DISCLAIMER FROM GINGER: The views of the characters within this story is not the view of my own and Blondie's, we're over hyping the way in which their stereotypes can act; just like TD but more hardcore :P Now, onto the show!
Chris sat in his chair as the fan blew cold air into his face.
"It's too hot here!" He complained, prodding one of the stage crew to also fan him with a large leaf. "Who's idea was this?" The stage crew remained silent, knowing better than to answer. Chris gave an angry sigh, before straightening up. "Oh well! I'll be on air soon!" He gave his hair a messed up look before flashing a grin at the camera.
"On air in Three. Two. One,"
"WELCOME!" Chris started in his large showman voice. "We're here at the new island of Tasanova which is the home to the new series of Total Drama." He paused for effect. "Total Drama Reboot! Where we bring in 20 new victims ready to compete in bone breaking, bladder emptying challenges. All for the measly amount of $100,000 which is how much my hair is worth." He laughed, before returning with a straight face, looking past the cameras. "Here we have our first contestant entering the mix. It looks like Dani's arrived!"
The camera spun around to focus on a boat that was making its way closer to the dock. On the front stood a small girl with messy brown hair and bright brown eyes that were hidden behind red thick rimmed glasses. As the boat arrived, she jumped off into the dock with a large grin plastered on her face.
"It's looks just like I had imagined the hidden island in my latest book!" She cried waving around a book in a leather binding. She strolled over to Chris and shook his hand rather quickly,causing Chris to pull back. "And you must be the antagonist! The villain that enjoys to see pain from his underlings." Chris smirked.
"We have a fan of the show! Great, now if you would go and stand over there." He pointed to the side of the dock and Dani nodded with a smile and when she reached her spot she pulled out the book and started to read. Chris rolled his eyes dramatically to the camera before facing outwards. "It's our second contestant, it's Matt!" As the boat neared the dock, words floated across the water.
"So now I'm nearing the place that I'm hoping to call my home till hopefully the end of the show." A males voice spoke and the camera turned to see a muscular boy with short wavy brown hair and pale grey eyes. However in front of his face, he held a high tech camera. He turned it around to survey the island before jumping to the deck with a grin.
"Well here we have the host!" He narrated as he walked towards the definitely not camera shy Chris. "Do you have anything to say to my audience?" He questioned pushing the camera into Chris' face. Chris grinned, pushing his hair back.
"Of course I do. I'm Chris probably the most handsome person you will ever see on camera and I welcome you to the show!" Dani raised her head from the book, looking vaguely interested at what was going on, laughing slightly. That caught Matt's attention and he spun around.
"You must be my fellow contestant!" He cried happily rushing over. "Introduce yourself!" He ordered, and Dani leapt back a little flustered.
"Uh...Hi my name's Dani and I like books." She gave a shy smile, and Matt grinned.
"Love it! This is video gold the audience are going to love it!" Matt cried almost jumping in joy. Chris gave a cough and everyone turned to him.
"My show Matt! Not yours." Matt looked like he was about to say something but Chris cut him off. "I don't care I'm more important! But here comes our third contestant, our Nature obsessed friend Warren!" A tall boy with tanned skin and shoulder length blonde hair and green eyes stepped off of the boat, instantly he pulled out his binoculars and looked around.
"I wonder what type of wildlife will inhabit this island?" He questioned aloud.
"Man eating ones that for sure." Chris grinned sadistically, but Warren didn't reply. He wandered slowly to the others his eyes still glued to the binoculars. Dani looked up before shrugging and carried on reading her book. Matt however shoved the camera in his face grinning again.
"Hey there Warren! My name's Matt say hi to everyone!" Warren turned to Matt with a confused expression on his face. He studied the camera before a look of pure delight appeared on his face.
"Whoa! Is that a Nocin 34! I used to film my bird watching with that!" Matt's grin grew even wider, as he found someone who shared his knowledge in cameras,
"I know isn't it amazing. The pixels are just the best and I got this on discount you see..." The actual camera spun back to a confused Chris, cutting off the rant halfway through. Chris just stared at the two boys, before shaking his head.
"I've learnt more about cameras than I've ever needed to." Chris commented before facing the ocean. "So here we have contestant number 4. It's our local musician Denver!" On the incoming boat stood a boy with shoulder length brown hair and wore a tied dyed t-shirt, and large jeans. There was a case stranded to his back, and when he landed it fell of his back and landed on the dock with a dull thud.
"Baby!" Denver cried rushing over to the case, slowly he opened up the case.
"That better not be a body, or I'm calling my manager!" Chris protested crossing his arms. Luckily, Denver pulled out a light brown acoustic guitar and held it close.
"I was so worried baby." He whispered to the guitar, and the others looked on with wide eyes.
"Coo-coo!" Matt made a rotation with his finger before zooming on the boy who was checking every inch of the guitar. Dani frowned before giving Matt a quick punch on the arm. She strode over with a smile, and stuck her hand out.
"Hi, I'm Dani." She introduced but her hand was quickly slapped away.
"Can't you see I'm checking my baby for bruises!" Denver accused turning his attention back to the guitar. Offended, Dani walked back to the now sniggering Matt and Warren. A large honk filled the air, and everyone turned towards the boat. A boy stood there with spiky light blonde hair and green eyes, he wore a black t-shirt with what seemed to be like a mocking jay pin attached to it.
