A/N - So... yeah. Here's a little something that demanded I write. The ideas have all been done before in various fics, but I've done my own version of them. This is a character introspection, set in Bumblebee's perspective. There might be a fic to associate with this, but as of now, its a one shot. I will hopefully update my other story, Chance Immortal, later this week. I am determined to finish that one, and so any further progress on this potential story, is going to be put aside until that one is done. Any way, enjoy!
I guess I can honestly say I was ashamed. When Starscream had first come to the Autobot base claiming he'd rather serve under us than the Decepticon cause, we'd all been on edge. Even Optimus, who had tentatively given the go ahead for him to stay was extremely distrustful of him. None of us could wrap our processors around the idea of Megatron's elite 2ic suddenly wanting to be an Autobot.
Ashamed as I am now, I can say the others had shared my sentiments.
Ratchet had run a diagnostic on him, mainly trying to see if this was some sort of ruse or it Starscream had been infected with something. What he'd found was startling. Starscream, despite the warnings he should have been given, had absolutely no idea he had been at a disadvantage. The seeker, according to Ratchet, was impaired with his movements due to a severe glitch and a virus had infected his processor. Apparently, it cause him to be unstable, which accounted for the Air Commander's notorious actions.
We had never been more afraid of anything as we were of the idea we'd been fighting a seeker while he was technically down. While Ratchet's report continued, we all sank down lower in our seats, not wanting to believe what Ratchet was data-bursting us all. The twins looked like they wanted to purge a tank and Red Alert was looking rather flabbergasted as he undoubtedly took notes in order to try and up the security.
Ratchet hadn't been happy with any of us when we all agreed to a comment by Mirage that we shouldn't fix the damage. We coundn't handle a seeker being any stronger! While Ratchet tried to argue, saying we'd granted him shelter and it was his duty as a medic, Optimus (though he seemed to hate himself immensely for it) told Ratchet to leave the repairs undone.
For a while, we tip toed around the seeker whenever he passed us in the halls. He had been stripped of his armor, weapons offlined and he couldn't activate his thrusters for any sort of flight. We were taking no chances.
Despite all of this, we were terrified of him. And fear with groups tended to lean a bit toward the antagonist side of things. We had already been singling him out with glares, and even I could see he was uncomfortable. We really hadn't been thinking when we'd actually confronted him. There had been five of us. Myself, Bluestreak, the twins and Arcee.
Why we thought it was a good idea, I have no idea. We knew he was just as strong as he'd always been. But for some reason, we'd deluded ourselves into thinking it'd be like "shooting fish in a barrel" as the humans put it. The seeker was stripped of any form of defense or offense, but we'd forgotten one thing.
The slagger was fast, and he hadn't lost any of his brute strength. He also knew basic hand to hand combat, and though he wasn't meant for it (being a seeker meant he wasn't typically grounded), the guy had sharp claws and he had a nasty bite. I knew this merely because I'd caught him from behind and in a frenzy, he'd bit a few sensitive wires and tore a few alignments.
We'd even been surprised when he'd used his wings in the confrontation as blunt objects. The way he twisted made him seem that much more deadly. He knew how to make every part of him dangerous, and our stupidity showed us just how well he could hide it. He was also terrified, and we could easily see it. He knew what was going to happen even before we did.
We had received quite the verbal lashing from Ratchet and Optimus combined, while Red Alert and Ironhide wrestled Starscream to the ground. The former Decepticon was shrieking as best he could, trying to defend himself against them, but he was to drained to keep fighting for long. He wasn't allowed to be fully recharged, and it showed. He'd been thrown in the brig, and I felt immensely guilty.
It didn't help me when Sam announced he was disappointed in us as well, even though he'd thought the fight was awesome to watch. I hadn't wanted to bring Sam, but he'd insisted and well... I just couldn't say no to my human. Mikaela, from her perch next to Sam on a catwalk on the far side of the hall, was glaring at us all. She had protested from the start. It had been a strange turn for her, as she was as much a Decepticon hater as the rest of us. I suppose she was more morals than any of us.
