy, partly because he knew she was right, and another because of her overpowering scent. She smelled like lavender, the sweetest fragrance. He couldn't think straight.
Damn you, Granger.
"And when I asked you if you would tell your parents about us, you changed the subject," Hermione continued, her voice choking. "As if you were ashamed of me."
"But I'm not…"
"Malfoy, please," Hermione replied, clearly exasperated. "You may be as brilliant as me, but you have to know how to respect your family's wishes even before you respect Voldemort's. The mere fact that you were hiding our relationship from Narcissa and Lucius, you are disrespecting their wishes."
"Stop trying to help me live my life, Granger, because you don't know half of who I am!"
"You're right, I don't," Hermione deadpanned, stepping forward, tears falling slowly. "Who are you, Draco Malfoy?"
And just like that, he rammed his lips into hers and kissed her forcefully, and surprisingly, she didn't turn away. He held her as if they were still together, before everything, before this.
"A man who needs you," Draco gasped, muttering against the outline of her mouth. "Granger, isn't that all you want to know? That I need you?"
"I… I…" Hermione stammered, whispering her uncertainty softly.
"Please, Granger," Draco begged, tears falling. "I need this. I need you."
Hermione didn't answer.
"We don't have to tell my parents, we can live like this," Draco explained, pulling away from the embrace and stroking her hair. "We can run away, hide from Voldemort. All I want is to be you and you alone…"
"And do you think that's how love ends? Do you think that's how this ends?"
"Yes," Draco replied matter-of-factly. "Isn't this the only way?"
"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, Malfoy," Hermione responded, wiping her tears. "Love does not go that way! We don't go this way! Do you think it's going to be easy running away from Voldemort? Running away from your parents? What if the Dark Lord finds us because Merlin forbid, Harry does not fulfill the prophecy?"
"Well, I'm sorry if the thought of you drives me mad!" Draco barked. "I'm sorry if the memories haunt me everyday, and I lose sleep thinking about the times we've had! The memories are still alive in me, Granger, and I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel the same way! How could you even end us like this? In the middle of it all?"
"Because I know we will never have a normal life together, Draco Malfoy!" Hermione rebutted, tears falling faster. "YOU WILL ALWAYS SERVE THE DARK LORD BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER DECIDE ON YOUR OWN! You always have to depend on whatever your parents say!"
"Don't you dare say that about my character, Granger, because you don't even know what runs through my head! YOU ARE SUCH A KNOW-IT-ALL AND I FEEL PITY FOR YOU THAT YOUR IMMATURITY WILL NEVER WANE!"
"Just so you know, I never forgot everything we did together! You think that you're the only one who remembers? Take a look at my eyes, Malfoy," Hermione exclaimed, pointing to the dark circles. "I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT, THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN BECAUSE I CAN'T MOVE ON! You think you're the only one haunted? WELL GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD, DRACO…"
Hermione stopped and cried softly, cheeks flamed and eyes fighting more tears.
"I'm still in love with you."
Draco felt sick. He knew he should've been happier but by the looks of it, he couldn't be.
"Well, then, I've found the answer to the question that's haunted me for months now," Draco breathed, reaching his hand out. "Let's go…"
"But I can't," Hermione replied, not reaching her hand out to take his. "I can't."
"Why not? Are you changing the definition of 'still in love with you?' I have no time to play childish games. I have a mission to do."
"We were never meant to be together."
"But you told me you were in love with me," Draco protested. "And clearly, I feel the same way! What's there to argue about? Isn't this supposed to be love, or whatever you call it?"
"Love does not always carry with it a happy ending," Hermione laughed bitterly as she turned around and peered out the window. "And clearly, ours will never reach one, with your loyalty and my loyalty different, your family and my family… We're poles apart, never similar."
"But we will tell them eventually…"
"It's just not that way, don't you understand?" Hermione replied. "You may love me, but inside, you will always fear for your family's reaction, and Merlin, even Voldemort's reaction. I know you care, but to make it easier, we both have to move on."
"Oh, I see." Draco replied.
"But do remember that I will always love you," Hermione laid her hand on his forearm. "Just not in this way. But I've never forgotten about us…"
"Oh, really?" Draco swiped his arm out of her grip. "Then why did you have to say that you were still in love with me? Why did you have to complicate things even further? Do you realize you're driving me into insanity? I have to deal with the mission and you're adding to the load! Why couldn't you just tell me that you didn't love me?"
"Because I'd be lying…"
"Lying's easier because at least I don't have to deal with the aftermath of all this! When you tell someone you love them, or at least from what I've learned from the stupid, hormonal beings here, is that you will do anything to save whatever's left. So, I don't think you love me, Granger. You never did. I never want to speak to you again from this day forward."
"Malfoy, wait…"
She clung onto his sleeve.
"Wait?" Draco sneered. "WAIT? That's all I've been doing and maybe it's time I stop doing that because I know it will be time totally wasted in the end. Forget about me, forget about us, and forget who you thought I was. We're done. I'm done with you, and take your dirty hands off of me."
And with that, Draco left a sobbing Hermione and walked on, never looked back. Tears streamed down his face but he braved on to look forward because his mission was more important. She was gone. He daren't look back because he knew he would run to her and kiss her again, to defy everything that she had said. But it was no use.
Principle was one word you could use to define Hermione Granger, even at times like this.
Hermione sat down on the steps, sobbing, and tried to shut her racing thoughts down by listening to the birds. Harry found her and embraced her as she laid her head down. Ron followed behind with a giggling Lavender, and Hermione glared at him.
"OPPUGNO!"
All at once, the birds raced towards them and they ducked and ran for safety, the feathers of the fowls fluttering around the air, and Hermione's tears fell faster.
"Are you all right?" Harry asked, his tone comforting.
"It's just Ron." Hermione admitted.
"Well, I hate to tell you this, but I'm in love with Ginny."
Hermione sat back down and didn't respond. Harry did the same thing and they both sat there in silence.
"I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco, I'm on your side!"
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."