"This is Charlie everyone! Our film whizz." As Charlie landed on the deck, Dani gave a frustrated sigh.
"Another boy! I thought there was ment to be be 10 boys and 10 girls!" She whined. "But at least this one has good taste." She added pointing to the pin Charlie was wearing. "That's one of my favourite series." Charlie looked at her with a flashy smile.
"Yeah! The films are great, I got so excited when old greasy sae gave her this at the market." He babbled looking at the pin, his words seem to make Dani stiffen in place.
"Uh excuse me, Sae did not give Katniss that. Madge did." She argued placing her hands on her hip. Charlie looked up a confused look on his face.
"Who the hell is Madge." Dani gasped and covered her mouth as if Charlie had just said something unspeakable.
"The mayor's daughter! Katniss' childhood friend! The one that gave her that pin." She cried her voice rising at each word that was said. The others watched this argument with interest, and Warren laughed.
"It's like two lion cubs fighting for scraps." He commented but the two were too busy yelling at each other to notice.
"There is no person called Madge in the hunger games!" Charlie yelled.
"Well she's not in the films!" Dani pointed out. "Which is why the books are obviously better!" She grinned, turning away with her nose upturned.
"YOU WHAT?!" Charlie yelled, but Dani didn't move.
"You heard me." She responded without emotion. Matt laughed while Charlie glared daggers at Dani.
"Arguments are great for the ratings." Matt smiled, and Chris frowned.
"Hey that's my line." He pouted. Someone gave a polite cough and everyone turned to find a girl with dark blonde hair that reached her bum and bright green eyes, she wore a paint splattered apron and had two brushes sticking out from behind her ear.
"Am I interrupting something?" She smirked, there was just silence and everyone turned to Chris to explain.
"Oh yes, this is Jaquie who's both an artist and our 6th contestant." He gestured to the girl who was studying the landscape intently. Dani walked over grinning.
"Finally another girl! I was getting worried for a second..." In the middle of talking, she was grabbed by the shoulders and pushed backwards slightly by Jacquie.
"Perfect." Jacquie muttered to herself before pulling out a notebook and a pencil. "Now just look like your thinking!" She called out to the flustered Dani who did what she was told.
"Yeah about why films are better than books!" Charlie yelled out, and Dani snapped back glaring at him. Jacquie laughed in joy, and started scribbling in her sketchbook.
"Amazing!" She cried out in joy when she has finished. She studied the drawing, before showing to Dani, who nodded.
"Hey that's not bad." She smiled at Jacquie and the others crowded around,shoving each other.
"Move over! The audience wants to see!" May cried pushing the camera over head. Warren smiled at Jacquie.
"This is great!" She smiled at the complement.
"Thank you Warren!" As everyone looked at the drawing, Denver looked his guitar over one last time before being satisfied and putting it back in its case. He then strided over to the side of the dock with a look of arrogance on his face. Coughing Chris caught everyone's attention.
"Please return to your places!" He ordered with a contradicting smile on his face. The others rolled their eyes but trudged back to the side of the dock.
"Hey you totally have to draw me this character I'm reading about." Dani whispered to Jacquie.
"Or maybe you could watch the film." Charlie suggested with a smirk on his face.
"You wish." Dani scoffed, rolling her eyes at the boy who turned away. "Plus this book doesn't have a film another reasons why books are better." Dani muttered.
"Hello! Back to me!" Chris cried moving the centre of the universe back to himself. "We have your next friend or rival coming in. Our seventh contestant Nancy!" The boat neared into the dock, and a girl with long black hair and hazel eyes wearing a Sherlock style hat walked off the boat calmly. As she reached the dock, she bent down to the floor and studied the dock intently.
"Girl, blonde hair and green eyes. Painter by trade." She narrated as she looked over the dock. Denver looked amazed.
"Whoa! How did you know all that?" He gasped and the girl looked smug.
"By the hair that has floated on the floor, and most people with dark blonde hair have green eyes and the painter by the green paint splatters on the dock." She explained pointing to each bit of evidence. The others stared at her with confused look on their faces and Denver just seemed even more in awe.
"It was pretty simple really. You just have to look."
Chris gave a cough,
"Know it all." He said between the coughs. Nancy glared at him.
"Self obsessed, arrogant and obnoxious." She pointed out, making the others snigger. However, Chris just ran a hand through his greying hair.
"Please. That's the title of my biography." He said off handedly, causing Nancy to scoff. "Now as much as I would love to find out what other flattering qualities you can come up with. I have to introduce the next contestant. The one that's you'll get on with! Hint the sarcasm. It's Barbara!" A slender girl with long layered black hair and narrowed blue eyes stood on the edge of the dock with her hand out, as if she was waiting for someone to help her down. There was an awkward silence and she glared at them before jumping off of the boat.
"You people have no manners!" She said with a huff walking over to the others, who remained silent. "I know you're amazed by this ray of beauty but come on people!" She yelled, to the others that all remained silent.
"Draco malfoy much." Dani sneered, and Barbara spun around and strutted over, while Charlie stifled laughter into his hand.
"I have no idea what you just said! But it sounded like an insult!" She yelled with a high pitched voice and placed a hand on her hip. Dani rolled her eyes and slow clapped.
