Warning: Alternate Universe fanfic. Anachronisms galore, no bijuu, Naruto's the Fourth's nephew, the Akatsuki isn't out to start a war, Orochimaru and Kabuto are…well you'll see. Oh yeah, there will be lots and lots of fast food.
Creative Credit to: Michael L. Fiegel author f the Ninja Burger Honorable Employee Handbook, the ninjas at the Ninja Burger website (Guaranteed delivery in 30minutes or less or we commit seppuku.), and all members of the Shirt Ninja clan (Go forth and kick some ass!).
Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll One: Employee Training
By Kaori
A long time ago, a great ninja cook whose name has long since been forgotten created the Ultimate Secret Sauce. This sauce was so delicious, so utterly delectable that no matter how old or charred the meat was whoever ate the burger would want more. Word soon got out of this miraculous sauce and a war erupted. Many tried to take the secret sauce in hopes of making their fast food chains the best in the world. Many ninja died and many customers were run off. To put an end to the insanity the ninja cook tore the only written copy (of the recipe into nine pieces and gave each one to his favorite mistresses. The mistresses were told that should they ever get married the recipe was to be given to their first grandchild. The recipe was encoded in such a way that it only made sense if you had the whole thing, especially the ninth piece as it not only has the final instructions written on it, but the key to cracking the code written on the back of it.
As time went by the papers were passed on, eventually sold to other people, or used as bookmarks and forgotten. Those who held the papers sometimes tried to find the other eight pieces in hopes of deciphering the code and finally acquiring the sauce but none were successful. Eventually, somebody decided to have the writing tattooed onto their back. The results were interesting to say the least; the bearer of the tattoo ended up gaining control over cola fountains.
One piece of the recipe found its way to Kumo Ninja Burger. There it was tattooed onto the back of a young girl; the story of the first experiment reaching the ears of the Raikage and he wanted to see what would happen. She gained the ability to turn herself into a human grill. Sometimes when the power was out, they'd use her to heat the deep fat fryers.
Another piece ended up in the hands of the Third Franchise Manager of Suna Ninja Burger tattooed it on his youngest son's forehead while he was asleep. As a result the boy doesn't sleep for fear his father might do something else. Incidentally, the encoded form of the recipe seems to have given the child the ability to control powdered spices which he used on one occasion to exact a short-lived revenge on his father by burying the man in arrowroot.
The most important piece of all, ended up at the Konoha Ninja Burger around that same time and into the hands of the newly appointed Fourth Franchise Manager. The man had been rather drunk (and bored) at the time so he grabbed the first person he could get his hands on…a baby. Needless to say the child's mother wasn't too happy about that and assassinated the Franchise Manager which lead to her being killed by the Konoha Ninja Burger Human Resources Department. The child's father was never found and so the boy was taken into the dubiously capable hands of the Konoha Ninja Burger franchise.
"What a mess…" sighed the Third Franchise Manager, having now being forcibly brought out of retirement. "Kakashi! Get over here and clean up this blood before a customer slips on it!"
Okay, this chapter is only a prologue/teaser. If you want more you'll have to review otherwise this story will die right here, right now.