That hadn't helped me much either.
Optimus had instructed Ratchet to replace Starscream's armor after that. If only because even the former con had a right to have a standard defense. He'd then let the flier free on base once more, with a strict warning to us all that if it happened again, we'd be the ones in the brig, not Starscream.
The seeker had tried avoiding us as much as he could, but whenever there was a verbal spat, he'd say we were no better than the Decepticons and that we needed to get over our superiority complex or whatever problem we were having. His comments, normally said heatedly, had been what changed my mind on the former commander.
I had thought long and hard, with a few comments from Mikaela and Sam. Starscream had come to us of his own free will, allowed himself to be basically defenseless and without his flight capability (which was unheard of for any flying mech) as well as continuing to bear our hatred. He had stayed despite our treatment. Sam said things must be bad if the Air Commander had given up his rank to come to us, and still stayed despite the apparent "Decepticon Treatment". I was inclined to agree, though I hadn't said anything.
We'd been in a meeting regarding Decepticon movement with the humans when Starscream had stormed in. I was afraid of the guy on a normal day, but his optics were blazing with fury I'd only ever seen from Megatron. The humans, who hadn't known Starscream had taken up residence with us, (putting this lightly) freaked out. They screamed and took cover and though the seeker looked genuinely pissed off, he smirked at the collective reaction. Ironhide immediately moved to incapacitate the angered seeker, but Starscream fixed him with a glare I could only describe as a command. I watched in awe as Ironhide hesitated with the silent order to back down.
The former con 2ic moved to the head of the room, head held higher than it had been during the entire time he'd been on our base. He moved in front of the display screen and it took a moment to realize the information we were suddenly seeing was Megatron's plan of attack. It was projected in Cybertronian, meaning the humans had no idea what was going on, but we all watched, slack jawed. Megatron's plans, weaknesses, everything. Even down to who had made Earth-fall in the opposing ranks. None of us knew what to say.
Starscream had merely huffed. The information he'd given had been rather random, and he seemed to realize that, but he was a bit annoyed at the lack of a response from the others in the room. Red Alert and Prowl were studying the information, already trying to form a battle strategy. Optimus had giving the seeker a look that none of us could read, and everyone else (myself included) seemed ready to pass out in absolute shock.
"Why are you handing over this information?" Red asked, genuinely confused by the behavior. Starscream merely smirked at him.
"Perhaps now, you'll start to understand," he said, taking his leave.
None of us knew what that meant exactly, but Sam and Mikaela had shared a look. When we spoke later, they told me something I'd never expected to hear from them. They believed the seeker was trying to build trust.
I began to notice the seeker a bit more... aptly after that. I had suddenly begun to notice everything about him, and I suppose I was afraid he'd turn on us. I noticed the way he shifted under hateful stares, or the way he slumped further when he was alone. He fidgeted when he was confronted, and though it was hidden, I noticed he never stopped being fearful, despite his outward confidence. I also noticed his wings twitched with the slightest touch to them, wall or otherwise.
I also noticed that whenever he spoke, there was a sense of loathing in his expression. I hadn't noticed before, no matter how many confrontations we'd had, but his vocal processor was damaged. I could hear the metallic whine, and there were other problems that were undoubtedly causing the screechy sound we'd associated with him. He wasn't mute, as I had been, but he was still effectively in the same position I'd been in. I felt a sort of camaraderie with him after the realization, though I never confronted him about it.
I did however, tell Ratchet.
The medic hadn't believed me at first, saying he hadn't noticed anything and we'd left it at that. But the next time Ratchet heard him speak, I happened to be seated right next to him in the rec room. Starscream, sick of hearing Perceptor and Wheeljack discussing various solutions to whatever they were working on, stood up and told them that the solution was under their noses if they'd stop and look at the problem. He didn't say what it was, but when both scientists glanced at the datapads, they stared at it (and then Starscream not long after) in shock.