"Congrats!" She said her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Don't you dare talk back to me!" Barbara yelled taking a step forwards, Dani blinked before collapsing into a fit of laughter. Barbara scowled down at her before walking off and standing by Matt, who instantly turned the camera on her.
"So Barbra, how does that make you feel?" He asked, and Barbara flashed a smile at the vlogger.
"It makes me feel small and underappreciated." She whined frowning slightly, and Matt frowned as well.
"Yeah right." Dani muttered and Barbara spun around her eyes narrowed. The whole dock fell silent as the two girls glared at each other, however Babara then turned away with a sigh.
"Whatever, your not worth my time." she hissed walking off and ignoring Dani completely. Chris gave a disappointed sigh.
"Cat fights are always the best." he moaned, disappointed by the lack of fights, before looking over at dock where another boat was sailing forwards.
On the edge of the boat stood a portly dark-skinned girl wearing a low cut red t-shirt and skinny jeans that didn't leave anything to the imagination. Her wild afro reached the middle of her neck and she was eying the company on the dock with a look of dislike. When the ship slowed to a stop, she leapt off and placed a hand on her hip.
"This isn't a resort." She whispered calmly, and the others took a step back feeling the intense anger radiating off her. Chris being brave, or stupid, smiled happily at the girl.
"Well noticed La'quisha!" he complimented, much to La'quisha's dislike.
"You LIED to me!" She screeched her expression darkening even more.
"Welcome to the club." Barbara muttered fiddling with her hair and La'quisha turned to face her.
"I didn't ask you Princess." She sneered, causing Barbara to look at her with a complete look of disgust before la'quisha turned back to Chris. However, before she could say anything he pushed her in line.
"As much as I would like to hear your screams, I have another contestant to introduce. Ok everyone our 10th contestant it's Mona." He introduced as a girl with tanned skin and dark tired looking green eyes and long brown hair stepped onto the dock. Mona inspected her fellow contestants before sighing and walking straight past a dejected Chris and stood on the beach behind the dock and turning away from the cameras.
"Uh...The show's over here!" Matt cried to the girl, who ignored him but made a small huffing sound in response. Matt sighed,
"Whatever, what kind of name is Mona anyway." He muttered to himself. Chris looked at Mona, as if expecting her to walk over and announce it was all a joke, but nothing happened so he turned back to the cameras with a cheesy smile on his face.
"Well after that very successful introduction, I think we better introduce the next person. He's very excited to be here, it's Sonny!" At the mention of his name, a small blur of blonde hair and green eyes ran over to Chris and shook his hand quickly.
"Hey Chris, I'm so excited to get picked. I mean I know there are some challenges that might kill us, but oh well it could be worse!" He cried happily with a large grin on his face, the others just stared at him very confused.
"Are you on Antidepressants?" La'quisha questioned. "My mum took those once, but then she went loco crazy and turned out it was weed." She explained as if it was normal for her, and for a second Sonny's face fell.
"No." he said confused, before grinning again. "Oh well! Nice to meet you!" He ran by each person shaking hands and introducing himself. Barbara raised an eyebrow at the boy.
"You're way too hyper." She commented, but Sonny just grinned wider.
"Thank you Barbara! Most people say that, and I like to think that's true." He smiled at the very confused girl, before standing in the dock the large smile still on his face, and Sonny started to hum moving up and down in place.
"Alrighty then, welcome to Sonny and now welcome the next contestant, hes the one that everyone wants on his team it's Don!" Everyone turned towards the sea and a new boat rolled in.
"Hottie Alert!" La'quisha cried almost running into the sea to meet Don, who stepped off of the boat with a flick of his short blond hair and a smouldering with his brown eyes.
"Nice to meet ya." Don smiled and La'quisha grinned.
"Nice to meet you too...So do you have a six pack?" She asked bluntly and Don smirked before pulling up his shirt, revealing a fully formed six pack. A chorus of whistles and gasps erupted from the girl population on the island.
"Well…"Matt said pulling the camera to focus on Don. "The fangirls will love it." He said with a light chuckle. Don smiled at everyone, but that just got a sigh from Barbara.
"Meh, I've seen better." Barbara sneered dismissively turning away.
"You mean that boy you had to pay to blow?" Don countered,
"Apply ice to the area of burn." Matt laughed, causing Barbara to glare at him. She opened her mouth to retort, but then closed it again making her look like a fish out of water, causing the others to laugh at her. Even Chris joined in with the laughter, before turning back to the cameras with a cheesy grin.
"And now we have our 12th contestant, it's our local P-diddy, Fresh." People turned to the boat and watched as a slightly tanned boy stepped onto the deck with bright green headphones sitting around his neck, and his brown hair in a mess.
"Sup peoples my name is Fresh, I'll be pumping up the bass here at Tassanova." He cheered, and grinned at the others with a cheesy smile. There was a hissing noise, and Denver held his guitar close to his chest.
"Back spawn of satan and your rock music." He hissed taking a step back, Fresh just stared at Denver like he was crazy.
"Excuse me?" He questioned very confused, but Denver just hissed again and turned away from the wannabe DJ.
"You are a stain upon music! Go back to where you came foul Demon!" Denver screamed holding his hands using his fingers to create a cross. Fresh shrugged and placed the head phones over his ears, but then shifting them so one ear was left uncovered.
"Hippy." He muttered pressing a button on a small device, and almost instantly bass was blasting from the headphones and Fresh moving his head gently to the beat.
