Disclaimer: ER, its characters, and lines from the scripts belong solely to NBC studios. Spoilers for the end of Season 13.
Neela squeezed through numerous colleagues at Abby's wedding in attempts to fill her lungs with fresh air – air that was not permeated with the smell of stingy sweat, alcoholic breaths, or the rich food. Air that would be revitalizing and allow her the briefest of moments to clear not only her lungs, but her head as well. It's not that she wasn't enjoying Abby's wedding, for she could not think of a single person more deserving of all the happiness a wedding could buy. Abby's life has not been easy, so Neela was elated that Luka vowed to her his love, trust, and fidelity for the rest of their days together.
She just needed a reprieve for a moment; this wedding was causing her mind to swarm with endless thoughts of her own life. A life, though headed in the right direction, had taken few, if any of the paths, she previously had planned. Yes, she always wanted to be a doctor and never for a moment thought it would be easy; but the hurdles that had been placed in front of her during her journey through med school and beyond were much larger and more numerous than she had ever imagined. She had prepared herself for the nerves that came with practicing medicine for the first time, taking patients' lives in her own hands, long hours of endless shifts, unending piles of medical books and journals demanding to be read, and sleepless nights as a result of all the above.
What she had not prepared herself for was the extra emotional baggage that would come with her life in Chicago. Not the emotional baggage that was attached to the demands of being a med student, intern, or resident, but the baggage that came with her social life, however existent or non-existent it may have been. Neela never planned on moving in with an arrogant punk rocker with dreams of practicing medicine; but when money was tight and an affordable apartment was no where in sight, she had to take her chances. She never planned on staying long, but when the shoe fit, how could she leave? She never planned on becoming his best friend and leaving him the way she did, but when there was no other option, she didn't have a choice in the matter. She never planned on dating anyone in the army, especially one that would be stationed over seas for countless lonely hours. And most of all, she never planned on getting married, shipping her husband off to war, and becoming his widow – all before the age of thirty. Even if she had been absurd or ludicrous enough to plan such chaos, she never could have been prepared for it.
So much had happened in just a few short years and it was all hitting her like a thick smog choking the oxygen out of her lungs. She needed to escape from this crowd and inhale fresh air to revitalize her already struggling lungs. Neela stepped out of the main room, walked over to the windows, and gazed out upon the city before her. As she cleared her lungs she also attempted to clear her mind of the distant past and pondered about earlier in the evening. She had been preparing to leave for the wedding when there was a knock at the door. Not expecting anyone and rarely frequented by any visitors, Neela was bewildered as to whom was there. She opened the door to find Tony gazing at her, explaining that he would escort her to the wedding. Though Neela did not need or want an escort, she realized it would be wasted energy to rebut him. What would she have done? Told him no, and then followed him there? Ridiculous. They were both going to the same place; at that point, they might as well have gone together.
Tony; yet another step on her journey that she had not planned on. She had never been the kind of girl to hook-up with random men or have one night stands; that was Ray's department; she needed more than that. Perhaps that's why she chose to marry Michael. He was loyal, dedicated, and trustworthy. He was the safe choice, but when he was gone she stopped caring about herself. She wanted to be numb to the pain of his death. Numb to the pain of her grief. Numb to the pain of her guilt. Her guilt. Perhaps that was the major driving force in her debaucherous relationship with Tony. She wanted to hide her guilt – to hide from her guilt. It's not that she didn't like Tony, she did; but she didn't love him either. Yet, he was filling a void in her life, and she wasn't about to let that go. Not yet.
Neela was so deep in thought that she never even noticed that someone else had already had the same idea as she. She never heard when he started making his way towards her. She didn't even see him out of the corner of her eye. So when he spoke through the deep silence, Neela was spooked. "Hey, Neela." Neela jumped a bit. "Oh, gosh, you startled me! Hi, Ray."