I had glanced at Ratchet and he was staring at the seeker with a worried frown. I knew that look. Ratchet had spotted what I'd commented on and he was going to fix it, seeker kicking and screaming or not. Most likely against orders as well, as he was forbidden to fix any of the former damage the seeker had had prior to his coming to the base (which was, a lot more than anyone wanted to admit. We still couldn't believe we'd been so easily confronted by a wounded flyer).
I had watched the confrontation a week later. Ratchet had been, for lack of a better word, stalking Starscream, trying to listen to his voice in order to diagnose the damage. He hadn't been able to take Starscream back to the med bay, as that would rouse suspicion if he was suddenly carting the ex con to the med bay when there was no change in the seeker's status.
The CMO had brushed past me, and I turned, curious. Sam was perched on my shoulder, watching as well as the medic made himself known to the seeker in the rec room. It had been only Starscream, Sam and myself and Sam and I had been enjoying the peace and quiet. Ratchet sat before the seeker, who glanced at him with an annoyed look, fear still hidden carefully away. The two stared at each other, and I wondered if Starscream realized the medic was scanning him. It was fairly well known that the Decepticons didn't have the best of medical prowess. Hook was good, but it wasn't his forte, and the mech wasn't known for being nice.
Then again, it could be the said Ratchet wasn't either...
"Why haven't you had your vocal processors fixed?" Ratchet asked, and the seeker straitened as best he was able with his wings. "How long have they been damaged? I can see it's been a long time. You must have been aware that the longer they've been unfixed, more damage has been done?"
Starscream glared at him, "And what makes you certain my vocals were damaged?" I watched his hands twitch. He was quite uncomfortable and I wondered why I was so in-tuned to him.
"I'm a medic. Surely you knew I'd be able to find the problem. It may have taken some time to notice, but I can see now that that whine isn't your normal tone. How long has it been since they were damaged?"
Starscream slumped suddenly, looking shocked and slightly relieved. He was still glaring. I felt confident enough to say that was most likely an automatic reaction to most anything. "My vocals have been damaged for most of the war, I'll admit. The medics we had under our command weren't exactly ready for the positions and were unable to fix them. They told me it would be more damaging in the end if they tried."
It was the most I'd ever heard from the seeker without him yelling at someone. I was honestly shocked he was so open with Ratchet, especially with Sam and I in the room. I was also a bit horrified to hear his voice had been impaired as long as it had. I knew first hand what the pain was like. It wasn't like a battle wound. It was a constant ache that burned at times and left you wishing you hadn't tried to say anything. Even if his weren't as bad off as mine had been, he still would have been in pain.
Ratchet lunged for him after he'd said that, eliciting the strangest squeak I'd ever heard from the seeker. Starscream avoided the medic's hands and I heard Ratchet's order to subdue him under medical order. I followed as best I could, setting Sam down quickly and jumping at Starscream, who looked surprised I'd been in the room. The slagger, as I'd already found in a slightly similar situation, was extremely fast. But I had the upper hand this time.
I was blocking the exit.
Starscream, now allowing his fear to show, looked like a cage animal at one of those zoo things. His optics were bright as he tried to find a way around me while dodging Ratchet (which wasn't easy to do... that medic was fast as well, especially when someone needed repairs). His wings were twitching madly and when he tapped the wall with one, he actually moaned in pain, falling to his knees.
Ratchet, who'd stood in surprise for a moment, subdued him with a quick flick of his wrist, sending him into a temporary recharge. Sam, who was staring with his mouth wide open in shock, looked at me to give him a lift. I picked him up without a second thought and moved toward the CMO who was inspecting the wing the seeker had tapped.
"What happened?" I asked. My voice was still recovering. I could speak, but it was still fairly quiet and hardly painless. I winced at the admonishing look I received for my question.