"Uh...What was that about?" Charlie asked looking between the two totally different music lovers.
"Well it appears that Denver holds a strong dislike to Fresh because of his taste of music." Nancy smiled smugly.
"Oh well done!" Dani smiled but her voice dripping with sarcasm. "What star sign told you that?" She asked equally as sarcastic, but Nancy seemed oblivious to it.
"It wasn't a star sign amatuer, it was the obvious expression and actions of Denver towards Fresh." Nancy explained slowly, as if talking to a two year old, which just made Dani laugh.
"For a child prodigy you are pretty clueless." She grinned but Nancy just ignored the comment completely. Nothing happened for a second, and because of the lack of drama the cameras turned back to Chris.
I guess that means it's time for the next contestant, don't get confused by the name, it's Ray." Chris introduced, and the next contestant stepped on the boat. Dani frowned slightly.
"So...are you a guy or a girl?" She questioned, at the figure that was on the boat. It had long bleach blonde hair with blue highlights, and was standing there glaring up at everyone. It just shrugged and walked over to the edge of the ever growing line.
"Cause Ray's totally a name for a dude, but you look like a chick." Fresh said moving his headphones as a fraction.
"I find genders constricting like chains and so I have granted myself the freedom without them." Ray frowned at everyone, and spoke in a dull voice.
"So...you're a Drag Queen?" La'quisha tried.
"But what if Ray's a female first?" Barbara questioned,
"So a cross dresser then." Warren added. "Like a cat dressing like a lion." Almost instantly heads were turned towards Nancy who studying Ray with narrowed eyes.
"Strange." She muttered to herself while watching Ray. There was a strange silence filled with Nancy's muttering, suddenly Nancy gave an angry sigh and hung her head. "I can't tell." She said dejectedly. Everyone gasped leaning back.
"So how will we be able to tell?" Matt questioned, and everyone huddled together muttering. Their words were inaudible to the camera, but occasionally someone would raise their head and look over to Ray and would then lower their heads and make a contribution to the conversation.
"I am here you know?" Ray said with a angered voice, but was ignored by the group that quickly dispersed and stood back all wearing triumphant grins.
"Genderqueer!" Dani announced proudly, and Chris raised his eyebrow.
"What's that?" He asked, and Nancy stepped forwards.
"Genderqueer is a catch-all category for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and cisnormativity." Nancy spoke with a small nod.
"Ugh even when I'm trying to be free, I'm still tied down with useless names." Ray groaned placing their head in his their hands. Chris nodded.
"I'm going to pretend that I know what you said, and get on with introducing the other contestants." Chris said turning back towards the sea, where another boat was slowly moving towards the dock. "Next we have Adam!" The cameras zoomed in on the next boat, where a small boy with mousy brown hair and brown eyes was standing looking out at the beach. The boat neared and Sonny stepped forwards, at Adam who was standing on the dock.
"Nice to meet you Adam, I'm Sonny!" He introduced happily. However he was greeted by an ear splitting scream from Adam. After people had recovered their hearing, Barbara scowled at Adam.
"What the hell was that about!?" She demanded. Adam just took a step back shaking.
"STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!" He screamed again pointing at Barbara.
"It's rude to point." La'quisha pointed out, and as Adam turned around to face her his face turned to a look of wonder.
"Whoa, what are you?" He asked walking forwards as if La'quisha was a dangerous animal, and she grinning placing a hands on her hips.
"I'm the most awesome rachet girl ya'll ever gonna meet." She smirked.
"And that way of speaking is so strange, are you African?" He asked slowly.
"NO!" La'quisha yelled. "American. .can." She spelt out as Adam clasped his hands to his mouth, and mumbled something.
"Now what's the matter?" Matt questioned.
"Cat got your tongue?" Don teased chuckling. Adam shook his head before removing his hand.
"My mummy said I'm not allowed to talk to Americans, or Africans or Asians. They're the deadly A's." He explained quickly before putting his hands over his mouth.
"Well that's just racist!" La'quisha cried, taking a threatening step forwards, causing Adam to squeal and run off hiding behind Sonny. "Somebody hold me back!" she cried, however when nobody made any attempt too she just sighed and walked away.
"Thanks a lot wuss, I was hoping for a fight." Chris sighed. "Oh well at least I have other contestants that I could add." He smirked. "Okay then..." Chris hastily pulled back his sleeve where he had scribbled down various names. "Jassmyn!" He cried, and the others turned towards the sea once again. On the boat stood a figure wearing a large motorbike helmet and black clothing.
"Oh god. It's another Ray." Warren sighed, as the boat neared and the figure made no attempt to speak or anything. There was an awkward silence for a while, when suddenly the figure reached up to their hat, slowly they removed the helmet. Almost instantly a trail of bright blonde hair was realised from the helmet and trailed in the wind, and once the helmet was fully removed, it showed a small girlish face with large brown eyes.
"Hi." She smiled happily waving slightly before jumping onto the dock.
"Hey, finally a normal person!" Dani grinned walking over to the girl. "I'm Dani."
"Nice to meet you Dani!" Jassmym grinned, before turning to the others. "Uh, are they always like that?" She questioned looking towards the boys who were all staring wide eyed. Dani shrugged.
"Who knows." She said off handedly causing Jassmyn to laugh and follow her over. Sonny skipped over to her.
"Your really pretty miss!" He smiled and Jassmyn grinned.
"Thanks..."
"Sonny!" He introduced.
"Thanks Sonny!" Jassmyn repeated, with a smile at the small boy who beamed.
"You're welcome miss!" He cried before skipping happily back to his place in the line. Everyone turned back to chris, who grinned.
"Next contestant is girl who's been living out of the streets, it's Charity!" Chris introduced, and everyone turned towards the boat to where a small girl was standing looking out from behind her messy black hair with bright blue inquisitive eyes. She stepped onto the dock, and stood there staring before smiling.
"This place seems homey!" She cried happily, the others furrowed their brows and looked around the island. There was silence, and the cry of some sort of animal was heard.
"Okay, she's on drugs." La'quisha sighed before turning away.
"Drugs are a naughty business." Charity frowned.
"Not if you the dealer." Fresh cried waving his hands around.
"So true! Up top!" La'quisha grinned and the two shared a high-five while cackling together,
"As much as I love you two and your crazy racist antics, we all know that I'm the most important person on this show." Chris bragged.
"Conceited much." Barbra jeered,
"Says the bitch who can't say a sentence without either bringing someone down or boosting your own massive ego." Dani sneered,
"Go kill yourself." Barbra stated flatly
"If I wanted too, all I would have to do, would be to climb up to the top of your ego and then drop down to your IQ." Dani smirked,
"Shut up emo girl!" Barbra shouted,
"I find that highly offensive," Mona deadpanned,
"Woah when did she get here!" Charlie jumped in surprise,
"I've been the whole time, you're just so caught in your own hubris that you cannot see me." Mona commented,
"Finally someone who has slight sense." Ray chuckled, "Good one by the way. Hubris, they probably have no clue what it means."
"Um, actually," Nancy began, "It is excessive pride or self-confidence."
"Thanks again walking dictionary." Don grinned
"You are very welcome male who exceeds at athletics." Nancy said blankly,
"I'm so confused," Matt moaned pulling the camera up to his face, "These people are crazy!"
Suddenly there was a puff of smoke, and everyone turned to a soaking wet boy with ginger hair and grey eyes. He was breathing heavily and was looking around, before groaning.
"You guys aren't supposed to be here!" He complained. "I was meant to dry off and then appear in a puff of smoke." Everyone turned to Chris for some sort of explanation, but he was too busy giving his nails a manicure, at the silence he looked up.
"Oh, sorry people I've already forgotten the names off, This is…..Mike." Mike frowned.
"I need a better introduction than that. how about…." He paused for a minute.
"Ladies and gentlemen get ready for the worlds….nah the universe's greatest magician!" He flourished his wrists and a dead bird fell out of his sleeve. "Oooops, kept him in there too long." He chuckled awkwardly at the looks of disgust on the campers faces.
"The birdy!" Warren cried and ran to it and began to cradle it like a baby. "It's ok, daddy's got ya." Jacquie walked over and put a comforting hand on Warren's shoulder.
"The cause of death was asphyxiation." Nancy stated,
"What's that?" Charity asked innocently,
"It means suffocation," Nancy replied,
"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"Charity wailed,
"What?!" Nancy asked defensively. But Charity continued to wail and people were holding their ears in discomfort,
"Damn girl, what lungs you got?" La'quisha asked incredulously
"What's up honey?" Jacquie asked kindly
"My best friend died of suffocation due to her abusive stepfather." She wailed,
"Oh I'm so sorry," Jacquie wrapped an arm around the girl who sobbed into her shoulder.
"I can make it better!" Mike remarked and flourished his wrists again, wilted flowers appeared in his hand, "Was I supposed to water these? oh well I thought the seawater would have been enough."
"You are almost as bad as the music from One Direction." Denver remarked
"I resent that, they're actually pretty fun! Hahahaha!" Jassmyn laughed,
"And I thought you were cool." Denver remarked
"What did you say?" Jassmyn asked as she got up in his face,
"Oh nothing," Denver backtracked,
"That's what I thought." Jassmyn smirked.
"Alrighty then. Not creepy at all." Matt looked away rolling his eyes.
"My mommy always said never to talk to creepy people." Adam said before then placing his hand on his mouth and saying nothing else.
"Shut up Racist." Fresh dismissed Adam.
"You're one to talk, you're white." Barbra hissed, and Fresh spun around.
"What ya tryin to say!" He demanded his voice cracking slightly.
"WATCH OUT BELOW SUCKERS! HAZEL COMING THROUGH!" A slightly larger teen began to fall scarily fast towards the cast, who instantly scattered. Last minute she pointed feet first and a parachute opened up behind her. "Aaaaand, stick the landing!"
"What the-?" Denver gasped in disbelief.
"A girl just flew out of the sky." Nancy commented,
"No way, how'd you work that one out Sherlock?" Barbara asked condescendingly
"Well, it's simply observational techniques." Nancy explained,
"I didn't actually care." Barbra said,
"Sometimes I don't think my mama cares about me, sometimes I think she wishes I was dead." La'quisha said cheerfully.
"Too depressing!" Chris yelled, "Viewers are practically asleep, and it appears you have met Hazel."