"I'm not certain. Perhaps there is more damage I was unaware of..." Ratchet didn't like that idea. He was the best of the best and he took personal offense when he missed something. "I've looked the doors, can you make certain no one intrudes?"
He had also disabled the cameras in the room, looping them the moment he'd come in. Red Alert and company wouldn't have a clue. As for what I was going to say when everyone wanted to chill after patrols, I had no idea.
I watched Ratchet feel along the seekers wings and scowled. Sam and I shared a look before turning back to find the medic tinkering with Starscream's vocals. He had most of his equipment on him, and he generally worked fast. But I knew how sensitive the wiring in that area could be. Ratchet had always taken his time with mine. The medic was also frowning as he worked, obviously not liking what he seeing.
I turned a few mechs and Arcee away from the rec room with surprisingly small difficulty. I had no doubt Ratchet would explain later why his command code was locking the doors. He just needed time to work.
He made Sam and I both jump when he sighed loudly and stood. He glanced at us with a small apology before he reattached whatever wire it was that forced us into recharge. Starscream onlined and jumped away faster than I'd seen anyone capable of. He was holding his throat in shock, though his wings were still twitching madly.
"I've fixed your vocals, but I must tell you not to speak for a human week. I'd also like to ask, why your wings are twitching so much. I've seen fliers fall out of the sky from that, but its widely unknown. I can't fix what I don't know about," the medic sounded annoyed, and Starscream raised an optic ridge.
"Thought I couldn't speak oh mighty medic," he griped, and I jolted. Ratchet too, looked surprised at the new tone the seeker's voice held. It wasn't screechy, and the metallic groan was gone. It sounded rather pleasant and light.
I noticed upon further inspection, even Starscream looked surprised at his voice. His optics shuddered and he tilted his head slightly in a wonder I'd seen in the scientists and sparklings when they'd been aplenty. "You... do good work, medic..." he said appreciatively.
"After I get my explanation, you must not speak. It'll wear the wires I replaced and that will cause further damage," Ratchet stated, not quite over the shock of hearing a completely different voice from the once screechy seeker.
Starscream glared outright at him then. "And what makes you think I'm going to tell you?" A further glare from Ratchet and Starscream stepped back. I realized it was an ingrained reaction (most likely due to the virus that infected him) for the seeker. "It's a bit of a problem I can't fix. You can't either medic, so don't try."
"Why can't it be fixed?" I asked, and they both shot looks at me. I shrugged, mindful of Sam, who was watching curiously.
"Because..." Starscream started, stiffening. The outward tough guy appearance lasted for a full thirty seconds before it crumbled. He let his guard down, and we all just stared in surprise. It was the first time the seeker had ever allowed anyone to see his true state of mind. He slumped to the floor, optics dimmed and he was holding his chest in pain. All in all, he looked rather pathetic... "It's common knowledge seekers come in threes..."
I didn't understand the message behind that, and it seemed Ratchet didn't either.
The months following, I noticed Starscream trying to integrate into the Autobot way (they had all been disbelieving when he'd spoken with his "new" voice when he began this new mission of his). He helped with battle planning and strategy to begin with, telling us how the other seekers flew and what types of attack they were normal to give, as well as habits from the "ground-pounders", as he so elegantly put. It happened with every battle we prepped to make, and it ended up being that we'd call Starscream in before hand (which he in turn seemed pleased with) to watch our plans from the start.
When attacks from the Decepticons stilled for a few months, Starscream was normally found in our make-shift lab. Perceptor and Wheeljack reported the seeker was brilliant and had come up with a few designs they were eager to try out. I think Starscream rather liked being in the lab as well. He wasn't as fearful or reclusive there as he was every where else. He opened up a bit more as well from what I could see.
The other Autobots, even allowed him into the complex social circles we had. It had taken a few more months, but I occasionally saw Arcee and Prowl with him, chatting or whatever they were doing.
We'd all gotten comfortable with him around.