"Present!" Hazel jumped on Matt's shoulders and stared down the barrel of his camera. "Ooooh, does it have a gumball dispenser?" she began poking at it only for Matt to violently jerk it away,
"No touching, it's highly precious to me." He stated,
"Oooopsie!" Hazel laughed before jumping off Matt and running over to Fresh, who was nodding happily to some music. "Whatcha listening to?" She asked chirpily.
"Some music." Fresh answered absent-mindedly,
"Well, duh," Hazel giggled, "What music?"
"The good kind." Fresh replied,
"Fine then grumpy." Hazel pouted but Fresh ignored her, too engrossed in his 'Good music', she then proceeded to rush over to Barbara.
"Don't you dare touch me unless you want your hands cut off." Barbara hissed at the girl who skidded to a halt.
"Everyone here is so grumpy." She pouted before storming off to the edge of the dock,
"As shown Hazel is bloody crazy!" Chris exclaimed, "She's perfect! And now, onto the final contestant and my personal favorite-"
"Woah, back up the truck, you can't have favorites." Dani scolded
"I can and I will.K?" Chris placed a hand on his hips, and grinned.
"Chris is redeeming himself." Barbara laughed, "No one likes nerdy book girl,"
"I like Nerdy book Girl." Matt said,
"Ditto." Don echoed,
"Eh she's alright." Charlie shrugged,
"Nerdy white girl you better then you white girl." La'quisha nodded,
"She's like jamming fo'shizzle," Fresh nodded,
"What you tryin ta say?" La'quisha asked slightly insulted, "Why don't you go jump in the lake and drown."
"Waaaaaaaaaaah!" Charity wailed,
"Oh my god shut up, no one cares," Barbara stressed,
"I care more about someone who actually knows how to be nice then someone who is just a total meanie!" Jacquie moaned,
"What is this, pick on the popular pretty person day?" Barbra demanded,
"Yes." Nancy stated.
"And probably forever, hehehe!" Jassmyn giggled.
"As much as I hate breaking up arguments, we really do have to hurry up or they'll cut of my screen time. Welcome Biff!" Every Turned to the boat, where an elderly man dressed in a suit and tie stepped onto the dock.
"I thought this show was for children?" Jacquie questioned staring at the man with wide eyes.
"I am not here to compete in the competition, but am here to escort the young master Toddington." The man spoke with a strong english accent.
"Thank you Charles." Biff stepped onto the dock, before running a hand through his light brown hair and his blue eyes darted across everyone.
"You look so posh!" Sonny cheered, "Can I have your hand-me-downs?
"I would never allow such prestigious material to ever grace your poor and squalid shoulders." Biff insulted without missing a beat.
"Sometimes the poorest of people have the richest of hearts." Ray incited thoughtfully.
"Who cares if you have a rich heart, as long as you can supply for me I don't care." Barbara flirted shamelessly,
"Never gonna happen, you're too common." Biff countered, causing the others to snigger at the blunt rejection.
"Well excuse me Princess." Barbara muttered.
"Stop trying to regain your credibility, it's never going to work." Dani stated sassily
"Yay, cat fight! But I gotta interrupt because I need screen time and now we get to go on the obligatory tour of the campsite, deathtrap thing." Chris laughed,
"That was a joke right?" Warren queried
"Nope!" Chris exclaimed, "Come now little kiddies-"
"I'm eighteen!" Jassmyn protested
"I'm forever twenty-one but who cares" Chris stated
"Actually due to the facial structure, greying hair and excessive amount of wrinkles, your age is more mid forties." Nancy destroyed the argument,
"I'm thirty-five!" Chris yelled,
"You did not age well." Barbara stated,
"You're still a bitch." La'quisha sighed,
"Yeah because I'll undergo a personality change in five minutes, I know they said you ghetto folk were dumb but they didn't specify how much so." Barbara smirked,
"What you tryna say!" La'quisha yelled, "No one hold me back!" Laquisha yelled and she charged like a raging rhino towards the smirking girl. Barbara squeaked and jumped out of the way, causing her to push Matt of of the edge of the dock, who then proceeded to flounder about in the water before the waves pulled him under slightly and then back up again.
"I'll save you Mattie!" Don yelled before promptly ripping off his shirt and jumping into the waves wrapping an arm around Matt, who looked around confused.
"Well I'm glad I got the waterproof edition." He smiled to the camera. "And I got saved by my very own hasselbuff." He joked moving the camera so it included Don in the shot who was swimming towards the beach full power. The two boys then clambered out, and everyone rushed over.
"Whoa! That was awesome Don! It's like the main character saving his best friend!" Dani squealed happily, and Charlie rolled his eyes slightly at the girl.
"Boy you mad! it must of been freezing." Fresh cried.
"Eh, I've done worse." He shrugged as he shook himself lightly and rested his shirt on his arm, everyone turned towards him with raised eyebrows.
"What on earth could have been worse?" Charlie asked incredulously.
"Signing up for this show." Don joked, causing the others to laugh, but Chris looked offended.
"Excuse me, right here." He moaned.
"No one cares!" Barbara expressed waving her arms in the air.
"She's right for once." Ray spoke quietly.
"Jesus christ! You gave me a heart attack." La'quisha gasped.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Charity cried, and everyone turned to her with squinted eyes.
"What the hell is wrong with you now!" Fresh exasperated,
"My great great great cousin, three times removed's brothers girlfriend's sister died of a heart attack." Charity wailed,
"You have a messed up family." Barbara commented.
"And how the hell do you know so much about your family anyway?" Dani questioned.
"We're that close!" Charity sniffed wiping away tears.
"It's not natural to be that close with someone so distant." Nancy stated flatly.
"But I am!" Charity wailed before running off into the forest.
"Charity!" Sonny yelled quickly running after the sobbing girl. Everyone watched as the two ran into the trees.
"Hey!" Chris yelled after them. "You were supposed to wait until I announced the challenge!" He yelled.
"What you mean we're going in there?" Barbara demanded, and Chris grinned.
"Well...Yeah!" He said happily. "Well... partly, you're going to venture deep into McLean jungles and find parts you will use the build boats that will sail across the Christastic Lake to the other side of the island and that is where you'll be staying for the remainder of the show." He laughed, "Hopefully."
"What do you mean hopefully?" Warren asked with a raised brow
"Well you know, bears might come in the night and murder you, or an insane storm might blow the roof off, or it might just fall over due to the terrible workmanship that comes from cheap Mexican labourers…"
"Mexicans! Where?" Adam shouted throwing random burritos everywhere. "Take the bait and not me!"
"FREE FOOD!" La'quisha yelled grabbing one of the burritos and stuffing it into her mouth.
"I'm glad they work." Adam sighed with relief.
"What you tryna say!" La'quisha yelled with a mouth full of food, spraying it everywhere.
"Guuuuyyss." Chris moaned, "I thought I was explaining, and then you decided to just talk amongst yourselves, which is incredibly rude."
"You sound like my Math teacher." Don groaned, "I can't do Math."
"What did I just say!" Chris wailed,
"I can tutor you, Math is my second best subject, after photography." Matt smiled,
"Does nothing I say have meaning to you ignorant children!" Chris cried,
"Yes, the words you say have a meaning as they do exist within the Oxford dictionary however we 'ignorant children' have chosen to ignore you and your incessant rambling because nothing you say actually matters." Nancy berated with a light smirk
"I hate you." Chris deadpanned,
"The feeling is mutual." Dani stated flatly,
"Stop being mean!" Chris moaned. "And let me finish."
"So about that tutoring." Don smiled at Matt turning his back to Chris, who was fuming.
"Yeah, it'll be great. Anyone else want to join?" He questioned grinning,
"Oooh oooh me!" Hazel yelled, bouncing around them, "I suck so bad at Math."
"SHUT UP NOW!" Chris screamed. "I AM THE HOST OF THIS SHOW AND I DESERVE RECOGNITION FOR MY AMAZING CONTRIBUTIONS TO REALITY TV! I WILL KICK YOU ALL OF THE ISLAND AND TAKE THE MONEY FOR MYSELF! TRUST ME THAT ISN'T HARD TO DO! DO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE STREETS IN SHAME BECAUSE YOU GOT KICKED OFF TOTAL DRAMA FOR BEING NOISY AND DISRESPECTING THE HOST, YOUR SAVIOR FROM THIS WORLD!"
Everyone looked around with wide eyes and perplexed faces. The silence was deafening as Chris huffed angrily, his shoulders hunched uncharacteristically. He brushed himself off and took a deep breath, his charming demeanour quickly returning.
"Now I have your attention." He smiled condescendingly, "You can begin your challenge, anything goes except murder because I'm legally responsible for you losers. However, if it looks like an accident I can pull strings and we'll all be ok. Unless you're the dead one but at least you'll die knowing I'll still be here projecting joy to the masses. Oh and one more thing, around the island there is a variety of outhouse type objects, they are your confessionals allowing you to spill your secrets to the outside world, but without the other campers knowing, unless I'm feeling especially sadistic and I reveal them,"
*Confessional*
Charlie- That man has some serious mental issues
Nancy- I have deduced that Chris is likely to have the mental disorder of Bipolar.
*End Confessional*
"You're sick." Jassmyn hissed, and Nancy looked over confused.
"He isn't sick, he appears to be perfectly healthy in all aspects minus his mental state."
"It's a metaphor." Jassmyn deadpanned,
"Oh, my apologies, I was unaware of the intentions of your phrase." Nancy apologised,
"Freak." Jassmyn muttered under her breath.
"Why are you all still standing here!" Chris shouted. "GO!" He yelled and the teens scampered quickly into the forest.
"Don!" Matt yelled looking around for the blonde haired boy, who popped up from behind a tree.
"There you are Matt." Don smiled happily walking over. "What do you want?" He grinned.
"I was wondering if you wanted to team up?" Matt asked smiling and Don's grinned wider.
"Sure!"
"I wanna join!" Hazel yelled appearing through the trees and the two boy leapt back.
"Sure thing Hazel." Matt smiled along with Don and the girl who returned the grin.
*Confessional*
Matt- I'm glad that I'm in a team with Don, I mean he did save my life earlier. Hazel seems likes she knows what she's doing too. Wish me luck viewers!
Don- This is going to be awesome! I have the ginger fireball and my Mattie on the team! We'll win the first challenge!
Hazel- Whoo! I got the hotties on my team! One point to Hazel!
*End Confessional*
"Book girl." Charlie said as he sauntered up to Dani, who was busy noting something down in her book.
"Yeah film boy?" She replied without looking up.
"Wanna team up?" He asked and she nodded closing her book and looking up.
"Alright. As long as you promise not to say films are better." Charlie thought for a second before nodding.
"Fine whatever, as long as you don't say that books are better." Charlie seconded, and Dani smirked.
"Yeah whatever." She said slowly walking and Charlie quickly followed.
*Confessional*
Charlie- I ain't going to admit this in front of Dani, but there was like one book that I've read that are slightly better than the films. But don't tell her I said that…
Dani- It's not like I don't like Charlie, he's pretty cool but the fact is, is that he thinks films are better but there is no way that is true!
*End Confessional*
"So, wanna team white boy?" La'quisha asked quickly, strutting up to Fresh.
"Hmm…" Fresh thought smirking slightly.
"Fine I see how it is!" La'quisha cried strutting off. Fresh grinned.
"Hey wait up black girl!" La'quisha turned around with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised.
"What did you just say?" She questioned,
"You heard." Fresh smirk grew.
"You best be not tryna sass me!" La'quisha cried, causing Fresh to laugh.
"Wouldn't dare say that." He said between chuckles,
"Good thing white boy, cause I hate sassers." La'quisha sashayed away with Fresh quickly in tow.
"You sure move fast." Fresh panted as he jogged after the wide striding La'quisha.
"Then keep up, or I'll leave you behind, I don't have time to be last." La'quisha stated as she picked up the pace.
"Fine." Fresh began to run after his companion, moving in beat with his music.
*Confessional*
Fresh- She's loud, she's boisterous, she's unforgiving, why I'm still following her I don't know.
*End Confessional.*
"It looks like I will have venture alone, just like the path they call life." Ray said with a sigh. Suddenly Mona appeared by Ray shoulder smiling slightly.
"Do you wish to come together in a consensual partnering?" Mona suggested and Ray thought for a second before nodding. The two then walked off into the forest.
"I find this partnering to be highly beneficial to us both." Ray muttered,
"Yes, I agree, sometimes in life, the darkest person is but the brightest, that is not the case here." Mona said turning her nose disdainfully back at the beach.
"Those people are idiots that can not see the truth even if it is right under their noses." Ray spoke.
"To use their idiotic language 'So true'" The two girls laughed and then wandered deeper into the trees.
"Warren, my favorite nature kid!" Denver yelled as he approached the boy,
"Denver … you. Hi." Warren smiled almost unsure of what to say.
"I'll take it. Wanna team?"
"Yeah I guess, better than nothing." Warren shrugged,
"Precisely." Nancy interrupted intellectually, "Two heads are better than one as they say."
"Wait I'm confused are you join us as well." Warren looked at the girl confusion on his face.
"Of course I am, you two are the only decent intellectuals left." She said.
"Uh thanks?" Denver looked at the girl who turned studying the forest.
*Confessional*
Nancy- I would of liked to have gone with someone who wasn't so...ignorant but these two will have to do.
Warren- Denver seems pretty nice, but I'm so sure about Nancy she scares me sometimes.
Denver- As long as my baby doesn't get hurt. I don't care who i'm with.
*End Confessional*
"Hey wanna team?" Barbara asked Jassmyne, who stared at her before laughing.
"Hahahahaha...oh you're serious. No way. Hehehehe." Jassmyne then swiftly grabbed the surprised Jacquie by the arm and pulled her into the forest.
"I already have a team!" Jacquie wailed as she was dragged through the forest by a cackling Jassmyn.
"What?" Barbara asked to herself with a raised brow, "I thought she was normal, not an insane freak show, this show is gonna be hell." She walked over to Biff, who was calmly sitting on a fold out deck chair on the dock "Wanna team up, hot stuff?" She asked with a sultry smirk.
"No, I do not associate with common muck," Biff deadpanned,
"Then why are you with those loser?" Barbara asked with a smirk.
"I'm not, they're just standing around gormlessly."
"Fine!" Barbara seethed, "I'll do it on my own, I don't need you losers!" Barbara stormed into the forest causing Biff to smirk widely.
"Why are you two commoners still here anyway?" Biff asked the two remaining teens on the dock.
"Well Mike said he would conjure up a foreigner protector for me because an aborigine might be lurking in the forest." Adam explained,
"We're in Canada." Biff said looking at the boy.
"It might happen!" Adam cried worriedly. "You know those foreigners they're everywhere!"
"Yes except that the asshole Brits pretty much killed off the entire race of people and they definitely wouldn't pick Canada to repopulate their culture, it's too different to the hot and humid climate of Australia." Biff explained with a smirk.
"What are you, Nancy?" Mike asked with a light smirk.
"No, I'm educated."
"Whatever you two." Mike said looking out on the lake. "We need to go build a boat." He said turning to the two boys.
"I don't need to build a boat." Biff said incredulously.
"Why?" Adam asked confused.
"I'm going to call my invisible yacht."
The camera quickly turned on Chris, who had been standing in a secluded corner while the teens squabbled about teams.
"So that is interesting? Even I don't have an invisible yacht, and because I don't, I'll make sure to get one!" Chris laughed, "So people have been mashed together and are being forced to form bonds with strangers, What could possibly go wrong? Find out next time, on Total. Drama. REBOOT!"
A/N from Blondie: Heyo readers! Hope you enjoyed this mess of characters (which were hella fun to write!) and don't be afraid to leave a comment on how offensive our characters are. We know.
Stay tuned for the next chapter of. Total. Drama. Reboot!